In the Mystery Shack, Patrick and his cousins were in the living room watching TV. The twins were on the floor, with Dipper eating popcorn from a bowl and Mabel knitting a new sweater. Their cousin was on the recliner, bored as he watched with them what could possibly be the only good show in Gravity Falls. The show was called Duck-tective and it was about a duck detective with a Sherlock Holmes hat solving mysteries.
"I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir," a Constable in the show said. Mabel reached down to the bowl for some popcorn, but Dipper slapped her hand. "My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident." The 'accident' of the scene was a man's dead body inside of a telephone booth that the Constable. His limbs sticking out of the booth.
The duck of the show soon stepped into the scene, quacking his lines as subtitles appeared. "An accident, constable? Or is it..." The duck paused, before turning to the viewers in a dramatic way. "Murder?!"
"What?!" The Constable exclaimed in shock, before the title of the show appeared over him.
"Duck-tective will return after these messages," the announcer said.
"Boooo," Patrick booed the TV with a bored expression. "Who writes this stuff?"
However, Mabel dropped her sweater and placed her hands on her cheeks, her eyes sparkling. "That duck is a genius," she gasped.
"Eh, it's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground," Dipper said.
"Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?" Mabel questioned him with her hands on her hips and squinting doubtfully at her twin.
"Come on, Mabel," Patrick said, turning off the TV, "we're talking about a duck. Just because they're an animal, doesn't make them smart."
"And besides, I have very keen powers of observation," Dipper said with pride. "For example, just by smelling your breath, I can tell that you have been eating..." he sniffed the air, before looking at Mabel with a raised eyebrow. "...an entire tube of toothpaste?!"
Patrick looked at Mabel again and this time he noticed she had glittering toothpaste all over her mouth. "Mabel, how many times do I gotta tell you not to do that?"
She looked away in shame and said, "It was so sparkly..."
"Hey, dudes," Soos' voice was heard from outside the living room's doorway. The three looked and saw the employee running in with a broom and excited expression. "You'll never guess what I found," he exclaimed excitedly.
"Buried treasure," Dipper exclaimed, throwing his fists up.
"A time machine," Patrick exclaimed.
"Buried—" Mabel stopped before laughing at Dipper. "Hey, I was gonna say that," she said before pushing him.
Later the three Pines kids were following Soos as he led them down a dark and dusty hallway that they hadn't been through. The wallpaper was torn and peeling, the floorboards were loose in a few places, and there were no lights, other than where they came. Mabel looked scared and held onto Patrick's hand, as he and Dipper looked uneasily around the hall.
"So, I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper," Soos said, holding his broom with freight, before stopping. They were now standing in front of the wall that had a doorknob on it, was covered in torn up wallpaper, and slightly opened. "It's crazy bonkers creepy!"
"Soos, we've been here for a good while now," Patrick said, taking out his crowbar from behind his back. "I think we can handle whatever's behind that door."
"Alright, don't say I didn't warn you." Soos placed his hand on the door and gently pushed it open, ripping apart a few spider webs. The Pines cousins were surprised to see that on the other side of the door was a room filled with several different wax sculptures from history and fiction.
"Whoa!" The three of them said, before walking into the room, looking at all the sculptures
"It's a secret wax museum!" Dipper whispered, as he took out a flashlight and shined it around.
"Why would Stan have these things in here," Patrick asked, looking at the Sherlock Holmes sculpture with Mabel.
"They're so life-like," she said, pointing at the wax figure.
"Except for that one," Dipper said, shining his light and pointing at one that looked a lot like Stan.
It turned out to be Grunkle Stan. "Hello!" Dipper, Patrick, Mabel, and Soos screamed in surprise. Stan chuckled and said with a smile, "It's just me, your Grunkle Stan!"
The four of them screamed once again, only this time in terror, before making a break for it.
- - -
"Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum!" Stan said, after Patrick, the twins, and Soos came back in. "It was one of our most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it." He started walking around. "I got 'em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes," he stopped and looked at the wax sculpture of Larry King with confusion, "some kind of, I don't know, goblin man?"
"Larry King," Patrick corrected him.
Dipper shuddered in fright of the figures. "Is anyone else getting the creeps here," he asked, looking around at the room.
"Tell me about it," Patrick said, looking weirded out at a wax sculpture of Lizzie Borden. "I mean, it's bad enough that we got fake, creepy things on display in the Shack, but this is beyond what I'm comfortable with."
"Anyway, now for my personal favorite: Wax Abraham Lincoln!" He exclaimed gesturing towards nothing but air.
Patrick looked down at the floor and a melted glob of wax, which was under the sunlight from the window above it. "Uh, Stan."
"Hm?" Stan looked at him. Patrick pointed to the melted glob and he looked at it too. He then yelled, "Oh! Oh no! Come on, who left the blinds open?" He pointed at another wax sculpture. "Wax John Wilkes Booth, I'm looking in your direction!" He sighed and bent down on one knee, before putting a finger in the wax and scooping up a small amount of it. "How do you fix a wax figure?"
"Cheer up, Grunkle Stan," Mabel said, trying to brighten his mood. She leaned on his right shoulder. "Where's that smile?"
"Egh."
"Beep, bop, boop!" She cheerfully poked him in his cheek, nose, and eye.
"Ow." Stan got up, not wanting to be poked in the face again.
"Don't worry, Grunkle Stan. I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax," She told him.
"You really think you can make one of these puppies," he asked her with some doubt.
"Grunkle Stan, I'm an arts and crafts master," Mabel said in a matter of fact tone. "Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?" She Held up her arm, which has a glue gun and some little arts and crafts items glued to it. The girl twin shook her arm in an attempt to get it off, but to no success.
"I like your gumption, kid," Stan said, pointing at her
"I don't know what that word means, but thank you!"
- - -
Later on that day, Mabel collected all of the wax from Wax Abraham Lincoln and formed it into a block for her to create the figure out of.
Patrick and Dipper entered the room, with the former drinking soda. Walking towards her to see if she would want some help.
"You guys!" She exclaimed when she jumped from her small ladder and landed in front of him. Causing them to be startled, with Patrick choking on his soda.
"What do you think of my wax figure idea," she asked before holding up a drawing in her notebook. It was a drawing of some kind of half-human princess and half horse. "She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess!"
Dipper looked at it and became unsure with what he was looking at or how to respond. "M...maybe you should carve something from real life."
