Molly and Negan start to, for the first time, become equals in their relationship. Molly helps Lydia put down roots and introduces her to someone she loves, however her mental state appears to be getting the better of her.
As I walked out into the snow, people stared at me and audibly gasped at my rapid recovery.
Lydia rushed over and said 'Molly! You're okay! But, you should be resting'.
'I feel fine, my temperature is back up and I'm nice and warm. I'm good, I promise' I said as I pulled her into a soft hug.
'Hey, would you come with me inside a sec?' I asked her as she nodded and followed me into the hospital.
'I wanted to ask you...if you would want to live with me? I have a house here at Alexandria and I haven't been back for a while and I know that you would probably rather be at Hilltop because you liked it there but I jus-' I said frantically.
Like I was reeling off every thought in my mind before she cut me off.
'I would like that' she said softly as she smiled widely.
I nodded, saying 'good'.
'But what about Hilltop, you're there leader' she asked.
'I know, but I just can't be there anymore...where she's buried, I just can't. I have a suggestion for who could take over though' I replied.
She frowned, thinking hard about who it would be.
'Who?' she asked.
'You'll see' I replied teasingly as I ushered her to follow me to my house.
Michonne has given me my keys a while back when we first came back to Alexandria, but I hadn't dared to go inside.
I guess the place just reminded me of Tara and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.
I walked up to my house, it was virtually spotless and untouched so I unlocked the door and I creaked open.
Lydia stepped inside first as I followed, she looked around in awe.
'Wow! I haven't been in a house like this since I was really little' she said smiling.
I too looked around, seeing all the books still in place, especially the ones Tara loves to borrow.
'Yeah, it's a beautiful house. Maybe it will be yours one day' I said smiling.
'C'mon I'll show you your room and I'll take your bags for you' I said as I carried her bag upstairs and opened the door to the spare room.
Upstairs had two bedrooms and one bathroom, so it was perfect for us.
The winter sunshine shone through the window pane, making all the dust in the air visible.
The room hadn't been used since...well Tara.
'This was Tara's room once, before she and her girlfriend moved into their own house' I said sadly as I placed down her bag by the bed.
'Just across the street there' I said as I pointed out the window.
I sighed reflectively.
'You make yourself comfortable while I go and run an errand. I'll be back in 10 minutes' I said softly as I paced down the stairs and back out onto the street.
I saw Luke walking by and I ran after him.
'Hey boss!' he said happily.
'Hey Luke, listen I want to ask you something. It's more of a proposal actually...' I said hesitantly.
'Yes I will marry you' he said sarcastically making me chuckle.
'No, not that kind of proposal...I want you to lead the Hilltop community. I want you to take over. The people adore you and you would be great' I said smiling.
He looked at me excitedly yet also sad at the same time.
'But boss, you're their leader?' he said confusedly.
'Not anymore, I need to be here, with my family' I said softly which he nodded.
'If it's what you want then I would be honoured' he said excitedly.
'Good' I said smirking as I said goodbye, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I walked back inside to see Lydia sat reading on the couch.
I smiled at her, feeling content that the house felt alive again.
'So...I want you to meet someone, someone who is very important to me' I said anxiously.
She looked puzzled and closed her book.
'Who? Haven't I met everyone here?' she asked.
I paced around.
'Well, not everyone, not Negan' I said hesitantly.
'Wait, Negan?Michonne said he was a prisoner?' she asked.
'He is, technically, but he's someone I care about and I'm sure he wants to meet you' I pleaded as I smiled.
'Okay' she said hesitantly as we grabbed our coats and headed towards the hospital.
We marched up the stairs and opened the door to see Negan reading in bed.
'Molly...who's this?' Negan asked smirking at me.
'This is Lydia, I've told you about her' I said smiling.
She hesitantly walked forward and shook his hand.
'Pleased to meet ya kiddo' he said happily.
'Likewise, I love that book!' she replied enthusiastically as she spotted Crime and Punishment on the bedside table.
Negan let out a hearty laugh and picked it up and handed it to Lydia.
'Knock yourself out kid, borrow it anytime' he replied.
Negan looked up at me and smiled sweetly.
'Molly brought that one back to me from the Sanctuary' he said reminiscing.
'The Sanctuary?' Lydia asked in confusion.
'We haven't discussed that yet' I replied as Negan nodded slowly and mouthed 'sorry'.
'I'll tell you all about that later' I said softly to Lydia as she just watched me sceptically.
Lydia turned her attention back to the book as she said softly 'Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must have great sadness on earth'.
I turned to her as my jaw dropped in awe.
'You know your shit kid, that's my favourite quote too!' Negan said smiling.
'How did you know that?' I asked her.
'It was Henry's, he let me borrow it. My mom never let me read that stuff so...' she said softly, trailing off as she thought about Henry.
I held her hand and said 'Henry would be so proud of you Lydia'.
'Yeah, from what Molly's told me, sounds like you're a damn badass!' Negan added as he smiled at me lovingly.
Lydia wiped her eyes and smiled.
'Thank you' she said to both of us.
We all talked for hours until the sun started to go down and I said, 'we'd better go, it's getting dark now'.
Lydia was reluctant to leave as she fist-bumped Negan and walked out of the room.
I chuckled, walked back over to him and thanked him for cheering her up.
'She's a great kid' he said smiling as I kissed him gently.
'Bye' I said softly as he replied, 'bye darlin'.
I felt happy in that moment, with the people I loved most but a wave of guilt and sorrow overwhelmed me when I came across Tara's box.
I had kept it on the bookshelf and had forgotten about it until Lydia went to place the book Negan had given her on the shelf.
