Hope you liked the last part! We are heading back to Harlen's POV, but no need to fret, I'll do more from Elijah as well!
Disclaimer: Contains triggers of Self-harm
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It took me about ten minutes to come up with the courage to start my car and leave the parking lot. It was a strange feeling. I was afraid to go home, but everything that Elijah and I had talked about calmed me in an inexpiable way. He knew something about me now that no one else in the world knew and he didn't even flinch. He just accepted it as a part of who I was and that was it. I didn't know anyone who would just do that.
I was dedicated to doing exactly what he had told me to do. I was to go home and talk with my dad, figure out who he was as a person so I could discover who I was as a person and then I was to go to my room and lock the door and call him. I wanted him to know that I was safe. There was no need for him to worry about me. I wasn't going to school tomorrow. Was I going to tell him that? No. I had left my paper for his project in the office on my way out, telling the principle that my dad had just gotten home so I was going to online school in the morning. She had no issue with that.
Making it through the night without a broken bone was most likely not going to happen. The chances that I would make it to dinner without getting hurt was slim. I couldn't let my dad see though. I just couldn't.
I pulled into the drive and saw his car parked next to hers and my heart lifted. I had missed him so much that I felt my fear wain for just a moment.
I got out and ran into the house, the only time I would ever enter the house with such joy.
He was standing in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in hand and a smile on his face. My mom was standing across from him, a smile on her face and, for a second, it looked like I had a normal family. A happy family.
"Kiddo," he beamed, setting his coffee down and walking towards me.
I jumped into his arms, wrapping myself around him so tightly, he might have popped if I hadn't been so weak. My mother gave me a glare from behind him. Quietly threatening me as his back was turned.
I swallowed and jumped down, meeting my dad's hazel eyes. "How was your trip, daddy?"
"Lonely without my number one."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, tell me about Garrett."
His eyes lit up and I studied them. Was that what Reign saw when we talked about my passions? "He was a good kid. Very light and artsy with a troubled soul."
I laughed. "Aren't they all?"
He chuckled. "Yes, but he was different."
I gave him a look. "Aren't they all?" I asked again.
"Okay, Ms. Sarcastic, come on, I'll tell you all about it."
We sat on the couch and for the next hour or so, we talked about his trip. He had many adventures through London and the surrounding areas, investigating the places his artists had portrayed. He met all of these amazing people and saw all of these amazing things and as he spoke, I watched how he lit up with this type of passionate joy. He loved his job more than anything on earth. Nothing compared to it except, he would often remind me, for me. He loved me. I was his daughter and, he would always say, I was his life. He was telling me how all of his coworkers down there had actually gotten annoyed at some point because he talked about me so much. I had to laugh at that. Picturing my dad pulling out my pictures from his wallet and the big cats across the pond just rolling their eyes, annoyed, but secretly missing their own families so they put up with it.
Reign was right, maybe I was a lot more like my dad than I thought. I felt relief in that thought.
My dad and I made dinner together, making it impossible for my mom to get to me. We even washed dishes after dinner together which we only did the day he got home from a trip. Usually he was the one that did the dishes.
"I gotta go do some homework, dad."
"Okay, sweetheart," he smiled as we put the rest of the dishes away. "I'm going to head to bed then. It was a long day, the time change was brutal."
I grimaced. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that."
He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Don't worry about it, okay? Your smile was worth it. I love you."
"I love you too, dad."
I headed up the stairs and into my bedroom, locking the door immediately behind me. My heart was slamming as the joy slid into fear. He was going to bed and he was such a hard sleeper.
I called Mr. Reign without thought.
He picked up halfway through the first ring. "Harlen-"
"I'm okay," I answered, this time truthfully. I walked over and sat on my bed. It felt so foreign after sleeping in a hotel room for a month.
I heard him let out a sigh of relief and it made my heart pick up.
"Were you worried?"
"Yes," he answered without pause.
I allowed a small smile. He was worried about me. No one had ever been worried about me. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me for that one, darling."
Oh man, I loved that he started calling me that. Every time he said it, my heart soared. "I feel like I do."
He was quiet for a second and when he spoke again, his voice returned to the calm, low voice I loved. "Did you talk with your dad?"
