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Maximus' Pov
I missed her, her long golden hair, her soft hands, her bubbling energy and her smile. I close my eyes trying to recall her but she was slowly fading from my imagination the only thing I could catch was a whiff of her jasmine scent and her golden waves.
Her laugh taunted my dreams, her smiling eyes losing their color. I didn't want her to fade, I wanted her to stay. Her memory...our memories the only thing that made me smile nowadays.
She disappeared just as quickly as she came into my life. She came with a burst of colors now gone she was draining them away slowly. And yet I tried so hard to hold on to them.
I breath in. I was sitting outside her window sill, an apartment she abandoned two months ago and taking every single piece of her, not leaving a single thing for me to grasp to.
The two months she disappeared were the longest two months of my life. Every thought went back to her, every sleepless night evolved around her. She was the core of my thoughts and I didn't want her to go just yet.
It was Christmas eve, the snow cold against my pale skin and for some reason that reminds me of when we first encountered. I was intrigued at how shocked she was at the paleness of my skin that I myself had not noticed. I smile at the thought that I vowed to look after my body because of that and also because I was secretly happy that I was only pale because of the cold.
I watch as a snow flake danced down elegantly just to fall on my black boot, I flick it off. The streets were adorned with Christmas decorations, red and green flashing from every corner. I hated Christmas, nothing good ever happened on Christmas. From a distance I could hear a faint Christmas carol, I also hated Christmas carols.
I wondered where Hales was, in the midst of all these Christmas preparations, where was she?
Where had she moved to? Where did she work now? Everyday I had the urge to get these answers but I stopped myself, I knew she wouldn't like that. All I knew was that she had graduated last month, with a degree in nursing. And as much as I knew Hales, I knew she already found a job and was also looking to study further more.
I wanted to see her, just a glimpse was enough.
Two months ago, I fucked up. I knew I did the moment I denied knowing her, I freaked out but I also did it to protect her. But even when I got the chance to explain myself she still disappeared, not leaving a trace. She didn't want anything to do with me and the stress I bought but I couldn't blame her.
The media was thankfully off her back and they stopped pestering her. I put the people who stole her videos behind bars but even that wasn't enough for her to reach out. I wanted to communicate with her through that but she never reached out, I just wanted to know if she was happy and alright. I've always wanted to reach out but her not leaving a trace for me told me she didn't want me to reach out no matter how much I needed to hear from her. I was just history to her now, a guy she was acquainted with for a few weeks who clearly needed to move on.
If I wanted to I could get her information in the matter of two seconds but I also wanted to respect her privacy. After all that I have put her through thats the least I could do and I hated that I couldn't do more.
Then a miracle occurred, a miracle I had prayed for to happen every single day I sat waiting on that window sill. I waited even though I knew there was a large possibility of her never returning but it finally happened. The door clicked open and I heard her laugh, heavenly, like a lullaby sweet enough to make you smile in your sleep. I nearly jumped into the apartment but another laugh stopped me. It was more deeper than hers, a masculine laugh. I wait patiently knowing that it was just her friend Sam.
"I can't believe I forgot it! An Adams Christmas isn't the same without it," I furrow my eyebrows, what was?
Then he says something I dismiss as I longingly waited for her caressing voice to speak again. A voice I had no idea I craved for like a mad man.
"First guy!? How can you forget Sam?" So it wasn't Sam, my curiosity shoots to the roof as I jealously wait to know who she was with.
"Well, first potential boyfriend you are bringing home for an Adams Christmas," potential boyfriend? Maybe I heard it wrong so I move scoot closer inside to try to hear their conversation better.
"Ah shit Hales I want to kiss you," I stumble back, holding the stair rails for support. I definitely heard that one right.
She moved on. My world was blurring, moving in colourful circles that I could not comprehend. She had a boyfriend. My head was spinning like someone was drilling a hole in it and they wouldn't stop until I collapsed. She had forgotten about me. I compose myself, dismissing the drilling in my head and the fire set to my heart. Maybe she wouldn't kiss him.
"You may kind sir," the snow suddenly felt like it was burning me, every drop like lava digging inside my skin. I place my hand on my chest, heartburn, it felt worse with the cold. I hated it, I hated that I grew so attached to her, a girl who has carved her way into my life like an unforgettable sequence. A girl who doesn't even feel the same way back.
