I went straight to Andy and Dave's house. It was getting dark, I was glad I had left that bag at their house, I got the feeling I'd be staying there tonight as well. It said a lot that I found comfort in two virtual strangers. It said that I was lonely. Maybe it was just that they seemed to be my kind of people, I told myself, trying to think positively.
I stood outside the house, noticing that the only light was coming from the lounge. It was completely still outside, and bitterly cold. However it wasn't the kind of temperature that made you want to run to the nearest warm place, I felt at ease, relaxed. This was quite silly really. It was one of those moments where you want to just be alone, stay outside and just make the most of solitude. I took a deep breath, and walked towards the front door. I banged the cast iron door handle against the wood.
"You might as well sell your place at this rate," Andy grinned, then hugged me, pulling me inside as he did so. Dave came bounding into the conservatory, looking quite panic stricken.
"You can't come in!" Dave almost shouted at me.
"Dave, what are y-"Andy looked genuinely confused, but the look Dave shot at him must have cleared up the confusion straight away. "Oh, shit." Andy said, looking at Dave in an apologetic way.
"I'll go if I'm an inconvenience, all you had to do was say," I mumbled, quite hurt and suspicious.
"Now's not a good time. You could at least ring in advance, not just take advantage of any opportunity." Dave's personality had shifted yet again. Andy had taken a backseat, glancing nervously between me and Dave. "Andy, see her out." Dave hadn't yet looked at me, but Andy was sending a sympathetic stare my way.
Dave turned around to head towards the lounge, back the way he had come. He raised his hand to open the door but someone from the other side beat him to it, forcing Dave to step backwards out of the way; he hung his head, defeated. I stared at Lucas who had just emerged out of the door. I didn't want to see him at the moment, but maybe this way we would be forced to speak about it, rather than me backing out and trying to avoid the conversation. Then it hit me - what was he doing here? He lectured me about not spending time with these men and yet he was here, after denying that he knew them. Everything clicked now, of course he knew, Scott had just basically told me he was there when John died, which meant he must have known them. It was glaringly obvious that Lucas had lied to me multiple times over the last few days. But worse than that, he'd lied about knowing them, putting up an act that he had nothing to do with them. But much worse than that, he'd been there when my brother died and never told me.
I ran out of the door, my brain overloaded. I wanted the feeling of solitude I had had before I entered the house. So I just ran, ignoring the shout from Lucas. I'd have thought twice about this if I was in the city. But there was no one around here, so the darkness felt comforting rather than threatening. When I couldn't see any lights from the house and I was out of breath, I collapsed onto a bench beside the road, hugging my knees to my chest, pulling my hood over my head trying to conserve as much heat as possible. After my legs began to ache from the position I was in, I lay down so I was facing the night sky. It dawned on me that I needed stability. When I was alone in my apartment, I felt lonely, like I needed to be around people. But lying here felt so good, not having to worry about anyone, or lies or anything. But it was obviously not practical. I concluded that I needed something constant that wouldn't hurt me in the way I was hurt now. So I knew what I had to do.
The sound of pounding feet and a light bobbing up and down caught my attention and though I didn't want to see Lucas or Dave, my heart pounded as I hoped it was one of them coming towards me, not some stranger. So when Andy emerged from the darkness I was relieved, knowing he was the best person to be confronted by in my situation.
"What are you doing out here, its freezing!" He gasped, out of breath. When I didn't respond he just shook his head and joined me on the bench so that he was sitting next to my feet as I was still lying down. "I'm really sorry it's all turned out like this. And I'm sorry if you're angry at me for not saying anything, but I didn't feel it was my place. I was friends with Dave and Scott separately, I only ever saw John in passing. I wasn't a big fan of wasting my money and getting drunk like they were."
"You don't need to explain yourself, Andy. It's not you I'm angry at, I hardly know you. It's my so-called best friend that should be explaining himself, though I'm not sure it would make much of a difference now."
"Well I'm sorry that it's come between you. Anyway, you've got me now; I can fill in for Lucas if you're ready to give him the boot." I sighed, watching my breath escape above me into the night. "Sorry, I didn't mean that in an insensitive way, I wouldn't want to replace him."
"Who said anything about replacing him? You and Lucas are completely different and maybe I'm not looking for a new best friend, maybe I want something else," I knew saying this was taking a risk, but not much more could go wrong at the moment and some of the awkwardness was taken away by the fact that I couldn't see him - all I could see was darkness and the odd star poking out from under the clouds.
"Maybe we should head back, I don't want you getting cold." Ok, the riskiness of my comment had been confirmed, perhaps it was a mistake.
"I'm not cold. I'm enjoying being out here, I don't want to stop you from going though. I'd enjoy your company but feel free to go."
