I mentally groan as I trudge down the crowded school hallway. These hallways always seem to have a different smell to them every time I pass through. And they aren't pleasant smells.
It either smells like someone pissed their pants, shit in one of the lockers, or like there's a dead animal hidden in one of the vents. Sometimes it's all three.
My legs ache due to my nightly runs, causing me to stumble a bit when I turn the corner. It's not enough to fall on my butt, but just enough to make me jerk forward.
My whole body feels weak and my stomach feels nauseous as it rumbles uncomfortably. I know I'm not getting sick because I rarely get sick and the symptoms would be more severe.
Due to the fact that my immune system decided to attack my pancreas, rendering it useless, I can't fight off diseases like the people with immune systems that didn't decide to destroy one of their organs.
That's why diabetics should get flu shots every year because if they get the flu then they are as good as dead.
Did I get my flu shot this year?...I don't know. We'll see.
My legs burn as I climb the stairs and with everyone bustling around trying to get to class on time, my head starts to spin. This happens a lot when there are a lot of people in the hallways. It's like I don't know where to look or what to do because everyone is moving so fast.
I'm panting when I finally reach the top step, trying to conceal my pants with a couple yawns so people don't know that I'm a fat fuck who can't walk up a flight of stairs without having an asthma attack.
I tighten the hold on my belongings and continue my journey to Mitch's class. When I'm a couple feet away, I notice Mitch outside his classroom like always, holding his ceramic coffee mug that he said he made in pottery class and wearing his regular green and white cardigan that he revealed was from Goodwill.
I walk past him with a light nod and go to make my way towards my desk in the back when I hear, "Oh, Charlie! I need to talk to you."
I turn to Mitch as he enters the class to stand in front of me. Everyone around us doesn't pay any attention as they try to finish their homework or talk to their friends before the bell rings.
"Here, lets go talk at your desk so you can put your stuff down." He says, motioning to the back of the room. I nod and we start making our way towards my desk.
I take my seat and Mitch takes the seat that Colin usually sits in when he isn't spending his days in the library. I place my things on my desk and turn to face Mitch. My hands are resting in my lap as Mitch sets his mug down.
I try to go through in my mind what this conversation will be about, but my mind blanks. It's not like I did something wrong. I don't talk, I do my work, I make sure to be very respectful of the teacher, so what could he possibly want to talk about.
Unless I did do something wrong. I do talk to Jake a lot when we should be taking notes, but that doesn't mean I don't do the notes. I also converse with Maria time-to-time, but it's not like we talk as much as Jake and I do.
Charlie, what did you do?
"Am I in trouble?" I blurt out just as he's about to open his mouth. Mitch raises his eyebrows as if he was shocked that I jumped to that conclusion.
The corners of his mouth twitch up and he lets out an amused chuckle, "No, you're not in trouble. I just wanted to see how Anna was doing. She seemed pretty upset last night."
Hold up...what?
I stare at Mitch with a confused frown, "Huh?"
"She seemed pretty upset last night with everything that's going on with James," he explains while I just gaze at him with a confused frown.
Last night? When the hell did they start hanging out?
"You were with Anna last night?" I ask, slightly bewildered.
"Yeah...Anna and I hang out all the time." Mitch explains slowly.
"Since when?" My voice sounds slightly squeaky with surprise as my face scrunches up in confusion.
"We became friends at the start of the year."
Huh. So that's why she is never home.
"When do you guys have the time to hang out? She has that volunteering thing on the weekends."
"Oh, she stopped doing that a long time ago," Mitch dismissively waves his hand. Meanwhile, I just stare at him with my eyebrows furrowed.
Why didn't I know any of this? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not mad about the fact that my sister and my teacher are apparently best friends now...wow that sounded wrong. Anyways, I'm just surprised.
I can tell by the worried look in Mitch's eyes that he genuinely cares for her. And I do remember Anna mentioning something about Mitch having crush on her when I first moved back.
I don't know if she was serious though. But I do have a feeling that this "friendship" of theirs is more than just a friendship, and that's probably what surprised me the most.
