When Lukas Bondevik moved into his dorm at Linken University of Science, his first and only priority was to get in and get out. He loved the school, he loved learning, but he was ready to leave it all behind to start his work of cosmology.
Nothing interested Lukas more than the theories of life and the world around him. He wanted to know how to explain the unexplainable events and overall figure out life itself, and the complicated idea of parallel universes. He felt restless through the limits of knowledge in High School, but at least attending college will give him more access before he can create the data he wants to know himself.
On the first night at LUS, he met one of his roommates; Gilbert Beilschmidt. At first, Lukas assumed he wasn’t going to like him, but after he introduced himself, the two talked for a few hours. Gilbert had driven from a few towns over and was majoring in marine biology. He talked a lot about deep sea life, which fascinated Lukas. They ordered a pizza and celebrated their first night at LUS with beer and a marathon of That 70’s Show.
In the early hours of the next morning, Lukas woke up three times. First, the door had slammed open. He assumed it was Gilbert was up for his early classes and went back to sleep. The next, it was laughing and the sound of a zipper. Lukas was caught up in his sleepiness and didn’t think much of it. There was still a couple of hours till he had to get up, so he went back to sleep.
The last time wasn’t by sound; but smell. Lukas was welcomed by the smell of coffee when he finally decided it was time to wake up.
“Hiya!” Lukas looked over at the man sitting on the bed next to him. “Gilbert told me your class starts at 10, sorry for all the racket this morning,”
“Who are you?” Lukas asked him.
“I’m Mathias Køhler,” He told him. “I meant to arrive last night but my flight to Germany was delayed.”
“Where are you from?”
“Denmark, but that’s enough about me, tell me about yourself, Lukas. Gilbert sure said a lot of good things about you,” Lukas made a face.
“What do you need to know about me?” He asked.
“Where you’re from, what you like, I don’t know,” Mathias laughed. “I’ll give you some coffee if you do,” Lukas laughed under his breath.
“That coffee does smell nice.”
xXxXxXx
Lukas eased through the day. Having only two or three classes a day was much better than multiple classes a day. So far, other than rooming with a couple of social guys who smell like beer, college was enjoyable. Lukas didn’t have much to complain about.
He was about to exit the main building and head for his dorm when he felt a hand lay on his shoulder. “Mr. Bondevik?” he turned around to see his cosmology teacher, Mr. Hendriks. “I need a word with you,”
“Yes sir?” Lukas asked. There’s no way he could be in trouble already.
“You had mentioned your interest in parallel universes in one of your entrance essays, am I correct?”
“Yes sir, you are,”
“Interesting, I need you to come with me to the west wing, if you’re not busy. We could do this another time if you are,” he looked at the Dutch man bewildered for a second before nodding.
“I’m not in a hurry,” Lukas told him.
“Excellent, this shouldn’t take too long at all,” Lukas followed his teacher to the west wing of the school. Mr. Hendriks opened the door to room 358 and turned on the light.
“For years now, since this school was built, numerous students and a few teachers have been working on the research of parallel universes.” Lukas walked into the room and observed the several desks, computers, and a large screen standing near several boxes towards the back of the room. “When I replaced the old cosmology teacher eight years ago, they hadn’t even started building the screen.”
“What exactly is going on here?” Lukas asked.
“We’re trying to reach footage of parallel universes, Bondevik.” Mr. Hendriks responded. “I looked into your interests and research. There’s many mechanical engineers recruited on this project this year, I think we could finally get it done.” Lukas mouth was wide open with surprise.
“Are you serious?”
“Of course, Lukas,” Mr. Hendriks assured him. “Are you interested?”
“I am, of course I am,” Lukas couldn’t believe it. He had to be dreaming.
“We’ll start catching you up, then. Come back at 6.”
“I will.”
xXxXxXx
“Hey Lukas, where have you been? It’s only the first week of school, you can’t be that busy,” Mathias interrogated as soon as Lukas walked into the dorm room at 1 a.m.; it was the third night in the row he had stayed late with Mr. Hendriks and the rest to work on the project.
“Exactly, I’m starting out the semester with busying myself.”
“You should chill and have a beer with us,” Gilbert suggested.
“No thanks, I’m going to bed.” Lukas walked to his bed and lay down.