"Like a waffle, with big arms!" She drew and then showed the two male Pines a waffle with a face and two big muscular arms.
Patrick looked at her in deadpan. "No," he said. "In order for this to work, we're going to need someone in real life that the people will instantly recognize."
"Kids," Stan said, walking into the room with no pants on, walking up to a briefcase that was under a ray of light, "have you seen my pants?" He then posed on the briefcase: having one foot on it with a hand over his brow. As she stared at him, Mabel's eyes grew bigger with excitement, as her creative brain was instantly inspired.
"Oh, muse," she said, turning away and looking up. "You work in mysterious ways."
"Why's she talking to the ceiling," Stan asked Patrick and Dipper.
"Hold on." The teenager ran out of the room. He came back in with a stereo. "Got to have music to motivate you," he said before pressing the play button.
And so that started Mabel's great sculpting montage. She brought out a rolled-up blanket, before unrolling it, revealing the many sculpting tools in it. She then opened a toolbox and took out a pair of goggles, before putting them on. Mabel stood up and looked at the block of wax and cracked her knuckles.
She spent nonstop hours chipping away at the wax to get it into the figure she wanted. The sunlight in the room moved to simulate the passing of time.
A moment later, Mabel finished the process, and felt tired. Patrick came up to her and offered her a glass of water. She gratefully accepted it, only to do the unexpected and slashed it in her face.
Once after that, she started painting. First by mixing and then tasting. She then went to the sculpture and let loose.
After hours of work, Mabel believed she was ready for the final step. She backed away from the figure, as Patrick and Dipper stood behind her with admiring expression. She squinted her eyes at it, thinking that it needed something.
Patrick looked down at his left and saw a bucket of glitter next to him. Bending down, he grabbed it and walked towards the sculpture. Reaching into the bucket, he grabbed a pinch of glitter and looked at Mabel.
Mabel shook her head in disapproval.
Blinking two times in confusion, Patrick reached back and grabbed a handful of glitter.
Mabel thought for a moment, but ultimately shook her head.
Patrick looked a little irked at her and held up the bucket, silently asking if he should just throw all the glitter onto the sculpture. When she nodded her head in approval, he shrugged his shoulders and tossed all of it onto the statue.
[End music]
Stan then came in, having pants on. However, he was now walking with only his socks. "I found my pants, but now I'm missing my—" he stopped when he noticed the statue, before screaming in terror and falling on his back.
"What do you think," Mabel asked, looking down at him.
"I think..." Stan then grinned from ear to ear and threw his arms up, "the Wax Museum's back in business!"
- - -
An hour later, word spread of the Wax's Museum's re-opening. Much to Patrick and Dipper's surprise, almost everyone in town was diving to the Mystery Shack to see the wax statues. Soos was under a pair of poles that held up the sign that said 'Wax Museum of Mystery Grand Re-opening!' as he ate two corndogs.
Patrick worked with Wendy at the stand for admission, with him taking the money and then she hands out the ticket. After the final customer was given their ticket, Patrick turned to Wendy. "Man, I can't believe this many people showed up," he said to her with a smile. "It's like the whole town came out here!"
"I know, right?" Wendy nodded with a smile too. "Your uncle probably bribed them or something."
"I don't know," Patrick said with a hand on his chin with a playful innocent smile. "I do admit he's very..." He took off his boonie hat, showing a twenty-dollar bill under it. "...persuasive."
"Oh, I do agree," she said jokingly, taking off her lumberjack hat to reveal her twenty dollars. The two of them laughed. Patrick had to admit that he was really enjoying the times he got to spend with her. Even if it's small moments like this. He wasn't stressing—too much—with her and felt as though he could just be a little laid back.
On the stage, Mabel and Dipper stood next to her creation that was covered under a cover. Behind them, the other wax figures. "You ready for this, Mabel," Dipper asked, panting her on the back.
"You know it!" She exclaimed with excitement.
Stan soon came onto the stage and walked up to the podium. He cleared his throat and tapped the microphone, which ended up hurting everyone's ears. "You all know me, folks! Town darling, "'Mr. Mystery,'" he said with a confident smile. "Please, ladies, control yourselves!"
Three women in the audience stared blankly ahead, flies swarming around them.
"As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known. But enough about me." Dipper grabbed the fabric covering the statue. "Behold..." His nephew pulled it away, revealing a glittery wax statue of Stan smiling and holding a thumbs up. "ME!"
Soos pressed a key on his keyboard that made a fanfare sound, then pressed another key repeatedly that went: "Ye-ah! Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ah!"
No one in the audience looked impressed at all. Only two people clapped their hands in politeness, and one person coughed. "My eyes!" Patrick exclaimed softly in a fake agonizing tone as he widened his eyes. Pretending that they were melting. Wendy had to place both hands on her mouth to keep herself from bursting out in laughter.
"And now a word from our own Mabelangelo!" Stan handed her the microphone.
"It's Mabel." She walked towards the edge of the stage. "Thank you for coming! I made this sculpture with my own two hands," she proclaimed, holding up her hands. "It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!" This caused everyone to become disgusted. Dipper even face-palmed himself. Mabel chuckled a little. "Yeah. I will now take questions! You, there!"
That person she pointed to turned out to be the old man from the lake. "Old Man McGucket, local kook," he introduced himself. Patrick noticed a strange bald person behind the audience, but ultimately ignored it. "Are the wax figures alive? And follow-up question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?"
Mabel looked unsure about that question. "Um...Yes!"
Wendy leaned to Patrick and whispered, "We'll not survive."
"We may go down, but we'll go out in a blaze of fiery glory," he responded in a deep, dramatic tone, making her laugh.
"Next question," Stan exclaimed.
"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world," Toby asked, holding a turkey baster as if it was a microphone.
"Is your microphone a turkey baster," Dipper asked, pointing to it.
"It certainly is—"
"Next question," Stan said, interrupting him.
"Shandra Jimenez, a real reporter," stood a tall, tan woman with brown hair, wearing a light blue shirt with a slightly darker blue-gray vest and a black skirt that goes down to her knees. "Your flyers promised free pizza with admission to this event." She held up the flier. "Is this true?" Afterwards, the audience became upset and started yelling at Stan.
"Ooooo..." Patrick nervously said. "That's what I forgot."
