Art: Artist Not Found
Only about an hour had passed since the incident during dinner. Kida wasn't coming back out, and no one dared to go looking for her. It was clear she didn't want company, and most everyone had enough sense to be at least a little frightened of her - everybody except for one. "Are you really going to lie to them like that?" a voice spoke out from the doorway.
Kida didn't have to turn around to know who it was, but she did nonetheless, facing the blind earthbender leaning against her door. There was indifference on her expression as if she hadn't just made a severe accusation. "What are you talking about?"
"Everything you said out there-"
"Was true," Kida snapped adamantly. "Completely and one-hundred percent true."
Toph nodded once. "It was true, and it is why you are so jumpy around fire, but it is not the reason you can't look at Zuko."
Kida shook her head, a shaky breath leaving her mouth as she turned away. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"If all this stuff bothered you the way you say it does, then you would have completely forgotten about what happened between you and Zuko. But you haven't," Kida snapped her head towards Toph as he went on, "so something else happened that involves him. It's the real reason you're so uptight and why everything is making you lash out. You're upset, and you're still using that mask you were talking about, just in a different way now.
"Trust me," Toph sighed, turning her face away from Kida, "I know my fair share about wearing a mask to keep up appearances."
Kida's eyes ignited and words hissed out on a venomous tongue, "I was tortured and forced to make people I care about hate me. I watched people who trusted me die. And you think I'm upset because of some boy?"
Toph didn't even flinch. She tilted her head, pressing it against the doorframe like she was ready to fall asleep. "I'm guessing that's the question you've been asking yourself."
Kida's mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. She couldn't even find something to scream about like she wanted to. If she had grown at all over the last year, it was that she finally saw through her own denial.
"Look," Toph pushed herself off the wall and took a step closer, "I might be blind, but that doesn't mean I can't see what's going on. I'm not saying what you went through hasn't affected you, but everyone knows that when it comes to Zuko, everything else is..." she paused, considering her choice of words, a smirk pulled onto her lips, "a little unclear for you."
Kida clenched her teeth, her head shaking slowly back and forth. "I know," she croaked out. "Trust me, I know."
***
"I have a surprise for you!" sang the Fire Nation princess.
Kida wiped the sweat from her brow with the washcloth one of the servants had handed her. "Is that supposed to excite me? It really just seems terrifying."
Azula rolled her eyes. "You'll love it. Get washed up first though, you smell."
"Am I not allowed to sweat after a workout now, too?" Kida yelled over her shoulder as she followed the servants from the training yard. Azula's laughter trailed after, and Kida rolled her eyes.
After a quick, extremely monitored bath, Kida was dressed back into her casual robes and sent to see Azula's surprise. It was waiting for her in one of the sitting rooms.
Much to her astonishment, the minute she walked in, she was free of guards, probably because her 'surprise' could defend herself easily without help.
It didn't take long for Kida to realize she did not, in fact, like her surprise. What did Azula expect for her and her ex's ex to be best friends?
The two girls were silent as they stared at each other. Kida had forgotten how to even move. She wasn't sure what to say or do in a situation like this. Quite honestly, since the moment she learned about Mai, she had been betting on never having the chance to meet her.
Kida had never been the jealous type. She couldn't be with Bane, although maybe that was a clue that her feelings weren't as strong as she thought they were. She never bothered getting upset about girls flirting with him – she was more upset when her father chose Bane to do stuff instead of her. Being jealous of girls seemed like a waste of energy when there were plenty of other things to be upset about. However, seeing Mai set off a new kind of flame in her chest that she'd never felt before.
Mai was the first to move, slinking off the chair she had been sitting on. Even this simple action seemed to be laced with elegance as her body moved smoothly and the cloth of her robes fell delicately back into place. "You're Kida," she stated in her low, silky voice.
"I prefer Aoshi here," she corrected.
Mai nodded. "Azula told me about that. Aoshi, the Fire Lord's ward, it must be an honor."
