Walking up to school the next day felt a little off for me. Mostly because I walked up to the doors with Shawn, because he insisted on walking me to my first class. I didn't mind his company, but I also felt like I would rather walk to my class by myself. But I didn't argue with him. I only smiled as he walked by my side into the school.
"So, I can sit next to you at lunch, right?" Shawn asks, as we approach my first hour class. I was surprised to hear that coming from him. I didn't know if he even knew what he was doing but I didn't question him about it. I didn't know if I even wanted to sit with him, or if I would rather sit by myself but, once again, I let my words have a mind of its own.
"Sure. . .yeah, we can sit with each other," I say, tightening my grip around my books.
He smiles at me, and looks down at his feet while letting out a small laugh, "Cool. See ya later, Tegan."
"Bye."
I never actually noticed how nice Shawn was being to me. But then again, he wasn't ever very mean to me. He just never talked to me. He ignored the way Lexi and them would treat me, and that would make me feel pretty awful about myself. But it was better than having Shawn torture me as well.
And I never noticed his smile. And the way his eyes sparkle every time he speaks to me. He has that kind of charm that leaves me wanting to know more about him. He's nice to me, and it makes me like him even more. More than I ever expected I would like him. But I like Shawn. I really admire the way he cares for others. He has me actually wanting to be his friend.
Pushing my thoughts aside, I take my seat towards the back of the classroom, grabbing the worksheets that we had been working on for the past few weeks.
The class went by slow for me. Most of the time I dozed off and stared at the posters on the wall while the teacher spoke about the importance of the atmosphere around Earth. During the times when I wasn't almost asleep, I was thinking about Shawn and what I am supposed to talk about at lunch today. I don't want him to think I'm boring, though I really am, but I couldn't think of at least one thing to talk about with him.
The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted to sit by myself. I appreciated him sitting with me, but I didn't ask him to. But the more I hung out with Shawn the more I got to know him. He's like that. He likes to make others happy. He'll do anything for anybody to make them smile. It's hard to believe that he hung out with Lexi.
Time went by slow, but I didn't mind because that gave me more time to think about what to say at lunch. But eventually, the bell rang and I found myself slowing walking over towards the cafeteria. I didn't know where to go, since I usually just take the first open spot I see, but with me walking at the pace that I did, most of the seats were already taken.
I walked around the cafeteria for a while before spotting Shawn at a table, looking down at his cell phone. I took a breathe before walking towards him and raking a seat across from him.
"Hey," he says, smiling as he turns his phone off and looks up at me.
"Hi," I sigh.
"You're not eating?"
I frowned looking down at my palms, realizing I must've left my lunch at home, "No, I forgot it at my house this morning and I don't have money to buy school lunch."
"Oh well, I can buy you a lunch," he says, getting up from his seat, "here, you have this one, and I'll buy another one."
"Oh no, Shawn it' alright, really. I'm not even that hungry."
He looked back at me and smirked, "Really, it's alright. You can't skip lunch."
Before I could say anything else, he took off towards the lunch line.
I tried to be as comfortable as I could, but the feeling of people staring at my back took over me. It happended to me often, it was like I was having an anxiety attack, but a really small one. I felt my palms start to get sweaty and my breathing suddenly accelerated. I don't know why I'm having an attack, no one was with me, there was absolutely no one making me feel uncomfortable. I hate myself for this. I hate that I was freaking out for no reason at all. I want to run out of the cafeteria. I want to throw myself off a bridge.
"Hey," I hear from behind. I jump from my seat but suddenly calm down when I see that it's only Maya, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you..."
I force a laugh and look up at her, "Oh no it's alright."
"How've you been? It's been a while."
"Oh...alright I guess," I say and Maya sits in the seat across from me. There was an awkward silence, and we only sat and stared at our feet. I felt a little better, my breathing slowed down but my palms were still sweating. It must've been the fact that I was with someone I actually liked and trusted.