"That was a typo," Stan quickly responded before waving at them. "Good night, everyone!" He threw down a smoke bomb, as the people started to get angrier. Patrick and Wendy stared at the crowd nervously, before they saw Stan running past their table. Taking the admission fee with him.
The audience was now furious and began to leave the Mystery Shack. One overweight man with a T-shirt that said Free Pizza left in misery. One woman kicked a chair that had an elderly woman away, before grabbing an empty chair and smashing it on the ground.
"In your face!" Manly Dan shouted in fury when he punched a pole that held up the sign for the reopening. Soon everyone had left the area, leaving the people who worked at the Mystery Shack in wide-eyed shock.
"I think that went well," Mabel said when she and a surprised Dipper walked to the side of the admission stand.
"What the hell are you talking about?! That was a complete disaster," Patrick exclaimed, looking at her like she was crazy.
"But at least everyone will remember this today for the rest of their lives," Mabel responded with positivity.
- - -
The nighttime came to Gravity Falls and the Mystery Shack was closed for the day. "Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash," Stan exclaimed, running his thumb over the edge of the bills, while the grandkids were standing around doing their own thing. "And I owe it all to one person—" Mabel looked at him with a cute and innocent expression, believing that he was to appreciate her. However, Stan ended up pointing to Wax Stan. "—this guy!"
"And...?" Patrick said, as Mabel jokingly punched her Grunkle in the stomach.
"Ooh!" Stan yelped before chuckling and giving her a noogie. "Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin," he said, before pushing her away. "Now you kids wash up. We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow. Go, go!" The twin and Patrick went out of the room and went up the stairs. Stan sighed and leaned on the statue. "Kids."
- - -
Later after that, Stan was sitting in his recliner with Wax Stan, watching Duck-tective.
"Well, duck-tective, it seems you've really quacked the case," the Constable said, using a bad pun.
"Don't patronize me," the duck quacked.
Stan laughed at the TV. "Stupid duck! Well, I'm gonna use the john," he said and stood up from the recliner. "You need anything?"
Wax Stan didn't say anything.
The real Stan laughed like the statue made a really funny joke. "I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere," he said and left the room, leaving Wax Stan all alone.
- - -
Meanwhile, in the upstairs bathroom, Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel were in their sleeping clothes and brushing their teeth at the same time. Dipper was closer to the mirror, Patrick was behind him, and Mabel was sitting on the bathtub. The oldest stopped brushing for a moment and looked closely at his own reflection. He took his toothbrush out and asked, "Do I look like Stan to you guys?"
"Kinda, but not really," Dipper said. "Your nose and ears are smaller."
"And you look less Grunkily," Mabel said.
"No... No... Noooooo!" The three of them heard Stan screaming from downstairs. They looked at one another and went downstairs.
When they arrived, they saw Stan sweating and shaking as he stared at something downwards in horror. "Wax Stan! He's been... m-murdered!" He exclaimed and gestured to the headless body of Wax Stan lying on the floor.
The clock bonged three times, intensifying the traumatic scene.
Mabel fainted, with Dipper catching her. Patrick, also freaked out, pulled out his phone and dialed 911. "Hello, police? This is an emergency!" He exclaimed with urgency. "There's been a murder...vandalism...a murderous-vandalism? I'm not really sure what to call this."
- - -
Within five minutes, a single police car was parked in front of the Mystery Shack. The two officers, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland, were inside the house. The Pines family and the two officers were in the room where the body laid, as Stan explained to them what had happened. "I got up to use the john, right? And when I come back, blammo," he exclaimed, mimicking a chop before gesturing to the statue. "He's headless!"
Mabel kneed down at her artwork, looking at it sadly and placing a hand on it. "My expert handcrafting... besmirched. Besmiiiirrrched!" She cried into her hands as Dipper went to comfort her.
Patrick looked sympathetically at her before turning to the cops. "Who would do something like this," he asked.
"What's your opinion, Sheriff Blubs," Deputy Durland asked his partner with a notebook and pen.
The Sheriff turned to the Pines family. "Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts... this case is unsolvable," he said before taking a sip of his coffee.
"WHAT?!" The four of them yelled in disbelief at them.
"You take that back, Sheriff Blubs," Stan exclaimed angrily.
"You're kidding, right," Patrick demanded with a glare, pointing at the officers. "You two barely did anything! There must be an answer to all of this."
"He's right," Dipper said. "There must be evidence, motives. You know, I could help if you want."
"He's really good," Mabel told them, supporting her brother. "He figured out who was eating our tin cans!"
"All signs pointed to the goat," Dipper concluded, pointing a finger.
"Yeah! Let us help out," Patrick asked the officers. "This was Mabel's creation and we're not gonna stop until we know who did Wax Stan in."
However, instead of a yes or a no, they were met with mockery. "Oooh! Would you look at what we got here!" Sheriff Blubs nudged his partner before gesturing to Patrick and Dipper "The city boys think they're gonna solve a mystery with their fancy computer phone!"
"City boooy!" The thin police hollered. "City booooooy!"
"You are adorable!"
Dipper looked stunned at the two, while Patrick looked annoyed. "Adorable," the male twin asked. The two cops started laughing, which made Dipper gritted his teeth in anger.
"Look, P.J.'s, how about you and your brother leave the investigating to the grown-ups, okay?" Sheriff Blubs told them and got a high-five from Deputy Durland, mistaking Patrick for his brother and not his cousin.
Just then their walkie talkies turned on and a man said, "Attention, all units. Steve is about to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. Repeat, an entire cantaloupe!"
"It's a 23-16," Deputy Durland exclaimed in excitement.
"Let's move," said the Sheriff, before the two of them ran out the house laughing.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Patrick said in a dry tone, gesturing to the bumbling cops. "Gravity Falls' finest."
"That's it," Dipper exclaimed in anger before turning to his sister. "Mabel, you, Patrick and I are going to find the jerk who did this, and get back that head. Then we'll see who's adorable." He then sneezed in a very cute way.
"Aww, you sneeze like a kitten," Mabel said, Patrick tried to hold his laughter in.
Patrick cleared his throat and then said, "Alright, you two. Tomorrow, we're solving this mystery!"
- - -
The next day came and the three younger Pines had set up their crime scene in the living room. Mabel, who was taking photographs of Wax Stan's headless body, had nailed toilet paper all over the walls and on the entrances to the room, making them like police tape. Dipper had brought out a small bulletin board with photos of suspects tacked on it.