Kida – or rather Aoshi – snorted, looking away. She searched for anything else to look at other than Mai's perfect porcelain face. The best she could find was the tassels of a pillow on the sofa she stood beside. She fussed with material as she muttered, "It feels more like chains to me."
"As long as you're the Fire Lord's ward, though, you can't be with Zuko, can you?"
Aoshi's head snapped up. "Why would I want to be?"
She scoffed. "You can't actually be mad at him still for what happened in Ba Sing Se," she urged. The Fire Nation noble fell silent as she studied the waterbender's features. There was pain there, but anger still bubbled and dominated her expression.
Her narrow eyes eventually widened as Mai processed the hardness on Aoshi's face. "Even after everything that's happened? After he's gone to join the Avatar?" Her voice got lower and more venomous as her judgments festered. "After you've made the deal you've made? You're a hypocrite if you do!"
Aoshi finally snapped. "No, I stopped hating him for choosing his country over me a long time ago, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself."
"Then why do you hate him still?" she spoke softly, curiosity enriching her voice.
"I don't." Aoshi's eyes fell back to the pillow, and she looked entirely like Kida. "I hate myself."
"What?"
There was silence. Aoshi couldn't admit it, not out loud. It seemed to have taken ages for her to just admit it silently to herself. It hadn't even been clear to her until she had accepted the deal, not until she was standing in similar shoes that Zuko had once stood in. She was a hypocrite, she had thought, because the mere thought of him still tormented her.
"So you do hate him," Mai accused, trying to egg her on.
"No!" she snapped. "I hate myself," she repeated as her voice got weaker. "What happened in Ba Sing Se isn't what everyone assumes happened. I was angry at him for not choosing me, but obviously, I would do the same, so I can't stay mad about that."
"What happened?"
Aoshi shook her head slowly side to side, her lips in a firm line. "Something he doesn't even know about because I can't bear to admit it out loud..."
There was another beat of silence as she tried to find the right words.
Finally, one rushed breath, the waterbender spoke, "He almost didn't leave alone that day."
Mai's eyes flew open wide. The weight of her words could be measured by the tension in the room. What Kida was doing now, her people would see her as a traitor, but she was doing it for them. She was saving them. She was still serving them even if they didn't know it.
However, if she'd left with Zuko that day, there would have been no excuse. There had been nothing to save but herself and what she had with the Fire Lord's son. She wouldn't be treated like a traitor; she would be one.
Aoshi continued, "For a split second, I was going to go with him. Not because I believed in what he believed but because it was him. I almost went against everything I believed, against everything that I've been taught and what so many of my people have died for. For a split second, I was going to go against my sister...all because of a boy, all because I cared about him too much."
Aoshi raised her head to meet Mai's gaze one again, her eyes growing hard and cold once more. "I can't allow that to happen again. I can't allow that to even be a choice in my mind, even for a split second. This is a war, and I must always be loyal to my people first. He realized that before me."
Another patch of silence began to approach. Aoshi saw this as an opportunity to leave. She turned away, starting back towards the door, silently cursing Azula as she went. What was she expecting out of all of this? Did she hope Mai convince her that Zuko didn't care about her anymore? Did she really think that was something she was even considering these days?
"He realized he was wrong."
Aoshi stopped just short of the door, her hand already outstretched for the handle. "What?"
"He had chosen 'his people' over you," Aoshi turned slowly as Mai went on, "but he couldn't do anything for his people because all he thought about was you." Mai took a step closer, her jaw clenched. "I tried, I really did. He did too. He and I together is what the people wanted, but he couldn't do it because everything he saw, everything he touched, everything...reminded him of you.
"To be honest, I couldn't do it anymore either," Mai's voice cracked, a broken whimper her hard exterior didn't seem capable of. "When he left, it felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders because I didn't have to live up to you anymore. Don't get me wrong. I loved him, I still do, but I wasn't you, and I'm not going to be someone's second choice."
