Terry
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
Christmas vacation is over and everything is back to normal except for me na hindi pa prepared sa mga gawain sa school. Before kasi kami magbakasyon ay nag-iwan ng sobrang daming tasks ang school at isa sa mga ito ay ang chapters 1-3 namin.
Mabuti na lang at cooperative naman ang groupmates ko at kung hindi, wala nang mangyayari sa research namin. To be honest it's not easy to do this thing kaya kailangan talagang magkaroon ng maayos na communication sa bawat members. I can say that I am lucky to have them.
"Hey, are you alright?" Rena's voice broke my reverie. "You seemed to preoccupied today? Do you wanna gome home na ba kasi kanina pa ako nagsasalita but you're just there staring at me with your blank face."
"I'm so sorry. Promise, babawi ako sa 'yo." I said.
"Sabi mo 'yan ha. P'wede mo naman ako ilibre ng ticket sa concert ni Louis, alam mo naman how I'm dying to see them back again."
"As a band? 'Di ba disbanded na sila."
"Hey, stop! No, they're not. Hiatus lang nila, they'll come back maybe after two more years. Who knows."
"Fine, let me check kung wala kaming pasok sa date na 'yon and if kaya ng budget ko. Mga gastusin mo kasi hindi naman budget friendly. Look at us now, nandito nanaman eating samgyup."
"Ako ba ang nag-invite? I can't say no if it's food 'no. Sayang ang blessings sabi nga nila. So we always have to say yes." Rena said and laughed on her own quote.
Everytime na kasama ko siya it's like I forgot that I'm dealing with serious problems in life. My problems mostly is about my family. I'm living with my mom and my grandma. We used to be happy happy before not until nagkaroon ng issues between my father's family and mom's family. Now everything's empty. I feel so empty kapag kasama ko sila.
Looking at out family photo. Paano namin nagawang ngumiti behind all those problems going on. Talagang you always need to know the story behind each photos you see.
It all started summer of 2017. When my father decided to cut his communications from us then months later he went back because he couldn't survive without seeing me. Mom gave him a chance pero sinayang niya. That's when my mom's siblings came in to the picture at mas lalong nagkagulo na ang lahat. I can no longer enjoy summer because of it.
Dahil tuwing summer vacation, mandatory na pumunta kaming lahat sa lugar ng panganay na anak ng grandparents ko for us to bond. Funny thing here, hindi naman gano'n ang nangyayari. The season will always end na napapagalitan si mommy and then kapag hindi pa sila nakuntento ay sa akin na ibabagsak lahat ng galit nila.
Imagine being an adult and picking up a fight sa bata. That's shitty, I know. Pero wala silang narinig sa akin. Kahit na sobrang sama na ng loob ko. All I do is to listen to each words they're saying at tinatandaan lang 'yon.
Kasi who am I to talk? Bata lang naman ako sa paningin nila. Being the youngest in both sides of my family, sucks! Kasi they won't listen. Ang alam lang nila is to give you a command. Instructions that are vague. Nakakasawa lang na gawin lahat pero in the end, ikaw pa rin ang masama.
"Terry! Akala ko late na ako."sabi ni Hazel na kakarating lang sa café kung saan namin gagawin ang ibang chapters na kailangan ipasa sa pasukan. "Wala pa ba sila?"
"Nandito na si Rona, Yana and Kristel. Still waiting for Guia and Cindy kung makakapunta."sagot ko.
"Cindy? Kagrupo pala natin siya? Kailan pa?"
"Hindi pero gusto niya raw sumama e. Kaya hinayaan ko na."
"Paano kung kuhanin niya ideas natin ede bumagsak pa tayo."
"Hindi tayo babagsak at wala siyang makukuhang ideas since magkaiba ang title natin. Relax Hazel, nasobrahan ka siguro sa kape."
"Hindi ako nagkakape."sabi niya at sumandal. "Gisingin mo ako kapag nandiyan na sila lahat."
"E nandito na nga kami. Usog nga! Ako ang nauna sa pwesto na 'yan."sabi ni Yana at tinulak ng mahina si Hazel para gumalaw.
Naupo naman sa tabi ko si Rona at tinulungan ako sa ginagawa kong chapter two. Binigay ko itong RRL kay Guia and Yana pero hindi nila natapos. Nahirapan daw sila so I have to check and give them ideas on how to do it.
