DECEMBER 29TH
These were the days leading up to the new year, that seemed to blend altogether. I found I wasted the days sleeping rather than doing something productive. I ignored the calls and texts from my best friends in hopes to catch up on rest I had been missing out on. But I still didn't feel any better.
The day felt weird when I woke up. It was raining harder than usual, the air was crisp, causing the inside of the house to feel cooler than usual. So I kicked the heater on before I hopped into the shower. My gut was full of negative energy, something desperately was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what. We were supposed to listen to our bodies when something was wrong, my dad had told me that many times in my eighteen years. But I chose to ignore the feeling and the negative things run down the drain of the shower. I wanted to be in a better mood than I had been in for the previous days. Even though, Ashton and I were significantly sure on where we stood with each other, I still didn't feel good about things because Veronica was still in the picture.
And that would be rubbed in my face tonight, when I attended Elizabeth's big birthday party. In previous years, I wasn't anyone special to land a spot on the guest list for her birthday parties, but this year, I was what everyone wanted to be around. Her birthday's were always extravagant and unnecessary. For her sixteenth birthday, I heard her parents gifted her a Ferrari that Calum later crashed and they never fixed it for that reason. On Elizabeth's seventeenth birthday, she had a few celebrities show up, but no one too popular to be memorable to anyone that had gone from school. This year, I expected her to show up in a helicopter, draped in the best fur she could find. I really didn't care about all the fancy things, nor did I care to show up, but curiosity was itching at the surface of my skin. I could, at least, experience, a few hours of Elizabeth's grand world.
Luke was going with Ally and I would go with Michael since Ashton was preoccupied with Veronica as his date. Ashton and I needed to keep a low profile anyway, so no one grew suspicious of us. Arrie was staying at the house, but he would be on standby if I needed anything. I still felt extremely bad that his entire life revolved around me and what I did. For now, keeping an eye on me was the only thing he had to do.
When I secured the dusty purple floral dress to my body, I felt good. Better than usual, I could say. I styled my hair in a simple half-up do to make it seem like I had enough effort in me to look good for the occasion. I did feel slightly insecure about showing up to the party in a floral dress. I mean, did anyone really wear florals in the middle of winter? I guess I did. I accessorized with the necklace Ashton had given me for Christmas and with other gold jewelry I could find that made me feel glamorous even though it wasn't my night.
My moment of glamour only lasted so long until I saw Ally. She wore an all black off the shoulder v-neck dress. Tea length, exactly. She looked like a sophisticated starlet from the 1950s with her hand around Luke's arm. Even her hair lied in perfect vintage curls. I wanted to be as lucky as Luke. God, I would've brought Evelyn as a date if she was allowed in, instead of bringing Michael who wanted to get drunk off the expensive champagne, disappearing from my side instantly.
"I like your dress." Ally pulled me into a gentle hug and greeting me with an air kiss to each cheek. Etiquette queen, she was. And I...I didn't exactly belong here. I took etiquette classes when I was ten, but I was still overwhelmed by the amounts of plates and forks and all the random knowledge on how to place my utensils on my plate to let the waiters know how I was feeling about my meal. I could barely remember if I needed to do the Duchess Slant or cross my legs completely when I sat down at my table to eat. Fuck, did it even matter? No one was going to be looking under the table anyway.
"Are you mocking me?" I asked Ally. She giggled at my question. She giggled like I was stupid and honestly, yeah, I think I am stupid. If I was smart I would be able to have everything I wanted right now. Like happiness and Ashton, but instead I tortured myself.
"You're the only person I would never mock." Ally assured me.
"I guess Luke isn't safe then?" Ashton voice came up behind us, startling us. His hair was gelled back and he wore an all black suit that was tailored just for his body. God, what a sight. I felt blessed.
"Ashton." I nodded to him.
"Sage." And responded, keeping strong eye contact with me as he pressed a kiss to the back of my hand.
"Where's Veronica?" Ally interjected in a petty tone. "She wouldn't miss her best friend's birthday for anything." She scrunched her curls in her hand, rolling her eyes at the lack of Veronica's presence.
"She's ill." Ashton placed my hand back down to my side. "Food poisoning."
"And not arsenic poisoning?" Ally's palm lied against her chest, feigning surprise. "What a shame." She shrugged one of her shoulders, before walking off. "I'll leave you guys."
Why couldn't she stay? I didn't wanna be in this awkward tension with Ashton while we figured out how to be together with Veronica still around.
"Stunning. So stunning. And you wore the necklace?" His voice was husky as he admired the necklace. "I barely have any words. You look beautiful."
I nodded. "I appreciate that. Thank you." I peered over my shoulder to see Veronica and Calum staring right at Ashton and I. Elizabeth would be reporting this interaction back to Veronica in real time. I could tell by the way that her fingers began tapping aggressively on her phone. "But Elizabeth already saw you talking to me, so I think you should part ways from me."
"Follow me." What? I didn't have the breathe to ask any questions as Ashton yanked my hand so I could follow him. The birthday party was at one of the grandest ballrooms in a hotel that was downtown. So when Ashton dragged me out of the ballroom, we were going down an endless hallway of doors, until we were finally away from all of the commotion of the party. Though, the hotel was expensive and super fancy, the hallways weren't even illuminated by anything remotely nice. Just dim, yellow lighting that made me feel subconscious about how I thought I looked underneath them. "I just need t-" Ashton didn't finish his sentence before I felt his lips crash onto mine. As much as I wanted to deny the affection, I couldn't. No matter what, there were always magnetic forces keeping him and I from parting. As if we were meant to be. "I love you so much." He kissed my forehead.
"I love you too." I didn't hesitate to say it back. I had nothing left to lose. I wanted to shout it from every rooftop, but who would approve right now?
"All of this is going to change soon. I promise." He kissed my forehead again. "I want you. No one else."
"Sage?" I heard Luke's voice echo down the hall. Of course, Luke would know where I was. He secretly had my phone's location on his own phone for two years of my life until I noticed he had it and decided that I was too lazy to turn it off. Besides, I never knew if I would get kidnapped. "Arrie is here, he's looking for you."
My eyebrows furrowed together. I jogged as fast as I could down the hallway in the heels I wore. Arrie wouldn't show up unless something was wrong. Ideally, my heart sank and my stomach tied in knots and I wanted to vomit on Ashton. But I didn't. Props to me for that.
"It's Sam..." Arrie huffed, trying to catch his breath. He probably fought to get in the party with his white t-shirt and sweatpants. In one of his hands was a piece of paper. "One of our mutual friends found this where they were staying. He's gone..."
"What do you mean?" I was skeptical. Anything could literally mean anything in this brand new world I had thrown myself in.
"They found his body in the lake."
There are choices that we make in life that are irreversible and ruin everything in long run. There are choices that we make in life that set us up for good. I can't decide if my choices have set me up for the good or for the bad. When you read this, Sage, I just want you to know that I am sorry. I am sorry I never got to be a better brother for you, I am sorry for never letting you help me, I am sorry that this had to happen. I will rest peacefully knowing that Arrie will keep you safe and knowing that Sienna is gone for, what seems like, good. She's back with her motorcycle club boyfriend, so you and dad can move on. Hopefully you two have the strength to do so.
With love,
Sam
Gasp