I scooted back against my headboard and nodded. "Yeah. I talked to him about his job and what he found in England. His eyes lit up. I've never noticed it before, but I saw the passion today."
"And what do you think?"
I smiled. "I'm just like him," I told him, hearing the relief in my own voice. "A spitting image, if you will."
He chuckled. "Like I said, when you talk about your passion, a fire lights in your soul and there's no denying it. I wanted you to see what I saw."
I bit my lip and looked down to my hand, pulling the sleeve over my hand. "I always feared I'd grow up to be like my mom. Mean and cruel and heartless, so...thank you, for showing me that i had another option."
"There wasn't really an option, Harlen. You were always going to grow up to be him. Your heart is too good to be anything other than...well good."
I smiled, my heart picking up. "Reign, um..Elijah," I corrected, feeling my heart jump into my throat. I wanted to tell him how excited I was to go to coffee with him. How he made me feel like I was really and truly going to be okay. "I-" My words were cut off by the sound of a key sliding into my door.
My eyes shot to my door.
"Harlen? Sorry, I think I lost you for a moment."
Fear filled me. "They made a key," I whispered, my hands shaking.
"What?"
"They made a key," I repeated, getting up from my bed and backing up towards the window. "They made a key to my bedroom door."
"Deep breath, you can make it through this," he said quickly, panic in his voice.
"I have to go," I replied, hanging up just as the door opened.
My mom stood in the doorway looking like Satan herself, Peter standing behind her, cast in shadow, his eyes glowing like a predator.
My heart was slamming. This was not going to be good.
"Hello darling," she began, sauntering in as she blatantly slid the key into her pocket. "I hope you had a nice....vacation."
I watched as Peter slid the door shut behind him, leaving me completely and utterly alone. The type of fear I was feeling was unparalleled.
"I saw the bruise your...friend," she seethed. "Left on my precious little boy."
Tears filled my eyes.
"Lets name off the things you did wrong, shall we?" she smiled as Peter walked around the room. "Your boyfriend punched my darling boy. You didn't come home for two weeks, not good for my precious, fragile heart, and," she smiled wickedly. "You lied about detention."
I sucked in my lips. I knew that was coming.
"Where were you?" she asked, raising a brow.
"Detention," I whispered.
"What?" she snapped.
"Detention," I replied louder. "I promise, I was in detention. Call the school and ask."
She chuckled. "I don't take orders from a fucking troll."
There was a sharp pain against my cheek and I flew back into my desk, the corner jabbing into my back.
My hand went up as my eyes found Peter lowering his hand. He had slapped me.
"You don't lie to your mother, dear."
He walked over, grabbed my shirt and slapped me again, black spots dancing in front of my eyes.
"You don't get to run away from home either."
He punched me in the gut.
I coughed, pain erupting everywhere, my food from dinner threatening to come up.
"And you especially don't get to sick one of your little fuck boy followers to go after my son."
He back handed me as hard as he could, causing me to fall to the floor, spraining my wrist as I tried to catch myself.
"You, Harlen Rose Rush, are a piece of shit."
Peter grabbed me by my hair and I bit my lip to keep silent, the tears streaming down my face. He flung me onto my bed and walked over, grabbed a pillow and held it above my head.
My heart stopped, my eyes widening in horror. No way would he do that.
"You are a worthless, little, ugly girl. Unlovable. Unwanted. You have scars covering your body. How could anyone love you let alone want to fuck you."
Peter slammed the pillow over my head and I instantly began to panic. I clawed and scratched and gasped for air, but there was nothing. No light, no warmth, no air.
"Worthless," I heard her say. "And unlovable. Never forget that. No one could ever love a piece of shit like you."
I gasped again, my lungs burning. my mouth filled with pillowcase. Death was coming and my hope was gone. I would never live past graduation. Silly of me to think I would even survive the week. I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry, Mr. Reign.
Just before I was about to black out, the pillow was gone. I gasped, coughing, my entire body in pain.
"Come, dear, I'll make you some ice cream."
They shut the door behind them, leaving me gagging and rolling around in pain. They were right, of course, I would never be worth it.
Once I caught my breath, I turned my phone to vibrate, shut off all of the lights, slid my dresser in front of my door and slid under my covers. I lay there in silence for a long time. I felt like I only took a breath an hour later when my phone began to ring, vibrating quietly on my desk.
