Dreaming
Chapter 1
There is only so much you can do for others for so long until you realize that you've been trying to live up to their dreams and expectations and that is to attempt to learn and grow from what you've turned yourself into for them. Unfortunately turning against those people in anger or looking for them during a hardship are things that you used to do, and you may come to the realization that you are actually alone during those times. And surviving during those times will show you who you really are and that is when you will flourish.
"Stop it David! I know I look like her damn it! At least you don't have to look at her everyday in the mirror like I do, you probably still can't look at yourself because it was on your watch that she died! You were supposed to take care of her damn it! I know how much I look like her but I've got one thing going for me she didn't and you'll never have it." Because it's you you stupid as$hole! I ranted in my head.
"I knew that lying little bitch told you everything, I knew I should have gotten the truth out of her that day. O well I guess I'll have to settle for you then." He smiled at me then, his glassy blue eyes mocking me from behind his long greasy black hair. That smile always made me shudder because I knew what would come next and I knew even though I've never sucessfully gotten away from him I still had to try this time. I spun on my heal and tried to run to my room where the only dead bolt was located but my long black hair was flowing through the house behind me as I ran and I was almost there when his strong hands grabbed a hand full of it as he yanked me down to the hard wood floor making my world fade into black.
I woke up to cold water to my face about 10 minutes later, and realized that I must have blacked out when I hit the floor. I was sitting in a chair and my pants and top shirt were gone leaving me in my underwear and tank top. I tried to move but I was strapped down to a cold metal chair, he heard me struggling to break free and he smirked at me as he took a drag from his cigarette before he pressed the cherry into the skin on my upper thighs. It was then I realized that my mother had scars like I would soon have in the exact same place, the thought of it made me sick. He asked me question after question about someone named Frank. Where was he? When did I see him last? This went on for about 20 minutes each of my legs getting the same torturous burns after every burn I would scream out and he would slap me across the face trying to keep my quiet. So he moved up to my arms so he could cover my mouth with his hands and did the same thing on my arms until I passed out again.
Shortly after I wake up with the cold water to my face and he started rubbing my hips, at this point the room was spinning and I nearly blacked out again until he called me my mothers name.
"Oh Sarah, I knew you told that little slut everything, I know you told me I couldn't have her but so what. Look at you, you don't even have your mark I gave you anymore so why should I bother with the promise I made you? That's okay though you know how much I liked putting it on you so we'll just do it again, just deeper this time so that you can't make it go away." I started crying and he looked up at me, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was thought I was my mother and smirked at me, almost regretfully, and ripped my panties from my hips and pulled out his switch blade, I realized that my hands were tied above my head to the radiator in what used to be their bedroom and I started to panic. He must have felt me begin to freak out because before I knew what was happenening I felt his hands wrap around my neck and the room started to spin and go darker once again as I struggled to breathe and I was greatful for when I finally blacked out looking into his cold eyes one last time.
I woke up in a hospital about a week later with stiches on my hips in the shape of a crescent moon, it would was almost beautiful until I remembered how I came about it. The small stars he put across my hip bone were so deep that stiches wouldn't work so had I to bandage them, I woke up to the beeping of a monitor and an empty room all to myself. The memories flashed though my head and I felt my stomach clench so I stood up from the bed on wobbly legs while I began to remember more and more of what happened and just barely made it to the bathroom as I dry heaved into the toilet. I couldn't stop until my body shook from the effort of trying to ejected the non-existent contents. I heard the door to the room open and a gentle gasp, I turned and came face to face with a boy who could only be discribed as an angle, he walked to me slowly and held out both of his hands to help me up and I took them.
They were slightly callused but they were still very gentle as he wrapped one of my arms around his neck and lifted me bridal style to lay me down in my bed. He smiled gently at me and it made me blush for some unknown reason, I couldn't believe he picked me up! I mean sure he was like almost foot taller than me but I didn't think I was that small up until now.
"Umm...can you tell me what happened to me?" I asked as he laid me down, my throat was still sore and I knew that I had to have bruises where David's hands wrapped around my neck.
"I'm not supposed to. The only thing I'm allowed to do here is to check your stiches to make sure you didn't tear them. I'm helping my Dad here for this year because I want to be a doctor when I grow up like him, so please don't deck me when I check over them again." He said, looking at me like he was a little sad and for some reason it made me sad too. I just nodded and turned so that my hip was exposed to his careful hands and I just couldn't help but cry at how gentle he was being with me. It had been three very long years that I was stuck with David and since my mother died no one had touched me in a way that wasn't meant to hurt me and I wasn't sure how to handle it anymore.
