I slam my drink back in one go and Charlie eyes me warily. "Should I be concerned?"
"No." I snort. "When have I ever given you a reason to be concerned about me?"
"Let me think. How about every single time you've beaten up my customers?"
"You have shit customers. Don't blame me."
"What am I going to do with you?" He shakes his head and I smirk a little.
When I feel his eyes studying me closely, I narrow my eyes right back. "What?"
"There's something different about you." He tilts his head.
"Nah. I'm always this gorgeous, fuck you very much. Pour me another, will you?"
"No, really." He insists, pouring me my second drink of the day. "It's like...I don't know. You always walk around with this heaviness on your shoulders but it's not there today. What'd I miss?"
"Nothing." I mutter, feeling way too self-conscious at his observation. Mostly because he's kind of right.
After my breakdown earlier this week, I can't help but notice how much lighter I feel. There was always a weight crushing down on my chest that made it so hard to breathe and it's no wonder I always felt like I was suffocating. I'm not saying I have sunshines and rainbows coming out of my ass now or that my problems have magically been solved but life feels a little more bearable. I guess I owe it to the big guy for holding me down when I lost it.
Once Wolfe got past his initial shock after I practically jumped on him, he held me tightly until I was all cried out and completely drained. I've never had anyone hold me that way before, the protective way he crushed me to him and the gentle stroke of his hand as it sifted through my hair. He just felt so fucking safe and dependable and everything I needed in that moment. I'm sure I looked like a bat-shit crazy mess sobbing all over him but he didn't once complain.
After I was all cried out, I awkwardly crawled out of his lap and grabbed us some coffee. We spent the next couple of hours drawing and sharing music playlists and going over more ASL before we called it a night. He didn't make me feel stupid or weak for breaking down and he didn't treat me any different either. He was completely normal and I wanted to choke him because he's so annoyingly perfect. One fucking flaw. Is it too much to ask for? Then maybe I wouldn't have all these equally annoying feelings for him. I guess it's a good thing that I'm an expert at pretend because I doubt the big guy suspects anything. If he did, this friendship wouldn't exist and I hate to admit it but that would wreck me.
"Are you daydreaming?" Charlie gets in my face. "Who are you?"
My nostrils flare in irritation. "Keep talking and I'll rip your eyeballs out and shove them so far down your throat, you'll be able to see your organs shift when I knee you in the balls."
"She's back." He deadpans, putting his arms up in surrender and moving down the bar to another customer.
I frown deeply, drumming my fingers against the bar top. I was not daydreaming. Fuck Charlie and his overactive imagination. I'm not the kind of girl that acts like a total ditz over men or spends her free time thinking about them. Men have always been my enemy and I've never had a problem keeping them at arms length before, especially when it comes to involving my heart. I learned my lesson a long time ago.
"Jesus, when did I become so uptight?" I mutter, yanking off my jacket. I take down the rest of my drink and smack a hand on the bar top to get Charlie's attention. "Put on something good. I've got to let loose."
"You'll be the only one dancing." He raises his brows but he's already going through his phone. "You'll look crazy."
"Lucky for me, I don't give a fuck." I smirk back and gesture for him to give me the bottle in his hand. He rolls his eyes but gives it to me and I saunter over to the middle of the bar.
We have more of a crowd today than usual. The place isn't packed but most of the seats are occupied so at least I won't feel singled out. Besides, there isn't anyone paying attention as Charlie cranks up the speakers with Bad Girls by MKTO. I find myself laughing at the song choice because it happens to be my guilty pleasure. It always puts me in a good mood, not to mentions makes me feel powerful, and it's just what I need after the overtly emotional week I just had. It also doesn't require crazy dance moves, just a mellow groove that I easily slip into.
I raise my arms and throw my hips to the side, getting lost in the music and just letting go in general. Fuck, I've needed this. I close my eyes and pretend that it's just me dancing in my room, singing along to the song and swaying to the beat. I pretend to use the bottle as a microphone and belt out the chorus, my hand in my hair and my hips moving. A pair of girls who look older than me pluck up some obvious courage to join me, giggling and making their way over. I toss them a wink to encourage them, my grin widening when they grab the hands of a couple of reluctant guys and drag them out of their chairs. This somehow opens up an invitation and suddenly the floor is packed with bodies. I look over at Charlie my shoulder, my brows raised in victory. He shakes his head but he's smiling, turning up the volume even more.
"What'd I say, Charlie boy?" I brag, dancing over to him. I grab his hand over the bar top. "Come on. It's not a party until the boss lets his freak out."
