We walked slowly down the street hand in hand, waving in and out of the people rushing to get home. It had felt so completely normal when Noah took my hand outside the coffee shop that I hadn't given it a second thought. He had his large hand wrapped around mine, and it was a very familiar feeling. It was also kind of strange. And not very friends like.
It had been a long time since I held someone's hand, and especially Noah's. I remembered how I used to love his hands. They were large and warm and very talented... I used to love the feel of his hands as they stroked over my bare skin, over the curves of my body... The things he could do with those hands... the scent of him, the way his body felt against mine...
"Em," Noah said, and squeezed my hand. "Em."
"Oh sorry. Did you say something?" I silently cursed myself as I snapped back to reality.
"Yeah" his face broke up into a huge, breathtaking smile. "I asked if it was okay if we went to this restaurant."
He pointed to the door of a small Italian restaurant I'd never been to before. I hadn't even realized that we stopped. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts of a much lesser dressed Noah...
"Fine. Yes," I answered, and it sounded like I was short of breath. I silently cursed myself. We were supposed to be friends only. That had been my rule. No inappropriate thoughts or touches, but I'd clearly already messed both of those up.
Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulders and smiled devilishly down at me. "What were you thinking about?" His voice was deep, and I felt his hot breath on my face as he whispered in my ear.
I gulped. This was definitely not how friends were supposed to act. "Eh... it was a bit inappropriate," I admitted stupidly.
"Inappropriate how?" He mused. "Did it involve me, Em?"
He winked at me as he pulled the door open and held it for me. My heart rate picked up because, despite everything I'd said about us just being friends, he was affecting me in non-friendly ways. The answer was yes to both his questions, but I couldn't tell him that. So instead of answering, I bent my head to hide my blushing cheeks and walked past him into the restaurant.
Noah chuckled as he followed behind me. We stopped by the hostess station and he kept his hand on my low back while we waited for the hostess.
"Two for dinner?" The perky blond woman asked as she smiled up at Noah.
"Yes please," he responded and let his hand glide down lower until it rested right above my butt. My mind ventured off again, thinking of other inappropriate things. All of them involving Noah.
I needed to get a grip.
We followed behind the blond hostess over to a small table in a dimly lit corner that had a full view of the small, intimate restaurant. There was a fire burning in a nearby fireplace that was surrounded by stacked stones with a large wooden mantle, which was appropriately decorated with autumn leaves and pumpkins. Dark wood beams went across the ceiling and dark wood paneling covered the bottom of the walls and a baroque-looking wallpaper in a blue covered the top part. It created an intimate and romantic feeling. So far, Noah had done well, and it impressed me.
I was surprised that the restaurant wasn't crowded. Granted, it was a Wednesday night, but it seemed to be the perfect place to spend a romantic evening. Only a few other tables were occupied. Mostly with couples, but a group of four men in suits sat at a round table across the room. There was a bar off to the side from the entrance, but there were only a few patrons there as well.
Noah pulled the chair out for me like a perfect gentleman. I thanked him and sat down, after placing my jacket over the back of the chair. I had decided to keep it with me, instead of using the restaurant's closet check in, because I tended to get cold. The waitress had left two small menus on the table and excused herself, promising a waiter would be with us in a couple of minutes.
Noah reached over and took my hand in his. "Thanks for coming with me, Em."
I just smiled back, all while thinking that this felt a hell of a lot more like a date than friends meeting for dinner.
"Do you like it so far he asked?" sounding uncharacteristically nervous.
"Yes," I agreed. "Very much so. The restaurant has a great feel. "
"Good," he smiled. "Do you want wine?"
I exhaled slowly as I thought that through. I wanted to keep my shit together, but I also wanted to enjoy the dinner. Wine usually made me relax.
"I'd love some," I decided.
Noah's eyes scanned slowly from my eyes to my lips as he asked, "red or white?"
"It doesn't matter," I responded, my voice suddenly breathy.
"What do you prefer?"
"I usually drink Pinot Grigio, but I can drink red if you want to get a bottle."
Noah's eyes traveled back up to my eyes, and he smiled again. "Are you sure? It feels like it is a red wine kind of night, but we don't have to get a bottle if you don't want to."
Noah's eyes darkened as he kept studying me.
If I were Sara, I would've said that I thought we should just get a bottle of wine and forget about the food altogether and just get the hell out of there, but that wasn't the kind of person I was.
Or at least not who I used to be. Sitting so close to Noah brought on a whirlwind of emotions. I exhaled slowly and tried to bring my feelings and breathing under control. His smoldering eyes and the way he looked at me, like he was undressing me with his eyes, didn't help.
"That's fine," I said instead. "You can choose the wine."
"Okay."
Noah gave my hand a quick squeeze before he let go and picked up the menu.
I had a great time at dinner with Noah, although it was a little frustrating that my body reacted so strongly to being that close to him. He was a beautiful man, and there was the familiarity between us...
I tried to justify why my blood was thumping through my veins quicker than normal. It could've something to do with the fact that I hadn't had sex in forever, and sitting across from Noah made me remember what it had been like with him. We were, after all, reminiscing about growing up, and our time together in high school.
As the evening went on, it was clear that there was a sexual kind of tension between us, but neither one of us made any moves, nor any references to it.