"I'm sorry that this had to happen to you, I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better but I know the bastard who did this is dead now. He was holding a knife to your throat and almost started to cut when the cops took him down, the cop who took him out will probably be here in a few hours to talk to you. He comes to check on you a lot." He told me, still running his hands over my hip and I could feel where he was touching me get warmer and the pain started to go away. I turned to look at him and smiled at him and his grey eyes twinkled back at me, his almost black hair was cut real short so I had no problem loooking into them.
"I'm Lavena." I told him as I placed my hand over his, he smiled back at me and think the heart monitor stopped for a moment.
"People call me Mac, sort for MacLain which is my last name but my name is Conroy. Just please for the sake of everything that is holy and dear please do not call me Conni, it is the one thing that I just cannot take. And you don't have to worry I'm not some old pervert or anything either, I'm actually only a year older than you. You're 13 right?" I nodded at him and he smiled that killer smile again.
For the next few days he was there laughing with me, flirting with me, and trying to make me feel better. The last day he held my hand as they took out my stiches and growled at them anytime I fliched which made me feel special to have someone around who was over protective, someone who didn't like to watch me in pain. When they were done I was finally allowed to wear scrub pants and a real shirt that day and, yay, a bra. The scar there would never go away so I'd aways have the reminder there of David, of horrible things he did to mother before she died. But back to my horrible hospital stay, it was entirely too embarassing that you could see everything through the dang gowns they kept giving me. My last day there he gave me a tour around the hospital and brought me one of his sweaters to wear home, he walked me to the car that would take me back to the apartment and actually kissed me before it pulled off.
I got home and just as I was about to close the door Tia came pushing her way through it and before I knew what was happening she had me gripped in a tight hug and was crying all over me. I patted her back and made some coffee for her like I always did when I knew she didn't get any sleep.
"I can't believe how stupid I was! I should have known on their wedding day what a bastard he actually was." I told Tia as I cried into her shoulder. she patted my shoulder as she made tsk noises at me, silent not saying anything yet. But I knew what was coming in three..two..one..
"I tried to tell you the day I met him that he was a bastard and I mean you know now that you should have listened to me but hey what can you do? Your best friend can only say it so many times before she was proven right I guess..."
Not wanting to listen to what she had to say anymore I flitted my fingers at her and thankfully she went into mute mode. All of our neighbors could hear her tirade except for me and it was heaven. I mean when a guy slaps you on the day he marries your mother you would think you would just leave then right? Nope, your only nine at the time and you just end up just waiting there for someone or something to come along and make it worse. Just to see if it would happen again,and even though you thought you could trust him after your mother is murdered while he was sleeping off a two week drunking bindge he once again finds some way to prove you wrong. I guess I can't really hate her so much, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be alive today, she was the only one to call the cops for me and hide me out on day when she wasn't working.
She was the only only one who knew I was gone from the hospital after a week and a half of being gone, and on the way here the detective who drove here with me told me that tonight was my last night here. I was packing up my stuff and going to some orphanage in a small town a few states away. I hated to leave this place because I still felt like it was my mothers but I knew it would be better if I left, I looked at her and I could see she had tears in here eyes so I unmuted her and caught the end of what she was saying.
"You could stay here with me, you know that I'd mostly mind my own business and help you with your homework when I know what the hell they're trying to teach you. I mean you know how much I work so you wouldn't really even have to deal with me-" I cut her off there before she got too worked up by giving her a really big hug.
"Tia, you know you're one of the best things to ever happen to me but I just can't stay here anymore, not with out it permanently screwing me up anyway. I love you like a sister but staying here would be too much to put in you, you can barely take care of yourself." I could feel her thin shoulders shake, she was 22 and I was only 13 but it was like we were twins almost. I smiled and patted her back until her breathing went back to normal and pulled back to smile at her. She winked at me and tugged me back into a tight hug, I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't want to cry because I did but I got really choked up and had to pull away again. She stayed for a couple of hours but I was exhausted so she left me alone to pack my things.
The only good thing I could say about David was that he didn't touch my mothers stuff and I was happy for that. I went to her room first and got some of her things from the closet they were all packed away in and pulled out all of her scarves and sundresses and packed them all first, they still smelled faintly of her favorite perfume and it brought tears to my eyes. I grabbed the few clothes I did have and layed them over my moms dresses carefully and smiled at I realized I was still wearing Mac's sweater and inhaled his sweet scent as I realized how silly I was being.