A few minutes of awkward silence passed before Shawn finally came back. He set the tray on the table and sat in the seat next to me. I awkwardly grabbed the plastic fork next to me started to eat the food Shawn had given to me. Maya still sat across from me, and she looked surprised that Shawn was actually communicating with me.
Lunch went by better than expected. I never knew what to talk about, but Maya and Shawn are pretty social, so usually they would always have something to say. To my surprise, I'm actually glad that Shawn decided to sit with me.
Shawn insisted on walking me to my next class, though that would result in him being late to his. I told him I didn't need him to, but he knew I had my next clas with Austin. He wanted to make sure I was going to be alright.
"So. . .hey I wanna get your mind off things for a while. Would you maybe want to hang out sometime. . .?" my eyes suddenly widened.
Was I hearing things right? Was I actually dreaming about everything that happended today? I turned to look up at Shawn, who had a small grin of his face. I forced a smile at him and laughed nervously.
"You know. . .maybe we can watch a movie or something?" he added.
I didn't know what to say. My mind was still processing what he had just said to me. I couldn't think straight and I soon heard the faint sound of the bell ringing. I was frozen in my tracks, and couldn't find the strength to move my legs. Shawn didn't seem to care that he was late. He stared at me smiling, waiting for a reply. When I didn't, his smile slowly disappeared from his face. His large hands gently gripped my arm and my head lifted up to look into his bold, brown eyes. There was a look of worry on his face, but I quickly looked back down at my shoes.
"Tegan. . ." he said softly, "you can say no. ."
"No, I--I mean I would like to, yes," I didn't think about what I was saying, I just let myself talk. Because if I did think, I would probably say something I'd regret, "So yes, I do want to watch a movie sometime."
"Awesome," he said, and let out a sigh of relief, "how bout tomorrow?"
"Yes, tomorrow is perfect."
"I'll pick you up at six." he winked at me before walking me towards my classroom. I worried about what the teacher might say to me for being late, but I didn't think too much about that. The only thing I could really think about, was the fact that I was actually going to hang out with Shawn this weekend.
"I think you should wear this!" Maya shouted, digging through my drawers and pulling out a pair of jeans and a flannel, "that would be so cute."
Maya had begged me to hang out after school. After I agreed, I told her she needed to pick out an outfit for me to wear with Shawn tomorrow.
"Oh no!" she exclaimes. I sighed, watching her skip over to my closet, "this."
She held up a dress, that I've only worn once. It was blue with a white bow around the waist. I loved that dress. But now, with all the scars on my arms and legs, I'm not able to wear it anymore. I smiled at her as she shook the dress in front of my face.
"We're only going to see a movie, Maya," I laughed as she sighed and continued looking through my closet.
After a long time of searching, Maya finally came to a conclusion of the very first outfit she picked out; light blue jeans with a white shirt and her leather jacket she insisted on letting me wear. She also let me borrow a pair of black shoes she owned, because of the fact that I didn't own any. I'd have to admit, I really do like the outfit she picked out for me, and I was looking fowars to wearing it tomorrow. And it's hard to believe that I'm actually looking foward to seeing the movie with Shawn as well.
We spent the remainder of our time watching a series of different shows because we couldn't agree on any show to watch. After a while, my mother walked in with the smile she almost always had on her face, asking me if I was ready for my therapy session.
The obvious answe was no, but I knew I had no choice but to go so I dragged myself off my bed and out the front door. I waved goodbye to Maya before sitting in the passenger seat of my mother's car. I let my head lay back against the head rest and slowly shut my eyes, preparing myself for the next hour of my life I'd never be able to get back.
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yaya shawn and tegan r gonna hang out !!! sorry for a short chapter btw. so as i was editing this chap, i noticed that i sometimes go from present tense(like he says) but then i go to past tense(he said) and im really sorry bout that. sometimes i forget and other times i jut dont realize but ill try to pay better attention to that from now on(: thanks for all the reads and voted ily guys !!