I enjoyed catching up with him. It was good to hear what he'd been up to over the last five years. The conversation flowed. It was just easy and familiar to be there with him.
We stayed long after we finished the food, and after the wine was gone. When it was close to nine, we were the only customers left.
"I have a feeling they want us to go," Noah said when the waiter walked through the dining area for the third time. Noah had already paid the bill, so there was nothing left for us to do but get up.
"I guess you're right."
We got up and put our winter coats on. Noah took my hand in his and led me back outside onto the sidewalk. It was cold, and it had started to flurry.
The streets and sidewalks were almost empty. Most of the stores had already closed. I didn't want to admit it, but it felt magical and like the perfect ending to a romantic night.
"Noah," I said as we started to walk down the street, hand in hand.
"What?" He asked and glanced down at me.
"I had a wonderful time. Thank you."
He squeezed my hand. "Me too, Em. Me too."
We continued to stroll down the darkened sidewalk that was only lit up by street lights. Snowflakes swirled around us and created the kind of calm and quiet that only a slow snowfall could do.
Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side. I fit there perfectly, nestled in under his arm, just like I used to. It was so familiar and while I tried to convince myself, that was all it was, I knew I was lying to myself.
It was a lot more than that. If I allowed myself, I could easily fall head over heels for him all over again...
Noah kissed the top of my head as I leaned it against his shoulder. I recognized that at that moment; I was the happiest I'd been in years. That was a very scary realization, because it meant that Noah had the power to destroy me all over again as well...
"Where did you park?" Noah asked after a while.
"By the coffee shop."
"Are you okay to drive, or do you want to stay with me?"
My breath caught in my throat. I had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, but the way he said it, insinuated something completely different.
We had stopped, and I tilted my head back so I could look him in the eyes. "I'll take an Uber," I said, my voice sounding hoarse.
"Yeah? You don't have to. You can stay if you want."
Noah's eyes moved to my lips, and I felt my tongue slide over my bottom lip, like in anticipation. What the hell was going on?
Were we really doing this? Was I about to allow him to kiss me?
Was that what I really wanted?
Hell yeah, it was... would that be a smart thing? Absolutely not.
Noah's eyes darkened until they seemed to smolder. He leaned forward and then his lips were on mine. He used the arm he had around my shoulders to pull me closer to him and wrapped his other arm around my back. When he kissed me again, it was still gentle, but he lingered a little longer. Like he was feeling me out to see if it was okay or not.
Clearly, I wasn't moving away. In fact, I was eagerly awaiting more. I could feel his warm breath on my face and smell the red wine we had for dinner. My arms went around his hips and I leaned into him, wanting more.
His lips kissed mine again, and when his tongue asked for entrance, I immediately granted it. To my embarrassment, I let out a breath moan as his tongue touched mine.
That only seemed to encourage Noah. His arms tightened around me as he began to devour my mouth. I could feel the result of the kiss everywhere. My body tingled, desperate for his touch, desperate for more.
Noah used the hand he had on my low back to pull me closer to him. My response was to grab a hold of the back of his jacket and hold him as close as I could. He groaned and I could feel the hardness between his legs push into my stomach. At least I wasn't the only one turned on.
"Damn," Noah groaned and pulled back. His lips were swollen and the pure lust in his eyes made my knees even weaker. I wanted more than what we'd been doing.
At that moment, I wanted everything. To be with him without the barrier of clothing. To touch him and to be touched, to feel him all over me and inside of me... I wanted there to be an us, again.
My mind was foggy, my panties were damp and my body was humming for his. Somehow, I still recognized that it wouldn't be the smartest thing to follow him to his hotel room.
My body screamed yes, but the little warning bells in my brain were yelling, "you're moving too fast".
The wine didn't help my brain...
"Em," Noah mumbled, and pressed his lips to mine again, in a gentle, soft kiss.
"Hm."
He moved his mouth to my cheek and kissed down over my throat. The sensation caused a shiver to go through my body.
"Come back with me" he begged.
I wanted to. My body was on fire and screaming at my brain to shut up, but I knew that if I followed him back to his hotel room I'd end up in his bed and that wasn't the right thing to do.
"It is too fast Noah. I can't. Not tonight."
"Ughh," he groaned, but backed right off. He ran his hands through his snow-covered hair, which only made the curls crazier than they already were.
"I'm sorry, Noah, but I'm not ready for that, and I have an early class in the morning."
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. "I know." He sighed like he tried to get himself under control. "You are absolutely right." He straightened up and tugged on his disheveled coat. He exhaled slowly and looked a little nervous when his eyes met mine again. "I'm sorry, Em," he said. "I didn't mean to come on so strong."
"It's fine," I smiled. I had liked it. A lot, unfortunately.
"It's just that it feels so right with you. Everything just feels so easy with you."
It did, to me too.
"When can I see you again?"
"How about tomorrow night?" I suggested a little too quickly.
"Yeah?" His face brightened up at the thought.
"I'll cook and you can come to me."
What the hell was that?
Noah smiled. "I'd love that."
In the end, I ordered an Uber, and Noah wrapped his arms around me. We just stood there on the sidewalk in the middle of the city, together, holding each other, as the snow fell softly around us.
And I wondered if I'd just made the smartest, or dumbest, decision of my life.