Aoshi looked away again, shaking her head harder this time. "Why are you telling me this? Shouldn't you be telling me the opposite, being all bitter and cold towards me?"
"I was going to be at first," Mai nodded vigorously, gaining some of her firmness again, "but, like I said, I still love him, and I want him to be happy. You make him happy."
"So what, I don't care," hissed Aoihi. "It makes no difference to me what he feels."
"It should!"
"What do you mean?"
"Go after him," she demanded. "Do what I can't. Help him be the Fire Lord we both know he can be."
"You're asking me to leave my people to go be with some man."
"He made that choice!" she threw her arms up in the air. "And he chose you," she snarled the words as if it were an insult. "Trust me, I thought about doing it myself, but there's no point. I'm not you, and he only wants you."
"Well, I'm not Zuko. I will not choose him over my people, not again. I'm not even going to consider leaving my people behind." Aoshi didn't wait around for a response. She didn't want to hear anymore. She didn't want to be talked out of her decision.
It would take the word of her chief to persuade her otherwise now.
***
Kida sat alone in her chambers. Toph had left after she refused to speak anymore. She didn't have anything to say. She could hardly think properly, let alone have a real conversation or argue her point.
She couldn't argue with anyone at all because she wasn't sure of was going on herself. Part of her was still terrified of what she had just left behind.
All she wanted to do was flee and go back to beg for mercy from Azula so she could protect her people, but her pride told her that leaving had been the right decision. She would go after them later and pray that Azula truly was too afraid of her to harm any of them.
Then there was the part of her mind that only thought of one thing, one person: Zuko.
What was she to do about the prince? She had been adamant with Mai. She wanted nothing to do with him if it put her people at risk, but there was nothing really standing in her way now, which was terrifying.
Maybe that's why she wanted to go back to Azula. That way, she would only have to worry about her nation again. She could return to the war of minds where she could outwit her opponent instead of the war of hearts where she was continuously being beaten to a nasty pulp.
In hopes of being distracted from her thoughts, she started to refold the things in her bag. It had all become a mess after she had scrounged them for something other than the Water Tribe clothes Katara had handed her, which was a mended-up set of Katara's old clothes.
Only one top had been folded when a short rap on the door interrupted. Kida snapped straight. Her breath instantly caught in her throat. She stared at the door, waiting for it to barge open with two guards ready to sweep in and whisk her off to whatever assignment Azula had planned. It never opened, though. No one spoke either.
She gulped down a deep breath and had to remind herself she was still at the air temple. Silently grateful that she was alone, her shaky steps brought her to the door. She pulled it open.
No one stood on the other side. For a moment, she thought she imagined it or that someone was messing with her. Just as she was about to shut the door again, her eyes fell to the ground. Her breath got caught in her throat.
Something about the unmarked bundle of twisted cloth lying at her feet settled tentatively against Kida's nerves. Her internal alarm system told her to kick it away and shut the door. She wasn't in danger here, though – she had to keep reminding herself of that.
Her eyes swept through the hall once more, but no one was in sight. They'd given her a fairly isolated room so she wouldn't be disturbed in her recovery. No one accidentally wandered down these halls. She knelt down and picked up the parcel. The minute she felt the hard structure within the messy bundle, she felt a familiarity wash through her senses. She couldn't name what it was yet, but she knew it.
She stood straight again, her eyes never leaving the cloth. A breathy curse left her mouth as she fumbled with the tie, unnecessary knots making it hard to pull off. Whoever had done this wasn't used to wrapping things. The twine finally loosened on her nail, and the cloth fell away. Her mouth dropped open.
Something she never thought she'd see again sat in her hand. Her callused fingertips ran over the smooth ribbon of silver that twisted into a firm, metal spiral. It was pure silver, something incredibly rare in the South Pole.
She was never sure where her father had found the materials to do it or if he had even been the one to actually craft it. The etchings he had done himself, she knew that much. She recognized the triple moon, the same symbol that adorned his armor, as well as the swirls that stretched out from it and resembled the design on her mother's necklace.