I felt weak, catching feelings made me weak. She was able to melt the glacier around my heart and yet here she was kissing another guy and slowly building a brick wall around a heart that was always too afraid to love.
I loved her, and like everyone else in my life, she left and broke my heart. I shielded it, protected it from damage yet one smile of hers was enough to make anyone fall in love.
I breath in the cold air, I could feel my eyes filling with tears. I hated crying. I hated everything about it. A girl nearly making me cry? Pathetic.
I zip my jacket, push my hands into my pockets and slowly descend down the stairs. Staring down at a mistletoe just below the stairs. I imagined her standing below it smiling up at me, waiting... Her golden hair adorned with snow flakes, her cheeks rose pink in the cold and her pink lips slightly open as they huffed out cold air. I stop, close my eyes and shake my head vigorously.
It was time to move on and get her out of my head. She was now a nobody to me. But even when I opened my eyes, she still stood there smiling and I could almost here her voice, tender and sweet whispering, "Hooded Berry Allen."
I pull the hoodie further below my eyes not wanting to see her in my imagination no more. Fifteen minutes ago I longed for her full presence in my dreams but yet now descending down the cold metal stairs, I wanted the opposite.
I needed to move on.
But why did it seem impossible to now get her out of my head. It felt like trying to forget the alphabet which was almost impossible. I knew moving on took time but something within me told me that moving on from her was going to take longer. I sigh as I reach the bottom of the stairs and look up at the decorated trees. Christmas, a time of love and happiness. I scoff. More like a time for heartbreak piled on more heartbreak.
Or was it that I was just unlucky?
"Maximus?" I dismiss her voice and continue looking up towards the trees my eyes now concentrated on a snowflake that slowly danced down to land on my cheek with a sharp coldness.
"Maximus," I wanted her gone, but hearing her voice...her words to another man was going to haunt me day and night. Awake or sleeping.
"Hello can you hear me sir?" I look towards her and my eyes widen. She wasn't in my imagination, she was real and she was standing right in front of me with her hands on her hips and an agitated look crossing her face. I nearly smile.
She had changed completely. Her long golden hair now cut short and matt black. I take in her change slowly. Her green eyes seemed more vibrant with the black hair, her rosy cheeks and pink lips stood out more begging for attention. She looked more stunning than ever and for a moment my mouth was wide open as I stared at the beauty that my eyes were blessed with.
The snow had created a white crown on her black silky hair. She was blinking quickly trying to remove the snow that had rested on her long eyelashes, her eyebrows furrowing in that adorable frustrated look of hers. I realise that I couldn't take my eyes off hers, the black hair made them luminous.
She was glowing
"Now now Maximus you should know a girl glows when she is being treated right," Grandma once told me when I pointed out that Jessica, my nanny, looks different.
"Are you stalking me?" I look at where Im standing, right below the fire escape stairs I used to use to sneak into her apartment.
"Ahh no, of course not!" I glance at the mistletoe wishing we were below it.
"Really?" Her voice drips with uncertainty and I look at her arched eyebrow that seem to go up too high.
"Yeah really," I wanted to tell her how much I miss her, how much I needed her, how every night I couldn't sleep because of her, how seeing her right now made me the happiest I had ever been. But instead I say, "It was nice meeting you, Merry Christmas," and walk away from her to any place but home.
"Didn't he die on Christmas?" I halt at her question. She was definitely too curious. Thats not a conversation you start with someone when you've just met them after two fucking miserable months. You inquire about their health, their wellbeing, have they been sleeping? She could have at least asked, "do you enjoy me taunting your dreams?" And it'd have been more reasonable. But Hales always jumped straight to the point in mind and never beat around the bush, she didn't realise her straightforwardness hurt at times.
"I don't know, I think," I shrug, trying to shrug off the conversation too.
"I'm sorry, that was a dumb thing to ask," I wanted to tell her it was alright, hug her, apologize for what I did. But I fake a smile, nod my head and move away from her. I wanted to be as far as possible from her, I didn't want to be near her jasmine scented body. It was too much for a broken love struck men.
I sigh, a part of me wanted to turn around but a part of me wanted to move on, from this joke. Because it wasn't a relationship it was a joke. A joke that tortured me. The only way to move on from this joke is to move on from her.
I knew she was still standing where I left her, looking at my shrinking body.
I love you Hales. I utterly love you.