Elizabeth's POV
*Flashback*
It's one in the morning and Harry isn't home yet...once again.
Since he's started hanging out with Aiden and Nick he's been staying out late, then coming home drunk out of his mind. I want Harry to go out and have fun and have friends, but Aiden and Nick are definitely not the kind of people I'd want him to surround himself with.
I don't even know why he still hangs around with them, he never says anything good about them, at least not about Aiden. I've sensed this change in him since he's started hanging out with them more, and not a good kind of change.
I hate bringing this up to him, because I don't want him thinking I'm trying to control him and who he hangs out with. I'm just trying to look out for him, it's all I've tried to do. I would hate to watch him fall into this dark hole with them, and possibly lose himself in the process of trying to get out of it.
To say the least, I don't like Aiden and Nick. I definitely like Nick better, because he seems to have good intentions for Harry and actually care about his well being, but Aiden on the hand, I don't trust nor like him at all.
He's arrogant and cocky, and just plain trouble. Maybe that's because I'm naive as people would say, but I think even someone with a barley devolved brain can tell that Aiden isn't a good person. Maybe that's harsh and judgmental of me to say, but he hasn't done anything to show or prove he has good intentions.
I love and care for Harry beyond words, which is why I've tried to tell him to be carful around them. Harry usually gets really irritated when I even bring up their names, a part of me believes it's because deep down he knows I'm right but he just doesn't want to admit it to himself yet.
Love is so complicated. No matter what, I love and adore Harry, but also at times I just want to smack him upside the head, and pray it hopefully knocks some sense into him. I want him to realize I'm not going against him, I'm actually doing the complete opposite of that.
I wouldn't be here, pulling him up from every drunken night, or sticking with him through everything, if I was going against him.
He's falling, and I don't know how to save him.
I wish I knew how to though.
I'm sitting on the couch, with a cup of tea in my hand, as I scroll though articles on my laptop. I then hear the front door shut, making me instantly pull out my headphones, snapping my head towards the door.
It's Harry.
He comes through the front door, then immediately slips off his shoes. He then comes over to the couch, nearly falling onto it. "What are you doing?" He asks, as he puts his arm on the top of the couch.
"Nothing really, just reading through articles" I reply in a casual tone.
"I can think of something better we can do" he mumbles, but before I can open my mouth to speak, he attaches his lips to mine, shocking me a bit. He then closes my laptop, pushing it off of me. He grabs my thigh, swinging my leg over his lap, now having me straddle him.
I pull away from the kiss "Harry I was reading that" I whine, as I briefly look back over at my laptop.
He holds his hands up in defense "If you so insist on reading it then-"
"No" I drag out, then connect my lips back to his, as we both smile into it. There's nothing sexual behind the kiss, it's sweet and gentle. When we kiss, I always get these butterflies in my stomach, that start to flutter around like crazy. I feel at home.
A ring then echoes though the apartment, making me break away from the kiss. Harry grabs his phone out of his pocket, and I get a glimpse on who's calling.
"What are you two a married couple now, can't even be without each other for an hour" I let out a dry laugh. Harry doesn't find it funny, as he just stares at me with no expression on his face.
I hold my hands up in defense, as I then try to swing my leg off of his lap. He grips my thigh firmly, not allowing me to move, which makes me furrow my eyebrows at him. "No, I'm not answering him" he speaks lowly, as he declines the call, then puts his phone back into his pocket.
I keep a confused and shocked expression on my face, as I slowly start to nod my head at him. I then put my hair behind my ear, as I swallow hard "Well on the topic of Aiden-"
"Beth, please not today-"
"Harry I don't want to argue, I just want to talk" I interrupt him firmly. He lets out a small sigh as he leans back into the couch.
I slide off of his lap, sitting next to him. He turns his whole body to me, then nods at me, signaling me to continue. "Why do you hang out with him...honestly" I speak slowly.
He shrugs "Because..." he fades off into silence. He can't even think of one single reason why he hangs out with Aiden.
I let out a long sigh "See, that's my point. You never say anything good about Aiden, and are always irritated and in a bad mood after hanging out with him. So I was just wondering if there was any reason why you still hang around with him?" I respond.
He then furrows his eyebrows "Why do you even care so much about him, and why I hang out with him anyway?" He asks sharply.