I always thought Anna and Trent were going to get together. Trent is Colin's older brother; he, James, and Anna would always hang out with each other. They were best friends.
It was always me and Colin and then those three. Trent and Anna were close, but not as close as he was with James.
Let's just say Anna and Trent had a...different kind of chemistry.
Everyone knew that they fancied each other. Everyone except James.
Because he's an idiot.
The summer before we moved, Anna and Trent were having a secret relationship because we all knew that James would lose his shit if they were publicly dating.
Well, when we moved, Trent and Anna had already broken up because the grief of losing my dad kind of tainted their relationship a wee bit. James never found out about their "secret affair," and Trent and Anna stopped talking to each other after the move.
But then, when we heard that James was living with Trent in Ohio, Anna decided to get a hold of him through James. I don't know if they still talk, and I have no idea if they still have feelings for each other.
But what I do know is that if Trent does still have feelings for Anna than he'd probably beat the shit out of Mitch.
"Are you guys, like, seeing each other?" I voice my curiosity. Mitch looks taken aback by my query
"Well, I mean," he awkwardly clears his throat "no, we aren't."
"Do you want to be seeing each other?" I throw another question at him, a small smirk tugging at the corner of my lips.
"Alright, class is about to start, so I should probably go...teach it." Mitch scurries out of his seat while I start laughing.
My mind drifts back to what he said about the reasoning of Anna being upset, and my laughter fades. "Wait, Mitch, what did you mean by 'with everything that's going on with James'?"
Mitch slightly grimaces to himself, "Anna hasn't told you anything yet, has she?" I shake my head and he sighs, "Well then you should probably talk to her about it. Don't tell her I said anything, though." He adds the last part quickly before the bell rings and sends a slight apologetic smile as he heads to the front of the classroom.
I frown to myself. What did James do now?
🌻🌻🌻🌻
After Biology, I head to the clinic to check my blood. When I finally make it passed all the smelly, loud teenagers that crowd the hallway, I heave a sigh of relief.
I push open the door to the clinic, and place my things on the counter when Anna glances up from her laptop. "Howdy, Charles," she greets.
"Hi," I say monotonously as she hands me my kit.
"Why the long face? I thought you loved being at school." Anna gives me a smug smirk while I just glare at her.
I hate this place.
Anna laughs as I take my lancet out and put it to the side of my index finger. "I just got off the phone with mom, by the way." Anna announces.
I push the end of my lancet and feel the slight pinch beneath my skin as the tiny needle pierces it's way into it and back out. "What did you guys talk about?" I asked as I watch the test strip suck up my blood into the yellow line like a vampire.
"She wants to come over next weekend to see how you're doing," Anna answers.
"Why can't she just wait until Thanksgiving Break?"
"Because she doesn't want to wait three weeks, and she also wants to meet with Becca."
"Really?" I say, surprised. I knew my mom was talking to Becca again, but I didn't know it was that deep. "Are you sure she's ready to come back?"
"It's been six years; it's been plenty of time for her to get ready," Anna deadpanned.
Anna's right, but that doesn't calm my nerves. My mom is a very...sensitive woman. She cries whenever she kills a fly.
"Do you think she'll visit his grave?" I ask, somewhat timidly.
We haven't visited my dad's grave ever since the funeral. Sometimes I think about running there, but I don't think I can handle hanging alone in a grave yard late at night.
I'm afraid of the dark.
Anna thinks for a moment, "No...I don't think so."
I nod, "Have you visited his grave?"
"I visit his grave all the time," Anna admits softly. "You can come with me next time if you want."
I shake my head, "I'd like to do it on my own time, if you don't mind."
Anna smiles softly, "Thats okay. Anyway, mom is wanting to come over next weekend to see how you're doing, and so she can catch up with her best friend."
"Okay, so she's coming next weekend?" I ask.
"Yup. I think she said that she's coming next Friday, and that we're going to have dinner with the Harrison's later that evening."