"Alright you two, listen up," Patrick said seriously with his arms crossed, taking command of the investigation, as they all looked down at Wax Stan. "We've got a big day ahead of us, so let's not waste any time. Someone...in this town has beheaded Wax Stan, and it's up to us to find out who did it and where the head is."
"How are we going to do that," Mabel asked, taking another picture.
"Well, there were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling," Dipper said, turning to the bulletin board and squinting at the photos on it. "I've compiled a list of names that were there, and came up with a few names that were the unhappiest. The murderer could have been anyone."
"Yeah! Even us!"
"That's unlikely, but in this town, anything is possible," Patrick said, scanning the floor for any clues.
Dipper brought out the Journal and started flipping through the pages. "Ghosts, zombies, it could be months before we find our first clue," he said.
Patrick continued to scan around the wax sculpture, before spotting a pair of shoeprints in the carpet where the head used to be. "Hey guys, check it out," he said to them, before pointing to the prints.
"Footprints in the shag carpet," Dipper exclaimed.
However, as Patrick looked at the other prints, he saw that one shoe had a hole in it. "That's weird," he said. "One of them has a hole in it." He got up and followed the prints. Passing Mabel, he saw that they led to the back of the recliner. When he looked behind it, the teenager gasped.
"What is it," Dipper asked, as he and Mabel looked at his back with concern.
Patrick didn't answer them, only stood up, turned around to face them, and held up the murder weapon: an ax.
- - -
They were now in the gift shop, where Wendy and Soos were working. They explained to them what they were doing before handing the ax over to the big man. "So, what do you think," Dipper asked him while Mabel squinted her eyes at him.
Soos held up the ax and looked at it carefully, before he said, "In my opinion: this is an ax."
Patrick sighed and said to clarify, "We know that, Soos. This ax tells us that the murderer used the ax to cut off Wax Stan's head. Now, all we need is to figure out who would have had one."
The twins thought for a moment before gasping and looked at each other. "The lumberjack," they exclaimed simultaneously.
Patrick snapped his fingers with a grin. "Of course!"
"Wait," Wendy said, putting down the magazine she was reading and pointed at them with a scowl. "Are you guys accusing my dad of murdering Wax Stan?"
"No, no, no! We're not accusing anyone of anything," Patrick quickly assured her. "Wait, Manly Dan's your dad?" He shook his head. "Never mind that! The point is he was furious when he didn't get that free pizza."
Mabel backed him up. "Furious enough, for murder!"
"Look you guys, I know my dad can be a little extreme," Wendy told them.
"Didn't he punch a wooden pole in two," Dipper stated.
"...Okay, he's extreme, but I'm telling you he didn't do it."
"We just want to make sure, okay," Patrick said, walking up to the counter with his hands in his pocket. "We're just going to ask him a few question and if he isn't the murderer, we'll leave him alone. But first, do you know where he's at?"
Wendy looked away for a hesitant moment, before sighing. "Yeah, he hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown," she said.
"Then that's where we're going," Patrick said, before heading towards the door with Mabel and Dipper following.
"But I'm coming with you," Wendy suddenly said, walking out from behind the cash register, making the three Pines kids stop to look at her.
"Really?" Patrick was a little stunned that she wanted to come along, but understood since they were going to interrogate her dad.
"He's my dad, Patrick," she firmly told him. But then she smiled. "Besides, I've always wanted to join you guys on your adventures."
"Uh..." Patrick looked at his cousins, silently asking them what to do. They shrugged. He looked back at Wendy and said, "Okay. But, just be warned that things might get...weird."
"Dude, this is awesome," Soos said. "You guys are like: The Mystery Crew!"
Patrick, the twins, and Wendy stared at Soos. Patrick then frowned at him. "Don't call us that," he said before opening the door for them to exit out of the Mystery Shack.
When they walked out into the outdoors, they saw Stan struggling to pull a coffin out of his car. He stopped for a moment before noticing his grandkids and Wendy walking past him. "Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya," he ordered, getting them to stop and look at him. "I'm doin' a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small, but classy." The old man then pulled the coffin again and was successful in getting it out of the car.
"Sorry, Grunkle Stan," Dipper said, "but we have got a big break in the case!"
"Break in the case!" Mabel exclaimed.
"We're heading to the town right now to interrogate the murderer."
"We don't know that Manly Dan's the murderer, you two," Patrick told them. "We got to play this smartly and not accuse everyone. We're going to ask him what he knows."
"We have an ax!" Mabel brought out the ax from Dipper's bag. She then made the Psycho movie screeching sound. "REE, REE, REE!" Patrick quickly grabbed it from her and placed it in his own backpack.
Stan placed a hand on his chin and thought for a moment. "Hm, it seems like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn't want you to do," he said, before smiling. "Good thing I'm an uncle." He then placed a foot of the coffin, raised a shaking fist, and shouted to the sky: "Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!"
- - -
In the town, the two teenagers and twins were standing on the sidewalk staring at their destination on the other side of the road. "There it is, you guys," Wendy said, gesturing to the building. "The Skull Fracture."
"You sure he's here," Patrick asked. They suddenly heard a man roar from within the building, before an arcade game machine came flying out of the roof and then came crashing down right in front of them.
The four of them stare at the crushed and destroyed machine with wide eyes, as it leaked oil and then caught on fire. "Oh yeah, he's here," Wendy said, before walking across the street towards the Skull Fracture, as the Pines followed behind. Walking towards the entrance of the building, they saw that guarding the entrance was a large, muscular thuggish man with dark skin and many tattoos.
He was looking at an ID, before handing it back to its owner. "Sorry, but we don't serve miners," he told an actual miner.
"Daaaannnnng'nab it!" The miner cursed before spitting on the road and walking away. "Eughh!" The four walked up to the man.
"Hey Tats," Wendy greeted him casually. "Is dad in there?"
"We're here to interrogate Manly Dan the lumberjack for the murder of Wax Stan," Mabel said as she and Dipper held out fake IDs that were made from arts and craft and put together in under ten seconds. Mabel jingled hers, making the groggily-eyes move. "Dedledle-e."
Patrick face-palmed in disbelief. There was no way in hell this was going to work.
However, to his surprise, Tats shrugged his shoulders. "Works for me," he said before opening the door for them.