“Take it easy a little, Lukas, you don’t want to die of exhaustion before you finish your first semester here,” Mathias called after him.
“I’m not the one staying up so late,” he snapped back.
xXxXxXx
By a month in, Lukas was caught up on the research and studies. He became acquainted to most on board of the project and more construction had taken place. He began staying after more; running tests and considering the countless theories they were presented with. His roommates started to progress in making him take a break and go out somewhere with them. He always declined.
One night Mr. Hendriks sent everyone home early after a full weeks work and plenty of progression, he came back to see Gilbert was the only one up.
“Mathias went down early tonight?” He asked.
“He has been, headaches and shit,” Gilbert answered. “Working too hard, I think,”
“Chemistry is a lot to take in, so much memorization,” Lukas muttered as he walked across the room and got into bed.
“I think you both should take it easy,” he heard Gilbert tell him before he dozed off.
xXxXxXx
Lukas took one of his rare breaks from working on the project once winter started. After the only two classes that day, he arrived to his dorm around noon to find only Mathias there. He was lying, curled up with his pillow wrapped in his arms and legs, doing what seemed to be just staring at the wall. Once Lukas stepped in, he seemed to snap out of a daze. “How’s it going?” he asked.
“Good, I’m taking a break today and you didn’t ask me to go skating with you and Gilbert, how strange,” Lukas sarcastically responded.
“Wanna go skating with me and Gilbo?”
“No,”
“Shucks,” Mathias sat up from his bed. “That would have been an issue if you had accepted, Gilbert’s busy today.”
“I know,” Lukas undid his tie and took off his uniform’s jacket.
“Do you want to do something, though?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, anything,” Mathias shrugged. Lukas looked at him. Since when did he start to even look slightly gloomy? He thought, observing the baggy eyes and almost fake smile on Mathias’s face.
“Yeah, of course, let me change.”
Mathias and Lukas set out into the snow. “Let’s go see the lights, then visit that giant ass bookstore, maybe the art museum if you dig that…” Lukas listened to him go on and on about the things he wanted to do. Mathias still didn’t look as chipper as he did back when they first met, even when talking about things that made him smile, but Lukas assumed that was because of schooling and staying up so late.
They took a walk through central Linken to see the set up of lights like Mathias had wanted. “Man, this reminds me of back home,” Mathias told him, warmly.
“Me too,” Lukas responded.
“Are you going back home for the holidays?”
“No, I’m not,”
“I am, I can’t wait,”
Next, they visited the bookstore. Lukas had been in there before, but Mathias hadn’t. It wasn’t that he was interested in many of the books; he was just excited that it was a huge bookstore. As Lukas looked through the section of folklore, Mathias walked over to him. “Look at this,”
Lukas turned around, “What is it?”
“It’s my favorite book as a kid, my dad always read it to,” Mathias stopped talking.
“Mathias?” he asked. Mathias had almost horridly gotten pale within a few seconds. His eyes twitched in a way Lukas probably wouldn’t forget before he lost consciousness.
xXxXxXx
When Mathias woke up, he was in the hospital. Lukas was sitting on the seat by him. “What happened?”
“You passed out in the bookstore,”
“Oh right,” He took a deep breath. “How long was I out?”
“Well, it’s 7:00 p.m. now,” Lukas answered, looking at his watch.
“Wow, that’s a long time,”
“You act like this has happened before,”
“That’s because it has,” Lukas looked at him, almost angrily. “What?”
“Don’t you think something might be wrong?”
“I’m sure it’s just stress,” The doctor walked in just as Mathias spoke.
“Mathias Køhler, you seem to be fine as it is but we need to keep you in for a little longer, we need to run some tests.”
“Damn, alright, so much for Chemical engineering in the morning.” He looked at Lukas. “Go ahead and go back to the dorm. I’ll just call Gilbert to come pick me up,”
“If you say so,”
xXxXxXx
It was Gilbert who came with the news after Lukas arrived at the dorm late a couple of nights after Mathias was hospitalized. Lukas didn’t expect to see Gilbert pacing around when he walked into the room. “Mathias has a brain tumor, Lukas,”
“Hold up, a what?” A brain tumor? Lukas couldn’t believe it.
