Apollo had swallowed love and other demons that haunted him for many nights, and like swallowing poison does, he quietly waited to die. Death kindly stroked his hair at night, like the mother he never had, and said he just wasn't ready-- which brought him to tears once again. During winter nights, he whispered in his sleep: "Even death has broken my heart". The women that slept beside him, dressed in only his satin sheets night after night, kept his secret; half because they didn't want to dig into the man and get their hands dirty with truth and shame, and half because they lied beside him only to forget their own.
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Sountrack for the chapter
Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez
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Apollo's arm held the door open with significant strength, as his chest bobbed up and down in heavy breaths.
Every exhale brought white fogs into the freezing air, "Can I see you outside for a second?" He asked Monday.
-
They stared at each other, both wide-eyed, preparing to say things they'd regret in the morning.
He turned his body to the side shifting from one foot to the other and brought his hand to his chin, thinking.
She stood there hugging her arms, anxious.
He ran both hands through his hair, finally deciding, "Yeah, I'm not going to play it cool right now. Because I don't want you to think I'm cool."
"Apo--"
"No. Listen to me." He stepped closer to her rapidly and removed a lock of hair from her face. "Listen. I need you to hear this." The hairs in her arm lifted up as aggressive chills revealed the emotions this phrase bombarded her with.
His eyes were tearing up, and she looked into them in a way that felt like she was admitting defeat. There was lust in her, she knew, but it wasn't that that was roaring inside of her at this moment. It wasn't grief that was scratching the walls of his soul as he looked at her. It was something else.
Apollo had swallowed love and other demons that haunted him for many nights, and like swallowing poison does, he quietly waited to die. Death kindly stroked his hair at night, like the mother he never had, and said he just wasn't ready-- which brought him to tears once again. During winter nights, he whispered in his sleep: "Even death has broken my heart". The women that slept beside him, dressed in only his satin sheets night after night, kept his secret; half because they didn't want to dig into the man and get their hands dirty with truth and shame, and half because they lied beside him only to forget their own.
Apollo cried as he looked into her eyes, "I've been Johnny, I've been Atticus," He paused, and breathed with strength, "I've been Apollo. This whole thing has been..." His eyes looked around her hair, her lips, "Hard for me." Another step forward was taken by him, "Monday Emilia March, I don't care if I'm an astronaut next, or a movie star, or a barista, or a damn dog walker," Monday chuckled and looked away, but he grabbed her head and brought her eyes to him, "I know I'm so messed up." He whispered to her, and then stared. He let go of her and moved around raising his arms, "I know you deserve better. I know I don't have a chance with you." He looked at the sky and groaned, then screamed, "God, I don't even remember who I am! I got-- lost." He dragged his eyes to her, "In the middle of everything. I am so sorry. Monday. I am so sorry. I'm a mess."
She held back her own cry just enough so she could say, "What are you apologizing for this time?"
He closed his eyes, asking God for mercy and relief in secret. "So much."
She hinted a smile and touched his face, "Don't apologize, Apollo."
His body was facing the west, but he slowly turned his face towards her, over his shoulder.
She could see the pool of tears inside his eyes, wanting to jump off the cliff that were his eyelids.
She walked up to him slowly. They were both silent, but their eyes interlaced in the other.
She slowly wrapped her arms around him, and they stood there for the amount of time that was unmeasurable. The seconds, the minutes, could not be counted.
When Monday was 11, she decided she would stop hugging people. She had decided hugs were too intimate, and not to be marginalized or normalized by any culture. She believed that when you hugged someone the right way, when you truly embraced that person, when you stood still enough to feel their heartbeat pumping, the blood flowing through their veins... that's when you broke through time and space. If you closed your eyes at that exact window of time, you could be transported into another dimension.
And as Apollo stroke his fingers through her hair and she breathed out her burdens in the middle of the street, grown-up Monday whispered an apology to her younger herself. She told her, "You were right." and felt the clock slowly go back to ticking as their hug faded out.
They looked at each other and Monday said, "I have been exposed to Ezra."
His face scrunched, "What?"
"We have to interrogate him. That's why I came here." He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know how long we have before he has to check in with GUST."
Apollo's eyes grew wider and he turned towards the van, "Why didn't you say that before?" Monday stuttered a thought but was interrupted, "Let's go."
-
FBI HEADQUARTERS
1:43AM
MONDAY MARCH POV
Apollo and Gideon were a dynamic duo when it came to cases like these. The type that no one else could solve. Sometimes I felt like they were friends outside of work, but I never really knew what was going on in either of their personal lives.
