My heart full, I squeeze Jeremy's hand back, beyond joyful that my newfound friends don't hate me. Though I still have so many questions, I want to take in this moment before jumping into any of it.
"I knew!" Caleb says, sleep still heavy in his voice, reaching out for me. Jeremy hesitantly releases him as I wrap him in my arms. He snuggles against me, instantly, much to everyone's shock. But again, I won't dwell on it just yet. It's just nice to see him ok.
"I know you too," Caleb says, pointing to my father. His expression is neutral as always, but he gives a quick nod to the child. It seems to please Caleb and he sinks back into my arms, his head now resting on my shoulder. I narrow my eyes suspiciously but am cut off from asking anything by Laney.
"We need to tell everyone! This is so awesome!" she exclaims. Just as she's about to make a break for it out the door, Arianna grabs her arm and yanks her back, not at all gently.
"Do you literally never learn?" she scolds, gripping Laney's arm in what looks to be a vice grip. "Let Emmy do it, on her terms!"
I'm eternally grateful for Arianna at that moment. She's a wonderful human being, and so far it seems the only person who can knock sense into Laney. Laney is sweet and means well, but I can already tell there are going to be few secrets between us.
"I would like to keep it a secret for now," I say.
"I think that would be best as well." To my surprise, my father is the one who says this. He had been so keen on me telling them, that it shocks me a bit to hear him agree with me. "Emmy's fears were not entirely unfounded. There are dark forces in this world that would be desperate to get their hands on either one of us. My powers will fade over time, but until then we have to remain vigilant."
"Fade?" I question.
"Yes, fallen angels do not retain their gifts forever," he clarifies. "It is a part of our curse to have those gifts stripped away."
"So does that mean you guys eventually won't be all--" Laney motions wildly at both of us, not making it very clear to me what she's trying to convey, "you know, immortal?"
"We will retain everything about us, including immortality. But each Angel has a gift. For example, Emmy's is a shield. They're not part of our being, they're given to us. And, since we've fallen, they will be taken away."
I didn't know this myself, so when Laney looks to me with raised eyebrows I'm sure I look just as confused as she is. Of course, I know why I wouldn't know this information--I'm sure mom or dad never really expected us to be cast out, and fallen angels were hardly ever a topic of conversation, despite everything with Axel.
"Who all knows?" Jeremy asks, switching gears on the conversation. I note that he hasn't let go of my hand yet, but neither have I.
"Just everyone in this room, and Alpha Nicholas," Dad responds. "Considering he did not tell you, Jeremy, I imagine not even the Beta knows."
"You told him?" I ask, bewildered. When had he told him, anyway?
My father simply nods in response to spoken my question, before addressing the group once more.
"This needs to be kept between us all for the time being," he looks pointedly at Laney then, who becomes sheepish under his gaze. "Can we count on the three of you?"
They all nod in unison, sharing determined looks. I even feel Caleb nodding his little head against my shoulder, causing me to smile. Dad rises to his feet, straightening out his clothes as he speaks.
"We should go pay a visit to the Alpha, then. Just so we are all on the same page."
*
Alpha Nicholas lets us in immediately, and I step into the office holding Caleb tightly, surprised to find no one else in the room. I don't know why exactly, but I figured the Beta would be in here. Though, I haven't met him since I've gotten here. I don't even know his name.
Nicholas's eyes linger on me for a minute, before they focus on Caleb. I see a hundred emotions pass through his eyes then, the most notable one being relief. But, I can sense the grief that fills the air as he takes his son in.
"What can I do for you all?" Nicholas asks, eyebrow raised as he scans the group.
"Well, we wanted to make sure everything was clear," my father says, taking a seat directly across from Nicholas. "Now that these three know our secret."
Nicholas nods in understanding, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands across his stomach. His eyes are searching, calculating, trying to figure something out. What, I'm not sure. But it seems he and my father have a mental conversation as they lock eyes. I look to Jeremy, who seems just as confused as I am.
