"She's not answering the door, I just know it! She's not going to answer the door because she's mad at me and we'll probably never speak again and I'll be alone in this world without my best friend. I mean, she's been my best friend since we were roommates, Spence, roommates! Some people hate their roommates! But we just got on immediately, like sisters, and now she hates me because I basically took a big, huge, gigantic knife and said, 'Hey Alicia, nice back you've got there. Wouldn't it be such a shame if I stabbed you in it?!" I mean, it's the ultimate betrayal, Spence! I should've told her, I should've just come out and told her. As soon as we started seeing each other I just should've told her, because then we might have avoided all this hate and betrayal and sadness and anger and it's all my fault because I should've just got down on my knees and begged her for forgiveness, because I—'
"Adriana, chill out!" interrupted Spencer, his golden hair disheveled from running his fingers through it, "My God, did you even take a breath just then? You've literally just pressed the buzzer, Licia will be here in a minute."
We were standing in the rain outside Licia's brownstone in Manhattan. The duplex apartment had been a graduation present from her parents who lived in Chicago, and she'd been living there ever since. In the summer, you could open the deep-ledged windows which would effectively serve as a balcony, and Licia, Spencer and I would sit cross-legged eating Chinese takeout from the boxes. I could see the light shining through her draw-down blinds, so she was definitely at home.
The intercom clicked, "Hello?"
I nudged Spencer hard, pushing him toward the receiver. If there was one person's voice she probably didn't want to hear, it was mine.
"Licia. It's me." Spencer said sheepishly.
"What do you want, Spencer?" she replied immediately, a tone of irritation clearly present in her voice.
"I just want to talk. You and me. And...Adriana. She's here as well."
I could hear her loud sigh on the other end of the receiver, "Look, I'm really not feeling up to it right now."
"Please?" Spencer pleaded, "I swear, we just want to talk. Explain this whole thing. It really is a big misunderstanding."
No response.
Spencer looked towards me with sad eyes, and shrugged his shoulders, "I tried." He mouthed.
After a lengthy pause, Licia sighed again, "Come up."
The door buzzed, and Spencer pushed it open with his shoulder, "Showtime, baby." He said, attempting a smile.
Interlacing my fingers with Spencer's, we climbed the two floors up until we reached Licia's door, which was already open.
Spencer, ever the polite guest, knocked to announce our arrival, before swinging the door open further.
And there she was. Licia Washington, my best friend, sitting on her kitchen stool in her sweatpants, a totally passive expression on her face.
"Hi, Licia." Spencer said
"Hi." I echoed, practically hiding behind Spencer at this point. I didn't know what to expect. It was almost as if I was stepping into the lion's den at this point.
Alicia's gaze scanned over Spencer, landing on the purple shadow forming below his eye.
"Antonio's handiwork, I take it?" she questioned, stoically, gesturing towards him.
Spencer nodded.
Licia arched an eyebrow, staring at us with a maddening expression she'd perfected over the years, "So, what brings the happy couple here then?"
Spencer let out a sigh, his shoulders depressing, "You're still pissed."
"Pissed." Licia said, pausing, almost as if she was testing the word on her tongue, "No, Spencer. I'm not pissed. Disappointed? Yes. Hurt? F*ck yes. But I'm ready to hear whatever you've got to say about this. Particularly you, Adriana, although I'm intrigued as to what kind of explanation you'll have. And of course, how believable it will be."
I jumped at the sound of my name with seemingly so much malice in her voice, "I'd be more than happy to explain things to you, Alicia."
Spencer looked between us, eyes filled with uncertainty, "Would you like some privacy?"
Alicia smiled tightly at him, "That'd be great, thank you, Spencer. You know your way around. Make yourself at home. I'm sure Adriana and I can speak with one another on the sofa."
He turned towards me, "I'll make myself scarce, baby. You good?"
I nodded slowly, "I'm good."
"Good."
Surprising me, especially given our company, he smoothed my hair back and planted a kiss on my forehead, "I'll go and make some calls in the other room." I could feel Licia's gaze on us like heat melting my insides and felt more than uncomfortable at the PDA.