I shook my head at myself and pulled my hair from the braid I kept it in, my long locks falling my lower back and went to take a shower in the crappy little single stall shower we had here. I sighed as I realized I could actually take my time with out having to feel awkward with Mac stand outsied of the door making sure I wouldn't pass out like the first time I tried to shower by myself the second day he met me. I realized that I also didn't have to worry about David trying to get the locks open while I was in here and I took an hour long shower and got tired of being all pruney so I pulled on a pair of boy shorts and Mac sweater and fell asleep on the couch.
**Three years Later**
All I could hear was Nickleback's Rockstar as my roomate slept through it, growling I looked up at her and she just sighed and snuggled depper into her blankets.
"Damn it all Lynn! Turn off your freaking alarm clock before I break that one like the last three you refused to wake up to." I saw her reach her hand up to feel aroung for the off button and she ended up turning the damn thing up louder. Now don't get me wrong, I like Nickleback and all but I couldn't handle them this loudly at 5:30 in the morning, so I stalked over to her bed and began to pummel her with my pillow and she started laughing and screeching at me. With her long blonde hair sticking up at all angles from the crazy way she sleeps at night she began to beat me back with hers as we fell to the ground wrestling my door slammed open and the nine year old girl came running in screaming "Dog Pile!" and we both screamed as she landed on us.
Lynn was here a year longer than I was but the girl just got here yesterday, her whole family was killed in a car crash and her grand parents weren't well enough mentally to take care of her so she was sent here for a little while.
"Holy crap Sasha! You can sure as heck sneak up on a girl and attack, you should be a ninja!" Lynn told her and she giggled as she got up and walked from the room casually as our house mother Ms. Crane walked in glaring at us. She looked around the room and spotted Lynn's alarm clock and went to the wall and unplugged it, she nodded in satisfaction before looking at us again she shaking her head only to walk out and close the door.
"Well Ena, time to get going to school. First year at a real high school, no more home schooling!" Lynn said excitedly, and scrambled over me to our closet to pull out one of my mothers favorite dresses for me to wear for our first day. Her hazel eyes always looked bluer in the morning and I smiled back at her as she grinned at me. I pulled my hair from my braid and moved to the end of her bed where she kept her towel.
"Got get in the shower Lynn, I'll make sure we dry out all that hair of yours so we can be on time for our first day of high school." I said as I grabbed her towel and bathrobe from the hook by our door and pushed her into the bathroom before someone else tried to jump in before her. I went back to our room and straightened my hair and pulled my mothers navy blue sundress over me and put a little mascara on. I walked over to my radio and turned Paralyzer by Finger Eleven up to I could nod my head to the music while my foot tapped to the beat.
"Damn girlie, you've got to get a better groove going than this? I can't get ready for school with this going with this crap right now." Lynn complained as she walked in about five minutes later soaking wet from her shower. "Hope you plan on wearing your lip ring today, it'll totally give the girl next door a kick in the ass. You know how much the boys love the bad girl thing you pull off so well." I smiled at the sarcasm that dripped from her voice and motioned for her to sit down so I could blow dry her hair for her. I'd gotten the lip ring on my first black out drunk night since I moved here and I kept it because it made me feel like there was something sexy about me. I tried to hurry through blowing her hair dry as quickly as I could and she got dressed fast seeing as it took like 45 minutes to get it done. I was listening to my iPod and spinning in circles with my dress floating into the air when I felt the air electrify around me and I stopped and looked up at Lynn who had tears in her eyes.
"What is it Lynnie?" I asked as I pulled her into a big hug.
"How can you be so much older than me? I have to stop and think are you older than me? You're 15 and it's like watching my mom have a good day when I look at you and it makes me miss her is all." She as she sniffled.
"Well I guess I should put the damn lip ring in then, don't want anyone to get that impression. It'll be okay, we're just growing up is all. Now stop this crying, it isn't going to make this day any easier, besides you don't wanna mess up your make up. Your face wont feel right if it hits the sunlight directly." I joked, she always wore a lot of foundation and it was a regular joke between us both that always made her laugh.
There was a strange tooting noise out from when Ms. Crane ran in and pointed for us to get the hell out to what must have been the bus, it was only a ten minute ride to the school down the street but it didn't really matter much to us. We were just glad we didn't have to walk there, the bus jerked to a stop and as we both hopped out people stopped talking to stared at us and I could feel Lynn's heart about to explode as I propelled her foreward and into the main office.
