The ride back was silent. She couldn't begin to know what was going on in his mind and there was no way she was going to tell him how she felt. Not when she didn't understand it herself. And certainly not with the way he held himself back from revealing anything about his past.
Trust was a two-way street and while hers had been badly damaged, his didn't seem to exist at all.
But maybe it did, in a way. She was living in his home. He wasn't taking her memories.
Memories.
"So, Bianca knows what you are." She looked at him and once again, the streetlights showed her his smile.
"Absolutely not."
"How do you keep that from happening?"
"Every time I take her home is the first, for her."
Memories.
"Is that what you are going to do with me? When this is over, are you going to take my memories?"
He was silent for so long, she didn't think she he was going to answer the question. Another to add to the list. Without looking at her, he reached over and took her hand.
"I wanted to. I knew it would be for the best. But you... your situation isn't at all like mine and Bianca's."
A spear of that jealousy that she told Nikolas about hit her but she kept quiet.
"I don't know, I mean, you could have done that to me, and I would be none the wiser, would I?"
He glanced at her and of course, there was no light at that moment to tell her what it was.
"I give you my word that I haven't put my teeth in you."
She smiled before forcing it away. She wouldn't be friends with the vampires.
"But as for your memories, it's too late. The more there are of them, the harder it is to have you forget. They become a part of you, part of who you are."
"Why didn't you?"
"I can't answer that."
She sighed and he laughed.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you, Chevonne. It's that I can't. I don't know how."
Leaning her head back, she sat back up as soon as she realized what she was doing. Don't fall asleep. Thinking about that, he was also angry that she kissed him back. They did so much more than kiss...
She didn't want to know what that was going to cost her.
"How did she not have..."
"Our saliva has healing properties. What you saw was the immediate effects. The holes closed." Her fingers twitched and his tightened and somehow, she took comfort from that. "What you didn't see, is that over a small amount of time, the bruising and soreness also fade."
It was her turn to be silent for so long, she wondered if she could speak again.
Finally, she took a breath and asked the most important question of all.
"So, you don't have to kill?"
"Why do you do this? Why do you ask questions you know you are not going to like the answer to?"
"Who likes that word now?" She faked the bravado that was in her voice, but it got a smile anyway. "My life is in your hands, Elliot and I know nothing about you. Sometimes the questions are simply for my sanity."
"No, I don't have to kill. Not now. But I can't lie and say there isn't a rush that comes from death."
She shivered in the heat of the car. He was right. Like usual.
"Are you going to kill Bianca?"
"Are you going to try to protect her?"
"Can I?"
"You could take her place."
"I wish I could see your eyes."
"Why?"
"So I can tell you to fuck off to your face."
His laughter filled the car, dark and menacing and still so... inviting.
"No, I have no plans to kill her. Our arrangement, so far, has worked out very well. She gets what she wants and I get what I need," he said and then asked the question she knew he was going to ask. "Why did you cry?"
But she had her answer ready. "You don't know me well enough for that."
"Can we change that?"
She laughed. It was unexpected, surprising her. But then, so was the bitterness that she fought and lost to.
"No, Elliot. You don't get to to that. You can't use my words against me."
"You used mine."
"Because yours were true. They aren't mine, asking for something that I didn't know would never happen. That your reply of 'perhaps' was going to end up with you doing your absolute best to scare me away from you." She pulled her hand from his and took a deep breath. "I'm not going to give you any more important answers until I get some answers of my own."
"The reason you cried is important?"
"I've been an emotional wreck since I met you. But once upon a time, I didn't cry. So, when I do, the reason for the tears means a lot to me."
"Very important."
She cursed herself. Of course he would pick up on that.
"To me. Not at all to you."
"You don't know that."
She looked at him until he glanced at her. This was the only answer he was going to get. Finally, his eyes met hers. "I bet my life on it."
~~~
The next night, she cautiously stepped out of her room. Once again, dressed as an assassin, she crept down the hallway. The complete sense of dejavu crept over her and she knew what she turned the corner into the living room, she knew that she was going to find Bianca sitting across his lap. Only... she wasn't.
Elliot was there with no sign of Nikolas.
Elliot, sitting on the sofa, eyes on the door, hands pressed fingertip to fingertip beneath his chin. His eyes met hers and she tried to smile. Tried her damnedest, but there was something in the air. Something volatile that crawled over her skin.
