n. the feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness—to the extent you have to keep reminding yourself that it happened at all, even though it felt so vivid just days ago—which makes you wish you could smoothly cross-dissolve back into everyday life, or just hold the shutter open indefinitely and let one scene become superimposed on the next, so all your days would run together and you'd never have to call cut.
* * *
I feel like I am floating in all this darkness. Like being caught underwater but able to breathe through the calm water. My body feels light as a feather. And then brightness behind my closed eyes force me to open them up.
I recognize the white curtains, the white ceiling and walls, the red and black ladybug polkadots bed sheet, the study table and cabinet against one wall, and the feeling of familiarity in everything. I immediately sit up, pushing my eyeglasses back properly and finding out that I am really back home. I reach out for my phone that had just been beside me and read the time.
1830. Still the same time... Monday, June 20XX. Still the same day... Parang hind man lang ako nawala. Panaginip nga lamang ba ang lahat ng iyon?
But if it is all a dream... Why do I remember every single detail of what happened?
I can remember the first time that I've been there. When the ringing sound of cannon and gunfire echoes all around me. When Isidro Wenceslao approached me and welcomed me to that weird time such as the Philippine Revolution of 1896. When he introduced me to a man I've only known through history books as the young General Gregorio del Pilar. And I've talked to him. He got angry and furious and disappointed with me. And all I did was try to live up in all of the standards he had set. And Isidro told me the only way to get out of that place was a mango, and Goyo had given me a mango.
I turn to the direction of my computer and look on at its screen, fearful of what it could show this time. It still reads the same words that I've seen even before I've been part of the game. But, this time, it no longer frightens me with its mystic and cryptic message. I shyly press 'ESC' and it disappears from the screen, and then I eject the disc. And the computer obeys me with my commands. I remove the disc and look intently at it, wondering what's causing this change all of a sudden.
Possible ba na hindi talaga iyon panaginip? Na talagang...
I shake my head and place the disc back to its case. My eyes linger onto the title another time.
So... sila Goyo... totoo talaga yung laro?
I've finally made up my mind that I'll keep my hands away from this game, and that I'll be returning this disc at the shop tomorrow. I'll be honest that I didn't stole it, and clumsy me had the disc slip through my bag without me even knowing it.
I check my schedule, finding that my class ends much earlier tomorrow. If I bolt out of my last class tomorrow, I'll be able to drop the disc back to the shop without Mom knowing where I've gone. I could also say the trump card that I've been caught in a trafficjam, but even with that, I'll need to ensure that I am ahead with time. I also hesitate to tell Via that I have a game landing straight into my bag, and I don't want to worry her about it. In the end, I've decided that I'll be returning the disc on my own.
# # #
The following morning isn't any good. Like yesterday, I almost end up late in my class. Good thing that I've woke up ahead than my alarm clock. But there's still my Mom telling me this and that even during breakfast. And the dog barking by the street, and the buses speeding with full passengers.
I check my watch, finding that it is all thanks to my body waking much earlier today that I have fifteen more minutes to spare before the start of my first class. I received a message from Via earlier to meet her by the campus' entrance, causing me to wait for her arrival all the while busying myself with a game on my phone.
"(Y/N)," someone calls for my attention.
I didn't stop from what I am doing, knowing the rumors that had been spreading that if this person is the one that I've heard about who've been causing trouble, I'll surely also be in trouble. I keep my eyes pinned on my phone as she remains right in front of me with two of her lackeys.
"(Y/N)," she repeats, much intently this time. A hint of impatience is audible in her voice. "You're friends with that Via, right?"
I know that despite Via's popularity in campus with her carefree and friendly attitude, and her beautiful face and physique, there are still others who try to outshine her. Those like this woman who've been so insecure of Via's presence.
"Tsk... Wala ka talagang pake sa anong kaya kong gawin sa iyo, ano?" she insists. Before I know it, she grabs for one of my backpack's strap and pulls it with her, dragging it to the ground.
"A-Aray!" I hiss. But clumsy me is truly clumsy. My backpack's strap falls from my shoulder, and follows the other, and then the entire bag. Its contents immediately slipping to the ground due to its' zipper had been opened. I've doubled-check it earlier that it had been close. Well, if you have two other lackeys with you, that only means four additional hands to do your dirty little bully tricks.
She laughs. "Ngayon, tititigan mo na ba ako at makikinig sa sasasabihin ko?"
I place my phone into my pocket and crouch low, arranging my things right away, still defiant not to look at her direction. Why give a bully the chance to further antagonize me, right?
"Hey! Si Prince! Si Prince nandito na!" someone from afar announces, causing a clamor of girls to gather by the front entrance much more. Not to mention that even the bully woman she is suddenly fixes her uniform and smiles widely, pushing the other girls to give her the way.
I didn't mind them as I continue on fixing my things back to my bag. Instead of not looking on, I listen.
I hear the screeching stop of a car's wheels and the opening of a door. And then the footsteps of the person who moves out of the car and the cheers of the gathered girls. Among all of them, it had been a deafening squeal from that bully earlier.