Spencer paced slowly out, leaving myself and Licia alone, the kitchen work surface between us.
"Drink?" Licia gestured towards the fridge, "Ice tea? Soda? Coffee?"
"I'm fine thanks." I croaked, shaking my head.
"Cool." She nodded, planting herself into her sofa, "Seat?"
I moved to perch at the very edge of the sofa, too hesitant to make myself comfortable.
"So..."
"Look, Licia. I'm going to be honest with you—"
She snorted, "It would be a first, it seems."
"I'm only going to talk this out with you if you stop interrupting me every second to get your two cents and a dime in, alright? I'm not trying to leave this house with no friendship at all."
She raised both eyebrows, seemingly surprised at how firm I was being on this, "Alright, Rodriguez, let's talk."
"Good," I said, "Spencer and I—Licia it's complicated. But I want to set some ground rules from the off. We didn't do this maliciously, nor with any intent but our own happiness. Things just...evolved between the two of us. It started when I moved in with him, after I broke up with Mark. Or perhaps there was even something before that. I'm still not quite sure. He was so nice to me, as Spencer always is, but this time, something felt... different. Entirely different. At first I tried to convince myself he was just a convenient shoulder to cry on once Mark ended things with me, but the more time we spent in each other's company, the more I realised that I didn't just want him to be a friend anymore, even though I had no idea what I wanted him to be instead. It was confusing."
Licia nodded, leaning back into the sofa, totally taken aback, her expression full of surprise.
"Then, of course, he kissed me, and all bets were off," I continued, "Oh...God...I'm probably getting ahead of myself. On the afternoon before the Attorney's Ball, we were messing around, you know, like we always do. Spencer had told some kind of bad joke or something, and then, well then he kissed me. It was a total shock, I was completely blindsided by it. But I told him, we couldn't. Besides, I didn't think about him like that, right? This was Spencer for goodness sake. I'd seen him throw up, like, six burritos and practically a whole bottle of tequila into his dorm room bathroom that time on Cinco de Mayo."
Even Licia couldn't help her smile on that one.
"But he kissed me. And then for a long while, we pretended everything was absolutely normal with us. In fact, that's what you saw at Thanksgiving. Two people totally weirded out by one another, attempting to tread a line between a friendship and...well, whatever that something else was. But then, some conversations happened, namely with Michael and I – you know, the hot oil lawyer I told you about once or twice. Anyway, for whatever reason, jealousy most seemingly, but Spencer could tell you more about that than me, we weren't in a good space – Spence and I. But then, he talked. Like, really talked to me. It felt like a damn intervention. And that's when the bombshell hit."
"Bombshell?" Licia frowned, "What bombshell?"
I sighed, "Leesh. He's been in love with me since college. Well, that's what he says anyway. I'm not too sure whether I'm convinced anyone could've been remotely interested in me in college. Especially not with you around."
Licia rolled her eyes, and for a moment I had my best friend back, "Come on Rodriguez, you know that's bullsh*t as much as I do."
I shrugged, "Anyway. That's when it all began. I knew I didn't want us to be friends anymore, but you know me and men, not exactly my strong suit. But Spencer was all for it. It was a mutual agreement and acknowledgement between us both that we cared about each other, more so now than ever before, and wanted to be in a relationship."
Licia blinked furiously, evidently just as blindsided as I was, "I mean, damn. I knew he wasn't interested in me in college, but I never would've guessed it was you...I mean...he never showed that inclination. Not in front of me at least. I always knew you were his favourite. I mean the way he'd look at you was so...fond...like I'd look at a kitten or something, but love?"
"Love." I pursed my lips, "And honestly, Licia, he's treated me like nothing like a Queen ever since. I know I should've told you and I'm so so sorry, but—"
"But what?" she said, "Dri, but what?"
I looked up at her, her figure distorting through my eyes which were brimming with tears. She looked so hopeful, so innocent. And I'd betrayed her trust by not giving her the truth.