He said nothing as he got to his feet. Said nothing as he took her hand and pulled her down the hall. He stopped in front of a door before he looked at her, eyes black in the lamp light. "You expect so much from me. But then, I expect more from you. You want to know about me. About my past. You are going to learn. Then, you will tell me why you cried and I can't express enough how much I want it to be worth it." His thumb traced her lip. "If this is a game, I need for you to tell me now."
"You're scaring me. I don't know that my tears are worth what you're doing."
"Oh, but your words were 'I bet my life'."
"Is that what this is? You're way to..."
"Is the reason you cried important to you or not, Chevonne? If it's important... If it keeps you awake at night. If it eats at you, then maybe I won't kill you."
"You don't do maybe's."
"No, I don't."
"Stop this."
"Why? You wanted to know and I'm going to tell you. I only hope that curiosity doesn't kill the cat."
He pushed the old key into the lock and twisted his wrist.
"I don't want to hurt you. And no, I'm not feeling like myself. At all. There is a reason I avoid speaking of my past. It's does things to me. But... let's see how the cards play out."
She twisted away but she was no match for for his speed.
"I'm not trying to make you run. This is something you wanted. And your going to hear it. Unless you tell me right now that this was to torment me. To get me back for what I did to you."
"What's wrong with you?"
"You'll see." Holding her hand tight, he used his free one to stick the ancient key in the lock. A simple twist of his wrist and he stopped. "I won't lie. I'm afraid for you." Pushing the door open, he pulled her into the room.
A candle flared while she was trying to pull her hand free from his. He looked at her.
"You're looking for a reason to kill me because what I feel isn't going to be the same for you. It won't hold the same meaning."
"I don't need to look for a reason to take your life. Monsters don't need them." He turned her toward the portrait hanging over the mantle. A young woman with blond hair and blue eyes stared down at her "Chevonne, meet Lisbett."
~~~
"I was turned into this in 1764. At the time, I was fairly newly married. Two and a half years. I had a job and part of that job required me to leave for long stretches at a time. This one was supposed to last four months. I didn't want her to travel with me, because she got sick easily and it was cold and wet where I was going." He looked past her and she had a feeling that this story would be much worse than Nikolas'.
His lips twisted and he continued. "The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I arrived and on day three, I lost my human life. I became an animal, hunting the forests around me for what I could smell, what I could hear, surging through veins, what I desperately needed. Anything that had a heartbeat fell to that unquenchable thirst. Man and beast gave their lives for me and over time, I remembered who I was. Remembered that there was a women that I loved with everything inside me. She was waiting for me. And I thought, after six months, that I would be strong enough. My foolish vision of returning home and living out my life with no one the wiser as to what I was."
"Elliot, I—"
His finger traced her lip, halting her words. "Far too late," he said and his words were like his eyes. Empty. Distant.
What had she done?
"I arrived home and she threw her arms around me. And I held her for so long. I couldn't let out my tears of joy, because when a vampire cries, it's blood that drips from their eyes. But I held her and she cried and that was good enough. Rumor was that I had died on the trip, because of the way I disappeared. She thought she was a widow at the age of twenty. We held each other for so long.
"It was working. I lied to her and told her that I had contracted a form of malaria that left me vulnerable to the sun, so we blacked out the windows in half the house." He focused on her again.
Hands that threatened her life took her tears.
"I forced myself to eat some of the meals she made, no matter how much pain it caused me. My body rejected everything, and until I could throw it up, it was terrible. But I did it. For her. My Lisbett. I tried to maintain some presence in town and pushed myself to go out just as the sun set, so that people could see me in the light. Rumors spread faster than wildfires in those days. Again, it was worth the pain and I thought I did it.
"One night, I woke and all I could feel was the thirst and all I could smell was blood. It filled me, this burning need to find it. It was everywhere and I had to have it. I moved through the house, wondering where it could be hiding. The intensity was driving me crazy. I went into the kitchen, wondering if she was making dinner and that was where the scent was coming from. She was standing at the sink, drying her hands and she turned to me. I'll never forget her words. 'It still hasn't happened, Elliot. I'm sorry. I got my cycle today.' She came up to me and held me and the scent washed over me and I cried then, as I drove my teeth into the throat of the woman I loved. She fought me, because I didn't know how to make it not hurt. She screamed and beat on me and I held her tight, too tight. I was so strong and as she struggled, I broke things. Her legs quit kicking at me and I couldn't stop. It was only when her heart had ceased beating that I could let her go."