“A brain tumor, apparently it’s really bad, too.” Gilbert’s voice was unusually low and melancholic. “I suspected something was wrong, I really should have said something,”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Gilbert,” Lukas guaranteed him. “There’s very good doctors in this area, just have some faith,” Gilbert nodded.
“I’m going to bed early,” he said before lying down in his bed.
“Okay, good night,”
“Night,”
It took Lukas hours to fall asleep that night. All he could think about was if Mathias was truly going to be okay or not.
xXxXxXx
Lukas occupied himself with studying and working on the construction of the computer. The end of the project was finally in view, so he began to work twice as hard. He would also make time to visit Mathias in the hospital every week or so.
A couple of days before Holiday break, Gilbert and Lukas visited Mathias in the hospital for the first time since he started getting treatment. He had gone under radiation therapy and lost all of his hair in process. He had a beanie on when Lukas and Gilbert visited.
“Guys,” Mathias smiled, his voice so soft that the others had to listen closely when he spoke. “I’m so happy to see you,”
“We are too,” Gilbert sat down beside him.
“How are you doing?” Lukas sat on the chair on the other side from Gilbert.
“I miss my hair,” He whined.
“You’re really rocking that beanie,” Gilbert laughed. “Me and Lukas will buy you a wig for Christmas,”
“You don’t have to, I’m sure I can wait till it grows back,” Gilbert’s phone rang.
“I’m sorry, I have to take this call,” Gilbert stood up and left the room. Mathias rolled his head over to look over at Lukas.
“How have you been, Lukas?” he asked.
“That’s not really important, I think we should be caring more about how you’ve been,” Mathias frowned.
“Has that project of yours been going well?”
“Yes, it has,”
“I’m happy for you,” There was a silence between them for a minute.
“If you don’t want a wig, what do you want?”
“To go home,” Mathias was still smiling, even though he looked close to tears as he said the word ‘home’.
“Maybe when spring comes, Mathias,” Lukas tried giving him a sincere smile.
“I hope,” Mathias’s voice was lower. “There is another thing, though,”
“What is it?”
xXxXxXx
Christmas Eve night, Lukas set out for the hospital again. Clutching a copy of The Emperor’s new Clothes, he made his way to Mathias’s room.
“Lukas,” he took a deep breath. “Is that what I think it is?”
“It is,” Lukas couldn’t help but smile. He handed the book to him.
“It’s a shame Gilbert couldn’t be here to enjoy this,” He squinted a little at it. “I need a favor though,”
“Sure,”
“Can you read it to me?”
Lukas took the book back and sat down by Mathias on the hospital bed and began reading. Every once in a while, he would hear Mathias laugh lightly or make a joke. When he was more than half-way done with the story, Mathias had dozed off next to him. Before he left, though, he continued to read the full story, out loud, to fill out Mathias’s wishes.
“Good night, Mathias,” he whispered as he exited the room.
xXxXxXx
After the break, Gilbert had returned. They continued to visit Mathias from time to time. Lukas couldn’t help but to continue to spend hours working on the project. They were just almost done.
A week into January, Gilbert received a call while him and Lukas were watching TV. “What do you mean the treatment didn’t work?” Gilbert instantly turned off the TV. Lukas felt a jolt of anxiety.
“Why didn’t you guys try surgery the first time?” he yelled. “I’m sorry, this is my friend you’re talking about… Thanks for calling and telling me… Okay… Bye…” He hung up the phone. Gilbert and Lukas looked at each other in silence. There wasn’t anything they could articulate; though there was a lot they wanted to say.
xXxXxXx
The next day, the day before Mathias’s surgery, Gilbert and Lukas brought Mathias flowers and a large teddy bear.
“You guys are the best,” Mathias told them. “I’m totally going to make this up for you when I’m out of here,”
“You kicking this tumor in the ass is all I need, Mathias!” Gilbert and Mathias laughed.
“I have to make up my day with Lukas, though,” Mathias said.
“You don’t have to,” Lukas responded.
“But you rarely take days off,”
“It’s whatever, dummy, you can go back to begging me to take more off once you’re back,”
“Okay, but you still owe me the rest of that story,”
“I read the rest while you were asleep,”
“That’s no fair, Lukas!” Mathias whined.
“Yeah,” Lukas pulled the book from his bag. Mathias’s pale face was filled with joy.