"Hey, don't worry about it, we got him." Feyre said, touching my shoulder and sitting on the chair beside me.
I chuckled, "Yeah, I know."
She tilted her head and examined my face, unbelieving, "Watcha looking at, then, doll?"
I looked at her and chuckled again, "Nothing, I'm just tired." Of course, thirty minutes ago Apollo Knight said that he loved me and now he didn't even realize I was in the same room as him. Not that I need to be noticed by him. Or any man.
It was respectable that Apollo was so tenacious when it came to work, but wanting to be the center of attentions had always been part of my core identity, and it felt abnormal to be sitting there, unnoticed.
Feyre raised her eyebrows and spinned around in her chair, "Sure..." She raised both hands and curved two long fingers signifying quotation marks before speaking-- of course, her middle finger from her left hand had been cut off years ago in a mission, but I got the point, "So tired..."
I smiled politely, but was too distracted to play along one of Fey's bits.
I looked at the clock sitting on the wall, 1:46AM. Its ticking was deafening to me.
I look over my shoulder and notice Elliot standing in the corner, arms crossed, talking to a friend about something serious. His eyes wander and meet mine. I turn quickly, hoping he didn't notice. Obviously, he did.
I can't think about that right now. Focus, Monday. You used to be so focused. Don't let men distract you.
I look over at Apollo, who's now reading over a document with Gideon. His long finger massaging his lower lip. His lower lip... focus, Monday.
I stand up and walk towards the two way mirror.
I watch as Ezra, on the other side of the glass, drinks his coffee with the hand that isn't cuffed to the table. His face is calm, as it usually is. His legs aren't twitching, there are no signs of anxiety or fear in him.
He looked directly into the mirror, "Let me talk to Zeennnn" He asked, like he had been for the past hour. I smiled every time he did. He rolled his eyes and his neck fatigued as he allowed it to lie back and look at the ceiling. "Zeeeeennnnn," He groaned. I laughed quietly.
He sighed and looked down, "We'll go on a date and you'll ask to split the check. I'll know it'll be a test to know how I react with strong women but I'll still want to pay. Please let me pay. Please let me overcompensate for the small awkward silences I let occur on this date because I got distracted starring at you by paying for this. Please let me try to impress you somehow...
I shook my head automatically, as if that would help shake off the memories.
You used to be tough, Monday. Now look at you.
Apollo interrupted, "We're ready."
I exhaled and smoothed down my clothes, "Let's go, then."
Apollo looked at me before twisting the door handle. But I looked forward, and pretended I didn't notice.
The door flung open, and Ezra sat straight at his chair when he saw me, and ran his hand through his hair. "Finally," He breathed.
Apollo let his papers hit the table, "Your finger prints weren't matched in our system." He said, directly. "Why?"
Ezra smiled, "I'm what the kids call a social butterfly." He shrugged, "I have special friends." He opened a shiny smile.
"You said you'd talk in exchange for full dissolution and association to this case. I'll tell you what, I'll consider that for you if you tell me who helped you become invisible."
Ezra laughed in good humor and pursed his lips, "Snitches get stitches, officer." He leaned over the desk and exhaled, "But what I can do is tell you who I am and what I'm doing here. With the condition that you put my partner and I in witness protection after this. Final offer."
"Partner?" Apollo asked.
Ezra nodded with a smile.
Apollo looked into the mirror, thinking about what Gideon would think of this preposition I'm sure, and sighed as he collected the papers. "I'll be right back." He stood up and opened the door for me, but I stayed seated.
"You go. I'll stay here." I told him. He hesitated. I nodded, and he left.
I looked at Ezra.
"You said you wanted to talk to me. Here I am."
He looked at me slowly, with fear, almost. His charm, his slyness, his challenge: it was all stripped down now. Under the harsh white lighting of this room, Ezra seemed like a man who knew grief. Never before had I seen him that way.
The image of Sasha Rosenthal being shot in the face replayed in my brain over and over. But instead of serving as fuel to me, it only added to my guilt. I had kissed this man, and either I wanted to admit it or not, I, Monday March, had felt feelings I can't even name when I saw him across a room. Even now, at the thought of his fingertips touching my skin, my entire body covered in secret chills. I wondered if the girls he murdered felt the same say.
Standing across from this man whose name I didn't even know, I wondered if this job had messed me up deeper than I had unticipated. I looked at him carefully, and felt him unravel vulnerability across the table like he was about to vomit the truth. Wondering if I wanted to hear it.