"So to make things easier," Nicholas finally says, breaking eye contact with my father and looking at Jeremy, Arianna, and Laney, "I'm giving you all a direct order not to say anything about Errapel and Emmy Lou's heritage. Should you be pressed by anyone for answers, you are to send them to me immediately. Are we clear?" There is a power behind his words that makes even me want to obey, though his order is not for me.
"Yes Alpha," Laney and Arianna say in unison, bowing their heads in a show of respect. Jeremy on the other hand only nods at his father, gaze unwavering.
"And I expect you to treat them both with respect. No more prying for answers," this time he looks directly at Laney, who shrinks. I feel bad, almost, as it seems she's in trouble and has been receiving a lot of backlash from everyone.
Nodding in satisfaction, Nicholas waves his hand to dismiss us. "You all may go now, I need to speak with Emmy alone."
I freeze, my heart starting to thud uncomfortably in my chest. What does he want with me? Why am I being singled out? Everyone gives us a curious look, save for my father who immediately nods and starts to take his leave. As much was expected, but I still can't help but want to glare at him.
"Jeremy, take Caleb," he says after the other three have left. I look to Jeremy who looks reluctant to do so, but he approaches me and I shift Caleb to him. Caleb whines just a bit, but I give him a reassuring smile in the hopes it comforts him. It works, and he grips his brother's shirt in his small hands. Jeremy casts one more look at me before exiting the room.
I'm immediately on edge as the door closes. Not that Nicholas has shown any real ill-will towards me, and he seems to be on my side in some capacity. It's just that I still harbor the slightest bit of resentment at him for essentially keeping me held captive here.
He motions for me to have a seat as I brace myself to face him. I do, feeling my movements are a bit stiff. I try to calm my nerves, not wanting him to see how intimidated I am by him. I shouldn't be fearful--I have the means to protect myself from him completely, but certainly no fighting abilities. He couldn't kill me, but he could hurt me, and that's enough to have my anxieties up.
"I want to discuss Caleb," he says, to which my eyebrows involuntarily dart up my forehead. I don't know what I expected this conversation to be about, but it wasn't this.
"I only just met him," I say. "I'm sorry if I'm meddling in something I shouldn't."
He shakes his head, and abruptly I see the veil of the Alpha slip off, in its place something I certainly didn't expect to see--the tired, broken face of a father whose suffered so long. I can feel it in the air as well, but I'm more amazed that he's so willingly sharing his emotions like this. I don't know Nicholas well, but he doesn't exactly strike me as an emotional man.
"This is the first time I've seen him like this. So calm, so content..." he trails off, looking past me as if he's replaying the image from moments ago. My anxieties melt away as I take this new Nicholas in. I'm certain I'm getting a rare look at the Alpha. "It's been a year and a half now since his mother died. He hasn't been the same since."
I want to ask questions, but I know now isn't the time. One look at his grieving eyes and I couldn't bring myself to do it anyway, no matter how strong my curiosity. All I know is that Caleb was there the night she died. I don't know if that means he witnessed it or what, but my heart aches just thinking about it.
I give him a few more moments of reflection before I clear my throat, gaining his attention. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happened with your family. But...what exactly did you need to talk to me about?" I fidget in my seat, my toes skimming the carpet.
He pauses for a moment, collecting himself before he slips back into the Nicholas I first knew, the one where all you could see was the Alpha. It hits me at that moment that his two sons hardly resemble him. While Jeremy and Caleb both sport dark hair and brown eyes, Nicholas has lighter hair and light blue, nearly grey, eyes. His facial features are more rugged, whereas his sons' are more refined. His skin is a lighter, more peachy color while Jeremy and Caleb both have a darker complexion to them.
The only feature that would claim them as his children are the dimples, though I don't exactly see Nicholas smiling all over the place, so they're easy to miss. Jeremy and Caleb must both take after their mother.
It then hits me again that I haven't seen a picture of her anywhere. I don't know how customary it is to keep pictures of your loved ones passed around, but I guess I would expect at least a family picture in either Nicholas' office or Jeremy's room. A glance around the office confirms there are no pictures in sight.