"You two must be the new..." The secretary trailed off as she looked at us both and I couldn't figure out why, I looked over at Lynn just in time when she paled and fainted into my arms.
"Shit! Can someone please give me a hand?" I looked around the office and spotted the nurses station and laid her down on the soft bed. I shook my head at her and turned back to the nurse, I sighed, "She is your problem now, I can't handle this today. She'll wake up in a few minutes. I'm gonna go to class." I smiled and nodded as the nurse fawned over her and I looked back to the secretary who silently handed me my schedule and locker combination. I nodded my thanks and walked down the hall, only to start to panic when all of the other kids here started to brush past me, their elbows glacing off of mine, other girls hair running down the side of my arm and I felt a panic attack hit me. I concentrated on the room numbers and when I found mine I tried to open it only to find it locked, I could feel my lungs constrict even more in my chest and I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the wall until someone interrupted my slow counting by tapped my shoulder.
I turned as slow as I could and came face to face with someone's chest, I had crank my neck back to look up into a pair of muddy brown eyes. He smiled down at me and nudged my shoulder and I shuffled to the right so he could open the door and I slid in before him, I could see the puzzled look on his face and felt a blush creep up my face and I bit into my lip ring.
"Sorry for the spaz attack, I'm new here and I get a little freaked around crowds." I looked at him and saw that he was still smiling at me, I arched my eye brow at him and it was like he realized he was staring and cleared his throat.
"No big deal, I'm your teacher Mr. Rickward. I'm sorry to stare but I'm pretty sure you have to be the youngest person I've had to teach AP physics to." He said beaming at me, which made me smile, I realized that I was shuffling on my feet and took a seat down in the front desk that was closest to his.
"Yeah, I know I just can't help but be an effing genious. Don't worry though I'll try not to make a spectical of myself. I scored high in all of my classes so I'm pretty much supposed to be a senior right now but I backed down to junior level so it wouldn't be such a huge gap in age with some of the other kids." I said, alright so I sound cocky. I can't help that I'm a genious. He cracked another smile at me and the bell rang just as 21 other kids filed in, none of the noticing the girl hiding behind the wall of hair in the front of the room.
"Welcome to my class you bunch of smarty pants.You know who I am so lets go around introducing ourselves." Que unanimous groaning. "Come one now, humor an old man. Just gotta get the newest genius aquainted with the rest of you clowns." He said looking at me, I could feel all eyes turn to me and cringed lower into my chair and looked in same direction as the rest of the class. He caughed and motioned for me to stand, gawd I thought they only did this crap in movies and in books. So I stood and flipped most of my hair to my back and looked at my peers for the year, a few gasps rang out as they looked at my bright green eyes and I gulped as my heart began thudding in my chest.
"Um...Hi. I'm Lavena, I'm 15 and I was home schooled up until this year. Our house mom has too many kids to teach without having to remember all of the really remedial things she learned in High School so here I am." I said quickly, I looked at Mr. Rickward and he motioned for me to sit down. I sighed as my butt hit the seat and looked up to the white board waiting for him to begin writing. I could feel a few stares but for some reason I felt safe when normally I'd be feel awkward, I took a chance and looked up just as Mr. Rickward set a book down on my desk and I flipped to the page he was talking about. Soon enough the bell rang and I was almost the last person to leave the classroom.
"O my darling Conni, could you please help the new girl to her classes today, it seems that the two of you have evey class together." Rickward said to the only other person in the room, I was about to object to making the poor girl show me around but I was surprised to hear a sexy voice reply, "Yes sir." This voice sent a shiver down my spine and gave me goose bumps, curiousity grabbed a wicked hold of me and I turned to look into very familiar grey eyes.
"Holy shit." I mumbled as I looked Mac over, but damn he grew up good! I could feel myself blush and that same chuckle came front the front of the room and I growled in Mr. Rickward's direction. I knew it was him, and that he recognized me by the look in his eyes and it made me smile at him. I think he took that as a que because as soon as my face split he walked over to me cool as a cucumber and held out both of his hands, of course I was still in shock as I realized that it was the same thing he did the first time we met. I took his hands and rather than picking me up he pulled me into a gentle hug, at least until he was tired of being hunched over and lifted me almost a foot off the ground. I inhaled his sweet aroma and nearly moaned at the extra contact, what was happening, this was only a hug from a really hot guy that couldn't seem to stop himself from touching me. Wow that sounded suggestive! I guess I was acting this way because he was also the only guy to ever kiss me...right?