I nod as I feel my stomach grumble at the word "dinner." I also feel the butterflies. I've grown to hate eating in front of people. I hate feeling their judging eyes on me, and it doesn't help that when I do eat an actual meal, I tend to eat fast so people always like to comment on it.
"Oh, Charlie, you sure were hungry!" Yes, Susan, I was. You don't have to comment on it, gosh damn it!
I also hate eating in front of my "family" because my mom always orders for me before I get the chance, and if I don't eat it than she'll find a way to guilt trip me into finishing the meal, making me absolutely hate myself in the end.
"So we're having dinner with the Harrison's again? Like old times?" Anna nods, "Isn't that going to be weird? I mean, who all is coming?"
"I'm not sure; I think just Samson and mom, but I'm not sure who all is coming on the Harrison's side."
It better be just Samson and mom. If this is a family dinner, then the Picklers don't need to be there.
I place my glucometer on the counter as I meet Anna's gaze, "Do you think Trent is going to make an appearance?" I gauge her reaction, trying to see if she'll give anything away.
Anna looks away, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm not sure if he's going to be in town or not."
I stare at her for a few seconds as I feel a smug smile pulling at my lips. "I haven't seen him in a while...have you talked to him recently?"
Anna shakes her head as she avoids my eyes, "Not recently. No."
"That's a little shocking."
"Why's that?"
"Weren't you guys like 'soulmates'?" I ask, failing to hide my smirk.
Anna shoots me a glare, "Yeah, when we were like sixteen. Stop patronizing me." I burst out into a small fit of cackles as Anna rolls her eyes. "What was your blood sugar, idiot?"
I continue chuckling as I look down to my glucometer that must've shut off in the middle of our conversation. I tap on the "OK" button and watch it come to life before scrolling through my log book.
69.
Hehehehe...nice.
"What is it?" Anna asks, then her face turns deadpan as she notices my smirk. "It's sixty-nine, isn't it." She said it more as a statement, already knowing the answer.
"Yeah," I chuckle. "I love it when it's sixty-nine."
"You're so gross," Anna groans. "But that explains why you're so pale."
"I'm always pale; I'm white." I say in a "duh" tone.
"Not this pale, Charles," Anna rolls her eyes. "Your eyes look super glossy, too. Are you feeling okay?"
I totally forgot about how weak my body has felt today. I've kind of gotten used to it, but now that Anna has mentioned it.
I feel like I'm going to pass out.
"I feel fine," I wave her off. "I probably took too much of a correction this morning."
That's a lie. I didn't take a correction this morning. My blood sugar was 57, so if I took a correction then I'd be in a coma.
And I was running late, so I didn't have time to eat some crackers.
"What have you eaten today?" She asks, her eyes narrowing at me.
"I didn't have time to eat breakfast, so nothing." That's also a lie. I didn't want breakfast.
"Charles," Anna scolds, "you have to eat breakfast. I know you don't like eating it, but you have to start eating something before school."
"I've been doing this for almost three years now. Why did you choose right now to actually start worrying about me?"
"Charles, this isn't heathy and you know it. And don't you think we know that? Mom has been telling me about your habit of skipping meals for two years now."
I'm a little shocked by that information. "Then why are you guys acting on it now? If you guys really think I have a problem, then why did it take you so long to act on it?" I feel myself getting angry. They're trying to mess up the system I have set up for myself.
They praise me for having good blood sugar. What do they think I do to keep it at a good range? I barely take insulin unless I have to because there is no point in taking it if I don't eat anything with it.
I regulate my lows, I eat, I know what I'm doing. Why can't they just trust me and leave it alone?
"Charlie, we weren't acting on it back then because we didn't think it was that serious. You like to isolate yourself a lot, so we didn't actually know what was going through your head. Hell, we still don't know what's going through your head because you never talk to us!" I don't want to talk about this.
I don't talk to them because they will never understand. And I've tried talking to them, and they just brush it off every time. I've just given up.
"I'm fine, Anna! I don't have a problem!"