“Start from the beginning, so Gilbert can hear it!”
xXxXxXx
They say people who lose a limb; they can still feel its presence there. Over time, the person would adjust to their loss, but yet, what they lost would continue to be gone.
After that last call from the hospital, Gilbert and Lukas barely talked. Mathias Køhler had died during his surgery to remove the brain tumor from his head. Gilbert hated going to the dorm room. He says it’s like experiencing the whole semester again over the course of second walking in.
Lukas was in complete denial; he would continue his daily routine of going to class, working on the computer, and going home to pass out on his bed. This went on for a week, until he stopped in front of the bed sitting next to his. The one he would wake up and see Mathias and/or Gilbert sprawled out on almost every morning just a couple months ago. Gilbert hadn’t touched it since probably when Mathias had his first treatment. Lukas absent-mindedly lay down onto the comforter of the bed.
It smelt like Mathias. Happy, cheerful Mathias that loves stupid emperors with invisible clothes. Lukas just lay there, stiff as can be. The door opened and Gilbert came in.
“Hey,” Lukas greeted him.
“Hi, sorry, I thought you were asleep,” Gilbert responded, taking off his jacket.
“I’m not,”
“I can see,” Gilbert flopped down onto his bed. There was silence as they stared at each other. “Why are you laying there?”
“I don’t know, Gilbert.” Another pause. Lukas saw a few tears run down from Gilbert’s eyes. He flinched as he quickly sat up, almost flinging his pillow across the room and lay on the spot next to Lukas on the bed. Lukas sat up quickly as Gilbert took hold of the pillow.
“It’s not fucking fair, Lukas!” He buried his face into the pillow, sobbing. “He’s gone, he’s really fucking gone,” While Gilbert had a break down, Lukas cried for the first time over Mathias.
xXxXxXx
The week while Lukas and Gilbert had gone to Mathias’s funeral in Denmark, the project was completed and was over-going tests. Lukas wasn’t as excited as he expected himself to be. He paid more attention to talking with Mathias’s family and the funeral itself.
During the viewing, Lukas almost didn’t look into Mathias’s coffin. Gilbert was about to break down, so he had no choice but to be there with him. In his casket, though, Mathias looked peaceful surrounded by colorful flowers and wearing the same beanie from when he was in the hospital. He had almost what looked like a sincere smile on his face.
Lukas returned to Linken a couple days later during the night. He didn’t wait till the next day to head for the west wing. Mr. Hendriks stopped him before he reached the room. “We need to talk before you go in there,”
“About what, sir?”
“I can’t stop you but I don’t want you to use your DNA, you can use Berwald’s or Elizaveta’s, their samples are available.” Lukas nodded. Mr. Hendriks’s voice was shaking.
“I have to go, stay safe Lukas,” He patted him on the shoulder. “I’m really sorry about your friend.” Lukas didn’t reply.
He tried Berwald’s sample first. To his joy, there it was; footage from an alternate dimension. The first that came up was simple; Berwald was with a friend at a park. His friend was holding the camera up in front of them while he talked and tried getting Berwald to sing a song with him. The more he watched, the more he began to recognize the other person. It was Tino, a childhood friend of his.
The next looked like it came from a war. Berwald was dressed in a uniform and held a large sniper rifle. Tino was, again, by his side. Lukas wondered if there would be a connection between the two in his own world. He switched planes again and saw Berwald taking care of a child. Then another of him working at a coffee shop. Just as Lukas was going to switch it, he saw his brother come into view. He, like Berwald, was cleaning up the tables. The camera turned around to show not only Tino, but Mr. Hendriks, too. They were behind a counter. Then Lukas himself came into the shot, demanding the camera man to stop filming.
Lukas gasped, but then nearly had a heart attack when he heard the cameraman speak.
“Come on, Luk, give the camera a smile,” Was that him? Lukas paused the footage and quickly dialed Mathias’s number, listening very closely.
“Hello! You’ve reached Mathias Køhler…” He hung up the phone and hit play. The other Lukas gave a quick smile to the camera.
“Now Tino…” Lukas felt tears start to form in his eyes. Was this was Mr. Hendriks was trying to get him to avoid? Footage of Mathias? How much was in Lukas’s alternate lives? He had to know, it would only eat him alive if he didn’t.