"There is a reason I kept you here," Nicholas says. "You and Jeremy are mates--" I start to counter, still unsure, but he holds up a finger to stop me, "--despite what you might believe. But the real reason you were kept here is because we need your help."
I feel my expression darken as I begin to figure out what he's getting at. This is the exact reason I wanted to keep my identity a secret.
He must notice my change in expression because his gaze softens just a bit, which surprises me. "I'm not trying to exploit whatever gifts you may have, Emmy. I simply was told long ago that I would need the help of higher powers when it came to my sons. Before I even had children, before I had even met their mother, this was told to me. I don't have much more information than that I'm afraid. I've sent my Beta to obtain something for me, something that will hopefully clear things up for us all."
I blink a couple of times, processing the information. I don't know what he needs help with, and if "a higher power" really means me or not. Furthermore, if he was told this long before Jeremy was born, then it was long before I was born as well, so it couldn't be me.
Thinking back at how easily my father has complied with Nicholas though, I start to suspect this may have something to do with him. And if it does, he has to know, and he must be hiding something from me.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I furrow my brows. "And what does this have to do with Caleb?"
This time Nicholas's expression is the one to twist darkly. "The boy suffers from nightmares nearly every night. He watched his mother die, so I expected as much. But I've taken him to everything I could--therapists, doctors, even sages. No one could help him," he taps his fingers against the wood of his desk. "I can only assume this is what I need these 'higher powers' for. Adel's death was strange, there has to be something beyond my comprehension to it."
Finally, he takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "This is why I need you, Emmy. Caleb has not acted like a child since that night. He stares into space and seeks comfort from no one. He sits in his room all day and night, playing with blocks and nothing more. What you've heard him speak is more than he's spoken in the past year and a half."
I don't know what to say, unsure of myself and the situation. As I've said before, people are naturally drawn to angels. Our purpose is to serve and protect humans, so it only makes sense that they feel safe and secure around us. That might explain why Caleb is drawn to me, why he brightened when we met. But it doesn't explain who he is, the one who told him I would be coming.
"So you want me to help you, help him," I conclude. Nicholas nods.
"I'm sorry I hadn't given you a choice, though I can't say I'm giving you one now. I'm desperate for your help, Emmy, so I hoped that telling you all of this would make you more willing."
The fact that he was begging was enough to at least make me stop and think. Truly, my heart goes out to him and everything he's been through. And another part of me burns so brightly with curiosity that I almost can't ignore it. Furthermore, I can't describe what it is that compels me to say what I do next, but I know it's something even beyond Jeremy.
I smile, grimace perhaps, but say, "Well, where else would I go anyways?"
A smile he tries to hide overcomes his face, though I don't need to see it to feel the relief radiating off of him like waves from a pebble. "Excellent, excellent. Just know you have my sincerest gratitude."
I nod and stand, ready to dismiss myself before I remember. "Oh, and I meant to thank you for the clothes," I say.
Nicholas waves his hand, "It was not an issue. I hope everything was to your liking?"
"Everything is lovely. Especially the white dress, though I meant to ask...Jeremy mentioned a party that I would need the dress for?"
"His 18th birthday is soon," Nicholas says absentmindedly, beginning to collect some papers from his desk and stack them. "The party will double as his Alpha Ceremony."
"Alpha Ceremony?"
"Yes. When he will finally take over as Alpha of the pack."
"Oh," I say unintelligently, unsure of what else to say. Laney had mentioned it would be a few weeks and then Jeremy would become Alpha, but I didn't put two and two together. Nicholas simply looks at me with an eyebrow raised.
"And I hope by then, he will have his Luna."
"When is this party?" I ask, cheeks flaming, wanting to avoid the implication of his words.
"A little less than a month away now," he says, stapling some papers together. I sigh, at least grateful that it isn't happening right away. I'm sure Jeremy will be under a lot of pressure and as a result, I will as well. Especially if they're all under the impression that I'm to be the Luna.