"Exactly! That's why we are trying to help you now before it turns into a problem." Anna says in a softer tone, "You may not realise it, Charlie, but you're getting worse. You used to just skip meals, but now you're only eating a bag of crackers a day. Crackers aren't healthy, Charlie, so they aren't going to help you."
I feel a pang in my stomach. Are the crackers making me bigger? Are they making me gain weight? I suddenly have the urge to throw up.
"You can't just go from not eating anything to eating a bag of chips. That's not healthy." Anna continues.
Oh my gosh.
"Charlie, your appetite is diminishing more and more everyday. You're eating less and less everyday."
I just glare at her as I swallow the lump that has lodged itself in my throat. I hate talking about this. I hate it so much. No one understands.
"I don't need help," I grit out. "I'm fine. And even if you guys did want to help, you don't understand how."
"Because you won't let us! You won't let us help you! You won't let us understand!" Anna exclaims in exasperation. "You say you're fine, but when was the last time you've eaten an actual meal?"
"I-" I stop and think of my answer. It's then when I realise I haven't eaten anything for the past two days.
"Exactly." Anna must've read my expression.
I roll my eyes, "I have to go meet Colin, so we can work on our debate." I start for the door with a scowl on my face. And now I'm in a mood.
Or not. I never fucking know anymore.
"Charlie, you can't just leave. You need to eat something; you're low." Anna tries stopping me, but I just keep walking.
I don't want to eat anything. I can't. Because no matter what I eat, I'll still look a big disgusting bitch.
I suck in a deep breath, trying to keep the tears in my eyes. That's why I hate talking about this shit.
It's probably the only thing that'll really make me break down. Gosh, I'm so pathetic.
I continue walking to the library in a daze due to the conversation that happened a few minutes ago.
The door to the library opens with the usual ear-bursting screech. As I enter the library, I notice my table is occupied by a familiar blonde-haired boy.
Colin's head is in his phone as he picks at his cold french fries that are sitting on his lunch tray. I sigh, not really looking forward to spending my lunch with him.
I already know how it's going to go: he's going to be cold and distant, the only look that's going to be on his face is a glare, and he's going to repeat the same thing I hear whenever I'm around him "yOu DoNt KnOw ShIt AbOuT mE."
Asshole.
I reluctantly make my way towards my table, not saying anything as I take a seat. My legs feel a little wobbly due to my low blood sugar, but I'm sure I'll be fine.
"Took you long enough," Colin grumbles, his face still stuck in his phone.
"Sorry, I had to go to the nurse." I explain, taking my laptop out along with my outline.
Colin glances up from his phone and frowns when he looks at me, "Where's your lunch?"
I meet his eyes with a sigh, "I'm not hungry. Can we finish this stupid debate now?"
"You? Not hungry?" Colin scoffs, "That's the first."
I clench my teeth. I hate that. When I was younger, I was known for being hungry all the time. And I've grown to hate that saying. "Oh, Charlie is always hungry." "Are you hungry? Of course you're hungry; you're Charlie."
Yes, I get it. I'm a fat fuck. You can stop now.
I don't even think Colin knows that what he said felt like a mallet hammering words into my head, making my daily migraine grow worse.
"I'm just not hungry," I repeat. Colin just shrugs before going back to his cold french fries. "Did you get anything done last night?"
"Yeah," Colin mumbles with food in his mouth. He wipes his salty fingers on his pants before pushing his paper towards me.
I study his messy handwriting, "This is what we accomplished yesterday," I point out as I push his paper back to him.
"Well you asked me what I did last night."
"That's not what I meant," I sigh as I cup my forehead. "Alright, so we are trying to prove how emotional and physical abuse can be similar and how they can affect a kid similarly?"
"Yeah," Colin answers. "I think we should include how emotional abuse can be followed by physical abuse."
I nod as I write that down under my "premise" box. "We should talk about trust. How a kid is supposed to trust their parent, but how are they supposed to do that when their parent is hurting them everyday."
"That would be a good source of pathos, but Charlie, you keep focusing on the parents. It's not always the parents or guardians that are the abusers."
I frown, "I know. It's just more common for the parents to be the abusers."