Suddenly my eyes burned.
It went silent and I squeezed my eyes shut, wrapping my hand around my mouth to try and keep the sobs in.
Seconds later, it began again and I wanted to answer it, I did, but I couldn't submit him to this.
When it began ringing for the third time, I was angry, but not at him, at myself, at everything else in the whole world, not at him.
I grabbed my phone. "What?" I snapped through my sobs.
"You will not go through this alone," he replied, his voice soft, but strong. Steady and warm, not even phased by my tone.
The sobs broke free. I curled in on myself, cradling the phone against my cheek as I sobbed. Everything pulsed in pain, everything hurt and I was still having trouble catching my breath. He didn't say anything, he didn't make a sound, but just the sound of his breathing was enough for me to know that he was there. I cried myself to sleep.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I woke up to a knock on my door. My eyes were crusted shut, my throat raw. "Yeah?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"Hey, sweetie, just checking on you. Are you going to school today?"
I felt my eyes fill as I pushed myself back into my pillow. "I don't feel good today, daddy," I replied, my voice a squeak. "My stomach hurts." The tears threatened to fall again and I could feel the sobs crawling up my throat.
"Do you want me to pick you up something?"
I sniffed and shook my head. "I think I just need to sleep."
He was quiet for a moment. "Do you promise that you're just sick?"
No. "I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"Okay, love you."
"Love you."
I wiped the crust from under my eyes only to come back with flecks of red and pain. I wouldn't be able to cover this up.
I turned to my other side, but was met with excruciating pain causing me to cry out. I wasn't even going to be able to get out of bed.
Tears fell as I pulled my blanket back to my chin and forced myself to fall back asleep.
I don't know how much time had passed, but I was awakened by a buzzing. I blinked hard, forcing my eyes to open. I looked over to see my phone ringing, Reign's name flashing over my screen.
I plugged it in and answered it, falling back into my pillow. "Hello?" I said, my voice cracking as if I had been at a concert, screaming for hours the night before.
"Hey, darling."
My eyes filled and I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry for keeping you awake."
"Don't apologize," he replied, his voice low, just as warm as it was when we were making jokes in his classroom.
I let out a cracked gasp. "Why are you calling me?"
He was quiet a moment. "I called in. You need me more than the school does."
I wrapped my arm around my stomach, curling in on myself as the tears fell, but I didn't respond.
"That's not the answer you were wanting."
No, it wasn't. I could see my face in the reflection of my window. A blurred outline of blood covered purple and yellow bruises, swollen round. She was right. How could anyone love me?
"Do you still feel it?" he asked and I wondered where he was sitting. On his couch? Or maybe in his kitchen with a cup of coffee in hand. Maybe he was still in bed, reading or just coming in from shoveling his walk.
I swallowed and shook my head, only causing pain in my neck. "No." I wasn't going to survive the week at this rate, let alone the rest of the year. Hope didn't exist in my mind anymore.
"Okay," he said after a moment. "Can you tell me exactly what happened?"
I started crying again. "No," I replied.
"Hey," he began, his voice filled with so much warmth, my heart broke. "That's okay, darling, that's okay. Do you want to talk?"
My body started shaking. "I can't even breathe," I replied shakily. I felt like I was drowning in fire and there was no one around to save me.
"A story then?" my bucket of water asked.
I sniffed and in between sobs, I agreed.
He literally began reading me a story. I wasn't sure what it was called, but it was an adventure tale about this girl who was thrown into a world she had been stolen from at birth. They called themselves..."Wait, what are they called again?"
Reign paused. "Silent Guardians."
I nodded and settled back down. Silent Guardians. I liked that. Like...invisible super heroes. People who did the right thing without seeking attention or praise, but just doing it because it was the right thing to do.
An hour or two later, he finally stopped. Mainly to ask if I was still awake.
I was.
"Have you moved at all today?"
"No," I replied, my voice still raw, but the tears dried up. I didn't think I had anymore to cry.
"You have to get up, darling. You're going to get stiff."
"I've laid in bed for days before," I argued, not wanting to get up. Truthfully, I was terrified to feel how much it was going to hurt.
"You know this is different."
I looked out my window. It had to be just past 12. It had snowed last night. Fresh snow and I didn't even get the chance to see it before people ruined it. "Look out your window."