I tilt my head at him "Because I care about you, and he's not good for you, that's clear in how you've been acting since y'all have been friends" I reply, my voice more firm than it was before. "He's not a good person Harry-"
"That's a bit judgmental don't you think?" He interrupts me.
I start to shake my head, as I run my fingers through my hair. "It doesn't take much of brain to see it, and don't act like you think he's all great. If me trying to save you from falling into some dark hole with him is being judgmental, then guilty is charged"
"Well has it ever accord to you that I don't want to be saved?" he spits.
I then jump off of the couch, as I look at him in shock "So you can throw everything away, for what Harry?" I raise my voice, starting to get upset.
He then jumps off of the couch, as he now looks down at me slightly. "Who said I was going to throw anything away?" he matches the volume of his voice with mine.
I let out a dry laugh, as I stare at him with my eyebrows furrowed "You don't realize it do you?" I speak, which makes him tilt his head at me. "Every second more you spend with him, the more you start to be like him" I tell him.
He stands there, his lips parted slightly with his eyebrows raised, like he can't believe what I just said. I can see in his eyes that he's hurt over my comment, which instantly starts to make me feel guilty. I shake my head, then step back to walk away, but come to a halt when Harry's hand catches my wrist.
I snap my head around to look at him. He looks angry and upset. I stare at him for a few moments, before I slowly move my gaze down to where his hand meets my wrist firmly. I meet my eyes back with his, then yank my wrist out of his firm grip.
All I can do is stare at him, as I shake my head. "I'm trying to be here for you Harry, but you continue to be so fucking stubborn" I shout, as tears start to well up in my eyes.
Harry leans forwards, and cups my face in his hands "Beth-baby I'm sorry" he speak softly, nearly making me give in. "Why would you say I'm like him?" his voice cracks slightly, obviously hurt by my words.
I grab his wrist, and gently take his hands off of my face. "Because Harry, I fell in love with you, the real you, not some reflection of him" I answer.
I watch his face fall, and a small tear escape from the corner of his eyes, as it slides down his cheek. I bite my lip, trying to hold back my tears that threaten to escape, then I reach forward and grab his face.
"Harry I love you so much, which is why I'm telling you this. Which is why I'm warning you about Aiden, it's all because I care about you. I'd never want to hurt you, but I can't watch you start to become a person I know you deep down don't want to become"
A few more tears start to fall, as I gaze at him intently. He stands there in silence, trying to take in every word I say, feeling like a sharp stab in his chest.
"He's destroying you Harry, and it's just going to keep getting worse. You still have the potential to get away from that, and stop that from happening, which is what I'm trying to do, I'm trying to help you" I speak.
I take my hand off of his cheek for a moment, to wipe my now damp cheek. I then move his hair out of his face before cupping his face once more.
"It hurts to see him doing this to you. It hurts seeing this happen to you as I just watch, knowing that I can't save you-" my voice cracks, as I let out a strangled sob. I feel my heart breaking with every second more I spend in front of him. I quickly wipe my tears away, and take a deep breath.
"I can't watch you become someone I start to not recognize" I pause, as I tilt my head at him, gazing at him directly in his eyes.
"I can't love a stranger my entire life Harry" I admit.
Multiple emotions flash through Harry's eyes all at once, as everything starts to hit him. "Are you- are you ending this?" he stutters. "Please don't-" he begs, as he reaches his hand out to cup my cheek.
I sigh as I grab his wrist, then slowly pull his hand away from my face. "Harry, I love you but I just can't keep doing this back and forth, it's killing me" I confess.
I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to prepare myself for what I'm about to say. "You either need to be the Harry I remember falling in love with or...this has to end"
I feel my heart break more, it nearly on the edge of fully falling apart. I just pray Harry comes back to his senses and tries to put the pieces back together.
I see something flash in Harry's eyes, guilt? He softens for a moment but then the look in his eyes gets immediately replaced with a cold and hardened expression.
"So just like that, you'd throw this all way because you expect me to be someone that I'm not" he spits, making me flinch at the tone of his voice.
I let out a dry laugh, making another tear fall "You think I want this?!" I shout, then run my fingers through my hair as I walk back and forth.
"Obviously you do-"
"No Harry I don't, I just know my worth enough to not force myself to be put through another minute of you treating me like shit" I yell.
I immediately close my mouth, as I let the words I just spoke start to sink in, realizing it came out way harsher than I meant. "Harry that's not what I-"
"No Elizabeth, I got it" he snaps. Harry using my full first name catches me by surprise a bit. He never calls me by my full first name...ever.
