I slept almost all day, but when I woke up, Lakyn was there, curled up next to me with a book in his hands. He put it down to run his fingers through my hair and didn't ask if I was okay, because we both knew I wasn't.
I ate a sandwich and played video games and Mr. James kept his distance until around six, when he leaned in the doorway of the living room and asked, "You ready?"
No. Of course it wasn't.
Lakyn squeezed my hand and asked, "Can I go?"
I looked towards Mr. James hopefully, but he shook his head. "I don't think you should. It's likely you'll sway Scott into coming back here."
I felt Lakyn deflate next to me, and I squeezed his hand back. "I don't want you there if they're going to yell."
He didn't argue, so I leaned over for a quick kiss before getting to my feet. I gave Mr. James a quick nod and followed him out of the house. Once we were in his car, he said, "I want you to understand that I'm here for you, and I will support whatever decision you make. I am only going to be your back up. But if you need it, my house is open to you."
"Thank you," I said softly. I thought of Juliet, and the problems we theorized she had. I thought of Rick, coming back from college. I thought of Lakyn, and the hell he had been through. I seemed so small, in comparison. "But, why?"
Mr. James cracked a smile. "What do you mean 'why'?"
"I mean." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I mean, why me? I'm not anyone special to you. Why bother?"
He sat with that for a moment, obviously thinking about how he wanted to reply. "When my sister-in-law was pregnant with Lakyn, Lily and I were both so excited. We couldn't wait for him to be part of our lives. When he was actually born though, my brother didn't even tell anyone. And when we showed up to their house, they shut the door in our faces. I think, from day one, Lakyn has always felt a little more like mine than a nephew.
"In a weird, twisted way, I was always a little happy whenever my brother couldn't manage to parent because then Lakyn got to come home for a while, and things felt complete. You're not just anyone, Scott, you're someone important to my someone. You're a kid who needs a little help. And maybe this teenage love will last, maybe it won't, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is now, and you've helped Lakyn enough that you're someone to me. Don't ever doubt that."
I wasn't going to cry. More because I could see my house coming into view than because I didn't want to. When Mr. James stopped the car, he put a hand on my shoulder and asked again, "You ready?"
"Will I ever be?" I asked back, and he gave me a squeeze before opening his door.
I followed his lead, but when we got to the door I wasn't sure what to do. Instinct said to open it, it was my house, but it didn't feel right. It felt like intruding. When I hesitated too long, Mr. James took it upon himself to ring the doorbell.
The door opened a moment later, shyly at first, before my mother realized what she was seeing and threw herself at me. She looked like she'd been crying, and even though I felt stiff, I couldn't help but bring an arm around her and hold her back.
"Scott! I knew you would come home! It didn't take that long!" She was still holding me when I noticed my father come around. He didn't look at me, but instead sized Mr. james up. I felt my stomach roll.
"Who is this, then?" he asked. Mr. James went to answer, but before he could, my father said, "Another queer influence?"
I had heard Lakyn use that word before, but it had never made me want to flinch the way it did when Dad used it. I looked sideways at Mr. James, who pocketed his hands. I hadn't noticed him go in for a handshake, but he'd decided against it by then.
"I'm Benjamin James. I believe you know my nephew, Lakyn. He said you gave him quite the shoulder knock last time he was here."
My father's jaw tightened and my mother released me. She held me at arms length, and gave Mr. James a long look. "Well, thank you, sir, for bringing him home. I apologize if he was any trouble."
She started to steer me towards the house, and I felt a panic like I never had before. There had been plenty of times I hadn't wanted to go home, but this was different. Like a warning.
"Actually, I was hoping to have a word with the two of you," Mr. James said. His voice was still calm, but firm. "There were some worries of Scott's that I wanted to address."
"Worries of Scott's?" My father repeated, although he phrased it as if it were a joke. "Scott has nothing to be worried about. My wife and I, on the other hand, have many things to be concerned about. Like, perhaps, the twisted, unholy influence your nephew had on him."
I shot a look at Mr. James, but his stance didn't waiver. He simply smiled. "If there is any legitimate issue either of you have with Lakyn, I will be happy to discuss them, but Lakyn loving your son is no problem of mine."
My mother's hands tightened on my arms and her entire body gave a shake. "That is not love. That is a perversion that we will be fixing."
Finally, my mouth decided to work. "Fix?" I asked. "How?"
My mother turned back to me and her demeanor softed. She looked at me like she was truly concerned, and picked at my hair like she had when I was a child. "Don't worry, baby. We're going to take care of you. We've already picked out a nice camp-"
"I am not going to one of those camps," I snapped back.