"I—I—didn't want to hurt you," I said, dashing my tears away, "I always knew you liked him. Since the very moment we all met at that house party. You were clinging to his every word, all puppy dog eyes and huge beautiful smile for him. And that was okay. In fact, I wanted you to be happy. Because Spencer was my friend, and there was no way I could ever see him like that, anyway. But I also know how he was. The way he acted. How he was between the legs of a new college girl every two seconds. And I knew you deserved way better than a guy who'd just play with your heart and then break it. I never—I could've never guessed, even figured that I'd be the one falling for him, myself. I was your—" I caught my breath on an involuntary sob, "I was your sister, and I hurt you, I kept it from you and I broke that bond between us. And it is all my fault. I know it and you don't have to tell me that. The things you said earlier? You're probably right. Maybe I was waiting around for him, maybe that's the kind of horrible, wicked bitch I am deep down, but I never meant it, Licia, I promise. I never meant to hurt you. I was just doing what I thought was best. I just wanted to protect you from being heartbroken. And I know you'll probably never forgive me, and then I most definitely won't be able to forgive myself, and I probably deserve it, but I—I just—"
I couldn't look at her anymore, and I turned my face away, "I'm being pathetic," I sniffed, "Sorry."
"Dri, look at me." She said, her voice levelled, "Adriana. Look at me."
I glanced towards her, unable to lift my head fully from my chest. Had some part of me really done this on purpose? Was Licia right?
"The things I said, earlier," Licia said, her own voice shaking, "You know how I get sometimes. I didn't mean it. It was sh*tty of me...really sh*tty. I can be a bitch and I know it. Look, a part of me knew all along that you were telling the truth, perhaps I just didn't want to believe it. But now? Seeing you right here talking to me? I know. I know this is real, because I know my best friend."
My eyes snapped up towards her, heart leaping into my throat, "You do?"
She smiled, shaking her head, "Of course I do, idiot. How long have we been all up in each other's business for?"
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, wobbling through my tears, "Too long."
"Exactly. Way too long." She replied, "Spencer was my first...my first real crush, Adriana. He was the first guy to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But he's not mine. In fact, he never has been. And that's okay. Because he was just a crush. A damn attractive man, but just a crush. And it's wrong of me to be possessive over a guy that was never mine to begin with. Spencer taught me a lot about myself. About who I am as a woman. About who I am as an independent woman. And that's okay too. Lessons are to be learnt, right? Dri, I was just more hurt that you didn't think you could come to me with something like this. I mean, am I that bad?"
"No!" I exclaimed, "Licia, no, I told you, I just didn't want you to be hurt. Like you are now. Like you were at the apartment."
She shot me a weak smile, "Spencer Haywood sure does know how to get us girls in a spin, right?"
I giggled, sniffing through my tears, "Licia, I'm sorry."
Looking up at her, her eyes were watering too, clearly just as overcome as I was.
"It's okay." She nodded, clasping her hand in mine, "I promise. I hope you can forgive me for the things I said. I just need to...get used to this. That's all. But I swear, if that British doofus hurts one hair on your head, I'm coming in all guns blazing. He'll have me to answer to."
I squeezed her hand tighter, "You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for, Alicia Washington."
Her smile widened and she closed her eyes briefly.
"I know."
*
"Are you guys done talking yet?" Spencer whined, standing at the threshold of the door, "I've read all of Licia's magazines twice over, and I'm hungry."
Looking over at Spencer, who was pouting and practically stamping his feet like a little boy, Licia and I burst out laughing. We'd spent the last half hour just chatting as we did best, gossip and girl talk as Licia would call it, and of course, she had some questions...
"Five minutes, Haywood, I promise." I smiled towards him.
He rolled his eyes, "Fine, but I'm putting the kettle on for tea."
"So, is it true?" Licia whispered, dipping her voice lower, as Spencer went into the kitchen.
"Is what true, Leesh?" I replied.
She smirked, "You know, the Haywood rumors. Apparently he's meant to be...you know...blessed, in that department. And fantastic in the sheets."
