Sirius and Remus' dynamic was thrown after the dominance ritual. They had been through an interesting cycle since the end of last year.
They had spent the summer growing closer. Sirius finally allowed someone in. He stopped trying to handle everything by himself. Then that was taken away. His person- his Remus- was pulled in 20 different directions. Between his worsening transformations and Bertram's pestering on top of his symptoms of companionship, Remus was not is the best place. Sirius wasn't either, for a long time. He felt gutted. He didn't find joy in anything; until he found himself feeling nothing at all. To the point that he craved any type of feeling. And the easiest ones to find were short term satisfaction and physical pain. So, yes he found himself sleeping around a lot. Not because he wanted to, but because he needed to.
Remus loved what he was able to give Sirius. He loved being there for some one in the way that he needed someone for so long. But Remus never really knew how dark the crevices of Sirius' mind were. And he had a lot of other things to worry about too, he knew that Bertram had ulterior motives for being with him, but Remus still thought that the best way to protect his secret was to try to please him. Looking back, Remus realizes just how wrong he was. He wasn't there for Sirius in the way he promised to be. He did something he hadn't done in years; let his lycanthropy control his entire life.
They were tested the most by Remus' irritability and aggression. It targeted both of their insecurities. Remus woke up everyday feeling like the monster he had finally been convinced he was not. Sirius was pushed farther and farther away from the love and affection he desired so greatly and from the one person he let himself love entirely.
Thankfully, the boys persisted. It was not easy. Not by a long shot, but they made it.
But they had broken the promise they made to each other.
Now, they were tiptoeing around each other. They weren't communicating well. The intimacy they shared, regardless of their arguments, had vanished after the full moon.
Remus found himself feeling as though Sirius settled for him because he felt obligated to. Both of them felt as though they were just going though the motions.
The day after the full moon, they argued for a long time about testing if the ritual worked. Remus was adamant to test it, Sirius wasn't, because he knew that regardless of the outcome, he wanted to be with Remus for as long as he'd have him. Eventually, they did perform the test. It was a simple spell. First, both Remus and Sirius had to write their most prominent symptom of companionship on a slip of paper and add a few drops of each other's blood to their paper. Then, both boys had to chant vinculum autem lux three times. If the dominance ritual was successful, both slips of paper would quickly catch fire.
The ritual was definitely successful. Remus felt as though he could cry just by how relieved he was, but the success only sent Sirius into a deeper feeling of guilt.
For the next five days, Remus noticed Sirius' mood shifting. He was reverting back to the Sirius who locked everything in. They did not share their usual affectionate touches or knowing looks. Sirius felt distant and Remus was worried he's never reach him again.
"Will you come with me?" Remus asked Sirius softly. They had already eaten dinner and Sirius was flipping through the Daily Prophet while he sat in front of the common room fire place.
Sirius set his paper down. "Where are we going?"
"I have something special to show you."
Sirius shrugged, but got up and followed Remus regardless.
Remus lead Sirius up to the seventh floor and they passed the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy thrice.
"We need to have a discussion." Remus entered the Room of Requirement and sat at the small table that the room presented.
"About what, Remus?" Sirius was tired, and even though he felt bad for being short with Remus, he couldn't stop his answer from being a bit snappy.
"That."
Sirius scowled and sat across from Remus. "Fine, you wanna talk about what's been going on? Here's the truth. Most of the time I feel like you only wanted to be with me so we could end your symptoms."
Remus sighed and held his head in his hands. "Sirius, you know-"
"Do not tell me what I know or what I feel!"
"Okay," Remus conceded quickly. "I am sorry. I cannot say that I understand how you're feeling, but I can tell you that I have been feeling like you're only with me because you feel obligated to."
Sirius looked across the table. "I fucking love you. I. Am. In. Love. With. You"
"Well good because I love you too."
"Good." Sirius agreed.
They sat there for a while, just looking at one another.
"So," Remus began, "what's happening between us?"
Sirius thought for a minute. "I feel like something is missing. Like.."
"I know what you mean," Remus stood and began pacing the small room, "this is just so unlike us. I know we've argued and spent a lot of time avoiding each other, but I've never felt this stagnancy with you. You feel far away." Remus hesitated as he approached Sirius. He gently rubbed Sirius' shoulders and kissed the side of his neck, "come back to me."