'If I'm so fucking horrible, than leave" he replies, as he rolls his eyes.
I sigh "Harry I didn't mean it like that-"
He quickly turns to me "You know, actually you should leave, so then you don't have to put yourself through another minute of my bullshit" he interrupts me, making me bite the inside of my cheek.
"Please just listen to me, I'm sorry I-"
"Elizabeth, just leave" he tells me sharply, making my shoulders slump down as I stare back at him. All I see is darkness and hurt in his eyes. I hurt him.
I thought that maybe he'd understand that I was just trying to be there for him and help him, but I guess I was wrong. I guess I couldn't fix him all along.
I end up pulling myself together, then quickly walk over to the counter, grabbing my purse off of it. I then wipe my eyes as I start to walk to the door. I twist the knob, opening it but then freeze. I slowly turn around and notice Harry still has his back turned to me.
Before I turn back around again, Harry turns my direction, meeting his gaze with mine. Once his sad and dark eyes meet mine, I feel my heart start to fall apart all over again. I feel a sob threatening to escape my throat.
I swallow hard "I love you...and I'm sorry-" my voice cracks, signaling I'm about to break down again. I gaze at him for a few more moments before I quickly turn around and walk out of the door, not wanting him to see me cry again.
Once I close the door, I feel sobs start to escape my lips, as I gasp for air. I cover my hand over my mouth as I start to run to my car, needing to get as far away from here as possible. Once I get in my car, I put my face in my hands, as I let out loud cries.
How did this happen? Am I wrong for warning Harry about Aiden and Nick? Am I wrong for getting upset at him for hanging out with them? Is this all my fault?
A million thoughts start to run through my mind, but somehow I try to push them down as I start up my car. I can't even think straight, I feel like everything is spinning. I love Harry and he's the person I want to be with right now, but since he doesn't want me, I need to get away.
Harry's POV
Once Elizabeth walked out of the door, I fell down on the couch and broke down. I saw the pain in her eyes, and how she silently prayed I would just get it through my head that she was just trying to help.
I don't know why I become so defensive when it comes to Aiden and Nick. I know that Aiden is a shitty person, so I don't know why I snapped at Beth when she said the same thing.
Since I've started to hang out with them, I've become mean and harsh. I've become someone I don't want to be...which is what Beth was trying to say all along.
As I sit there, I start to realize that I'm in the wrong, and if I would of stopped being so fucking stubborn and such a dick for a few minutes, Beth and I would still be together and she would still be here with me.
I wipe the tears off of my face then reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone. I scroll down and click Beth's contact name, putting the phone to my ear, hearing it start to ring. One ring after another, I pray harder that she will pick up, but she doesn't.
When I hear her voicemail, I click the end button not being able to hear her happy and bubbly voicemail. She was happy and full of life, and I ruined that. I dimmed that light in her.
I text her and call her once more, but no response. Usually when we get into a fight, she at least responds to tell me she's okay and just needs her space for the night, so since I've gotten nothing back, I start to worry.
Even though this time is different, and I'm pretty sure we just broke up, she isn't a hatful or spiteful person. She understands that I would worry, so she responds to at least tell me she's okay. She understands...that's something I couldn't do.
I quickly slide my shoes back on then grab my car keys, and head out the door. When we get into a fight or when she needs her space, she usually heads to her parents house. I turn on the car, then drive out of the apartment complex, now on my way to Beth's parents house.
I also saw the way she reacted when I called her by her full first name, it shocked her. I haven't called her that since we first met, almost immediately after I started calling her by Beth.
It's crazy how a little thing two people share can mean so much more than others may think.
It's like when your parents yelled your full name when you were younger, you kind of just knew you were in trouble. With me saying Elizabeth instead of my usual Beth, that familiarity was gone, and it sounded harsher which shocked her.
This always happens, I become upset then get angry and defensive and I say hurtful things, that I obviously don't mean, but it doesn't hit me till later. By the time the hurtful things I've said to Beth hit in for me and I start feeling guilty, those words have already hit her deep and caused another scar to be left behind on her heart.
As I'm driving I notice a car crash in the middle of the road ahead of me. I almost turn around and drive the other direction until I notice something...it's Beth's car.
My heart feels like it stops and my blood runs cold. I immediately slam on the breaks, making my body lean forward due to the sudden and forceful action. Everything feels like it moves in slow motion as I jump out of my car, and start running to the scene.