"You don't have a choice," My father said, and when I went to open my mouth again, he cut me off with, "you live under my roof, and you will follow my rules."
"Well I don't have to live under your roof if I don't want to," I shot back.
"Scott," my mother said softly, "stop this. Come inside. This is silly-"
I tore myself away from her and walked backwards until I ran into Mr. James' chest. He laid a comforting hand on my shoulder and said, "Scott, why don't you go and get some of your things. You'll need stuff for school and whatnot."
"What?" my mother asked, "Why would he-"
"You can't just take him," my father blurted. He looked angrier than I'd ever seen him, but still, Mr. James remained calm. "That's kidnapping!"
"Hardly," Mr. James replied. "Scott's at the age where any court would hear him out. But if you want to call the cops, Mr. White, feel free. I would love to watch you explain to them what exactly is happening here. Scott, your things."
I hesitated before taking a step forward. When no one moved to stop me, I let myself into the house and hurried off to my room. I threw my closet open and went for one of my old sports bags shoved into the corner. In the back pocket, I fished out three mini bottles of Fireball.
I did one after another and closed my eyes against the burning sensation, letting the alcohol warm me down to my fingertips. It had been awhile since I had needed it, but right then, the only thing in my mind was what could have happened if Mr. James hadn't been there for me.
But he was. So I picked up that same bag and shoved my favorite clothes into it.I slid into the bathroom and threw anything I needed into another bag. My athletic gear was at school, but I grabbed my backpack on my way out.
My mother was still by the front door, her arms wrapped around herself. My father still looked irritated, but Mr. James was waiting. He smiled warmly at me, "Ready?" he asked.
This time, I nodded, tightened my grip on my bags, and went back to his car as quickly as my legs would carry me. I heard him say behind me, "When you decide to love your son for exactly who he is, you may give me a call."
I slammed the door shut, and refused to cry.
I wouldn't waste my tears on them.
***
Mr. James gave me a week to settle in, and that week was filled with sweets and cuddles and ignoring what was happening. At least at home. At school things were ... different. But home was home, and home was safe.
I waited each day for Mr. James to tell me to get my shit out of Lakyn's room, but he never did. When I finally asked he just told me that it wasn't a battle worth fighting.
I didn't ask again. The comfort of Lakyn's warmth next to mine in the middle of the night when everything got too quiet mattered more than any qualms I had in my mind. I wasn't going to make a mess of a good thing.
There was a sense of calm that arrived once my world balanced out. And that was when Mr. James pounced.
"Alright boys," he said, sitting down across from us. He was wearing a bright pink shirt that said 'I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.' "Time to have the sex talk."
Lakyn snorted and tilted his banana popsicle my way and I gave him a look that I hoped would kill him. Or me. So that I didn't have to deal with this situation.
"It's a little funny," he said.
"I hate you," I replied.
Lakyn's eyebrows flew up. "Oh, shit Scotty, I think that's the first time you've actually been funny."
I wanted to flip him off but it seemed crude given the circumstances so instead I looked at my lap. Like that was safer.
"I know that you both are having it, hopefully only with each other, but this is still my house, and I'm trusting that you both will treat me with respect while living with me."
I was nodding, and I was pretty sure Lakyn was too, because Mr. James pressed on. "I'm not going to tell you to stop, because I'm not an idiot and I remember what being a teenage boy is like, but I am going to ask you to be safe. That means that I want to know that you know how your body works, what's normal and what isn't normal, and what safety precautions you need to take."
Lakyn snapped his fingers. "Condoms."
"Even for oral," Mr. James said.
"But-"
"Lakyn," I hissed, cutting him off. I couldn't look at him, but I felt him sink closer to me on the couch.
"Do the research," Mr. James said. "I'm going to test you on it."
"Oh my god," I muttered. I felt myself turning red, and resisted the urge to cover my face. I knew that if I did I would never hear the end of it.
"I also want you both to know how to get tested, and where, and why it's important. I don't care if you ever plan on having partners outside of each other, it's important to know. And we're going to be talking about this, a lot, so get used to it. But also know that I'm not here to keep secrets or cut corners. If you have a question or need help looking something up, just ask. Okay?"
"Okay," Lakyn said, and when I didn't, he squeezed my hand to remind me to at least nod.
Mr. James nodded and stood up. "You're both good boys, and you're good to each other, don't slack in this department. You two good?"
"Yes," I muttered. My stupid face still felt warm though.
He ruffled my hair on his way out, but stopped and sighed deeply. "But boys, please don't have sex in my kitchen."