He was quiet for a second. "Okay, one second."
I waited.
"I'm here."
"Where you live, has the snow been touched or disturbed?"
I imagined him looking around and in my mind I smiled, but my lips didn't move.
"Not too much."
"Can you describe it please?"
He was quiet. "Why don't you get up and go look?" he suggested quietly.
"Reign, please?"
He thought about it. "Only if you come to school tomorrow."
"The swelling won't be gone by tomorrow," I said before I could stop myself. "Wait, wait, just...forget I said that."
"You know I can't."
I sucked in my lips which was a little painful, but not as bad as my stomach. "Okay," I finally said, staring out the window. "Just...one second." I could do this, I could. I had had bruised ribs before and bruised legs and torn muscles. I could handle this.
I flipped my blanket over and immediately felt cold. My dad loved saving money. I set the phone on my nightstand and put it on speaker before slowly pushing myself up. I cried out in pain and fell back to the bed, pulling my wrist to my chest.
"Harlen?" he asked in worry.
"I'm okay," I promised. "I'm okay, just...stepped on a rock."
He let out a sigh. "Harlen," he replied quietly.
"I know," I mumbled back. He obviously knew I was lying, but I just pushed it to the side and kept going, adjusting myself so I didn't have to put any weight on my wrist. It was extremely painful. My entire stomach hurt, my head hurt from where he pulled my hair, my back hurt from slamming into the desk, but it was my face that hurt the worst. I was pretty sure he had punched me after the first two slaps, but I couldn't really remember too much. My brain was fuzzy from the suffocation.
"How are you doing?"
I stood shakily, but my legs could still hold me. "Good." I let out a breath and made my way to my window. As I had assumed, the streets had already been driven on, the sidewalks cleared and the yards well walked through by numerous amounts of animals and kids. "My picture is ruined. Now can you describe yours?"
"Yes," he replied with a chuckle. "I can see....seven trees up and down my street, snow covering their branches. The sidewalks are untouched, the yards pristine. The park is...like a winter wonderland." I can see some kids, too young for school, playing in the snow with their dogs, one a bright yellow lab, the other a black and white collie. The street lights are lit, garland, red bows and lights streamed between them. The snow is still falling, but lightly now. It's...romantic."
I smiled, watching yet another yellow cab drive by. It was the first time I had smiled since dinner last night. "You live across the street from the park?" I asked, raising a brow.
He chuckled. "Yes, me and about 300 other people, not including the apartment buildings."
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, touche. Tell me more."
"Okay," he agreed softly. "Well, I'm drinking a cup of coffee, it's cold now, so...not super exciting."
I laughed and it hurt my throat. "I mean about the snow."
"Oh, yeah, that would make more sense."
I laughed again, having to wrap my arm around my stomach as the pain intensified.
"It's good to hear you laugh again," he smiled as my laughter slowed.
"It's not hard with you," I replied before I could stop myself.
"What isn't?" he asked.
I knew he was trying to push gently and with anyone else, I would have pushed back, but with him, I let him push. "Being happy."
He was quiet for a moment and I pictured him smiling that smile of his. His blue eyes reflecting in the pure white snow, a robe on over gray sweat and a white t-shirt, cold coffee in hand. It was a comforting thought. "There are five kids, wait," he paused. "Ow, okay four."
I laughed. "What happened to the fifth kid?"
"You do not want to know," he replied with worry. "So, four kids. It looks like...three boys and a girl. She looks a little younger, wait...no, one of the boys is younger than she is."
"Yeah?" I asked, walking back to my bed. "How can you tell?"
"By looking."
A laugh bubbled out from my stomach.
"By the way they act," he corrected, a smile in his voice. "The three oldest are leaving him behind when they run and play, but the dogs love him. He's their favorite it looks like. The girl, a little brunette girl with a pig hat on, she has the biggest smile on her face. She keeps chasing after one boy in particular and he seems to enjoy it."
"Makes sense," I nodded, taking a seat. "How old are they."
"Ummm...5 to 9 it looks like."
I nodded. He had such love in his voice for these strange kids. I wondered what his eyes looked like right now. "You want to have kids, don't you?"
"One day," he answered. "Yes."