"No, you're right; this does make a nice change. We can stay for as long as you want." It seemed at last I had found someone who seemed to genuinely care. I didn't regret my forward suggestion, Andy could be my constant thing, and I could see it happening. "Sit up," he ordered gently. I did as he said as he brought his feet onto the bench and beckoned me to lean back against his legs. I glanced around at him and gave him a smile, which he returned.
Nothing was said between us but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, not at all, in fact it was the opposite, it felt good. My eyes were shut and Andy gently stroked the side of my cheek from time to time with his fingertips. I was so relaxed that I felt myself drifting into unconsciousness, before a car zoomed past forcing me to sit up, alert and awake. Andy chuckled.
"Shut up! I was enjoying that."
"I know - so was I. We had better head back though, it's getting really late." I reluctantly nodded my head and we both stood up ready to leave. The cold had got to me now as I uncontrollably shivered once we started walking back the way we'd come. An arm wrapped around my shoulders, allowing me to slot perfectly under Andy's shoulder, and instantly I began to feel warmer.
When we entered the house I was glad to see that neither Lucas nor Dave were around, it was strange but I didn't want to know where they were really.
"I'd better give the other two a call, they're out in the car looking for you," Andy answered the question in my head.
"Wow, you lot over reacted a little didn't you? I just wanted to be by myself."
"Yeah I said that but I gather Lucas is very over protective of you," Andy said, I nodded in return. He forced me to have a shower, telling me that I needed to make myself at home; he also said that he wanted to talk to the other men alone, which I definitely didn't object to.
After my shower I made my way into Andy's room, taking the opportunity to look at all the ticket stubs that he he had previously invited me to investigate. I was impressed; there were some great bands there, from venues all over the country. I would have to ask him to show me some more of his photos sometime; I got the feeling he would be proud of a lot of them. I changed into the pyjamas that I had hurriedly packed earlier and lay on Andy's bed, wrapping the covers around me.
The slam of the front door in the distance signalled Lucas' return. He hated being wrong, knowing that he'd made mistakes, I just hoped he had the decency to leave me alone if I was 'asleep'. I was wrong, he burst through the bedroom door with an apologetic Andy behind, who'd obviously he'd tried to stop Lucas from bothering me.
"Thank you, Andy. I'd like to speak to Becky alone," Lucas said, looking straight at me though he was addressing the man stood behind him.
"It's my room but whatever, I guess you've got a lot of explaining to do," I hadn't yet seen Andy angry, but he seemed dangerously close to anger at the moment. Andy left, closing the door behind him, leaving Lucas and I in the room, I pulled the covers off me and sat up, feeling silly lying down in bed.
"You've settled in well," Lucas said with a hint of bitterness, gesturing towards my pyjamas.
"Don't start Lucas, I don't think you're in the position to criticise my actions at the moment." Lucas didn't know how to respond, he rubbed his forehead. I properly assessed his appearance now, something I hadn't got chance to do earlier. I could tell Kelly had taken him shopping. He was wearing some very expensive looking dark denim skinny jeans with a white shirt. Something had changed since this morning though, he was wearing his usual, worn out from wear black converse. I chuckled to myself; realising Kelly probably didn't like him wearing casual shoes like these.
"What's funny?" He looked up at me.
"Just the fact that you're wearing your all-time favourite shoes not some fancy leather ones now you're not with Kelly." Once again, my comment had left him lost for words. Nothing was said for a few minutes.
"Look, can I just talk for a minute without interruptions? I've got so much to say and I can't if you're not willing to hear me out." Lucas came and sat on the bed with me and I shrugged, allowing him to speak.
"I've been thinking since this afternoon about you and Kelly. I think I love her, but you're right, this isn't me," he gestured at his clothes before continuing, "And I don't think I want to leave you. If I had to choose one of you, I would pick you without hesitation. My judgement was messed up and I'm sorry for making you feel like I didn't care. I love you." He paused so I wondered if he was waiting for a response.
"Don't you think it's a little late for all this?"
"No, I don't think it is. Because I needed to sort my feelings out, I am sorry for messing you about but it's made me realise I want you more than her."
"You're never going to have a successful relationship if you finish with every girl so spend more time with me, all I want you to do is pick someone who makes you happy for the right reasons - not the one you've picked this time." I crossed my legs and Lucas did the same so we were sat facing each other. If he thought he was going to be forgiven easily, he was wrong. He hadn't even addressed the thing I'd wanted him to yet.
"That's the thing, Becky. I think I want to pick you."
"What?" I fired back, wanting clarification that he had said what I thought he had.
"I want you, Becky. More than what we've had for twenty years, it's taken me a while but I'm sure it's what I want now." He grasped my hand as I stared at his face, that looked too serious and full of emotion for what I was about to tell him.
I hope you enjoyed this part, and thank you to the people who are continuing to read this - it means a lot :)