Wanting to ignore the topic for now, and especially not wanting to discuss it with Alpha Nicholas of all people, I thank him for his time and see myself out. As I close the door behind me, I take a deep breath and slowly exhale, leaning against the door and staring up at the ceiling.
So many questions, almost no answers. I feel like I'm balancing a hundred things on three trays, with only two arms to hold it all up. I don't even know where to begin with figuring it all out.
First, the question I have been trying to answer since I got here--are Jeremy and I mates? Logic says no, emotions say yes. There are too many factors that would prevent this from being the truth. My birth wasn't planned, my existence was hidden, and it would generally not make any sense for Jeremy to have me as his mate. But I cannot deny the feelings I have, the things he makes me feel that I've never felt before in my life. Something has to give, but I can't figure out what.
The next question is about Caleb. The strange child I've only just met but feel as though I must protect at all costs. Someone told him I was coming. He said he knew me. He said he knew my father. He could see me when I was invisible. He is by far the greatest mystery I've ever encountered, and I'm eager to learn more. But I don't know how, or where, to start.
Finally, my father must know something. I don't believe he would freely share our secret with Nicholas. He has to know something I don't. And the answers to my other two dilemmas likely lies with my father, so that should be my starting point. Pushing myself up from the door, I start down the hallway back to my father's room. I don't know where the others went, but right now I need to focus on the task at hand. I need information, anything that can help me make sense of the jumbled mess my life has become.
As I near my father's room, I start to feel strange. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I would say the feeling is close to an emptiness of sorts. I hate the feeling, and I don't know why I am feeling it suddenly, but I choose to ignore it in favor of focusing on the situation. It's just another thing to add to my pile, and even though the feeling is gnawing on me and growing, it hardly takes precedent.
When my hand touches the doorknob to his room, that feeling is at the forefront of my mind, enough that I decide that maybe I should take notice. I don't have much time to as I open the door, finding an empty room.
I step in and look around, wondering where my father went. The chair I usually find him sitting in has a book draped over the arm, holding it open to the page my father must have been reading. I can't decide where else he would be, so I decide to contact him telepathically instead.
Dad, I need to speak to you, I say, only a hint of annoyance in my voice.
Silence.
Dad?
More silence.
Dad, stop ignoring me!
The silence stretches on, and that feeling of emptiness morphs into one of loss. A feeling that a rope that has been severed, as if the link between us no longer exists. It was never really a tangible feeling to begin with, but perhaps I was just used to feeling that link from the moment I was born. But now, I feel the loss of this connection and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
Dad, please.
With no response, feeling as though my words are not making it past the barriers of my mind, I can only come to one conclusion.
My father is gone.
*
I don't think about how rude it might be, or that I could be interrupting something when I push the door to Jeremy's room open and accidentally send it flying straight against the wall. The four inside are all startled, and I want to mumble a quick apology due to the little squeak it causes Caleb to let out. But one look at my face, tear-streaked and probably red, and no one says a word against me.
"Sweetie, what happened?" Arianna is immediately at my aid, rushing over to me and grabbing my face with her hands. My lip trembles, tears flowing freely once again. I don't respond and instead of asking again, she pulls me into a tight hug. I don't hesitate to bury my face in the crook of her neck as I try to stifle the sob that wracks my body as best I can.
Soon Jeremy, with Caleb still in his arms, is at my side. I don't question myself when I immediately break from Arianna to throw myself in Jeremy's arms instead, not caring about the whys of my actions and just wanting the comfort I know I will get from him. He wraps me up in his free arm, still holding onto Caleb, who's tiny hand rests on top of my head.
"Did my father say something to you?" he asks, his tone level, but I can sense his anger bubbling up. I shake my head to dispel his anger, but I can't find it in me to speak just yet. Perhaps I'm overreacting, maybe my dad went out to get something from a store. But I wouldn't feel disconnected from him. Our telepathy works across all distances, but not across planes. Even if he was on the other side of the globe, I could still communicate with him.