"How many?" I asked, feeling my heart start to pick up again.
"That depends."
"On what?"
"How many the woman I marry wants."
I bit my lip, feeling myself start to smile before I remembered the words my mother had told me last night. Right. No one could love me. I was worthless. I was unlovable. "Well, if you could choose, how many would you have?"
"3," he continued, his tone changing when he heard mine change. "A girl and two boys. The girl being the youngest. They would have her eyes and her hair, but the boys would have my features and the girl would be her spitting image."
I felt my eyes burn as I pictured the same picture I had been seeing since I was a kid. The same picture he just described. A dream I knew would never happen for me. "All around the same age?" I asked. "The girl just three years younger, but the boys about two years a part?"
"Hmm-mm," he beamed, joy clear in his voice. "It seems you and I see the same thing."
I closed my eyes and watched the little girl run through the house, jumping into her fathers arms, always a blank face and now the face of a certain blue eyed man. The two boys ran through the living room and into the kitchen, sliding into the island, shooting nerf guns and laughing loudly. I was standing in the kitchen, Reign with our daughter on his hip, walking over and kissing me on the cheek. "Smells good, darling."
"Harlen?"
I opened my eyes, the image fading. Just an unobtainable dream. "Um...no, no...just...it seems like it would fit."
"Harlen, it's okay to dream."
"Not if you aren't going to be alive to fulfill it," I replied quietly. "Tell me about your future kids a little more," I quickly added. "Who do they grow up to be?"
He was quiet for a moment before he went on. "One of the boys, maybe the middle child, he will become an actor or artist, he may be gay, flamboyant, but I'll support that with everything I am and his older brother, a football player, he will protect him in high school, but in college, he won't need too anymore because the other will find his voice. They will go to different colleges. The one on a arts scholarship to Pratt or another top artsy school. The other will get a full ride for football and even though he loves the sport, he will find his true passion in being a lawyer or investigator."
How could two totally different people who had never met before have the exact same image in their head? "And the girl?" I asked quietly.
"Oh, she will become a teacher. One of the best second grade teachers in the city. She will connect with the kids in the best way and every kid around will talk about wanting to be in her class. She will be the one to stay in the same city as her parents, wanting to be close to home. She always wears a smile and she loves hugs. Her personality is kind and warm and loving."
"And definitely a daddy's girl," I smiled, picturing my brunette, blue eyed girl, not hazel, coming to Christmas dinner with a smile on her face and a new story about the new kid in class.
"Oh, one hundred percent, but the flamboyant artsy child, he will be a mama's boy through anything."
My dream. I had always wanted a family. Three kids, one girl, two boys just like he described and just like he described, the middle child would be my little boy. The one who always needed me. Who was always happy to come home and give me a big hug.
"Why don't you tell me about your future?"
I scoffed and shook my head. "I don't have one."
"That's not true, you do. I know you do. You just have to say it out loud."
"I can't, Elijah," I shot back. "What am I supposed to say? That- that I've always seen three kids playing in my house, a little girl and two boys. Messy tables and drop off lines and mini vans and horrible headaches due to lack of sleep yet loving getting woken up at 6am when they jump on the bed, laughing and screaming because they're just so happy to see you. That I looked forward to the hugs, the dog piles, the crying, the comforting, the bandaides when there's barely a scratch, the report cards with A's and the ones with D's. I can't allow myself to think that way, Elijah. I can't."
"Why?"
"Because it hurts too much!" I yelled, standing. "It hurts to damn much. I'm never going to have that and I need you to start believing me about that. I will not make it that far in life, okay? I will not make it."
"Yes you will," he replied, his voice so steady and clear, it was difficult not to believe him. "You will and if I have to prove it to you, then I will."
He sounded so sure of himself when he said that and I so badly wanted to believe him, but how could I? My brother tried to suffocate me yesterday. I had almost died last night. What about tonight? What about tomorrow? "You don't understand, Reign," I replied, my voice begging him to understand. "You just don't."
"Then help me understand," he begged. "Don't shut me out."
"Shut you out?" I breathed. "I haven't even let you in." It was a lie, I had let him in. Further than I had let anyone in, but it wasn't too late. I could still push him away. I didn't have to let him in anymore.
"Harlen," he said quickly as if feeling that I was going to hang up. "Wait, please, just...wait."