Sirius leaned his head away to give Remus more access, he gladly took it and continued to kiss along Sirius' throat. "I need us to try something."
"Anything, Sirius, anything," Remus murmured.
"Back in the dormitory."
"Oh," Remus hummed into Sirius' throat.
Sirius stood slowly and turned to face Remus. "I know we haven't had sex yet, and I do not want to pressure you, but I would really like to."
Remus stroked a thumb over Sirius' cheek. "okay."
magical sex ahead(it's not super graphic)- if you're looking to skip it, scroll to the next bolded part,, but I will say that this is kind of important
Sirius felt giddy as he lead Remus back to their dorm. Some part of him just knew that he need this. He needed Remus.
---
"Have you ever..?" Sirius asked from the bed as he watched Remus tug his sweater over his head.
"Yes." Remus shimmied out of his pants, "with Bertram, twice."
Sirius knew very little about having sex with another guy. He knew the basics, though. Someone topped, they did the penetrating; and someone bottomed, they received the penetration. Sirius craved being a bottom. "Did you- erm- were you a top or a bottom?"
Remus crawled into bed next to Sirius, "I bottomed."
"Oh"
"But tonight," Remus held Sirius' face and kissed him fully, "I want to do what you want to do."
Sirius pulled Remus on top of him. "I want you to have me."
Remus smiled into the next kiss as his hand traveled down Sirius' abdomen. "Have you ever? With a guy, I mean."
Sirius shook his head, "no."
"It might hurt."
Sirius nodded.
"I'll prep you," Remus' hand traveled further, "there are two ways. I know a spell, or I can- you know do it myself."
"I um-" Sirius felt a tad embarrassed, "can you do it yourself?"
Remus grinned and accio'ed some lube. "Are you ready?"
Sirius nodded and Remus moved between his legs.
Remus took his time opening Sirius up slowly, making sure he was comfortable and ready before he moved forward with the actual act. When he was sure Sirius was ready, he pressed himself in slowly and as he moved forward, he felt a steady buzzing around him.
"Re-Remus, do you feel that?" Sirius asked with a sigh. "That buzzing?"
"Ah- yes," Remus pressed in fully and leaned forward to kiss Sirius.
"It's my magic."
"What?"
"Yes," he hissed as he felt Remus adjust. "I've been feeling it growing all year."
Remus felt the magic flowing around him. He knew that Sirius was from one of the most magically powerful families in the Wizarding World, but he would have never imagined his magic would be this tangible. "It's beautiful."
Sirius nodded, "I'm ready for more."
Remus kissed Sirius again "I love you."
"I love you too."
---
Sirius came with the best orgasm of his life and Remus followed shortly after. They were so caught up in their highs, neither of them noticed the burst of magic that accompanied each orgasm. The other three beds were thrown to the sides of the room and the hanging light fixture was swaying above them.
start here if you skipped the sex
"You alright?" Remus asked as he idly drew circles across Sirius' back.
Sirius nuzzled towards Remus. "I feel so close to you. I feel like some of you is me and some of me is you now."
Realization hit Remus like a train. "Oh Merlin," Remus threw the bed hangings open and surveyed their destruction. "Sirius, you're right. Our magical cores- they united."
"You don't mean-?"
Remus nodded. "That explains the distance. When we did the mating ritual, it must have opened the core like it would have in a life bond, but since-"
"-we never consummated the bond, our magic got leaky-"
"-which made both of us tired and cranky."
Sirius nodded and pulled Remus back on top of him for a bruising kiss. "Holy Merlin, I love you."
Remus brushed a lock of hair out of Sirius' face. "I love you to," he kissed him, "so much."
---
Life was not perfect, neither of them expected it to be, but they could each say that as long as they had each other, all was well.
That's all folks.
I really enjoyed sharing this with you. An epilogue will (hopefully) be up tomorrow or the next day. Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed this story, you might also like my other Wolfstar works. Both others are muggle AU's. One is about a cute little B&B, the other is set in a university (it's smutty). And if you're a Drarry shipper, I also have a story about 8th Year and the outcome of Sectumsempra. So, yeah, shameless plug over.
Thanks again for reading
-Emma
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