Maybe it was my lack of a father figure, maybe it was my self-sabotaging instinct. Maybe it was his eyes that looked like a pool of honey.
At this point, we had been staring at each other for two minutes.
Apollo entered the room. "Deal."
Ezra shut his eyes and sighed in deep relief. Then he ran his fingers through his hair and began, "My name is Sawyer Ridley Grey. My partner Otis Hawk and I have been working together for 6 years now."
Apollo quickly grabbed his pen and tried to keep up writing the information. "By 'working together' you mean with GUST?"
He desperetely shook his head and showed his palms, "No, no." He fidgeted, "GUST-- All of that-- It was all a mistake." Apollo and I exchanged looks. "Hawk and I work with... questionable methods, I'll admit, but our only goal is to make money out of it and get out. In six years we have never-- " He looked at me, "Hurt anyone. Beisdes a couple fist fights and broken noses, nothing out of the ordianry."
Apollo's eyebrows tensed, "I still don't understand what your job is."
He sighed. "Well... we-- Otis and I-- we create new identities and move to diferent places. Different states in the US, France... eventually we gain people's trust and then, usually, manage to make some money out of that."
Apollo's chin bolted up with a smile, "So you're telling me you and your partner are con artists."
I looked at him quickly.
"Well, yes, in so many words, I guess you could say that."
Apollo looked at me, satisfied.
"But this whole GUST thing... it was all a mistake. Our target was a man called Edwin Dorsell, the owner of Dorsell enterprises, no children, huge trust fund. Coincidently, part of the board members of this group. He and Malachi are childhood friends, though Malachi has higher authority. I gained his trust and he took me into the gang, I had no idea what that meant at the time, of course. I thought it was some sort of gentleman's club. Once I realized, it was too late." He raise his arm, "Malachi fucking shot a girl in front of me, I-- I didn't know what to do. It was too late." He looked at me, "And then Zen had to come in the picture and worry the hell out of me, of course. I was so scared they'd come after her that I broke everything off. I was scared to death--"
Apollo interrupted the sentiment, "Yeah, I think we got what we needed."
I looked at him. Was he... jealous?
"We'll come back to ask you more questions about the gang in a bit." He stood up. "Come on, Monday."
Sawyer's eyes sparkled, "Monday?"
Apollo opened the door for me as I stood there looking at him.
"You may call me Agent March."
Apollo opened a smile and looked at him while I left throuh the door.
"Monday." Said Apollo. "This must be harder for you than it is for me." He looked down. "And look, about the things I said to you before coming here... Forget everything I said. You're a sweet girl but... you know. I think I liked you because I thought I couldn't have you. But now..." He chuckled, "Don't get me wrong, you're pretty. It's just... well, it's Peaches Oberlin, so, uh, I just... have a different type, that's all. Plus, you're a strong woman, right? I'm sure you don't need a man! So... it's probably for the best that you stay alone..."
"Monday?" He repeated. I looked up at him. "Are you feeling okay?
His phone vibrated and he looked at it. "Gideon wants us." He held out his hand for me to lead the way, and we stomped towards the office.
"Close the door." Gideon comanded. I look around the room, concentrating on my breathing. Why is it so hot in here? "A fucking con artist." He turned around and looked out through his window.
"Should we keep them in custody for now?" Apollo asked. Gosh, I'm sweating like a pig.
"No." He turned around. "We can use that."
-
We left the office and into the grey hallway.
I look at Apollo, his chest showing hard breaths. He was angry.
He spun around slowly, with his sleeves up to his elbows and both arms resting on his hips.
He suddenly carried with an impulse and swung his fist at the wall, which cracked instantly. "Goddamn it!"
I ran to him and held his arm, "You'll hurt yourself."
He looked at me holding him. My head felt heavy, my eyes felt conciderably harsh. As my breaths hardened, I looked around the corridor, and realized it spun around me. My eyes darted from one side to another, desperately. My lungs closed in, my legs and arms tingled; the room stood upside down and I tried to keep balance by crouching as close to the floor as I could, arms spread wide. "March?" He called. I looked at him. "Are you okay?"
I panted in reply, it was the best I could manage. He held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. I knew it was Apollo in front of me, though I couldn't comprehend the vision. "Monday!" His voice echoed in my mind, scattered among sounds I couldn't understand, like I was underwater.
The more I realised I couldn't see anything, the more desperate I got, "Am I going blind?!" I yelled. Apollo became frantic. "Apollo!!" I called.
He picked me up from the ground with both arms and held me, before I passed out.