This armband was always more to her than just jewelry, but she'd left it behind. She supposed that's when she first started scratch-off little pieces of herself. She thought she could change and not have it affect her core. How foolish could she be?
Realization flooded her system. Her head snapped up, and once again, she scanned the halls. Only one person could have left this here. It was the only person who knew where she'd taken it off. He not only knew, but he had kept it.
Air left her body in such a rush it was as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She stumbled back into the room, not stopping until she felt the bed at the back of her knees. She sat back.
Why did he keep having to do this to her? Why did he keep having to be everything she wanted and more? It was like someone was feeding him cheats on how to get through to her. Could he read her mind? Could he see the future? Was he part spirit too and just didn't tell her? How could anyone possibly love her this much?
She didn't deserve it. She never did. She always knew that. It's why she ran from him for so long.
I did horrible things, and yet all I can think about is what he thinks of me now, she thought bitterly to herself. That's just pathetic.
Kida messily wrapped the armband up again and stuffed it under her pillow where it was out of sight. Not now. Not today. This wasn't the time.
Returning to organizing, she decided it all needed refolding and began to pull everything out of her bag in a hurried frenzy. Pouches, belts, and other various items fell onto the floor. She didn't mind a single piece of it and then-
Ting! Ting!
The sound rang like it had come from between her ears. She wasn't entirely convinced it hadn't. Hearing things in her head wasn't all that strange lately.
Nevertheless, her eyes dropped to the ground in search of a source. For the second time that day, her eyes came across something she never considered she'd see again. It was a small, diamond-shaped crystal.
She stared at it for a moment, lying there on the dusty floor with a small crack on its surface from its long journey. The girl couldn't believe she still owned the small pendulum from the fortune teller her sister had forced her to see – she hadn't thought of it once since, let alone would have imaged it would have stayed with her all this time.
As she knelt down to pick it up. She ran her thumb over the hairline crack, which damaged its surface. Her memories of that day came back.
The crystal began to swing in a circle, quickly picking up speed. It became so fast that Kida could barely even see the stone anymore. She propped up her elbow, trying to steady her hand, but she wasn't the one doing it.
The chain slipped out of her fingers and flung across the room. They both stared at where it had landed. It had stuck to a painting of the yin and yang symbol on the wall like two magnets coming together. It stayed there for only a few seconds, long enough for Aunt Wu and Kida to stand up and step over to it, then fell to the ground with a little ting.
At least now she knew what that meant. It almost felt a bit on the nose now. She wondered if it had been the Ocean spirit inside of her trying to send her that message. She couldn't imagine how frustrated it must have been.
It had been trying so hard to get through to her, and yet the part that really stuck with her was about something as silly as romance.
She traced her fingers across Kida's palm, her words coming out dreamily as she said, "I see a beautiful romance; you're a very lucky girl."
Kida sat up a little straighter. "Really? Can you give me any more details?"
"You two will have your struggles. You're opposites. It's only natural."
Kida shifted, the hand still between Aunt Wu's fingers beginning to feel heavy. "Opposites?" Kida repeated. "Like fire and water?"
Aunt Wu smiled and nodded encouragingly. "Yes, exactly like that. In fact," she continued to trace over Kida's hand, and her eyes seemed to glaze over. "I see a very bright light, quite like fire."
"Is he a firebender?" Kida remembered the wave of revulsion that followed that question. Some things never changed, she supposed. Even back then, her repulsion hadn't been towards the person in question but herself.
"He is the light, and you are the ocean."
Kida frowned. "Don't you mean the sun and the moon?"
She shook her head, her eyes becoming wide. "No, I meant what I said. He is fire itself, and you are water. Both sources of life." She continued to stare at the creases of Kida's hand. "Too much of either of you, and you could be dangerous, but together, life can grow."
Grow. Kida scoffed out loud. This didn't feel like growth. It felt like decay. Then again, they hadn't exactly been together lately.