When they walked inside, Patrick, Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel were met with blasting heavy meddle music and the sight of large, burly men fighting. The teenage male scanned the room for Manly Dan, before spotting him on the other side of the bar, playing an arcade game. He motioned for the other to follow, before walking towards their suspect. They walked through the people in the bar, before stopping after passing a man lying on the floor. "He's resting," Mabel said.
Wendy looked and raised an eyebrow. "And bleeding," she said.
"Alright, I and Wendy will talk to Manly Dan, and you two will stay here and try and not get into trouble," Patrick told them.
"But I wanted to interrogate him," Dipper said.
"IN YOUR FACE!" They heard Manly Dan yell, before he ripped the arcade game out of the ground then threw it. The machine sailed over their heads before crashing into the wall.
"Dipper, that's a terrible idea," Patrick told him. "Just try to blend in, ok?" He and Wendy turned and walked towards Manly Dan.
"You got it, Pattycakes," Mabel said, before climbing onto a chair and began talking to a large, scary-looking biker. "Hey there, fellow restaurant patrons! Bap!" She patted him on the arm, making him growl menacingly at her.
Dipper stared at her and the man before said, "Yeah, I'm going over to Patrick." He began walking over to where his cousin and Wendy were, not wanting to be left out of the investigation, only to bump into a large woman in a dress walking by. "Oh, sorry about that, ma'am."
The woman and her friends turned around to him. Only to turn out they were men in dresses! "Who are you calling 'ma'am', little girl," demanded the guy with a glare.
Dipper gulped in fear.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" Manly Dan roared as he played against an arm-wrestling arcade game. The third one he's played today, and probably the third to be destroyed.
"Hey, dad," Wendy said when she and Patrick walked up to him. "This is Patrick and he was wanting to talk to you."
"Hello, Manly Dan. I work with your daughter at the Mystery Shack, and I wanted to ask you a few questions about the murder of Wax Stan," Patrick said, feeling a little nervous. It wasn't because he's the father of his crush, but because he was Manly Dan. "Where were you last night?"
"Punchin' the clock," Manly Dan responded.
He raised an eyebrow. "You were at work."
"No, I was punchin' that clock!" The man pointed to something. Patrick and Wendy followed the direction and saw a broken clock outside.
Wendy sighed and pinched her nose in exasperation, while Patrick thought for a moment. "10 o'clock, the time of the murder," he said before reaching into his bag. "So, I guess you've never seen this before?" He showed him the ax.
"Listen, little man!"
"I'm an inch taller than your daughter—"
"—I wouldn't pick my teeth with that ax," Manly Dan interrupted him, pointing at the ax. "It's left-handed! I only use my right hand, the MANLY HAND!" He ripped the machine's arm off and started beating the machine with it.
Dipper walked back into his cousin, looking fearful. "Time to go," he exclaimed frantically. Patrick looked up from him and saw the cross-dressed men surround them. Glaring angrily at Dipper.
"Uh, what do we do," Wendy asked nervously. She may be tough, but not enough to take on this many opponents. Patrick looked around to figure out how to get themselves out of this situation. He then looked at Manly Dan still beating up the game. An idea popped into his head. It's risky, with the possibility of his limbs being ripped out of their sockets and Wendy hating him, but if they were going to make it out of this, he had to go through with it.
"Manly Dan!" He said to him, getting the big man's attention. "I just want to say I'm sorry about this."
Manly Dan looked at him in confusion. "Sorry about wha—"
POW!
Patrick punched him into the face.
Every biker in the bar gasped in shock when he did that. The cross-dressed men gasped too. Dipper stared at his cousin with wide eyes and jaws hanging, thinking that he'd lost his mind. Wendy was stunned at first, before looking at Patrick with an impressed smile. He's possibly the first person to ever punch her dad in the face.
"BAR FIGHT!" Patrick yelled.
The bar patrons were silent for a second, before suddenly a large fight broke out.
Manly Dan growled before ripping off his shirt, and then jumping into the chaos. It was utter madness. Chairs and tables were flying and breaking everywhere, and men got punched.
Tyler Cutebiker soon ran into the scene. "Get 'im! Get 'im!" He chanted enthusiastically before giggling.
Patrick, Dipper, and Wendy stared at the madness. "I think we should go," the older Pines said, before they started running to where Mabel was.
Outside of the destruction, Mabel and the biker were now playing with a cootie catcher. The two of them looked at it while counting off. "3, 4, 5, 6."
Mabel looked at the cootie catcher and gasped, making the biker look anxious and cover his mouth with his hand. "Your wife is gonna be beautiful," she told him.
The biker pumped his fist with a grin. "Yes."
Patrick quickly ran up to her. "Time to go," he exclaimed before grabbing her and continued running with Dipper and Wendy.
"But will she love me?!" The biker asked desperately.
Mabel quickly did the cootie catch. "Yes! She'll love you very much," she shouted to him as they ran out the door of the bar. "Love her...!"
The biker had tears running from his eyes with a happy expression. He stood from his chair and yelled, "Hey everyone, guess what!"
Everyone stopped fighting and glared at him.
"My wife's gonna be beautiful," he sobbed loudly, "and she'll love me!"
The other bikers were silent, before cheering. "HURRAY!"
- - -
"Manly Dan isn't the murderer, but he was able to tell us that the ax is left-handed," Patrick told them as they walked down the street.
"That means all we have to do is find our left-handed suspect and we've got our killer," Wendy said, hitting her left fist in her right hand.
"Right, so here's a list of our suspects." Dipper handed each of them a small list of people. "I say we split up to cover more ground. I'll take the west side of town. Patrick will take the north. Wendy, east. And Mabel, south."
"Oh man, we are on fire today!" Mabel exclaimed as they stopped and she started making laser noises. "Pa-zow, Pa-zow, Pa-zow!"
"Let's find that murderer," Patrick said, before all four of them pumped fists, before their montage began.
At a garbage area, Mabel looked for McGucket. When she spotted the loony elder, she waved at him. McGucket turned towards her and waved back at her with his right hand, which had a baby alligator biting on it. She checked him off as right-handed.
Standing in front of the door of a house, Dipper wore his hat backwards and placed a fake mustache on. Carrying a package for the person in the house. He knocked on the door and the Pizza Guy came out. The male twin handed him the form for him to sign, which he did. But he used his right hand. Getting excited, the Pizza Guy went to grab the package, only for Dipper to take it and leave.
