it had been a whole twenty four hours, and luke still hadn't stopped feeling just as shitty as he did the moment the door slammed behind her.
the magnet dragging him down was as strong as ever, and he knew how much he deserved it.
he also knew how much she deserved an apology, but he tried to reason that what he'd done couldn't be reconciled. really, he was just scared she wouldn't accept it.
luke couldn't face rejection like that. he couldn't face losing, boxing matches or people.
he felt stupid - he'd known her for just over two weeks, and despite his best efforts to stay an arms length, something about her was so enticing he just couldn't. and yeah, without her, life would go on, but luke couldn't help but feel like without her he might be missing out on something.
but he was letting himself drown in thought again, and he slowed his pace down to a jog; contemplating how to apologise for yet another wrongdoing - and a much worse one at that.
he had no way of contacting the girl, other than going to her apartment. he remembered the route they drove, and he wasn't sure if that made him romantic or just really weird.
he could always go to the gym and see if she turned up, but making a genuine apology surrounded by sweating, middle aged office workers trying to get back into shape sounded slightly agonizing.
and she could breeze right past him.
she could decide she didn't want the apology, and humiliate him in front of anyone at the gym, simply by ignoring him. of course, that was what he deserved, but by no means was he going to put himself in the position where it could actually happen.
at least if he was at her house, it would be just the two of them.
unless she slammed the door so loudly in his face that all her neighbours poked their heads out the window and watched him in his hour of shame.
and god if luke didn't know how much he was over-analysing this, but he truly couldn't help it.
he always needed to be in control, and however he made this apology, he knew she'd be the one with the power to tell him to fuck off.
but, control or no control, luke knew he had to say sorry. he didn't want to, and he hated the thought of it, but nowhere near as much as he hated the extremity of the guilt he always seemed to feel after making lola cry.
and in two weeks, he'd managed to do it twice, which was not the best first impression to make to the girl who'd been sweet enough to clean up his bruised hands.
calling her seemed the most painless way to say he was sorry. the only problem being, he didn't know her number.
out of all three boys, luke decided calum would probably be the one most unlikely to ask questions. ashton has the mindset of a teenage girl when it came to knowing any 'gossip', and michael just liked to know everything that was going on all the time. calum was too busy perfecting his xbox skills to bother asking anything.
luke turned into the park, sitting on the first bench he could find and pulling his phone out to call calum - or cal pal as he'd instituted to be titled on luke's phone.
"hey man! what's up?"
"hi cal. i was just going to ask if you have lola's number?" he stared down at the concrete as he spoke, his voice a low mumble in comparison to how upbeat calum always sounded.
"yeah, sure man, i'll text it to you. hey, do you want to come over this weekend, for a guys night? ash and mike have off work, and we could drink and jam, it'll be great!"
luke checked the calendar on his phone; seeing that it was a tuesday. he reckoned that if he could squeeze a fight in during the next three days, he could make enough money to at least contribute to the obscene amount of alcohol he knew they'd be drinking.
"for sure man. thanks for the number. i've got to go, i'll talk to you later." luke hung up to see the number calum had messaged him.
he hovered his finger over it, clicking it multiple times, and declining to call after every click.
something was holding him back from it.
something inside him felt like a coward when he was faced with the option of calling and apologising from a mile away, not even seeing her face when he delivered what he hoped would be a good apology.
it felt like an easy way out, and it made luke feel about two foot tall. if he was too much of a pussy to face the girl, did he even deserve her forgiveness?
for the first time feeling genuinely nervous about facing someone in a long time, luke put his phone back in his pocket, and turned around, jogging in the direction of lola's apartment.