Please don't be Beth. Please don't be Beth.
I feel someone grab onto my arm, making me push them off without even looking back. The car is absolutely wrecked, and the officers are doing something on the other side but I can't see what. I just need to know it isn't her.
I hear shouts telling me to stay back, which I'm guessing is from the officers. I run around to the other side and see officers pulling someone out of the car. I can hear my heart racing in my ears and my breathing starting to pick up.
They then pull the person out of the car, and that's when I see it. I see her beautiful blonde hair, and her now extremely cut up face. They lay her bruised and cut up body on the ground, her limbs moving around as if there was no life there. The once warm and bright light she gave off, now replaced with the cold embrace of death.
I'm frozen in my spot and everything has stopped moving around me. The only thing I can focus on is the officers giving CPR to the girl I love, that lays there looking lifeless. I watch and pray that she will wake up, desperate to find any remaining flicker of life in her, but after a few moments, all that's left is cold silence from her.
I let out strangled sobs as I start to sprint over to her, not being able to believe what I'm witnessing. I get closer to her now motionless body, but then get held back again by someone.
I turn around and push their chest "Stop she's my girlfriend!" I shout, trying to run back the other way, but the man grabs my arm once again.
"You need to stay back so they can do everything they can do to help her" he raises his voice.
I yank my arm out of his grip then look at him, my vision blurry due to the tears welled up in my eyes. Something in me tells me to do what he says, so I take a few slow and wobbly steps back, as I shake my head.
"No you can't be dead- please don't be dead" I mumble. My back hits one of the officers car, as I then slide my back down it, falling to the ground due to my knees being to weak to hold me up anymore.
I bend my knees up to my chest, resting my elbows on them, as I put my hands in my hair. I begin to feel dizzy as I watch the officers desperately trying
to bring back the life that was once in her eyes.
"Please baby come back to me, I need you" I beg, my voice cracking at the end, replacing my words with broken sobs that tear through my lips.
I then watch as the ambulance pulls up, and the paramedics quickly jump out and run to her body still laying on the floor. It all happens so quick, they then grab her and lay her body down on a stretcher and wheel her to the back of the ambulance. By the time that I get to the ambulance, the doors are shut and they start to quickly drive off.
I then somehow manage to run back to my car, then start to drive the direction the ambulance is going. I can't allow myself to think right now, it's to painful, but I just can't sit around clueless, without any information either.
I need her to come back to me. I need her to be okay, because without her I'm nothing. Without her light and her smile that could warm anyone's heart, I'm nothing but darkness.
-
I now sit in the waiting room, my head in my hands as I wait for the news on her. Her parents went in with the doctors to get the news, then they will come out to tell me. Beth is strong, so I know she could make it through it if she really wanted too.
This is all my fault. I'm the one that wouldn't let her speak, and so I told her to leave even when she didn't want too. The accident never would of happened if I just listened to her.
My thoughts get interrupted when I see Beth's parents walking back towards me...crying. My heart feels like it drops in my stomach when her mom looks at me dead in the eye and shakes her head.
"No..." I mumble as I start to frantically look around the room. Her mom then wraps her arms around me, catching me off guard a bit. I quickly wrap my arms around her, resting my head on her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry" I hear her speak, her voice cracking. She then breaks the hug, making me look over to Beth's father.
"She um, she passed instantly they said, so she wasn't suffering" he informs me, barley being able to keep it together.
I start to feel my heart race pick up as I start gasping for air through my cries. "I'm so sorry but I-" I breathe before I rush out of the room, needing to get out of the hospital immediately.
I drag my feet out to my car, then quickly jump inside of it letting out a deep breath. I then break into sobs, feeling like I'm suffocating with each breath I take. I feel like the world is slowly closing in on me, and I'm starting to collapse.
"No, no, no, no" I cry out, as I start to hit my wheel. I reach my hands up into my hair, tugging on it. When my hands drop back down to my sides, I start to feel this emptiness that's indescribable.
Suddenly, the sadness hit me. It felt as if I had lost my breath and I was drowning from within.
I had lost the person who made me feel whole, the person who gave me purpose. The person who I love unconditionally. I've lost her, and it's my fault. I should of never told her to walk out that door. I lost the love of my life and it's my fault, and I will carry my mistake with me for the rest of my life.
