I knew it couldn't last. That was what was saddest about wanting a family and then getting one. It never really lasts.
I was walking down the road, my phone clutched tightly in my hand, my hair whipping around my head and into my face, due to the wind. It was two in the morning. My phone was completely dead. Kas had gone home a good three hours ago, telling me that she didn't want to go but she had to.
I told her I understood, that it was alright. And then I sat there.
Alone and in the dark.
That night, the same thought chased its tail inside my head. Why didn't I just end everything? The pain, the suffering, the loss... It could just be gone. Hell couldn't be worse than what I faced at home, seeing as how I was basically born straight into the fiery pits of Hell.
Then, as another stupid tear streaked down my face, I realized Jaydon was right. I was just a coward. I couldn't make myself stop the pain, I couldn't step up and tell Lila what my father had done to my mother, or to me for that matter. I just couldn't do it.
All because I was a coward.
Sometimes I wondered what life would have looked like had I spoken to someone, a teacher or a friend, about what was happening at home. Told the truth, just once, when I went to school with a black eye. But then again, when you're born into that situation, you learn not to say anything.
You aren't raised up to not say anything, you're trained not to say anything. Like training a dog. I was no better than a dog, anyways. Here was this innocent, beautiful woman who just wanted a father for her sons and a love for her soul. And here I was, this broken soul with nothing to hold on to and I couldn't tell her she was about to marry a monster.
How noble of me, right?
When I got on the porch, I realized something very important. I didn't have a key. And it had been raining the entire way home.
Huh. I hadn't realized I started calling the house I lived in home. I had never had one before, but I guess that it wasn't really the four walls and comfy couches that made it home. It was the people inside. The always oblivious boys, the one knowing boy who had shattered what was left of my broken heart, and a deeply in love woman. And then there was the monster.
The lights were all on, shining through the windows. I was surprised that the police hadn't been called. Then again, father wouldn't want to give me another chance to rat him out, so he probably told Lila that I was going through a phase. That i'd done something like this before.
I'd been too afraid before. I guess the overwhelming sadness about what Jaydon did to me outweighed the fear I had of my father.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
I knocked on the door, hoping against hope that no one would answer. I didn't want to have a reason to go inside, to get warmed up, to explain myself. I wanted a reason to run away. Run so far away that the only thing left of me would be the tears I shed. But then again, when did I ever get anything I truly wanted?
But when could I ever do anything that would benefit others?
Lila and the boys were having miniature heart attacks the entire night, my mother was dead because I didn't speak up, Kas was going to get beaten black and blue because I made her lie to her father and stay out past curfew.
The door opened and there stood a teary-eyed Lila. She gasped at my sopping wet, blue lipped appearance. And probably from the fact that she most likely thought I was dead.
The next thing I knew, she had her arms wrapped around me so tightly I was amazed that my bones were still intact. She must have felt my trembling so she quickly released me, not saying a word, and led me inside.
Everyone was in the living room, just sitting there. Waiting for me to come home. Waiting for me to call. Waiting for me to prove I wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere or gone for good. Unsurprisingly, my father was nowhere to be found. Drinking his sorrows away, I reckoned.
Everyone's heads jerked up when I came into the room. Jaydon was slowly rocking himself back and forth on the couch, tears clouding his eyes, as Gabriel wrapped his arms around his youngest brother.
For some reason, I was crying again. Lucas was on his feet the fastest, and was sprinting over in my direction. He had me in his arms, then cocooned in a dozen blankets as close to the fire as I could get within a second. I was honestly surprised by his speed. Only Ethan and Lucas seemed to move.
Ethan to get more blankets for me, Lucas to hold me tightly against his chest.
The others were mad at me, I could tell. At least, that was what I thought until Kade took me in his arms and sat me in his lap. Xavier took my feet in his lap and almost frantically started to rub them. It hurt a little, but I think that was because I couldn't really feel my feet.
I didn't even notice my shoes and socks come off.
Lila was cooing at me above my head, moving strand after strand of hair out of my eyes.
"Sweetheart, are you okay? Nothing hurts, does it?" She asked gently. I shook my head, but didn't open my mouth. She looked at me, waves of pain going off behind her eyes, and continued to run a hand through my hair.
I wondered what that was about.
"Ari, where were you?" Nathaniel asked, his voice sounding deeper than usual. I felt my eyes flutter shut, and with a quick shake from someone around me, they fluttered back open. I shrugged.
"School." I croaked. My voice had never sounded worse than it did in that moment. My throat hurt, almost like it was on fire. Or just daggers being stabbed into it time and time again. Or maybe daggers on fire?
Where do these thoughts even come from?
It took a second, a split second for that peaceful moment to come crashing down.