We spent more than 4 hours sa loob ng café to finish everything. Bago umuwi ay dumaan muna kami sa bahay nila Yana.
Merong sariling apartment si Yana and bihira lang siyang bisitahin ng parents niya kasi busy sa work. Kaya madalas kaming tumatambay dito sa kaniya. Kung papayagan lang kaming lahat na mag sleepover ng parents namin baka hindi na malulungkot si Yana na ihatid kami sa sakayan para makauwi.
"Next time naman lagyan mo naman ng itlog 'yung pancit canton."sabi ni Guia, natawa naman kami sa sinabi niya dahil mukha siyang batang nag-rereklamo sa candy na nakuha niya.
"Sana kasi nagbaon ka ng isang dosena para may nailuto tayo."sagot naman ni Yana.
"Sa susunod."sagot ni Guia.
"Pasukan na natin ulit, pa'no ba 'yan."sabi naman ni Cindy.
"After class. Kung g kayo."sabi ko naman. Lumingon sila lahat sa akin na parang first time ko sumama.
"Hindi ba palaging uwing-uwi ka kapag tapos ng klase. Pero ngayon, ikaw pa ang may suggestion na ganiyan."natatawang komento ni Yana sa akin.
"May pinapanood kasi kaming kdrama."sabi naman ni Guia at may pakindat pang nalalaman.
"Yeah. Maganda kasi kaya mahirap i-skip. Though, p'wede naman mareplay pero iba pa rin na mapanood mo una."depensa ko sa sarili.
"Just tell them na hindi ka pinapayagan kapag malayo. Dami pang ebas e."sabi naman ni Cindy. Pabiro ko na lang siyang tinulak at niyakap din kaagad.
I don't know what to do without these girls beside me. I'll definitely go feral if I'm not with them. Sila ang reason why I am still fighting to see what my teenage years looks like. I just love to be with them.
"Kailangan ba talaga natin pumunta sa kanila this weekend? Pasukan ko na on Monday."
Ganito ako palagi kapag binabanggit nila na kailangan pumunta sa lugar na 'yon. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Maiiyak ba, mananahimik lang na parang walang alam, magagalit. I mean there's so much emotions inside my head na nagsama-sama and nagkakagulo at the same time.
"Why do you always have to ask that Terry? Alam mo naman na ganito ang ginagawa na natin ever since."my grandma said knowing how much I hate going there at parang gusto niyang makita kung paano ako mag suffer with them around.
"Just this weekend then after that, you're free again, anak."my mom said.
Free again? Damn! They really know how to manipulate my feelings. Kasi alam nila na hindi ko kayang mag-reklamo kapag gano'n ang topic.
"You know what hija, dapat ang mga ginagamit mo ay mga simpleng bagay lang. Bakit 'di mo gayahin ang ate mo. She still wears her sneakers noong highschool siya and now nurse na."
That damm voice. That damn expression. That damn comparison.
"Are you still having a good grades? Dapat lang if you wanna go sa university na gusto mo. They don't accept mediocre kind of students. Look at Kaisheer now, nag-aaral na raw siya sa Fármako University. One of the best universities we have sa bansa. Do you already know what course are you taking in college? Dapat alam mo na."
Really? Does he really have to brag my cousin? Ano ngayon kung medicine ang kinuha niyang course and he even passed the entrance exam sa univeristy na gusto niya. Kailangan bang ipamukha sa akin 'yon na as if wala akong mararating. Why am I here again? Listening to every goddamn word he's saying.
Uh yes, my grandma insisted or elese she doesn't wanna live up another day kapag hindi raw mabubuo kami ngayong weekend. Sick, right? Lagi niyang ginagamit ang card na 'yon sa akin kasi alam niya na I can't say no no to it.
"Help your tito kapag may gagawin sila. 'Wag kang upo lang nang upo kaso ayaw niya no'n."bilin ni grandma sa akin bago kinamusta ang iba ko pang pinsan.
Tumayo na lang ako at pumunta sa kusina. Dito mas makikita ko silang lahat. They look so happy without me. Maybe I am too young and I can't relate to their stories or maybe I am young and I don't belong here.
I wipeout the tear that came out of nowhere. They don't deserve to see me cry, not again, not anymore. Swear, last na ang nangyari noon. Hinding-hindi na nila makikita ang side ko na 'yon.