"Licia!" I gasped, horrified, "Oh my God!"
She giggled maniacally, "From that answer, I guess I'm right."
My face got hot and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, "Licia..."
"Okay, if you're not going to say anything just show me with your hands."
I frowned, "With my hands?"
"How blessed Haywood really is." She replied, her grin now impish.
"Licia!" I whined
Spencer turned towards us from his place in the kitchen, "What are you two giggling about?"
"Nothing!" Alicia and I instantly chorused, sounding totally guilty. Shrugging, Spencer turned back towards the sink.
"Come on, Rodriguez, I'm curious!" Alicia poked me, eyes twinkling, "You can't just keep me guessing!"
"Spencer is fine." I said, short and sharp. I couldn't believe we were talking about this.
Licia grimaced, raising an eyebrow, "Fine? Oh sis..."
"Okay, maybe not just fine," even I had to crack a smile then. I glanced towards the kitchen, making sure Spencer was preoccupied, before gesturing with my hands as she'd prompted.
"Oh. My. God." Her face was a picture of shock, and she grasped my hand tight, "You're serious?"
I nodded, still embarrassed.
She laughed and squealed, shaking her head, "Oh Rodriguez, what a treat! From when I walked in on you guys getting hot and heavy, I knew there was some truth to the rumors. I mean a piano, Adriana?! And with Spencer, your first, too! My first time was with a guy in the senior year of high school that didn't know what to do or even where to put it. But you know that, already."
It was safe to say Licia was far more open with these things than me. In fact, she always had been. It was part of her mischievous nature.
"Can we stop talking about this now?" I cringed, "Please?"
"I've waited years for you to get some action, Rodriguez." Licia said enthusiastically, picking up the remote and switching on the TV, "You've gotta give a girl some leeway every now and again."
Spencer clattered some mugs together in the kitchen, clearly wanting attention. I got up from the sofa and went into the kitchen, nudging his hip with mine.
My boyfriend shot me the cutest sideways glance and smile, leaning over to dispose of the spoon into the sink, "All okay?"
"We talked." I nodded, "She understands."
It was only then that I saw the tension I didn't even realize had been on Spencer's face melt away from around his eyes.
"Good. That's good, baby. That's so good." He kissed the top of my head, smoothing back my hair, "I couldn't bear the thought of things not being the way we're all used to."
"Things are going to change, Spence, that's just the way it is. Things will change."
Spencer looked puzzled, his brow furrowing, "But why?"
I shot him an exasperated, are-you-kidding-me stare, "Spencer, we're sleeping together."
Realization slowly dawned on his face, and, unbelievably, his cheeks warmed, "Ah. Right. I see. Women, eh?"
"Look, that doesn't mean that we won't all still be friends. But it's a different dynamic now you and I are together. It'll take some getting used to, but Licia is on board now. We'll all work through it together."
"Hey! You two!" Licia called out from the sofa, somewhat distracted by the bridal show that was playing on TV, "Just because you've gone all relationship on me, doesn't mean you get to leave me out, okay? And besides, how long does it take to make some tea, Haywood?"
Spencer chuckled, pressing his forehead to mine, briefly, "Same old Licia."
"Same old Licia." I responded with a relieved smile.
Sure, things would be strange for a while. It was me and Spencer for goodness sake. But knowing my best friend in the entire world was okay with us? It made me feel a happiness I couldn't even describe. Things were looking up.
*******************************************************************************
[Author's Note]
I am absolutely exhausted! I've had four months of intense study, a couple of weeks of exams, and of course, there's Christmas to prepare for! I'm definitely burned out and looking forward to powering down over the festive season.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to explore the relationship between Alicia, Adriana and Spencer, and how their friendship is shifting. What do you think is next for them all? What are you hoping for?
The song attached is Umbrella, which I think fits this chapter well.
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I'm wishing you a blessed season. I'm looking forward to spending time with friends and family, reading a good book or two and taking well-deserved naps!!
All the best, until next time,
- Bex. 'xo