"Look at you, still a shrimp." He said jokingly, his deep voicing going down my spine like a bolt of lightning and I sucked in a breath and I laughed.
"Like you can talk you giant...umm...not that this isn't nice and all but could you put me down? I think I'm getting a case of vertigo." He chuckled again and set me on my feet gently before taking my books and slinging a well muscled arm over my shoulder.
"Thanks Rickward, I owe you one." He said as we left into the sea of people. I blushed as I saw the envious looks other girls were throwing in my direction and put my head down a little, that is until someone thought it would be a good idea to yank my hair back. If it wasn't for Mac I would have been pulled to the ground and before I knew what was happening and entire throng of girls were surrounding me. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms very calmly under my less than noticable chest.
"I'm only going to ask you bimbo's once. Who in their obviously stupid little head thought it would be a good idea to pull my hair?" I looked from face to face until one girl stepped foreward looking like she was ready to throw a punch at me. She was at least four of five inches taller than me but I wan't worried, her stance was so bad it wasn't going to take much to put her on her a$s. First thing Mama taught you was how to win in a fight, I guess that's what happens when your mom teaches MMA fighters how to improve their skills. I looked her up and down and laughed in her face before pulling her face down to mine by the front of her already low cut shirt.
"You ever touch my hair again bitch I will show you what it feels like to get a few teeth knocked out," I told her, low enough for her to hear me. "And as for the rest of you, you got a problem with me claiming Mac as mine you might as well get it off your chest now. I only do shows once a month." A few girls were about to open their mouths when they were saved by the bell. I looked up at Mac an saw the stunned look on his face and it made me blush, right before my hair was yanked back, hard. Without thinking about it twice I spun on the little bitch who touched my hair and hit her in the jaw, she looked shocked and shook it off before she charged me, using her momentum I forced my knee into her stomach and my foot into her chest pressing down slightly.
"Did you know it only take five pounds of vertical pressure to break a human bone?" I said as I looked at her bloody nose while she shook her head furiously, "Test me again and I won't be so kind next time, I promise you that." I growled at her, I pulled her up from the ground by the back of her shirt and pushed her in the direction of the nurses office and walked back over to Mac who had a gaurded expression on his face.
"When did you learn that?" He asked, which made me feel like a real jerk.
"My house mother teaching every little girl how to handle herself in a fight and by the way I'm sorry if you didn't want to be claimed but you should have never kissed me the first time if you didn't want it that way." I ripped my book from his hands and made my way down the hall. I was almost in my next classroom when Mac grabbed my wrist and pinned it up against the wall, I was about to blast him for man handling me when he caged me against the lockers with his other hand before he crashed his lips down over mine. I couldn't stop myself and gasped, he took it as an invitation to slip his tongue in my mouth and I groaned and pressed my body into his. He began to nibble on my lips and tugged on my lip ring and I nearly moaned when someone coughed in the next room and it snapped us both out of our trances. We were both gasping for air as we opened the door for AP chemistry, once again I sat in the front and I knew I was going to have to do the same intro thing in the other two classes I had that day. Block sceduling was actaully kinda cool, that is until tomorrow when I have art and gym in the same day.
Mac continued to walk me from class to class, he was quiet on the way to the lunchroom until we got into line. "Stay away from the pizza, it's not as good as it looks, what you want is the stromboli. They are cafeteria greatness. I heard around the mill you have a sister that's going here with you, where is she?" I smiled at his thoughtfulness and nodded in the empty corner of the cafeteria where she sat with a new punk/emo friend of hers. She always wanted to be on the darker side of things rather that the prep she looked now so hopefully her new friend would help her find what she needed. He nodded and we made our way over to them.
"Hey Lynnie, this is Mac, you remember me telling you about him right?" She looked up at him and her jaw nearly dropped, I growled at her and stepped in front of him, again marking my territory. I heard him chuckle again and I blushed. "So who's your new friend?" She smiled at me as we sat down and looked at her friend.
"Ena, this is Sammie, we have like every class together. Sammie, this is Ena, she's pretty much my sister." She said it and I actually watched her cheecks turn a light shade of pink and it made me grin at her remember one of the night we snuck some booze into Mama's house and got drunk.
"Hi Sammie. It's nice to know someone can show their real colors here, I've only came accross a bunch of pitiful Barbie wannbe's today." I said as I began to munched into the stromboli Mac suggested I get.