***
lola was drained.
she'd spent the day rehearsing with matthew, and their routine was finally flawless. they nailed every turn, every lift, and she couldn't quite believe how soon they'd be debuting their duet.
not only were there extensive rehearsals leading up to the showcase, but she'd also attended two costume fittings today, one just to be sure her black swan outfit still fit her, and one to see the absolutely magical dress she'd be wearing for the duet. her five year old self had squealed at the sight of her present self looking so much like a fairytale princess.
lola parked her car, and started walking towards her front door - before quickly hurrying back to get her bag from the backseat that she'd managed to forget about.
all the girl could think about was the cup of tea and film she'd watch when she got inside. she'd been considering which film long and hard throughout the day, and had finally settled on watching x-men first class. it was her favourite out of the many superhero films the boys always made her and bella watch - she couldn't deny she kind of loved it.
there was someone else approaching her front door, and when she caught sight of them out of her peripheral vision, she slowed her pace massively and felt her breath catch in her throat.
she didn't recognise the tall, hoodie-covered figure at all.
lola knew straight away it wasn't one of the boys; she would've definitely recognised them. she also knew ashton and michael were working, and calum always called before he came to her house because he knew how long her practices were around showcase times.
her pace was that of a snails, and she watched the hooded figure wait by her door.
they turned towards her, and she felt her shoulders slouch when luke's eyes caught her. seeing him dredged up the unfortunate memories from the other day, and it made her feel slightly nauseous just thinking about it.
he didn't look angry, pulling his hood down and revealing his fluffy, blonde hair. no, he didn't look angry at all, but she still felt her toes curl up slightly in her converse, and her grip on her pointe shoes became so tight she thought her knuckles might burst.
his eyes were, for once, wider than hers, and luke felt like his esophagus had swollen to about ten times its normal size as she approached him and he struggled for words that would atone for how awfully he had spoken to her.
"i'm a dick." were the words that eventually tumbled past his chapped lips, words that clearly weren't good enough when the only response he got was a raised eyebrow.
"i'm a dick, and i know i'm a dick - i was so far out of line, and i'm sorry i got so shitty with you - i don't mind you stretching on the ropes, and i shouldn't have yelled at you, and i'm sorry about that too, i'm sorry i'm not better at keeping myself and my anger in check i-"
"i believe you." lola cut him off softly, her entire face softening when she saw how genuine he was.
watching someone usually so calm and in control stumble over his words just so he could say sorry to her was possibly more endearing than it should've been.
"i believe you, and i do believe that you're genuinely sorry." she paused, watching as relief washed over his features. "i don't know you that well, luke."
hearing her say his name gave luke a foreign feeling, a feeling of warmth accompanied by a tiny tingle down his spine.
but in the current circumstances, luke didn't feel that spine tingling was the most appropriate.
"i don't know what ticks you off, or what makes you angry. if i said something wrong or overstepped the line, i'm sorry. but, you can't talk to me like that." her voice remained soft and level, but there was a sturdiness behind it; a sturdiness luke couldn't ignore.
"if i cross any boundaries, you need to tell me. i'll understand. but you can't talk to me like i'm not your equal luke. just, promise there won't be a next time of this?" luke swallowed to combat the growing dryness of his mouth, and nodded.
a bright smile covered lola's features, and luke finally felt himself relax for the first time in ages.
"then i forgive you." she was back to being bright and upbeat, and luke couldn't help but reciprocate her smile.
"i was going to watch a film and have some tea." lola bit her lip, the teenage feeling of being close to a cute boy back and stirring in her stomach. "did you want to join?"
the opportunity to be in the sweet smelling, homely flat again?
the opportunity to spend time with the sweet girl with the pretty face?
the opportunity to not spend his evening alone?
how could luke turn that down.
"sure, thanks." his words remained short, but they'd become less cold sounding; their softness beginning to match lola's own.
***
"how do you take your tea?" lola asked, kicking off her converse and taking her hair out, carefully laying the bobby pins on the kitchen counter.
"uh, i don't really know." luke admitted, kicking his own shoes - twice the size of hers - off by the door, and pulling his hoodie over his head. "don't drink it much."
lola turned in shock, her hair still slightly curly from being in a bun all day, her eyes as wide and bambi like as ever - luke couldn't contain his smile at her expression of surprise.