"Siblings can be the abusers, too." Colin mumbles to himself, quietly.
I scowl at him. Not this again. I already had to sit through Anna's lecture, I don't want to listen to his too. "We aren't talking about that again."
"Charlie, come on. Did you at least think about it? I mean think back to all the things he said to you, all the things he did to you."
"Why does that matter? He was a dick of an older brother; just let it go." I'm already in a shitty mood because of Anna. I don't want it to get worse.
Colin just shakes his head before rolling his eyes. "Fine. I'll let it go." He then proceeds to take another paper out of his folder that looks like math homework.
"What are you doing?" I ask, my brows furrowed. "Are you doing maths homework?"
"Yeah," Colin shrugs as he takes his graphing calculator out.
"Colin, we have to finish this debate." I argue.
"And I have to finish my algebra II homework." He mocks in a falsetto voice, trying to mimic mine.
"Don't you think this a little more important than your algebra II homework?"
Colin scoffs, typing something in his calculator. "This stupid debate is practically finished, Charlie. We just have to write shit down and come up with a conclusion."
"We still have a lot to do! We have to write it all down, then we have to rehearse it to see if it actually makes sense-"
"Why would we need to rehearse it? It's not a damn play."
"Because we need to practice our tone and how we are going to word things-oh! And we need to practice-"
"Charlie, chill." Colin deadpans, "We can rehearse it tomorrow before class starts. It's really not that deep."
I'm seriously stressing out. He may say that it's finished, but in my eyes it's not. We still have to know who is presenting what and how we are going to word things. There's a lot to do. And I'm trying to do him a favor here, and he's being a little bitch! "The faster we finish this debate the faster you can go back to ignoring me."
My persuasion isn't working as I watch him shrug his shoulders, his focus still on his Maths sheet. "I was going to ignore you either way, so I really don't care."
"Dick," I mumble to myself, so he couldn't hear it but I notice how the corner of his lip twitched up into a small smirk. It's honestly weird to see when all I'm used to nowadays are his scowls.
"I can just do it tonight after work, Charlie. Stop worrying about it." Colin says as he glances up from his calculations.
Oh yeah. I forgot Colin had a job. To be honest, it kind of feels nice not having a job. I used to work at a small cafe with Hannah and my ex back in Illinois. I enjoyed working with my friends, and the work wasn't that hard. They just used to work me too much, so I never had time to do my homework.
I don't know how I kept my sanity during Junior year. I hated working so many shifts, but at the same time I loved getting out of that prison I was living in called Don's house.
I hated it there.
"Where do you work?" I ask, curiously.
"The hospital," Colin answers with a frown on his face as he glances back and forth between his paper and the calculator.
"What do you do?"
"I don't know," he mumbles. He looks a wee bit distracted, "What the hell! How did I get a decimal?!" I watch in amusement as Colin tugs at his own hair, scowling at his calculator.
"Do you need help?" I ask, trying to hide my smile.
"No," he grumbles. "It's Algebra II, and if I can't figure it out than I doubt you'll be able to."
"Algebra II is easy. Just give me your paper." I don't wait for him to give it to me as I grab it out of his grasp.
"Charlie, give me my paper. I have to finish it before the end of the day," he reaches to grab it out of my hand, but I snatch it away before he can grab it. "Charlie..." he warns.
"Colin..." I mock. "Dude, relax. I'm just trying to help you." I look over the paper and find the equation he's having trouble with. "You're having trouble solving for X?" I raise my brow at him.
"Don't give me that look; it's not as easy as it seems." Colin narrows his eyes at me, but I just continue giving him a look.
"This is just review from Algebra I."
"Aren't you in geometry? You have no room to make fun of me."
"I'm not making fun of you!" I let out a small noise of amusement, "Aren't you supposed to be the one who is good at math?"
"I am good at math!" He defends, "You're still in geometry!" He repeats.
"Yeah, because of a scheduling mix up during my sophomore year." I watch in amusement as Colin glares at me, "I passed Algebra II with an A-."
Colin scoffs as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Sure you did."