"Yeah, I know I'm awesome. Hey Connie, did you hear some girl kicked Stacie McCaller's a$s today! I wish I could have seen that, it's what the bitch deserved after what she did to you." Sammie was really animated and I realized that it must have been me who was the girl who, 'kicked her a$s.'
"Nope, heard no such thing. And I'm over what happened between us, she couldn't get over the fact that I didn't want to bang her so she found a sleeze ball who would. She's his problem now, not mine." He said, shrugging as he popped the top on his apple juice to take a drink. I nodded at him and continued to listen to Lynn and Sammie talk about their shopping plans for next week and felt a twinge of jealousy. I wished I could go find something new and cute to wear but the most I'd be able to afford would be some lame tee-shirt and I wasn't going to waste my money, I realized I must have zoned out because everyone was staring at me.
"Oh, me? Sorry I wasn't here what was the message." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.
"We were wondering if you two were going to come shopping with us on friday." Sammie said, Lynn looked at her a blushed again so I nodded as I grabbed Mac's Apple juice to finish it off. I smiled at him over the bottle and before I knew what was happening the bottle had been replaced by Mac's mouth and the bottle was around his back. I pulled back suprised that he moved to fast and blushed when I realized Sammie and Lynn were cracking up laughing at me, so I kicked Lynn under the table but at this point all she did was smile and rub her shin.
"I like my apple juice, so rememeber that the next time you decide to go off and steal it." Mac said, as he wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me closer to him, and apperantly it wasn't close enough until his side was touching mine and I was snuggled under his arm. All I could do was nod and Lynn started to laugh again.
"O stop it! You know Mac, the only time I ever saw her this quiet was when she first moved in. She was so cute and tiny, next to you it doesn't even look like she's grown at all!" Lynn told him, looking entirely too smug as she leaned back and crossed her arms under her chest and I caught Sammie looking at the area Lynnie pushed up in the process and laugh popped out without my permission. Sammie looked at me and actually winked which made me laugh harder, who winks now a days? Old men that's who, I pictured Sammie in a bowler playing chess with Lynnie and tears were running down my face. Of course Mac had no clue what I was laughing about and looked like he was going to ask me when the dismissal bell rang and we had to go to the last class of the day, Latin! Mac was a second year student but my mother for some reason thought I should learn the danged language from birth so I was fluent. Finally the day came to an end and I was ready to go home, I missed the bus of course so Mac walked me home.
"You know, I used to be the smart one in this school but I think I have officially been out smarted by tiny little pea sized you. I was shocked when I looked up at the new girl and realized that it was you, I don't know why it hapened, or how, but I am so glad that you are around again. I think about you all the time, I remember how hurt you were and it always made me worry for you and wonder where you disappeared to. I tried to find out where you went, I even went to the place the driver took you to but I'd found out from your neighbor that you'd moved away." Mac told me, I could feel his hand grip mine a little tighter and my throat closed up a little from some emotion that I couldn't understand and I launched myself into his arms.
He was holding me tight against him, I could feel my ribs squeeze a little but it was all okay because he was holding me again, for the second time today. "I can't believe you looked for me. I don't think you realize how amazing that is to me, no one has ever tried to find me after I disappear and I did it a lot back then. You know Mac, you are still the only person to ever see or know what he did to me other than the doctors, I can't just be myself around anyone because I'm not sure how they would react to me or how to treat me. I couldn't stand some of the nurse's at that hospital, always trying to coddle me." My voice was shaking horribly and I could feel my breath begin to shudder in and out of my body and the sobs broke free.
He was walking and I could feel every step he made as he open the front door to the house and walked right up to my bed room, knowing exactly wear it was. I didn't stop to wonder why but I wrapped my legs around his waist as he sat down on my bed. His hands were rubbing a slow path down my back, down my hair and I wanted my hair to be gone so that I could only feel his hands as he rubbed them down my back. I cried for the first time somce I moved to this house and I think that's why Mama never came and got him from my room. He stayed with me until I quieted down and felt myself relax into his body, my soft curves molding around his firm muscle and I realized that it felt right to have him actually touch me. So far only Lynn had been able to and I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
"Thank you for being here for me Conroy, I guess I still those hands of yours can still get me to heal after all." I said after remembering that I told him while I was almost alseep one day that if it wasn't for his hands helping me heal I would never get out of this bed, remembering that he acutally blushed. I pulled back to look at him enough to see that sure as sugar he was blushing again and it made me smile as I pressed a kiss to his lips and I felt him freeze for a moment before he crushed my body into his.