I paused at the tone of his voice and rose a brow without saying a word.
"Harlen?"
"Yeah?" I snapped.
"I thought you hung up."
I rolled my eyes. "Was there something you needed to say?" I asked, lowering my tone.
"Yes," he replied quietly. "I know your brain is telling you to push me away. Don't let me in because I'll hurt you like everyone else has in the past. I got too close too fast and I'm sorry, but you can't tell me that you didn't want me too."
I lowered my gaze to my hands.
"You let me in and why? Why did you do it, Harlen?"
"I..." I shook my head. I didn't know. I had no idea.
"You're probably telling yourself that you're not sure. You don't know, but you do, Harlen. You do, I promise. Before you hang up, can you just do one thing for me?"
"Okay," I whispered, looking back to the window.
"Close your eyes," he instructed. "Let out a slow breath and feel your heart."
I swallowed and did as he said, calming myself until I could feel the pulse of my heart beating steadily throughout me.
"Now, listen to my voice, feel my words running through you, over your skin, through your veins. Feel my words like you feel poetry. The lines washing over you in waves of fire and ice, hitting you in a way no book ever has."
I felt my breathing start to get deeper, butterflies picking up in my stomach as my beating heart beat faster and faster. I could feel warmth and electricity pulsing through me endlessly. I wished he would just keep talking. This feeling was new and warm and with it I felt loved and protected. Intoxicated.
"Do you feel that?"
I swallowed, but didn't say a word.
"That," he went on anyway. "Is your heart trying to fight back against your mind. You are allowing your mind to win over your heart."
I swallowed and shook my head. "My mind is trying to protect my heart," I argued.
"Or," he went on, his voice low. "It's trying to lock your heart away so it can continue to keep complete control."
I stood, flinching against the pain. "I have to go."
"I know," he nodded sadly.
"Goodbye, Reign."
"Goodbye, Harlen."
I hung up and let out a shaky breath. No. Nope. He was wrong. I turned to the mirror for the first time and took in a girl who looked nothing like me. Purple and swollen with flecks of blood everywhere. "You are nothing," I told her. "You are worthless and ugly and unlovable."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Around midnight is when I finally forced myself out of bed to take a shower. I stood and watched as the water washed down the dried blood and strands of hair Peter had pulled out. I grabbed my lufa and began scrubbing, as hard as I could, I scrubbed, enjoying the pain I was causing myself. I deserved this pain. I deserved scratching off a layer of my skin. It wasn't long before my lufa had been replaced with a blade and I had sank to the bottom of the tub, watching the blood drip down. Scars over scars over scars. Burns, belts, finger nails, knives, razors. At this point, I couldn't tell where their inflections ended and mine began.
I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything except the sharp slice. What was the point in letting them kill me? Killing myself was the only power I had left.
I pressed the razor into my skin. This had to be it. I wouldn't let them do this to me again. I wouldn't let them throw me around like I was a doll they hated. This was me taking control back.
There was a sudden ding and I looked up, letting go of the pressure I had on it. I thought I had left my phone on my bed.
I set the razor on the edge of the tub and stood, shutting the water off as I did. I wrapped myself in a towel and wrapped my arm in another towel before walking over and picking up the phone that was so clearly sitting on my bathroom counter.
I hope you are okay
I'm sorry
I pursed my lips and shook my head. How does he do that? Text me at exactly the right time every time? I wanted to text him back, I did, but I couldn't. I needed to let him go.
I walked into my room and placed the phone on the nightstand before getting dressed and taking care of my wounds. It was almost a ritual now, a terrible, horrible ritual.
When I woke up the next day, it was already midday. My dad had let me sleep in without bothering me. I needed to get out of the house, go somewhere where I wouldn't be recognized.
I covered myself in makeup before putting on a hoodie, scarf, coat, beanie and sunglasses. My face needed to be covered.
I snuck out my window, texting dad I was leaving but didn't want to talk. He seemed okay with it.
I ran over and started my car, rubbing my hands together as I waited for it to warm up. My phone started ringing and once again, I ignored his call. He had to stop eventually, right? He wouldn't just keep calling.
Part of me didn't want him to stop. I didn't want him giving up on me. I wanted him to keep pushing me.