"I did!" I defend.
"Okay, prove it. Solve for X, Smarty." He mocks Jake's nickname as he nods to his paper.
I narrow my eyes, "If I solve this correctly, then you have to finish the debate."
"It is finished," Colin leans his elbows on the table.
"It might look finished to you, but to me it doesn't. It needs to be perfect."
Colin stares at me for a few moments, "Fine. But if you solve it incorrectly, then we leave it as it is."
"Deal." Colin holds his hand out. I must look like an idiot, frowning down at his hand as if it's some ancient artifact.
"Are we gonna shake on it or...?" Colin rolls his eyes.
Oh. Right.
I reach my hand out, and we shake on it. His large hand feels warm in mine, and I find myself missing that warmth when we pull our hands away.
"Damn, why are your hands so cold?" Colin asks.
"My hands are always cold," I shrug. "Now give me your calculator."
"So demanding," Colin mutters with an eye roll whilst pushing his calculator towards me.
I take a scrap piece of paper, as well as stealing Colin's pencil without his permission. I write out the equation, do the calculations until I'm circling the answer before spinning the paper around to show Colin.
Colin eyes me suspiciously as he takes the paper, "How did you do that in two minutes?"
"It's solving for X," I deadpan. "It's not hard."
Colin just rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath before looking at my answer. He glances up at me before reaching over and grabbing the scrap piece of paper that I wrote my work on.
Colin goes back to glancing at me and then back to his paper repeatedly. His eyes narrow at me, "This isn't right."
"What? Of course it's right! I checked my work and everything."
"Well, you didn't check hard enough."
I narrow my eyes at him, "Let me see that paper again."
"Charlie, you got it wrong."
"How do you know that I got it wrong when you don't even know what the correct answer actually is?"
"Stop arguing with me. You're wrong. I'm right. Now would you stop worrying about this stupid fucking debate?" I scowl at him, not saying anything as I turn to my laptop and go to the search bar. "What are you doing?" He asks.
"Math Papa will tell me if I'm right or not. He never lets me down." I state as I go to the website and type the equation into the bar.
"Math Papa? You still use that website?" Colin asks, incredulously.
"Of course. Math Papa has helped me through some tough equations back in the day." I hit enter on my keyboard, and watch with a triumphant smirk when the correct answer resembles the answer that I got. I turn the screen around to show Colin, causing him to glare at me.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he mutters causing me to laugh. Colin inhales a big breath before letting it out. "Fine. You win."
"You should never doubt me, Colin. I'm known for being right all the time." I chuckle at his irritated expression.
The bell rings, and I start gathering my stuff. "You better be ready for Friday," I warn. "Just call me and we'll work on it together when you're off work."
"Charlie, Mitch isn't going to make us debate on Friday. Just relax; we still have time."
"I know, but I just don't want to risk it."
"Okay, whatever." Colin rolls his eyes as I get up to leave. "See ya around, unfortunately." He mumbles the last part under his breath, probably intending for me not to hear it.
"See ya," I choose to ignore it and make my way into the hallway. I take a deep breath before merging into the crowds of kids on their way to class.
A/N
...well hiya!
Okay so...I hate this chapter. I've rewritten it like three times and I still hate it, BUT I'm going to try and get another chapter in.
I'm having a problem with updating. I'm still trying to figure out the story. I have some stuff figured out, I just need to figure out where I'm going with it. This is also my first book, so if it gets a little confusing just stay with me😂.
And to me the story is going really slow right now and is bothering me, so if it starts speeding up a wee bit that's why. I just feel like it's dragging on, and I don't want it to get boring.
I also want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR 1K READS!!! I was honestly really fucking shocked when I saw that. I didn't expect people to actually read this book😂.
Just thank you guys so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it! AND I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
Alright I'm going to go now😂
Peace out my broskis ✌️
{I had to edit this because I was writing it like it was Thursday, but Colin is back in class on Thursday. So yeah. In the book, today is Wednesday, and the next chapter it's going to be Thursday. Sorry if you got confused.}