I pout. I am angrily shoving my things back to my bag, not minding if it had been as orderly as it had been before. As long as they are back in, I don't care. I can fix them later on in a room than just by the side of the entrance. After all, Via will be arriving at any minute. Better be ready or we'll both be late.
"Tulungan na kita," a familiar, hateful voice remarks. He crouches right next to me, takes my fallen books and hands it to me with both of his hands.
I turn to that scornful face that I've deemed as the devil incarnation in the form of Gregory. The same person who've bumped right into me, made me a laughingstock instead of "helping" me with finding my glasses, and make this school as if his empire. My frown deepens, realizing that his so-called fangirls had been watching me now.
He is so different from how he had acted yesterday. He is smiling this time. Not so charming, just like that annoying smile that Goyo had showed me. And what the heck am I doing? Thinking of that Goyo now when he is all a game, and this Gregory is trying his best as if he can charm me with those good looks and devilish smirk.
I take my books from him. "Salamat."
And he leans much closer to me, just enough to whisper. "Magbabago na ang buhay mo ngayon, (Y/N)," he mutters. "Kailan ka kaya babalik?"
I shiver with his chilly words, almost forcing me to blurt out in question what he means by that. But my mind already knows that it is a wrong one, and I should be asking him how did he know. But...
Hindi naman maari na alam niya yung nangyari, hindi ba? Yung doon sa laro?
Before I could even say something or even do something, he is already standing up. And the bully draws closer to him, looping her arm around him right away. As she leads him away, I can't help but watch them in question. Only to receive then dagger-like stares from the bully.
Sa tingin niya ba trip ko yung boyfriend niya? Mamatay pa ako! Kaya lamang ako napatingin ay... ano ba ang ibig-sabihin niya nun?
# # #
That afternoon, as I've planned to, I return back to the shop. Like last time, it had been empty. As if no one has any interest for video games the same way that Via does have. The only person in is the store clerk by the counter.
I smile at him and say, "Hello! Uhm, gusto ko lang po mag-sorry. Kahapon, nandito po ako, and may CD po na nahulog sa bag ko." I take the CD from my bag and then offers it to the clerk. "Gusto ko po isauli."
The clerk is a little bored that he isn't even looking at me and takes the CD. "Yeah. Whatever." He then turns to the CD that I've returned and he instantly freezes, shocked. "Yung 'Revolucíon Filipina'?!"
Before I can even answer him, a familiar voice speaks up, "Ano? Tsk, ikaw yung kumuha?"
I immediately turn toward the direction of the voice, not even realizing that among all people, I'll be meeting Gregory here. Not to mention that I didn't notice him from those stalls of video games.
He actually looks disappointed and irritated.
I turn another time to the clerk with a smile and starts moving out of the store. "Thank you and sorry po ulit!"
"Wait," Gregory stops me, a hand immediately around my upper arm.
I force myself to look back at him, frowning a little.
"Napaisip ako bigla kung talagang nahulog lang sa bag mo yung CD, o di kaya..." He chuckles. "Ninakaw mo, ano?"
"Ano?! Kung ninakaw ko, anong saysay pa na binalik ko?" I counter against him, dreading this confrontation since the first place.
He smirks. "Dahil na-bored ka na sa laro. Thief."
I feel my hands closing into tight fists, furious I am, I shout at him. "Ikaw... Ang daming naloko sa itsura mo! Napakapanget talaga ng ugali mo!"
He reaches out for my wrist, closing his hand around it tightly, drawing me closer to him as he leans his face to mine.
"Oy! Bitawan mo ako!"
"Totoo. Hindi ako mabait," he remarks with a sly smile. "Pero sino maniniwala sa iyo?"
"Gregory? Anong ginagawa mo dito? Sino siya?!" another intruder screams.
I know that voice. And looking at her, I realize that she's the same girl from earlier today who've spilled most of my things to the school entrance.
Gregory releases her hold at me as he turns to the girl with boredom, completely annoyed. "Paano mo nalaman na nandito ako? Hindi ba halata na busy ako?"
The girl then turns to me, and finally she recognizes me, causing her hatred to fuel up much more. Her features twist into absolute anger as her hands almost crushes the drink she is holding. "Ikaw!"
Gregory immediately places his hands on my shoulders, dragging me in front of him.
"A-Ano?! Bakit mo ako ginagawang shield mo?! Ano ba—"
And then something hits me on my forehead. It hurts as the spilled cup of her drink falls to the floor in front of me. Just as something sticky and wet and cold starts to slither from my forehead and then down to my face. The drink feels like it is falling in slow motion as its trail just close to the corner of my lips, but enough for me to have a little taste of it.
It tastes like some blended graham with milk and something familiar in sweetness.
I start to feel dizzy. As if the entire world around me is spinning out of control. But I don't feel like falling at all.
Instead, I smell an old taste of perfume. And hear the sound of cocking a bullet in place. And a gun's butt against my forehead.
And the familiar voice I didn't thought I'll be hearing again.
"Sino ka?"
* * *
A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)
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