Thank God I found the good in goodbye
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
'Cause honestly you turned out to be the
Best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the
Best thing I never had
Oh and I will always be the best thing you never had
_Beyoncé
Allison's POV
I crouched, folded myself on the floor and wept. I heard her soft footsteps turn to very fast strides and then disappear. I had to do it, it hurt her I know, but I really had to do it. I introduced her to love, only to shut the door in her face when she got used to it. I wept for hours, I cried till I couldn't anymore. My heart was broken, but I had to fix things, on my own. I lifted myself off the ground and left Taylor's room. All I had to do was wait for Josh, all I had to do was gain some sort of courage and face the monster I created.
I went downstairs and waited, sitting on the couch and thinking. Taylor will take me back, she'll understand why I told her to leave. I have to fight my own battles, I honestly deeply love her but I can't be with her if there are distractions and Josh is one big distraction. I waited for hours, waiting and not knowing whether or not Josh would come. I waited till I felt myself fall into a slumber and soon enough I was fast asleep.
A rattling sound woke me up, I opened my eyes to be met by Josh who was standing near the door. He stared at me and I stared back despite the fact that I was a bit scared.
"I was waiting for you," I said getting up from the couch. Josh moved forward and I unconsciously held my breath.
"We need to talk," he spoke calmly, "...and first of all, I want to apologise for...for rapp--hurting you."
I released the breath that I had been holding. Josh seemed calm, his eyes still fixed on mine.
"I love you Josh."
"Allison you don't have to lie to me, you've been doing it for a while you should be tired by now."
I sighed, "I love Taylor okay but I guess there was a point in life when I loved you too. I know I'm hurting you but I deeply love your sister and I'm sorry cause I have to break this engagement. I have to say goodbye to what we had. Taylor told me about your condition, I get it...it could be the reason why you raped me. But I wish you had told me sooner, you hid that from me. Something so huge. It's over between us Josh, I'm sorry but I can't anymore."
The pain in his eyes almost made me want to take back my words but I had to do this, for me and for Taylor. I took off my engagement ring, moved towards Josh and asked him to give me a his hand. He did without a fight.
"I'm grateful for all the time we've spent together. I'm grateful for everything, and I want you to know that I have already forgave you for what you did and I hope that you'll find it in yourself to forgive me too," I said as I put the ring in his palm then folding his hand to secure it.
"Why didn't you tell her?," he questioned lowly, his head bowed down, his eyes on my hand that was on his.
"Tell who?"
"Why didn't you tell Taylor about what I did to you after she left?"
I scrunched my eyebrows, "How do you know I didn't?"
Josh looked at me, "Because if she knew she would have tried to fuck me up."
"You saw Taylor?"
He kept quiet for a while.
"Josh!"
"Yes, she was going. She's probably at the airport by now."
"What the fuck do you mean she's at the airport," I asked, my heartbeat paced.
"She sent me a text message..."
"Let me see it...shit, drive me to the airport now please."
"Are you sure you want..."
"Yes! Just drive me there," I cut him off, quickly making my way to the door, "Come on Josh."
I really wanted to find Taylor before she left, I couldn't afford to lose her.
***
I took what was yours not because I was tryna hurt you but because my heart pulled me to the same person. I know it sounds insanely weird to hear me speaking about hearts and shit but it is what it is. I can't change the way I feel about Allison but it seems like she also can't change the way she feels about you. You're my bro Josh and I know you can get crazy sometimes but if Allison wants you then I'll let her have you, her happiness comes first.
I read the words with a heart full of hurt, my tears were threatening to fall. Josh was driving very fast and I hoped that we would find Taylor before she goes.
I'm going, I think I need some air. A different atmosphere, a place where I'll get to find myself, forgive myself and hopefully become the best me I can be. Promise me you'll protect and love Allison with your whole self, promise me that you will never hurt her. I love her Josh, I love your fiancée and I'm not ashamed to say it. I'll call you when I make it out of this place, but I don't know if it's going to be earlier or not. For now though...goodbye..
How could she just leave like that. Okay I know I told her to go but this is not what I meant, I only wanted to deal with Josh first.
Josh pulled up at the airport and we both went out. We searched for Taylor, my heartbeat was running a marathon. Minutes in the search and still no sight of Taylor.
"She didn't tell you where she was going?," I asked dejectedly, trying to control my breathing.
"You read the text, she didn't."
I closed my eyes, I could feel my eyes were welling up with tears and I honestly didn't want to break down in front of a thousand people.
"Let me try and call some of our friends, maybe she told them," Josh said taking out his phone. He tried a couple of numbers but to no avail.
"Let's leave it," I whispered, earning an unreadable expression from Josh.
"You're being a coward Allison."
"What do you want me to do Josh?. Board every single fuckin plane in this airport in hopes that one will lead me to Taylor? Shit no! I fucked up, maybe it's Karma for all my wrongs to you."
"Follow me," Josh ignored my tantrum, instead he took my hand and led us back to his car, "...there's a place where Taylor goes to whenever she wants to run away from all of her shit."
I stepped inside the car and sat on the passenger side, "And where is that?"
Josh looked at me, "It's not a picture perfect place, there's drugs, hoes, booze...that kind of stuff."
"Just drive us there," I half whispered. What if Taylor had decided to go and fuck some random slut? No, I shouldn't blame her if she ever took that path cause I am the one that drove her towards it.
Josh drove so fast. I wasn't familiar with the place that we were at. I just sat on my seat and kept quiet. This was something that I never thought would happen in my life. My fiancé, no ex fiancé driving me and helping me look for his sister, whom I broke our engagement for. I hoped that I would find Taylor, I hoped that I would be able to fix everything. Hopefully, she would accept me back into her life.
The car stopped at some house that was situated at some sort of abandoned place. We rushed out and went straight to the front door. It was oddly quiet for a place where there's drugs, hoes and booze. Josh pressed some button which made a beeping sound then a deep voice emerged from nowhere asking for a password. After Josh said something I didn't understand, the door automatically opened. I walked in first, the smell of pot and alcohol filled my nostrils. The house was a bit misty from the smoke of marijuana and slow music was playing, with a bunch of naked girls on strip poles, some having sex with other girls or some of the guys in the room and some just wearing what I assumed was clothing, sitting around the house. But I didn't mind all of that when I saw Taylor. She was sitting on one of the couches with a blunt in her mouth, she seemed to be deep in her thoughts. Some girl went over to her but I watched as she seemed to deny her presence and ask her to leave, and when she turned facing my direction, her eyes met mine. She rubbed her eyes as if questioning whether this was a dream or if she was seeing things. I stared at her, and just waited. I could feel everyone's eyes on me but they all kept quiet as if reading what was happening. The music slowly died down, the seconds ticked, my heart beat...