Finally, my car was warm so I backed out and started driving. I didn't know exactly where I was going, I just new I needed to get out of this part of the city, so I drove to the other side, the side the richie riches wouldn't go. There was a Walmart over here and if there was anything I learned from Facebook memes, that's where people went when they had no where else to go.
I parked in the lot and sat there for a long time. The truth was, I didn't want to walk around. I didn't want to do anything. I mean, something was itching at me, but as I kept eliminating options, I couldn't quiet figure out what it was.
My phone dinged beside me and it was like my heart said 'You know exactly what it is.'
I stared at it. Wow, okay.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "No, no. This isn't even appropriate. He's a teacher and I'm his student."
Only a seven year difference. I would be 18 in less than a month.
"A teacher," I snapped. "Still. Doesn't matter if I'm 18. If I'm going to the same school as him, if he teaches me, it's illegal."
You know it's more than that. He's not taking advantage of you. He's trying to help you and you can't deny the feelings you have for him. The feelings he has so clearly reciprocated.
"He's just being teacherly."
That's not even a word.
I grit my teeth. "Goddammit." I grabbed my phone and called him.
"Harlen?"
"You know, you're such a...a..."I sighed. "What do you need?"
He was quiet for a moment. "Nothing, I was just reading the paper," he replied in confusion.
"You just texted me," I snapped.
"No I didn't," he replied skeptically.
"Yes you did," I snapped, pulling my phone back only to see that it was a text from Alice. I gaped. "Well, you texted me last night and you did try calling me at one point."
"I did send you a text last night, but I haven't tried contacting you besides that. I thought you might need some space."
I pulled my phone away and went to my missed calls. Alice had tried calling me early this morning. Besides the text he sent last night, everything else was from Alice.
"Harlen?" he asked and I put the phone back to my ear. "Are you okay?"
I leaned back in my car with a huff. I was obviously crazy. "Please don't ask me that."
"Why?"
"Because you know I'm not."
He was quiet for a moment. "Why did you call?"
I shrugged, irritated at myself, ready to rip my own heart out so it stopped doing things like this. "You know, I'm not sure. I'm at Walmart because I needed a break and it seemed like a good place, but it wasn't actually what I needed, then my phone went off and I realized that I hoped it was you. I wanted it to be you so badly that I called you instead of looking at my phone. Why didn't you keep texting me? You gave up," I told him, frowning. "Didn't you?"
"No, I didn't, I just didn't need you worrying about me while you're trying to figure yourself out," he replied quietly. "Did you just say you were at Walmart?"
"Don't laugh," I muttered.
He chuckled and my heart soared. "I'm not. I was actually on my way there. Meet me?"
I sat up straight, instantly in a better mood. "You want me to go shopping with you?"
"I want to see you. Is it the Walmart at the very edge of the city?"
I nodded, looking towards the doors. "Yeah, why?"
"Perfect, that's the one I go too when I don't want to be bothered by anyone I might know. No one seems to go there."
Because it was Walmart. Anybody we might know wouldn't come here and if they did, they would go to the one closer into the city. It was my exact thought when I left the house.
"Be there in ten."
I hung up. Well, so much for holding out. Didn't even make it to 36 hours. 24 was pretty good though, I guess.
Once I realized that I was going grocery shopping with him, I started to panic. This was a big step. Wasn't it? Grocery shopping together, something so mundane, oh my god.
There was a tap on my window and I screamed, spinning around to see Alice looking at me confused.
I rolled down my window, trying to slow my heart rate. "What are you doing here?"
She rose a brow. "What are you doing here?"
I sucked in my lips. "Um...shopping?"
Alice stepped back as I got out of my car. "At Walmart?"
"You're at Walmart," I pointed out, shoving my hands into my pockets. I hoped my makeup was good enough, although Alice never was much of an observer.
"My mom likes these very specific crackers," she replied as we started making our way to the store. "And so she sends me to the store once a week to grab them and a few other things."
"Oh," I agreed, looking around the lot. He should be here by now.
As if on cue, my phone started ringing.
I pulled it out and saw his name flash by my screen. I instantly hit ignore, my heart falling as I did. I needed to see him.
"Who was that?" Alice asked, glancing over and wiggling her brow.
"Uhhh..." I didn't know what to say. She knew everyone who would ever call me.