Wendy stood on the sidewalk and whistled to the Angry Lady on the other side of the street. Then she turned towards her, the Ginger teenager threw a baseball at her. The Angry Lady caught it with her right hand and crushed it. Wendy stared at her with wide eyes before smiling nervously, raising her hands up, and back away.
Patrick went to a man named Mikey R.'s house. He knocked on the door, only to be surprised when he came to the door with both hands in casts. His name is just crossed out.
Name after name, the lists they had got shorter. No one had the murderer.
[End music]
Dipper looked at the last name on his list and gasped. He quickly grabbed his phone and called the others. "There's only one person left on this list, and it all adds up," he exclaimed with excitement.
- - -
After the sun went down, Officers Blubs and Durland's police car rolled up to the Gravity Falls Gossiper building. The two policemen with their nightsticks exited out of their car, the twins, Patrick with his crowbar out, and Wendy with the ax. They surrounded the front door when Sheriff Blubs said to them, "You kids better be right about this or you'll never get the end of it."
"The evidence is irrefutable," Dipper said with confidence.
"It's so irrefutable," Mabel said.
"I'm gonna get to use my match stick!" said Deputy Durland in excitement.
"You ready?" Sheriff Blubs pumped him up. "You ready little fella?"
"Woo, woo!" They excitedly poked each other with their police batons.
Patrick sighed at the idiot cops before exclaiming, "Let's do this!" He charged at the door, jumped, and kicked it with both feet. Smashing the door open.
The two policemen quickly entered the single office room with flashlights on and pointed at the suspect. "Nobody move! This is a raid," Blubs warned the person.
That person turned out to be Toby Determined. "Aaaahh!" He yelled in shock before falling off his chair onto the floor. "What is this? Some kind of raid?"
"Derp!" Deputy Durland knocked over a lamb, causing it to smash on the floor.
"The gig is up," Patrick exclaimed as he and the other three walked up to him. "We know you're the one who murdered the wax body of Grunkle Stan, Toby Determined!"
"That's right, and you're under arrest," Dipper told him.
"You have the right to remain impressed with our awesome detective work," Mabel said, before she and her brother high-fived.
"Gobbling goose feathers," Toby exclaimed as he stood up. "I don't understand!"
"Cut the act, man," Wendy snapped with a glare. "Dipper has you all figured out."
"You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper," Dipper explained. "But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline."
"But you were sloppy," Patrick picked up after him, "and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter who was caught left-handed."
"Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news," Mabel proclaimed.
"Bad news for you, buddy," Wendy said with a smirk.
Toby was silent for a second. "Boy, your little knees must be sore... from jumping to conclusions," he said, before dancing. "Hachacha! I had nothing to do with that murder."
"Wait, what?!" Patrick exclaimed in shock, as the other three were just as stunned.
"Then where were you on the night of the break-in," Sheriff Blubs questioned him.
"Ehh..." Toby gulped nervously and pulled at the neck of his shirt.
He inserted a VC tape into the TV and rewind it, before starting it. The recording began with showing him at the closet door. "Finally, we can be alone," Toby said in the recording, opening the closet and pulling out a cardboard cutout of Shandra Jimenez, "cardboard cutout of TV news reporter Shandra Jimenez!" He then started kissing it, disturbing and disgusting the cops, kids, and teenagers.
"Ah, sink," exclaimed Patrick, the twins, and Wendy at the same time.
"Timestamp confirms," Blubs stated, seeing that the time of the recording was the same of the murder. "Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature."
"Hooray!" The newsman cheered.
Patrick's face showed his frustration before throwing his boonie hat on the floor. "Goddammit! You mean to tell me we did all this for nothing?!" he exclaimed in anger.
"Whoa, Patrick, calm down," Wendy said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay."
"How," he asked her. "Wax Stan's head is still missing and we've been running all over town on a wild goose chase."
"But, but it has to be him!" Dipper said with desperation. "Check the ax for fingerprints!"
Wendy handed them the ax and they began checking for any sign of fingerprints. "No prints at all," Sheriff Blubs told them.
"No prints," Dipper asked with a hand on his head. They really didn't have anything on anyone.
"Hey, I got a headline for you: city kids waste everyone's time," Deputy Durland said, making his partner and Toby laugh at the four of them. Patrick and the twins looked at each other, embarrassed.
"Boy, I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was you four," Toby said.
Patrick glared at him only to notice something beyond disturbing in the recording. "Oh my God! He's taking off his pants! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!"
- - -
The four of them returned to Mystery Shack, having failed their mission to get back Wax Stan's head. They were now in the wax figure room for the funeral that Stan prepared for the sculpture. He went to the stage and stood at the podium, the coffin with Wax Stan in was beside him. Before him were a bunch of chairs set up, with the twins, Patrick, Soos, Wendy, and the other wax figures as the audience.
"Kids, Soos, Wendy, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming," Stan said. Soos blew his nose into a tissue as he sobbed a little. "Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself."
"They're wrong!" Soos shouted, jumping out of his chair and pointing.
"Easy Soos," Stan said, before turning to the wax replica of himself. "Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven." He stopped to wipe his eyes. "I'm sorry, I got glitter in my eye!" He started crying into his hands as he ran out of the room.
Soos was the same way and cried as he ran out of the room. "Ohhhhh duuuude..."
Wendy looked at the clock and sighed. "Look, I better get back home," she said, standing up and walking to the door. "See you guys tomorrow."
"Later," Patrick said, watching her leave the room.
Dipper then sighed. "Those cops are right about me," he said, looking dejected.
"Dipper, we've come so far, we can't give up now," Mabel said, while holding the ax.
Dipper got out of his chair and walked towards the coffin. "But I considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues," he said.
Patrick walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I guess there are some mysteries you can't solve," he said before smiling at him. "Besides, I think we were great working together."
His cousin looked up at him before smiling. "Thanks, Patrick."
"Don't mention it, squirt," he said, ruffling his hair. Patrick then looked at the headless body in the coffin. But then notice some about his shoes. "Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it."
"All the wax guys have that," Mabel said, working up to join them with the ax. "It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy."
Patrick thought for a moment, looking between the shoe of Wax Stan and the ax that took his head. What had a hole in its shoe and no fingerprints? But then another thought entered his head. No one in Gravity Falls murdered Wax Stan. But what if it wasn't anyone in town? Or any person?
What the murderer wasn't even a human?