There was no doubt that Aunt Wu was referring to Zuko now. She didn't even attempt to deny it to herself. Who else could it be? What other love could Kida define as a 'beautiful romance' although it was becoming more like a tragedy.
"It can still be a love story," a voice chimed in her ear like a bell.
She snapped her head up, only to come face to face with an image like a mirror standing before her. It wasn't exactly her. The girl standing in front of her was nearly a year younger and was dressed head-to-toe in Water Tribe clothing. Her eyes were still bright, and her soul still seemed to be intact. The present Kida had nearly forgotten what that was like; it's why she changed her name. Aoshi seemed to fit better.
"Now I'm going insane?" Aoshi scoffed.
The younger Kida rolled her eyes. She flopped down onto the bed, folding her arms behind her head as she smirked up at her older counterpart. "We've always been insane." Her gaze brushed across the troupe ceiling. "Besides, you don't seem to get anything through your thick skull unless your own mind spells it out for you word for word. So here it is..." Her eyes flickered back at Aoshi, and the woman instantly felt a cold wave rush through her stomach. Kida sat up slowly, each of her words coming out on their own sentence, "You. Need. Zuko."
A loud, dubious sound ripped out Aoshi. "I don't need a man!"
"No, but you need love," Kida urged. She pulled her feet up to the edge of the bed, folding her arms over her knees and resting her head on top. Aoshi glowered at the mischievous glint in her eye. "Before we met Zuko, we could barely even understand the concept of love, even with a perfectly good man like Bane at our feet. Then the prince comes along, and suddenly," she sucked a lung full of air and let it out on a wistful sigh, "it all makes sense."
Aoshi's jaw locked. Denial was on her tongue, but she had grown. She had grown... "Why do I even need love?"
"Because you are a leader," Kida dropped her feet back to the ground, "and after this war, you are only going to become an even larger figure to this world," she got to her feet, taking two silent steps towards Aoshi, her voice dropping the closer she got, "and how can you possibly lead people to do good," her voice fell to a rushed whisper as she passed, "if the only truly good thing in the world is absent from your life."
"Love is not good," Aoshi hissed, earning her an instant snort from Kida. "It is a poison that makes people subject to manipulation and poor choices."
"That is not love," Kida snapped, turning back around to face Aoshi again. "That's just people who have used it for their own gain. There is light, and there is dark, and if you do not feed the light inside of you, which is love – not just romantic or sexual love, I mean real love." She grasped her chest, holding on tight to where her warm heart was beating. "Unconditional love. It's not meant to make you feel whole; you have to do that yourself. But what it can do is make you not feel ashamed for being broken.
"If you don't have that, if you refuse that," hissed Kida, stepping closer to Aoshi again, this time pushing into her face, "then you will become that thing again during the day of Black Sun. Do you want that?"
Bang... Bang... Bang...
"No, no!" Aoshi shook her head frantically, her fingers twisting into her hair. "But you don't understand!" she exclaimed. "The love I have for him..." her voice waved on the word. On that damn word. "It's too much."
"You don't need each other to survive," Kida admitted, shaking her head, "but you do need each other to thrive. If you deny that, I promise to you, you will not like what you become."
Aoshi's eyes shut as she shook her head long and hard, trying to shake the thought from her head. When she opened her eyes again, Kida was gone, but it didn't mean her words had left her.
***
Aoshi's feet carried her. It wasn't until the open door came into view that she truly realized where she was. She stopped several paces away, spotting the flickering light pouring out. He was still awake, at least. It was late, which she only considered when she heard her brother's snoring a few doors down.
This wasn't a good idea. She should go back to her room and deal with this herself. Her thoughts carried her a step back. Monks were known for making pretty good wine. Maybe there was a secret stash somewhere. At least it could help her sleep.
Her fingers tightened around the metal band in her hand, unconsciously grappling for a lifeline. She'd brought the armband with her. That was the excuse she had given herself to get out the door. She would confront him about giving it to her, for even having it in the first place.