She gasped, her eyes widening. "A new boyfriend??"
My cheeks turned red as I pushed my glasses back up my nose. The answer was obviously a no on that one.
"It is!! What's his name? Age? What does he look like? Give me the deets!"
I turned towards the doors and shook my head, an eye roll already in progress. "It's no- oof."
I jumped back, fighting against the tears. My face was still very bruised. "Sorry. "
I looked up, my heart slamming to a stop in my chest. "Mr.-"
"Reign!" Alice beamed, taking a step forward.
I let out a breath and took a step away, letting Alice push her way between us, but keeping my eyes on his. I knew this would happen. I knew as soon as I said okay, something like this would happen. It's the fates telling us that we shouldn't be together.
"Ms. Nichols," he nodded before turning to me, his eyes softening. "Ms. Rush. How are you today?"
"Better now," Alice beamed, stepping closer, despite the fact that it was very blatantly pointed towards me. "What brings you to this side of town?"
My heart was slamming as he gently pulled his eyes from me and turned to Alice. All I could hear was water rushing through my ears. This was too hard. Seeing him in this state was too hard. Did I have enough makeup? Could he see any of the bruising? Could he tell that I couldn't stand up straight because of my stomach pain?
I looked away, biting my lip only to have my pain spike. I had bitten so hard on my lip that night, I had cut through it a little bit. I hope I didn't make it bleed-
"Harlen!"
I jumped back from her touch and snappy voice, my heart slamming. "What?" I asked, pulling my arm to my side so she couldn't reach for it again.
She laughed, waving me off, hardly noticing that I had flinched. "Reign asked you a question."
I looked up, trying to hide my shaking hands, but finding it hard with the one being sprained. "What?" I asked, meeting his warm blue eyes.
He softened his gaze as if trying to tell me that it was okay. "How've you been? You were missed in school yesterday."
I sucked in my lips, trying not to allow myself to think what I wanted to think. I was glad the sunglasses were so dark or else he'd be able to see the tears welling in my eyes. "You know," I swallowed, clearing my throat. "I'm fine," I finished, thinking I was going to say something different. I wanted to be truthful with him. I wasn't okay. I was dying inside. My arms stung with the pain of bandages on fresh wounds. My stomach pulsed every time I breathed, my wrist popped and sent a shock of pain straight to my brain every time I moved it and I didn't even want to mention my head. I needed help, but my mind wouldn't let me scream anymore and my heart kept fighting, but I feared it was getting tired too.
Alice waved me off. "Anyway..." and she went off on a tangent about her school project as I just stood back, taking him in. His strong jaw, dark stubble, beautiful head of brown hair, tall but not too tall, muscular and lean at the same time. His hands looked so strong. How would I ever be able to fall apart in them?
"I have to go," I quickly said, heading into the store. "Sorry." I couldn't stand there anymore. I had only agreed to meet him because I thought it would help, but all it did was cause me more pain. I couldn't do this.
"Harlen!" Alice called. She smacked her lips seconds later and turned back to Reign. "Sorry about her."
I shook my head and headed for the first thing I saw, clothes. I didn't have anything to buy here, but I couldn't leave now, I was committed.
I went through the clothes so meticulously. Making sure there was nothing I truly wanted. They had some cute things, but I was distracted by other thoughts too much to actually find something I wanted to keep. I must have touched every piece of clothing before heading into the shoes. I would be able to leave soon.
I felt a hand around my good wrist and suddenly I was yanked into a little closed off aisle that looked more like where the rejects went and right into a pair of strong arms.
I panicked instantly, my heart slamming in my chest as I tried, against the pain, to fight against back against him.
"Harlen."
I froze, I would know that voice anywhere.
Reign's arms wrapped around me so gently, encompassing me into a warm embrace, his heart beat pounding in my ear.
After a second of frozen terror, my entire body began to relax into his. I didn't know two people could fit so perfectly into each other. That was just for people who grew up whole, not the broken. Broken people like me didn't deserve this, but his scent surrounded me, the fabric of his light jacket soft against my injuries. I could feel his breath against my hair, my heart suddenly going from slamming and erratic to a completely calm and steady beat, a type of beat I had never felt before.
I was home.
That's how I felt. Like I was home.