He went silent and all she could hear were her tears.
"So tell me, Chevonne." The coldness in his voice sent shivers down her spine but couldn't he see that she couldn't speak? "Tell me what your tears meant. Tell me what my sacrifice was for." She didn't know she was on her knees until his hand cupped her chin, bringing her wet eyes up to his. "Tell me."
"I can't..."
"Please."
"I..."
"I don't want to hurt you, Chevonne. Tell me."
Every fiber in her being screamed at her. He was going to kill her anyway. "You...You—"
"I what? Please, love. Please."
Her breath caught in her throat. Did he say that or was her mind playing tricks on her?
"You... You felt like home."
He dropped to his knees and sat back on his heels. "Thank you," he said, pulling her into his arms. His lips pressed against her head.
~~~
She sat in the center of the sofa, staring into the fire, his story replaying in her head. And she knew. Knew why he tried to push her away. And wasn't he the fool.
The touch of a glass touching her skin brought her back to the present and she looked at him as he sat across from her. The Elliot she knew came back after he locked the door of his marriage room. The room he shared with the wife he killed.
So much made sense now. Almost everything.
"Why did you talk me into coming to your home?"
"To protect you from Jonathan."
"By placing myself in danger from you?"
"I have more control over myself than he does."
"Yes. You do. So please, tell me when you started doubting yourself?"
"When I remembered something I forgot."
She could almost smile. "You forgot... You are so angry with me for doing just that."
"Was. I was angry. And no, I didn't miss the irony." His half smile made an appearance. "I remembered when you were asleep beside me. Every so often you would make this soft sound. A... peaceful, sweet sound. A sound that she used to make, as she lay in bed beside me. A sound I hadn't heard in so long. And I remembered."
"Lots of people make sounds, Elliot. You should know that..." She trailed off. He didn't care for people. He didn't get close to them. "But you wouldn't know that, would you? Because you've never spent the night, or day, with someone."
"Not since Lisbett."
"And I reminded you of her." He gave a brief nod. "And how she..."
"Yes."
"You didn't think it through when you invited me. Because you also forgot that I was human. You..." She cleared her throat. "While I thought you hated me, you were pushing me away because..."
"If I could do that to someone I love, then what makes you think I won't to you? What's going to happen when I wake and your scent is in the air?" He swallowed and closed his eyes. "I brought you here to protect you and while I'm still the lesser of the evils, one day, I will take your life."
"Elliot." She got to her feet and crossed over to him. Kneeling in front of him, she took his face in her hands. He met her eyes. "Elliot, I can't have children." Before he could say anything, she touched his lips. "There was a cancer scare during the time I can't remember and I had surgery right after my birthday. Now, I can't have children."
"What do you mean?"
"There will never come a time when you wake and smell my blood because I don't bleed. I have no eggs. I have no ovaries. I'm sterile."
His eyes looked past her and she heard Nikolas' voice.
"That's a relief and yet completely horrible at the same time."
She looked back over her shoulder and watched as he sat.
"Gentlemen, you are vampires, self-charged with protecting a human woman. All you had to do was ask."
"Speaking of asking, I have a question for you, Chevonne." She glanced back at Elliot and he looked from Nikolas to her. She would have been worried, but the smile on his face was a soft one.
"Yes, I kissed him."
The smile widened and he took her hand, pulling her into his lap. "I know. I saw you when I went to check on you. I'm not jealous."
She let the breath that she had been holding out in long exhale. She wasn't ready for more threats or scares.
"My question is this. Does he feel like I do?"
She looked away from Elliot to find Nikolas' eyes on her. "Yes. Yes he does." She twisted back around to touch Elliot's cheek. "It's like I've been looking for something my whole life, at least for the last ten years. And I've found it. It's not love. But... something inside knows the two of you. And it feels good."
Nikolas laughed. "That's not words that are often linked with our kind."
She looked back at him. "I have a unique perspective."