As she did so, she moved a wooden box to the side as she slotted the book in.
I stared at it, wondering what it was when suddenly it hit me, our old family photos.
I had grabbed them from our childhood house before Woodbury.
'Wait!' I said as Lydia moved the box and I grabbed it from the shelf and carried it upstairs.
'I just need it for something' I said as Lydia waited downstairs.
I shut my bedroom door behind me and knelt on the carpet as I pulled off the lid and peered inside.
About a hundred Polaroid's from the 90's were inside.
I was about fifteen in all of these and Tara was about ten.
It was like the wind had been knocked out of me as I gasped through tears as all the memories flooded to the surface.
My hands shook on each photograph as I covered my mouth to muffle the crying.
I didn't want Lydia to worry, I wanted to stay strong for her and everyone else.
But, secretly I was still dying inside, every damn day and just when I thought I was healing, I would get thrown back a couple paces every time.
I wiped my eyes and took a swig of some old bourbon left in my room as I exhaled.
I had to wait for my moment, then I could have some relief.
I put on a faux smile and walked back downstairs where Lydia asked anxiously, 'Are you alright Molly?'.
'Yeah, it was just a box of old clothes I had forgotten about' I said nonchalantly as Lydia believed me.
About a couple hours passed and Lydia said she was tired so we wanted to go to bed.
I said 'sweet dreams' as she hugged me and walked upstairs, shutting her door behind her.
I waited an hour, until I knew she was asleep then I grabbed my jacket, my knives and a spiked knuckle duster that Rosita had given me.
I shut the front door carefully behind me as I marched off into the darkness.
There were only guards on duty and from my house, I could easily climb over the fence and get out of the compound.
I just wanted to kill some walkers to release my anger and frustration.
I wasn't stupid enough to go after the whisperers myself but seeing Tara's memory flood my mind, I felt powerless to do anything and I hated that feeling.
As soon as I climbed over, it was pitch-black darkness with only the light radiating from the street lamps in the compound.
I saw a couple walkers in the trees so I picked up a rock and hurled it towards them to make a sound.
Once they heard it I jumped about, waving my arms silently as they turned towards me and started to follow me.
I whispered, 'come on you undead freaks' as I readied my knife and knuckle duster.
There were only two of them so I could take them easily and did so with a swift blow to the head.
But even though I barely made a sound, more and more seemed to come in my direction.
I wasn't panicking, I think I was just alive with adrenaline that made me feel dangerously invincible.
I punched and fought them off as I drove my knives into their skulls, sometimes knocking them over and stamping on their faces.
I was mid stamp as I grunted in frustration when I saw Negan standing behind me take out a walker that was dangerously close to my face.
If he hadn't have been there, I would surely have been dead by now.
I spun around and said breathlessly, 'what the hell are you doing out here. You can't be out here!'.
'I could ask you the same thing! By the way, tell Michonne she needs a better guard at my cell, that fucker let me out no problem' he said in faux amusement.
'How did you know I was out here?' I asked as I wiped off my knife in the snow.
'I can see your house from my cell window and I like to make sure that you're okay. You're unwell Molly' he said as he looked around and saw dozens of dead walkers.
'I'm fine' I scoffed as I started to walk off.
He grabbed my arm and spun me around.
'No Molly, you're not. After what you went through, no one would be. But, you can't be out here, it's not safe' he said sternly.
'I have to do this, I have to do this' I whispered to myself as I shrugged his grip off and kept walking.
'Molly, Molly!' he called after me as I just kept walking.
'Just stop!' he shouted which made me stand still instantly.
I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I exhaled and turned around slowly.
'My sister is dead, Negan! Dead! And there is nothing that I can do now to change that! Tara died, my little sister died, alone and cold, at the hands of an evil woman. I want to kill her! No, I want to hurt her! I want to make her feel every ounce of pain that I did. I want to take something from her, only to watch her beg for her life and then kill her. But I can't do that, because we don't know where they are! Everyone just wants to bury their heads in the fucking sand and do nothing, but I can't! I have to do something, anything!' I yelled at Negan.
He just listened to every word until I had finished.
'Coming out here, putting your life on the line isn't gonna help the situation Molly' he said softly.
I wheezed as tears continued to fall down my face.
'I just need it over, I just need the pain to be gone' I said breathlessly.
Negan walked closer as he gently took the knives out of my hands and dropped them on the ground.
'Come here' he said gently as he reached for my hand.
I tried to pull away as I yelled 'no! I need to, I need to do this!' as I turned around and tried to pick up the knife.
Negan instantly wrapped his arms tightly around my waist as he held me back.
'Let me go!' I shouted.
'Molly, breathe' he said calmly as he held me.
I gave in and felt my limbs go numb as I dropped to my knees.
Negan also dropped to his knees as he cradled me in his arms.
'Shh' he said as he stroked my hair and just held me, 'it's okay' he repeated soothingly.
I rested my head against his chest as I closed my eyes and just concentrated on my breathing.
'That's it' he said softly as he felt my heart beat slow down.
I stood up slowly which triggered Negan to do the same as I turned around to face him and buried my face in the crook of his neck as he embraced me.
He supported my head with his hand as he rested his head against mine and just silently held me there.
His scent, his warmth, his voice all seemed to soothe me and provide me with clarity to move forward.
He was right, I was putting my life at risk for nothing.
Killing the dead wouldn't bring my sister back, not even killing Lydia's mother would, I had to heal on my own.
'Thank you' I whispered calmly against his neck as my hands lingered on his chest.
He kissed my head and replied softly, 'it's okay, I'm glad I found you'.