I don't know where he went, or how he got there so quickly, but he isn't on Earth anymore. Or, at least, in this plane of existence. But, even as a child, when I was in Heaven and he was on Earth for whatever job he needed to do, I never felt this. No, this disconnect was deliberate. Whether on his part or not, I couldn't be sure. I just couldn't figure out why he would do it himself, nor could I believe he would.
As I sob harder into Jeremy's shirt, I notice I'm surrounded by all four of them, each trying to comfort me. Jeremy holds tightly to me, his lips against the top of my head. Caleb's hand is stroking my hair, and I can feel Laney and Arianna both stroking my back as I ride out my hysteria.
I've cried only once before in my life. In Heaven, negative emotions like this never stay long, if they even come. It's nearly impossible to feel anything negative up there, but I did mourn Axel when he died. I cried for a good five minutes, my mother consoling me, much like my friends are now. But the feeling quickly faded. Now, however, there's nothing to take away this feeling, nothing to magically stitch the wound.
"Let's go sit down Angel," Jeremy says quietly, his voice barely breaking through the sounds of my cries. I allow them to lead me to the bed, where Jeremy instructs me to sit. He never lets go of me once, even as he sits Caleb down on the edge of the bed. Laney and Arianna sit on the floor by my feet, looking up at me as I try to calm myself down.
It takes a little bit, and a lot of comfort from Jeremy, who doesn't let go and allows me to cry on his shoulder as he soothingly rubs my arm. When the worst of it is over, and I'm left only sniffling and trying to dry my face, I brave a look at Jeremy.
He's looking down at me with sympathy and pain in his eyes. I feel a bit pathetic, but I am grateful for him at this moment when I need him. His hand brushes some hair behind my ear as I look at him, and I wipe what's left of my tears on the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry," I say to the group, voice croaky and sorrow-filled. Arianna grabs my hand, causing me to look down at her. Meeting her gaze, I see steely dark eyes fixing me.
"Don't apologize for having feelings," she says. When I look down ashamed, she gestures to Laney. "Trust us, we have been dealing with Laney's constant breakdowns for a month now."
"It's true," Laney says, grabbing my other hand. "What can I say, crying is a great release."
I smile ever so slightly, squeezing both of their hands gratefully. "I think it was," I confirm. I don't feel better by any means, but it did feel good just to let some of the pent up emotion out.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Laney asks.
Sighing, I lean back against Jeremy, feeling the wetness of his shirt against my cheek. He lays his cheek against the top of my head, and I can't help but think how nice it feels.
"I went to go find my dad after my talk with the Alpha," I say, trying to keep my shaky voice steady. My lip quivers, so I quickly suck it in my mouth and chew on it. "And he wasn't in his room. I can't contact him telepathically...he's gone. I don't know where..." I trail off, feeling the reassuring squeezes of Laney and Arianna.
I sniffle again. "Did he say anything to any of you? Did you see him?"
They all look at each other, the expressions on their faces the same. "When we left the office, he said 'It was a pleasure,' and then went back to his room," Arianna says.
"We just thought he was going to relax or something," Laney says.
"Why would he leave though?" Arianna voices my thoughts. "Did you talk to Nicholas about anything bad?"
I shake my head, quickly giving a snippet of the conversation. That he was happy to see Caleb up and about, and that he wanted me to stay.
"Maybe something pressing came up?" Laney tries. "Something he had to take care of really quick."
"Maybe," I concede, though I know it's not true. There's nothing he would be needed to do. Not anymore, anyways. Or if there is, he would have told me first. We lapse into silence, and I know they're all trying to come up with an explanation that might make me feel better.
"Emmy," Caleb calls out. I look to him, pushing himself up to his feet and scurrying unsteadily across the mattress of the bed to me. He comes to my opposite side, the one not currently glued to Jeremy, and sits against me. "He loves you lots."
I smile fondly, though my heart still hurts. "I know he does," I say. And I believe he does, I just wish it was enough for him to have at least given me a goodbye. Angels process emotions much differently than humans and werewolves, and even me. So he certainly loved me, though it isn't the same as we might think of it. I try to remember that, instead of feeling the sense of abandonment creeping up in my heart.