"Th-thank you," I stutter out. Dan's mouth twitches to one side in what could be a smirk or a smile.
"Don't get used to it," he says gruffly. I feel my face fall, and Dan's eyes soften slightly. "It's Phil, isn't it?" he asks. I shiver internally at his use of my name.
"Yeah. And you're Dan." It comes out more eager than I intend, and I bite down on my tongue. Dan nods, his head swaying to one side as his hands slip into the pockets of his jeans. "How do you know who I am?"
"The same way you know who I am. Infamy." Dan bites his lower lip and laughs. "You're the only kid at this damn school brave enough to admit he's gay. You're pretty well known."
I look at him in shock, my mouth opening slightly as I try to respond. My eyes cast down, I say, "And I guess you hate me for it, just like everyone else?"
Dan laughs, and I grimace, daring to look up at him, but his eyes are kind and the laugh is warm. "It takes more than something you're born with to make me hate someone." I must look uncertain, because he steps forward and gently pushes my arm. "Come on, Phil. Are the rumors about me really that terrifying? Look, if it makes you feel any better, so am I," he says with a smile.
"What?" I say. Dan rolls his eyes good naturedly.
"I'm gay too, Phil. Well, bisexual. But lately it seems like I'm much more attracted to men," Dan says. And before I can even respond, he says, "Look, why don't you come home with me? We can hang out. You seem like you need a friend."
My eyes light up. "So do you," I respond.
Dan chuckles. "I'm used to being alone, trust me. It always turns out that way, no matter where I go. Let's get out of here, yeah?" I nod, and I follow him through the alley. We walk side by side down the pavement in silence, and I kick a stone in front of us.
Finally, I say something. "Why didn't I know you're bi?"
Dan shrugs. "No one outside my family and my exes does. I've just never found it important to announce. I'm not one for labels. Though I completely respect you for being open about it."
"I needed to clarify it...You know, for all the girls that were all over me," I say with a smile, and Dan knows I'm kidding, judging from his laughter.
"You ever had a relationship, Phil?" Dan asks, and his bluntness surprises me.
"I-- not since the fifth grade. That doesn't count, I guess," I say, rubbing the back of my neck and focusing on the pebble I'm kicking down the pavement. "What about you? How many have you had?"
Dan is silent for a minute, and I start to think he's not going to respond until he says, "Too many to count." He stops talking, and I can feel a heaviness that wasn't there before. We walk a few more blocks before he stops in front of a two story brick house. His home is much nicer than mine, and I try not to feel surprised.
"This is me," he says. He glances over at me.
"Wow," I say.
He raises his eyebrows. "What? Surprised I don't live in a meth lab?"
"No! It's just...I don't know."
"I know, it's disappointing. I can assure you that I am much more boring than everyone says. In some ways, at least. In other ways, I'm a lot more screwed up." I decide not to question him as we walk up the brick pathway to his front door. He pulls out a set of keys from his leather jacket and slides them into the lock, pushing open the door. The house is relatively neat, but silent.
"Are your parents home?" I ask as he shuts the door behind us.
Dan snorts. "Almost never. Their work keeps them pretty busy. I'm mostly on my own here."
"Yeah," I say. "Mine aren't around much, either."
"It's a wonder guys like us don't have as many parties."
"I've heard you're the king of partying, though," I say, less as an accusation and more out of curiosity. Dan Howell is an enigma, and by talking to him for less than a half hour, I know he is so much more than the ridiculous rumors circling around his head.
"Yeah. I've heard that I'm a smoker, too."
"Aren't you?" I ask, my brows furrowing.
"You ever see me with a cigarette, Phil?" Dan asks pointedly. I think back and come to a realization. I never had seen Dan with a cigarette. I had always just believed it to be true. Dan doesn't wait for me to respond, instead gesturing for me to follow him up a flight of stairs, down a hallway, and into his bedroom. I glance around. The walls are white, but everything else is black. A television sits on the far side of the room, with an Xbox and a GameCube hooked up to it. Games are littered around the entertainment center holding the TV.
"You play?" Dan asks. I nod, expecting a tournament of Halo or Call of Duty, the typical games a high school guy would enjoy. Instead, Dan picks up the case for Super Smash Bros and puts it into the GameCube without an inquiry. He tosses me a contoller and drops down onto one of two black bean bag chairs in front of the television. I sit on the other as the familiar home menu of the antique gaming system pops up on the screen. We sigh with nostalgia at the same time, look at each other, and laugh. We play for about a half hour, exchanging joking threats and sarcastic remarks. Everything feels so normal, so natural, and for the first time in my life I feel like I have a friend. I beat him one, two, three times in a row, and he grunts in frustration, dropping his controller and lunging for me. We struggle with each other for a second, but he's stronger than me and he pushes me to the ground, holding me down by my arms and sitting on my waist, his face centimetres from mine as we laugh and pant in synchronization.
Our heavy breathing subsides, and I see a longing in his eyes. His head inches closer, and I can feel his hot breath on my cheek.
"Go ahead," I whisper. His lips drop down onto mine, biting, intoxicating me. His breathing becomes heavy again, now from lust, and I can feel my heart racing as his hand glides down my arm and onto my waist. He's done this before, a lot. I haven't.
The kiss is over as quickly as it had started, and I find myself wanting more.
"I'm sorry," Dan says, backing off of me. "I didn't mean to-- God, I'm sorry."
I'm shaking my head, unable to comprehend words. My head is buzzing, and I'm drunken from his kiss. My first kiss. I'm still out of breath.
"Please," I gasp, "do it again." He smirks, pushing himself off the ground and offering me a hand up. I take it and he keeps a grasp on my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. He pushes me back against a wall, grazing a hand along my waist. Our eyes meet, and they don't flicker away. The deep brown of his beautiful eyes entrance me, and I wait for his lips to collide with mine again.
"You don't know anything about me, Phil," Dan says as he presses his lips to my neck, sending chills down my spine.
"Does that have to matter?" I breathe, my hands tracing down his chest. He bites marks into my jaw, his hands sliding down my ass and under my thighs, picking me up. I wrap my legs around him and our lips meet again. He sinks further into our kiss, allowing his tongue to dance on mine.
He moans a bit as he presses me harder against the wall, deepening our kiss.
"Dan?" a female voice says at the doorway. Dan bites my lip in surprise, both of us startled. He puts me down in a panic as we both turn to look at an older woman gaping at us.
"Mum! You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow!" Dan says in shock, hand lifting slightly as if to keep her away from me.
"What's this, Dan?" Dan's mum slurs. She leans against the doorway. "Toying with another heart? Didn't you just have a girl here last week?"
"You've been drinking again, mum," Dan says, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You should really go, Phil. I'm sorry."
"But, Dan--" I say before he cuts me off.
"Just go!"
So I do. I pick up my bag and push past his mother, avoiding eye contact with either of them.
"I'm an adult, Dan, I can drink if I want to!" his mother says loudly.
"I thought we agreed as a family that neither of you will drink," Dan yells back. I continue to walk down the hall, but they are so loud that I can't avoid hearing them.
Dan's mother snorts. "Why would I listen to my delinquent son about something that's my own damn choice?"
"Because it affects more than just you, you selfish bitch!" Dan screams back. I'm halfway down the stairs, but I can still hear the sound of a slap that follows. Tears spring to my eyes as I move my feet faster to escape the house.
I know something about Dan Howell now that I doubt anyone else does. And I feel that the storm is just getting started. I could just abandon him, forget we ever spoke. I consider it the entire walk home, but Dan is the first friend I've had since I was very young.
I'm going to help him, I decide. No matter what it takes.