Once again, she tried to tell herself that was what she was going to do. Her legs steadied, and she took hard steps down the hall. Only one small hiccup jerked her steps just before she stepped into view.
Zuko didn't see her right away. He was too absorbed in his stoic thoughts as he glared up at the ceiling from his bed.
She cleared her throat.
He jerked up straight. His eyes found her face, and he was abruptly on his feet. "Ki- Aoshi." She had to admit, the new name didn't sound quite as good on his lips.
His eyes fell to the silver in her hands. "I, um... I thought you might want that back."
Her gaze followed his, and she ran her thumb over the thin etchings. "Why did you keep it?"
Zuko's head jerked up to find her eyes, but she was still looking down. He blinked twice, his mouth opening and closing several times before he found his footing. "It seemed important to you." He shook his head with such short movements that it was barely perceptible. "I didn't want you to lose it."
This time, Aoshi was having trouble finding words; they came out scratched and weak before eventually gaining some strength. "It is." She swallowed hard. "My father gave it to me. It's the only thing I have from him." Her nail caught on the tiny swirls. "It's the only thing I have of my mother too."
"It was hers?" Zuko asked. It was a logical assumption. Katara never hid the fact that her necklace was once owned by their mother. Possibly all of her children had taken something of hers.
"No," she finally looked up. "She never gave me anything like this. She told me she loved me a lot though, she always said that was the reason I shouldn't bend...because she loved me and she didn't want anything to happen to me." Her eyes fell back to the armband. "She meant well, but sometimes the way she looked at me," she retraced the design once more, "I just didn't believe her. She was the first person to be afraid of me."
Silence thickened the air, and Zuko was once again at a loss for words. They'd spent many nights talking about their lives and their pasts, but her mother was always a topic he never touched. Any mention of her caused that same expression, the one she had now, with distant eyes and a hallow curve of her lips that looked more like a grimace trying to stem off her tears.
Zuko swallowed hard. "Look, what I said earlier," he began, "I didn't mean-"
She shook her head as her feet once again moved her forward, only enough to cross the threshold. "You meant everything you said, but I don't blame you."
"You- You don't?"
She shook her head again. "You were right."
He straightened. "I was?"
She nodded slowly, a half-hearted smile wavering on her lips. "You were." Her fingers tightened around the silver in her hand. "I am not Aoshi, as much as I want to be. I am Kida, and I have to realize that I have dirtied my name, and there is no going back. There is no masking it, no forgetting the past."
He opened his mouth to say something, but she went on, "And I have realized that but I don't want to admit it. I can't..." her voice cracked and broke off. "Everything I said before is true. I got away with murder by telling myself that I wasn't the one doing it, and I really don't want to go back to being myself and acknowledging what I did. But... it's not the only reason I want to keep being Aoshi.
"There was something Azula kept saying, that as long as I was Aoshi, the Fire Lord's ward, you and I couldn't be together. I couldn't be with a traitor, which is why I can't let go of it. I can't stop being his ward because I don't want to be with you."
She finally brought her head up to look at him. "I hate you." Her eyes were hard, but her lips quivered. "I hate you because if you had asked me to, I would have gone with you. I would have been a traitor. I cared more about you than my own people. I can't-" She shook her head so hard that it hurt. "That can't happen."
The realization hit him so hard that his mouth fell open. His eyes stretched to their full capacity. He couldn't formulate thoughts, let alone words.
"I am a soldier, the daughter of a chief, I can't think like that." The broken glass that had been her voice rapidly turned into cutting shards, sharp and deadly. "I can't care about something that much," she blinked several times, her jaw clenched until finally she all but seethed out, "but I do. So I have to be this, I have to have something to keep me from feeling this. I have to keep being Aoshi or I may do something," a lump formed in her throat and she had to pause to swallow it down before starting again, "something I can't risk doing.
"Leaving the Fire Nation is proof of that. I may tell myself that I left because my chief wanted me to or because my brother called for me, but I could have ignored that. I came along because I told you I would. That's all. That is the only real reason I'm here.