"but it's so good." she hurried into the kitchen, like whirlwind of curly hair and pink jumper - a pink jumper luke hadn't even noticed she'd put on - flicking her kettle on and pulling two mugs out of a cupboard, both decorated with cute patterns.
"what film are we watching?" luke asked, sitting down on her couch, leaning back and allowing himself to feel the full comfort of being in lola's home.
"well." she turned around from putting teabags and sugar in the cups. "i was kind of thinking x-men first class?" she bit her lip - a nervous habit - and watched luke's reaction. "but we can watch something else if you don't like that?"
"i haven't actually seen it."
"you've been missing out on so much!" the small girl seemed genuinely shocked that luke had never had tea or watched x-men first class, and in anybody else he would've found it painfully annoying. but luke was way beyond even trying to deny how endearing he found her excitement about such every day things.
"try some of my tea quickly - i don't know whether to put sugar in yours yet." luke accepted the mug decorated with tiny, painted roses and took a sip, immediately scrunching his nose up in disgust.
"god - that's so fucking sweet." he passed her the cup back hurriedly, not missing the indignant pout that covered the small girl's face as he disregarded her tea.
"oh, you're one of those people." was her retort as she strutted back into the kitchen.
"one of those people?"
"the fascists who hate my sweet tea. bella has half a sugar on weekends, it's so gross! who wants leaf water with some milk?"
"me, i guess?"
"i'll put you a spoon in. don't subject yourself to horrors you know nothing of." a splutter of laughter left luke's lips inadvertently at the life-or-death seriousness of the girl's statement as she solemnly passed him his cup of tea - painted this time with cartoon bees.
luke felt like he was on trial as she watched him take a sip, and thanked god this time he didn't feel like he was ingesting a whole bag of pure sugar.
"that's good, thanks."
"so you do like a little sugar then?" lola smiled cheekily at him, looking as if she'd solved the biggest mystery of the 21st century - that was how much sugar luke liked in his tea.
but the implications behind her statement made his face feel hot, and he only hoped nothing about him gave it away.
"i guess."
"so, x-men time." luke felt a dip in the sofa as the small girl sat beside him; watching out of the corner of his eye as she curled up, bringing her legs up to her chest and looking so tiny under all the material of her rose-coloured sweater.
it made his chest feel a little tight.
they watched quietly, sipping their tea and catching glances at each other from the corners of their eyes.
lola felt fuzzy, being so close to luke. he was in her house, sitting on her sofa, watching a film with her.
her bad encounters with luke hadn't tainted her thoughts of him - to her, he still seemed sweet, under his cold exterior. he was friends with the boys, and she trusted their judgement. and besides - she couldn't deny the whole colony of butterflies that now resided in her stomach whenever she was around him.
and as for luke - he couldn't help but smile every time lola got excited about a scene she liked, or every time she hid herself slightly behind the sleeves of her sweater when the film got more tense towards the end. to him, she was sweet and innocent, and it made his chest feel warm.
"oh gosh." lola's quiet comment caught luke's attention, and he finally had an excuse to look at her properly.
"i don't like this part." her face fell into a pout as she watched professor x and magneto fight onscreen, and luke's eyes flickered back and forth between her face and the tv for a moment, before he felt the sofa beside him dip slightly.
lola edged towards luke slowly, not even considering any sort of implications he might be getting from her actions. she was simply sad about how the movie ended and felt the need to be a bit closer to another human being and find comfort in that.
they were leg to leg now, and both could feel their hearts starting to beat right up against their ribcages; staring straight forward and neither having the courage to look at the other, because they weren't sure they could handle what might happen if they did.
he could feel the stray baby hairs that had escaped her ponytail tickling his neck slightly, and sucked in a deep breath at the feeling.
it was unfamiliar, and almost unsettling to him; feeling so warm and at home.
it was almost more unsettling that the small girl sat beside him could make him feel that way without even trying.
i'm already planning another ive become re-addicted to writing lmao