His eyes filled with shock and horror when his brain came to a startling realization. "Holy shit," he said before looking at him in panic. "You guys, I know who did it! The murderers are—!"
"Standing right behind you."
The three Pines kids slowly turned around and stared in horror when they saw the wax sculpture of Sherlock Holmes standing there. Suddenly, all the other wax figures came to life. Rising for the chairs like zombies in the horror movie.
"Wax Sherlock Holmes!" Dipper gasped.
"Wax Shakespeare!" Mabel gasped.
"Wax Coolio?" Patrick gasped.
"Wha s'up Holmes?" said the Wax Coolio to Wax Holmes.
Wax Lizzie Borden reached out and took her ax from Mabel. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" she said repeatedly. Patrick quickly puts himself between his cousin and the living wax, before the three of them back away. Stopping when they're backs were against the coffin.
"Congratulations, my three amateur sleuths," Wax Holmes said, "you have unburied the truth, and now we're going to bury you." He pointed his magnifying glass at them, making the Pines widened their eyes in fear. "And bravo to you the most, Dipper Pines. You've and your cousin discovered our little secret." He brought out the head of Wax Stan from his coat, before turning to the other wax figures. "Applaud, everyone, applaud sarcastically."
All of them clapped in a normal way.
"Uh, no, that sounds too sincere. Slow clap," he said. They clapped slower. "There we go, nice and condescending."
"This is insane," Patrick exclaimed in shock.
"How is this possible," Dipper asked, shocked by all that's happening. "You're made of wax!"
"Are you... magic," Mabel asked, hoping that was the case.
"Are we magic?" Wax Sherlock laughed, then looked at the other wax figures. "She wants to know if we're magic!" He stopped laughing and slammed his fist on the coffin, startling them. "We're CURSED!"
"Cursed!" The other figures chanted. "Cursed!"
"Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing," Wax Holmes said with his back now turned to them.
"I don't understand," Patrick said. "Why would you cut off Wax Stan's head?"
"That's because we mistook it for our real target, Stanford Pines," the wax detective said, shocking the Pines kids. "It all began when your uncle bought us many years ago at a haunted garage sale, ignoring the terrible price that came with us. He stole us and soon, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man. But when the moon was up and your uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night. It was a charmed life for us cursed beings... That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away... But we got the wrong guy."
"So, you're trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real?!" Dipper exclaimed, as the kids looked at them in horror.
"You were right all along, Dipper!" Mabel exclaimed. "Wax people are creepy!"
"Enough!" Wax Holmes turned towards them. "Now that you know our secret, you must... die." His eyes rolled back in his head, as the other did the same with growls. They started to slowly approach them, forcing Patrick and the twins to back up towards the table Stan set up for snacks.
"What do we do, what do we do," Mabel asked, frightened.
"I don't know," Dipper exclaimed.
"These guys must have some kind of weakness," Patrick exclaimed, bringing out his crowbar. The twins noticed the stuff on the table behind and started throwing things at them. It didn't do much, as Wax Genghis Khan approached them.
In a desperate move, Dipper grabbed the full coffee maker from the table and splashed the drink onto him. Wax Genghis Khan screamed in pain as his face melted. Patrick gasped and said, "They can't stand extreme heat." He then yelled and charged at the wax Mongolian Empire. He then swung the crowbar into his head, broke it off his shoulders, and sent it smashing into the wall. The body then fell over like a dead man.
"Quick, grab the candles!" The twin nodded and grabbed the electric candles behind them and smiled as they held them like swords. The remaining wax people flinched and backed away.
"Anyone move and we'll melt you into candles," Dipper said, as they forced them back.
"Decorative candles!" Mabel backed him up.
"You really think you can defeat us," Wax Holmes questioned them as he and the other wax people glared.
Patrick responded by saying, "Not a problem."
"So be it...attack!"
The wax figures charged at them. The Pines kids charged.
Wax Lizzie Borden swung her ax at Patrick, but he blocked it and broke her left leg with a kick. She fell on one knee, giving the teenager the chance to bring his crowbar down on her head hard, slamming it and destroying her.
Wax Robin Hood ran at Mabel, but she cut off his legs, making him fall, before decapitating him. Wax Shakespeare ran towards her from behind, but she noticed him and cut off his arms with the candle, before scaring him away with it. Suddenly one of the severed arms wrapped around her neck and started to strangle her. Struggling to get it off, Mabel went to a door and repeatedly closed it on its fingers.
"Interview this, Larry King!" Dipper said, before cutting off Wax Larry King's head.
"My neck," Wax Larry King exclaimed, as his headless body walked away to find its head. "My beautiful neck!"
Wax Groucho Marx tried to grab the electric handle and ended up melting his own hand. "Jokes on you, Groucho!" Dipper cut him in half.
"I've heard about a cutting remark, but this is ridiculous," the famous comedian joked, as his top half started sliding off of the lower half. "Hey, why is there nothing in my hand?" His body fell off.
"Dipper! Watch out!" Mabel exclaimed to her brother.
The male twin turned around to see Wax Sherlock Holmes approaching him and putting Wax Stan's head on the horn of a rhino on the wall. "Alright. Let's get this taken care of," he said while grabbing a sword hanging on the wall. He swung the sword and smacked the candle out of Dipper's hand, causing it to fall on the floor and break.
"Dipper!" Patrick exclaimed, while fighting Wax Richard Nixon. He quickly broke off his legs with his weapon, before running towards his cousin.
Wax Holmes brought his sword over his head and brought it on Dipper, but Patrick was able to make it in time and blocked the attack with the crowbar. He then delivered a punch into the wax man's face.
"Go help your sister deal with the other wax guys," he ordered him. "I'll deal with the detective."
Dipper nodded and ran to where his twin was, as she was getting surrounded by the other wax people. He pushed Wax John Wilkes Booth into the flaming fireplace, before grabbing a poker that had its head in the fire and began fighting with his sister against the remaining people.
Wax Holmes stood up and charged at Patrick. The teenager held the crowbar with both hands, one near the ends of the red tool, and started blocking all the wax person's attacks. He was soon pushed out of the room.
Pushed up the stairs, he was walking backwards into the Attic Floor. Patrick attempted to hit him, but Wax Holmes blocked all his attacks. Holmes went on the offensive again, and soon, he had the teen corner against the wall.
"Once your family is out of the way, we'll rule the night once more," he proclaimed and raised his sword.