*End of flashback*
Leah's POV
I sit there and stare at Harry with my mouth hung wide open, as I try to process what he just told me. He lost the woman he loved and he didn't even get to say goodbye, they didn't even leave on a good note. He also thinks it's his fault which is crazy for him to put on himself.
Her death pained him so much he felt he needed to numb it with something. Everything from the conversation with Aiden and Nick is now starting to make sense.
I shake my head in shock over it all. I then crawl over to him and pull him into a tight hug, needing to show in comfort in some way. He immediately hugs me back, curling his head into my neck.
After a few moments I hear soft cries escape his lips, and his tears start to dampen my shirt. I put my hand on the back of his head, running my hand up and down, trying to soothe him.
"Let it out...let it all out" I murmur to him. He then grabs my thigh, making me sit between his legs then wrap my legs around his waist.
"It hurts Leah" he chokes out between his broken sobs. The amount of pain in his voice makes me nearly lose it and break down, but I need to be strong. I need to be strong for him.
I quickly wipe away my tears before I pull back and cup his face. At first Harry keeps his eyes closed, but after a few seconds he slowly opens his sad eyes to look back at mine.
"I know, but you need to let it all in, to be able to let it out" I tell him softly. He nods then looks away from me, trying to hide his eyes that start well up with tears again.
I turn his face to slowly look back at me again "It's okay to feel that grief, you didn't let yourself feel that fully before, so you were never able to let it out. What you aren't allowed to feel is guilty" I speak, the last part making him finally look at me.
"Leah if I would of just listened to her, the crash wouldn't have happened-"
"No Harry, you can't put that kind of pressure on yourself" I tell him, a bit more sternly. He then looks down at the bed, disconnecting his gaze with mine.
"Harry look at me" I instruct. When he doesn't look at me, I grab his face and raise his eyes to meet mine. "Her death was absolutely not your fault do you understand? You cannot hold that over yourself forever. Nobody would of predicted that happening, it was completely out of your control"
Harry gazes at me intently, soaking in every word. I run my hand along his cheek as I stare back into his eyes "I am so sorry Harry" I say softly. I then press my forehead against his, slightly breathing in his comforting scent. "I am so sorry you had to go through that kind of pain alone" I breathe.
I let a tear fall, making me bite my lip, as I try to hold back the other tears that threaten to fall. Harry cups my cheek, then slowly presses his lips against mine, as I instantly melt into him. I can taste the salty tears that ran over his lips.
He then pulls back sooner than I expected "Why are you crying?" he questions, as he runs his thumb along my cheek.
I start to shake my head "I'm fine, it just hurts knowing that you had to go through something so heartbreaking and you didn't even have anyone there for you. I wish I could of been there for you" I answer as I wipe my damp cheeks.
He puts his pointer finger underneath my chin, raising my eyes to meet his "Well you're here for me now, and that's all that matters" he speaks in a low voice.
I let out a small sigh, as I nod my head at him. "I'll always be here for you, I promise" I tell him. A small smile starts to appear on my face "You're kind of stuck with me" I chuckle lightly.
He looks down, biting his lip, a warm smile now on his face. He looks back up at me, moving his face closer to mine "I'll forever be happily stuck with you then" he mumbles.
My smile grows, before I connect my lips back with his, as we both smile into the kiss. Moments like this, after all the pain, somehow Harry and I are able to be left with a smile on our faces.
Harry's the light of my life. I feel like before I knew him everything was so dark, but now everything is so clear and bright. I'm happy and in love, which is something I could barley even fathom the thought of. I don't want to waste another moment with him, I want to really soak in every moment I'm with him, and try to be the person he deserves.
I pull away from the kiss then look into his eyes intently "I'm in love with you Harry" I breathe.
I see his lips curve back up into a smile, as he tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth. He runs his fingers through my hair, then puts my hair behind my ear. "I love you" he whispers, before he presses a small and gentle kiss to the tip of my nose.
We then get into bed, as he curls up next to me, laying his head on my chest with a wide grin on his face. I shake my head at him as I start to run my fingers though his hair, feeling his breathing start to slow down and his eyes start to droop. I smile down at him as he starts to fall into a peaceful slumber, until mine eventually consumes me.
* * * *
This chapter hurt me to write.
Also took me two days to write because these really sad chapters are so
draining sometimes.
Basically me after finishing this chapter:
Also, what do y'all think of Elizabeth?
I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!
Sending all my love,
Taylor x