He took his hair sample and swapped it out with Berwald’s. He began to sweat as the system analyzed the sample. The monitor turned on and the first footage began to play.
It was him, passed out in a very comfortable looking bed and his hair an absolute mess. It had to be a morning, due to the light coming in from the window above the bed. “Wake up, Luk,” It was Mathias’s voice again.
He groaned as a hand touched his nose. “Wake up!” Mathias chirped.
“Get me some coffee,”
The footage stopped and changed to another to Lukas being apparently interviewed. “How does it feel to finally reach such a high status with modeling?” a female voice behind the camera asked.
“Amazing,” Lukas answered, blushing a little. The camera moved over to Mathias, who was next to him.
“How about you, Mr. Køhler?”
“So far, so good,” He smiled a wide smile, much like the one Lukas saw on his Mathias before everything went downhill. He put an arm around Lukas and shook him some. Lukas smiled and laughed before hugging onto Mathias.
Lukas switched the footage this time; tears were starting to run down from his eyes. This one was of him and Mathias holding up a camera while laying down and speaking to each other very quietly. Lukas’s heart beat wildly as he noticed the way himself and Mathias were glancing at each other; lovingly. Mathias leaned over a kissed Lukas. “No,” Lukas spoke almost inaudibly. More tears filled his eyes, he couldn’t see past them to find the next button on the keyboard.
When he finally switched the footage again, he half wished he did to watch the rest of the one before. This one was of him building a castle of cards, when suddenly Mathias fell onto it, sending all the cards to the ground. Lukas picked on up and shoved it into his mouth.
Lukas hit next again just to be greeted by more footage of him and Mathias. He kept clicking next, through videos of him and Mathias skating, playing numerous sports, watching a movie, reacting to online videos, hanging out with friends, playing as children, hugging, holding hands, slow dancing, kissing… There wasn’t one video without Mathias Køhler in it, and here he was, in a world where, according to every other universe, Lukas Bondevik’s friend, best friend, or lover was gone.
Lukas shut the system down and sat in the dark with his thoughts. He shouldn’t have been difficult during that first day with him when he asked to get to know him. He should have given in and had a beer with him on those nights when he was still happy and well. He should have taken more days off for him. He should have gone to that large bookstore with him sooner, maybe they would have made it to the art museum and to the twenty or so other things he wanted to do with Lukas that afternoon. More importantly, he should have known him well enough to know something was wrong, maybe he would have gone to see the doctor sooner.
Maybe he would have lived. Lukas cried vocally; never in his life did he cry so hard. He stood up and kicked his chair over. He screamed and cussed until he wasn’t even speaking words anymore. He wanted to crush the months of work that kept him away from Mathias. ”It wasn’t worth it! It wasn’t worth it!” He cried. “Mathias, I screwed up, I fucked up big time! Can you even fucking hear me?! I hope you fucking hate me!”
Lukas threw himself on the ground and ran his hands through his hair. He sobbed for what seemed like an hour, hyperventilating. Thoughts of the footage came to his mind; Mathias was happy. He was with Lukas, with Berwald, Tino and Emil, too. Even in recordings of Lukas shoving a card into his mouth, or pinching his cheek. He was still happy.
Was Mathias truly happy for what I did for him? Lukas asked himself. He could never know the true answer. Lukas thought back at how happy Mathias was to hear him read that story to him, almost twice, in the hospital room, and how even lifeless, Mathias Køhler was smiling.
In a different lifetime, Mathias Køhler, Lukas thought.
We’ll meet again. Lukas got up from the ground and brushed the dust from his jacket and pants. He found the discarded chair and set it upright.
In another universe. His mind continued to speak as if Mathias can hear him. He sat down in the chair and pulled it up to the desk.
And every other universe to come. He clicked the power button to the system and typed in the password.
And I hope that Lukas Bondevik you’re with makes your life three times as better than I did in this one. The system loaded completely and began to read Lukas’s DNA sample.
I’ll miss you. Mathias’s face was on the screen again; smiling, joyful, healthy and full of life.
Even more than I thought I would. Lukas let himself cry and even wail as more recordings came and went.
And I’ll remember you. He wiped the tears from his eyes so they didn’t blind him.
Even when I’m done crying that you’re gone. For the first time that night, or maybe week, Lukas smiled.