Patrick's eyes looked for a way out, before spotting the window. Sherlock charged at him, and he quickly ducked his head before the sword could stab into it. "Not gonna happen," he exclaimed and spent a kick in his stomach. The wax figure was sent off his feet and onto his back, giving Patrick enough time to get to the window.
He opened it and stepped onto the roof. Patrick turned to the right and started climbing up the steep slope of the roof. Wax Holmes wasn't far behind and exited out of the window. "Come back here, you delinquent," he demanded, but the teen didn't stop.
Patrick quickly climbed onto the sign of the Mystery Shack, and nearly fell off when he almost lost his balance. He looked down and saw it was a long way down to the ground. He cautiously walked across the sign when Wax Holmes climbed on and the two clashed between their sword and crowbar.
Wax Holmes tried to cut down Patrick, but Patrick jumped back. Causing the sword to hit the sign's S in Shack. The big red letter fell to the ground.
"Even if you had the brainpower of your cousin, Dipper, do you really think you can outwit me? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes," he proclaimed. Patrick glanced at the sky for a moment and then jumped onto the tall part of the sign that said Mystery, before pulling himself up. "Have you seen my magnifying glass?! It's enormous!"
Patrick jumped back onto the roof, behind the sign, but the tiles came loose and he was sliding down the slope. Thinking quickly, he hooked his crowbar onto the dormers, where the chimney was, and climbed onto it before hiding behind the chimney.
He breathed heavily to catch his breath. Patrick looked out of the corner of the chimney to see if Wax Holmes was there. But he saw nothing.
Patrick then heard a step behind him and quickly turned around, only to be kicked in the stomach by Wax Holmes. His back hit the roof and slid near the edge of it. He was about to get up when the wax man pointed his sword at his face. "Any last words," Sherlock asked and raised his sword.
"Yeah," Patrick responded with a smirk. "You a morning person?"
"I'm a—?" He stopped when drips of melting wax fell onto his shoulder. "What?!" He exclaimed in shock, before gasping when he looked up and saw his hand was melting. He dropped the sword and looked to the horizon, only to gasp in horror.
The sun was rising.
"No," he answered, beginning to melt.
"I may not have Dipper's brainpower, but I'm capable of thinking on the fly and adapting to any situation," Patrick boasted, standing back up.
"Outsmarted by a child going through puberty?! NO!" Wax Sherlock screamed, before turning towards Patrick and charging at him. Patrick responded by punching the wax person in the face, making him stumble back. Wax Holmes wasn't watching where he was stepping and when he reached the edge of the roof, he fell over.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The melting Wax Sherlock Holmes screamed on his way down, before splatting completely all over the ground when he landed.
Patrick stared down at the waxy for a moment before saying, "Well, that's case closed."
- - -
Back in the wax room, Dipper and Mabel were able to defeat all the wax people, and were now disposing of their solid remains.
Dipper threw the last of Wax Queen Elizabeth into the fires and wiped his hands together. Nodded proudly at a job well down. A part of him was concerned about his cousin, but he knew that Patrick was more than capable of handling himself. "Any more, Mabel," he asked over his shoulder.
"Just arms and ahead," Mabel responded, carrying over the arms of Wax Shakespeare, as the head of the wax poem remained on the floor.
"Though our group be left in twain," Wax Shakespeare said in a poetic tone, as Mabel threw his arms into the fireplace, and Dipper grabbed his head, "man of wax shall rise again!"
Mabel stopped her brother and asked the head, "Y'know any limericks?"
"Uh..." The wax head looked at them with uncertainty before he said, "There once was a dude from Kentucky..."
"Nope!" Dipper said and threw the head into the fire. Patrick then came into the room, getting the twins' attention.
"Patrick! You're okay!" Mabel cheered as she ran over and hugged his legs, with Dipper walking to them.
"Yeah, but I don't deserve all the credit," Patrick told her before taking Wax Stan's head off rhino's horn. "You solved the mystery, after all, Dipper." He placed the head like a basketball to his cousin, who caught it with his hands.
"I couldn't have done it without my sidekicks," Dipper said.
"No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick," Mabel informed him.
"Same to you, Mabel," Patrick said with a smirk and his arms crossed.
"What? Says who? Are-Are people saying that," Dipper asked nervously. "Have you heard that, Mabel?"
A second later and Stan walked into the room, only to be shocked by the destruction and damage done to it. "Hot Belgian waffles! What happened to my parlor!?"
"Your wax figures turned out to be evil, so we fought them to the death," Mabel explained.
"I decapitated Larry King," Dipper said.
"And I broke Nixon's legs," Patrick added.
Stan stared at them before laughing. "Haha! You kids and your imaginations!"
"On the bright side, though, look what we found," Dipper said, tossing Stan the head of Wax Stan.
"My head!" He cheered with a laugh. "Haha! I missed this guy! You done good kids! Alright, line up for some affectionate noogie-ing." The three of them voice their denial, but that didn't stop Stan, as he kneeled down and noogied the twins. Making him and the two laugh. He was about to do Patrick when they heard a police siren outside.
They looked through a broken window and saw Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland drive up to the window. "Solved the case yet, boy," the sheriff asked. "I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee." He then started drinking the cup.
"Don't you have anyone else to bother," Patrick yelled at them.
"It's okay, Patrick," Dipper said, before showing the cops the head. "Because the answer is yes.
"Blu Blu Blu—" Blubs choked on his coffee before splitting it into his partner's face. Durland screamed in pain, before splitting the coffee in Blubs. He screamed and split again in Durland's face, who returned the split. "It burns! It burns!" They then drove away.
The four Pines members laughed at them. "They got scalded," Stan laughed out, before they heard the car crash.
Patrick then looked down at the twins and asked, "So, did you two get rid of all the wax figures?"
"We are ninety-nine percent sure that we did," Mabel exclaimed.
Patrick squinted his eyes at them in a suspecting way, but then smiled. "Works for me!"
However, unbeknownst to them was that staring from behind the vent, Wax Larry King's head watched them. He laughed sinisterly, knowing that they had no idea he was still alive. He stopped when he heard squeaking and saw that a rat walked up to him. "So you're a rat. Tell me about that," he said, before the rat ripped off his ear and ran off.
"Hey, get back here!" He turned around and started hopping after it, going into the air vents of the house. "I'm hopping! I'm hopping after a rat that stole my ear!"