Her phone made a noise and she shifted, pulling it out of her back pocket. She didn't know the number but the text was everything. "Jonathan," she breathed.
The single word.
Chevy.
She looked back at Elliot and he traced the curve of her smile. "I'll go get him." He glanced at Nikolas. "You stay here with her. Jonathan is a newborn, but he's...different. We'll need to be on guard while he's here."
"What do you mean different."
"Well, to begin with, I killed him."
Nikolas made a face. "Yeah. That's different. Maybe we should wait? Caleb should be here tomorrow night."
"No, we need the information he has about Colvin. And about who fixed him. The two of us should be able to handle him if things go... sideways."
Chevonne got the her feet, already calling the number.
"Jonathan."
"Hey you. Sorry it took me so long to... Anyways, we need to talk and it has to be now."
"Elliot's going to get you and bring you here."
Jonathan gave her the address of where he was and she told Elliot. He put it in his phone.
"Tell him to hurry, there is a lot to go over and not much time to do it in. And... there is also the 'Jonathan might go nuts' part to take into consideration."
"Okay. I'll see you soon. Hang on."
"You too. Your life is about to get bumpy."
She tried to smile. "I'm already driving over land-mines. How much worse can it get?"
""Chevy, don't ask."
He hung up and she turned to Elliot.
"Does he feel like home as well?"
"Yes, but not in that way. We tried being a couple, once upon a time, and it didn't work. We're more like brother and sister then anything else. But yes, he feels like home."
"He's not too far away," Elliot said.
She nodded and he turned to leave.
"Elliot," she said.
His eyes met hers.
"Be careful."
There was a softness in the brown eyes that she had never seen. "Of course." That softness disappeared as he looked at Nikolas. "Watch her."
He was gone.
~~~
"I take it the two of you are better?"
She sat on the couch and pulled her legs up. "It's been a very interesting couple of nights."
"That's not an answer," he said with a smile.
"I don't know how to answer. I don't hate him. And what I said is true. He feels... right to me. But I don't know how much more of his intensity I can take. I'm not his wife—"
"Wait. He told you about her?"
"You can say that."
Nikolas let out a slow whistle. "I'll bet that was difficult. How did you get him to talk?"
"I don't know." How much should she tell him? "Things happened at the ball and I cried. Because of the feeling you two give me. I didn't want to tell him, and I guess my words were a challenge to him. I told him that I was done telling him about personal things because he never told me anything about himself." She laughed. "He told me the night I met him that I needed to choose my words carefully. I didn't. I told him that I'd never tell him and that I bet my life on him not feeling the same.
"So, when I got up tonight, he was waiting for me and dragged me to their room. Basically threatened me, that if my reason for crying wasn't up to his standard, after he told his story, that he would kill me." She looked up into calm gray eyes. "I thought I was going to die, Nikolas. I thought he would do it because there was absolutely nothing I could say that would equal the pain he felt, what he still feels, about her death. I knew I was going to die."
"What did you say?"
She shrugged. "What I said in front of you. I cried, because after... that... happened, he felt like home." She dropped her eyes to her hands. "He begged me to tell him. So that he wouldn't hurt me."
Nikolas said nothing to that. He stood and sat on the couch beside her and reached for her hand. She took his and he pulled her against his side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
"Would he have done it?" she asked. "If I didn't tell him, would he have killed me?"
"I don't know. He's usually the calmest person I know. But she is an extremely sore spot with him. The fact that he took you to that room... He wasn't in his right mind. I can tell you that. So, yes. He probably would have."
His hand ran down her hair and she grew drowsy in the heat. She didn't feel the fear she did earlier and she had to wonder if it was because of the softness in his eyes. Could they have turned a corner? Or was that wishful thinking on her part?
It was getting more difficult to keep her eyes open and she lifted her head.
"If you want to nap on me, I don't mind."
"Elliot—"
"Is a traumatized asshole. I'm not."
"An accurate description." Elliot's voice came from the door and she jumped to her feet.
Jonathan stood at his side and she started to run to him when Nikolas caught her around the waist. "Easy, lovely. Let him come to you in his time. He's going to need to adjust to your scent."
Her best friend looked at her. "Do you hate me?"
"Never," she said.
"Keep that in mind while we talk and remember, don't shoot the messenger."