"So please, let me stay behind this mask," the glass splintered, and her voice croaked. "Let me keep being Aoshi because I don't think I can survive wanting you again."
She was pleading with him. If her pride would have allowed it, he had no doubt she'd be begging on her knees.
Zuko shook his head slowly. For so long, he had let her make the choices. They wasted so much time on that ship while he waited for her to make up her mind. Possibly, had they both been a little more open, it wouldn't have taken Zuko so long to finally join the right side. He didn't want to make the same mistake twice.
These thoughts running through his head, pushing courage into his veins, he took a step towards her. To both of their surprise, she didn't move away. "I wish I wasn't selfish," he began slowly, sincerity thickening his voice, "and that I could tell you I'm okay with that," his voice dropped to a whisper reminiscent of a whimper, "but I can't."
She saw his hand rising out the corner of her eye. Air whisked into her lungs. A wave of warmth washed over her. It rushed up and down her body, attempting to anticipate the place he might touch.
Rough fingertips came in contact with a soft cheek, and her eyelids fluttered, never quite shutting. She fought the urge to give in, but she didn't back away.
He waited for some adverse reaction, but she locked her eyes with his and never moved. Up close, Zuko could see that he wasn't the only one fighting the stinging wetness in his eyes.
Her eyes looked different than he remembered, there was a hairline fracture of dull blue going through her left iris. It was faint and likely unnoticeable to anyone who hadn't spent as much time as he did staring into them, but it was there. He had no idea exactly what she had gone through, he wasn't certain he ever would. He couldn't let her go, though, not again. "If I have to love you as much as I do," he went on, "and there is even the slightest chance that I can be with you, then I'm not going to let you go again."
He felt her jaw tighten. A tear fell loose and rolled over her cold cheek. "I want to hate you."
The muscles in his face moved to form a smile but tremored, salty tears falling into the seam of his lips. "I used to ask for the same thing, but," he swallowed, his sore throat protesting as he shook his head, "it's not possible, at least not for me."
"Please," she whimpered. Finally, she let her eyes fall shut as more and more tears ran free. "I don't want to care about you again." Contrary to her words, she leaned into his palm, her body unconsciously searching for the heat.
He tugged at her chin, and she mournfully opened her eyes again, teardrops flecking the long eyelashes that feathered her cheeks. She looked up into his amber gaze, only to find it even closer than it was before. "That would imply you once stopped," he said slowly, inching closer and closer, eyes never leaving hers. "Did you?"
More tears flooded her eyelids. Her throat became so choked up from her forcefully silent sobs that she couldn't make it speak. All she could do was shake her head.
Zuko didn't wait another second. Finally, he did the thing he'd been dying to do since the day he left. His hand slipped back into her loose hair, twisting his fingers in the soft strands at the nape of her neck. Her breath left her lungs the minute he yanked her forward. A familiar feeling they both missed was ignited at the touch of their lips before shooting down into every nerve of their bodies.
(Art: Zutara by Beanaroony)
Heat filled the girl who had previously found herself frozen and stuck in place, and the boy who was burning alive finally got the water he had been dying for.
His other hand met her jaw and held her firmly in place. She wasn't going to run this time. She wasn't going to deny what they had this time. If there was something left to fight for, then Zuko would fight for it, and he was going to make her see that. The only thing he would stop fighting was fate, and it seemed that she was beginning to agree.
She melted into a placid pool under his touch. He could feel her still thinking. The chill was gone, and her lips were moving, but she still wasn't herself yet.
The hand on her jaw dropped to her throat, curving loosely over her skin. A shiver ran down her spine, all of her inhibitions seeming to fall away with it. Her lips became bruising against his. Her hands reached for whatever they could to pull him closer. If tears weren't still burning his eyes, Zuko might have laughed at her abrupt change of pace.
Neither could stop, neither wanted to stop. All these months, all these days, this is all either had wanted, to be back in the arms of the person they truly loved.