"You're crazy." He tries to fight me off but I'm on a mission, tugging him harder.
"I'm giving this place the life it deserves." I hook an arm around him when I manage to get him out from behind the counter.
I push him into the crowd who cheers in encouragement, dragging him in the middle of all the bodies. He manages to glare at me before he disappears from view and I laugh, whooping around cupped hands.
My peripheral vision catches someone walking in the bar and my stomach flips when I see it's Wolfe. Just the guy I was hoping would come around. He looks confused as hell eyeing the dancing crowd, eyes darting around like he's making sure he's in the right place. When they land on me, the confusion is replaced with understanding and he shakes his head a little, already predicting this is my doing. I wave my hand for him to join and the tips of his ear go red, his head shaking even harder.
"Come on!" I call out, trying again.
I watch in amusement as he takes a seat on an empty barstool, swinging it around so he can watch instead. My lip curls with an idea. If he won't join the dance, I'll bring the dance to him.
I strut over to him, hips still swaying to the music. It feels way too satisfying watching his eyes flash for a moment before dragging over the length over of me. When his eyes meet mine again, there's a fire in them that wasn't there a moment ago. I bite the corner of my lip. This is definitely the Lenny Parks I've been missing lately and she's back.
When I reach him, I grab his hand and make him twirl me, singing along to the chorus. He's not exactly going with it but he's not stopping me either, watching me with a mixture of curiosity and interest. I definitely take him by surprise when I plop down sideways on his lap, my elbow resting on his shoulder casually and our faces inches apart. His elbows stay braced on the bar top behind him but his fingers flex for a moment, his chest heaving slightly.
I bring my mouth to his ear. "What? You don't dance?"
I feel rather than see him shaking his head no, my lips briefly brushing the shell of his ear.
"That's too bad." My voice sounds huskier even to me. "A dance with you sounds really nice. I guess you owe me, big guy."
I pull back and flip my hair over my shoulder, grinning smugly at the strained look on his face. My arms go above my head and I move to the music, head moving side to side. Some hoots and whistles ring out and when I look at the crowd, I realize most of the them are watching us and cheering. I have to contain my smile when Wolfe's cheeks redden slightly from the attention. He can be so adorably innocent sometimes.
I decide to put him out of his misery and jump off his lap, going back to the crowd. I make one hell of an exit though, walking backwards slowly and toying with my lip as I hold Wolfe's gaze. He slips a hand over his mouth and I'd like to think he did that to hide a smile. He might not have danced with me but at least he enjoyed the show and that's good enough. The big guy should get out of his comfort zone from time to time.
When the last note fades off and the song ends, the crowd erupts into cheers and applause and I bow dramatically, to which the applause intensifies.
I'm red in the face from all the exertion by the time I separate from the crowd and they go back to their seats gradually. Charlie's out of breath too by the time I reach him through the bustling bodies, laughing as he uses the collar of his shirt to fan himself. "I haven't had this much fun since opening day."
"The only way to give something life is to breathe some air into it, Charles." I bump his shoulder. "Your bar has more than enough potential. Don't wait for everyone to see it when you can make them notice."
He shakes his head, smiling just as I take the seat beside Wolfe. "You sure are special, kid."
"I know." I wink.
He snorts, patting my shoulder before getting back to his job.
I turn around in my seat to face Wolfe who's staring me with an unreadable expression. I tilt my head in question. "What?"
At first it seems like he isn't going to say anything but then he pauses, his hands hesitantly coming in front of him. I watch his hands closely as they make the sign for really special. I suck in a small breath of surprise and hold back my smile, eyes going back to his.
"Thanks." I say more quietly than I intended. I clear my throat and straighten up before I start blushing or something. It's unreal how easily he gets to me. "And for the other day as well, for being there for me. I can't remember if I thanked you."
His face softens the slightest bit and he shrugs one shoulder, his version of you're welcome.
"No, really. Not everyone could have handled that." I smack his knee lightly, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm pretty sure I got snot on your shirt. Maybe even in your hair. Please tell me you took a shower when you got home that day."
One corner of his lip twitches in amusement but I'm pleasantly shocked when he nods and I can't help but laugh.
"Good." I tell him seriously. "That was a shit show until you came along. You must be good at comforting others."
The humour slips from his face suddenly and he shakes his head no this time, turning around in his seat to the face the bar. There's something on his face that I can't help but feel like I can relate to, frustration mixed with defeat, like no one gets it.
"Hey." I say softly, hand settling on his arm. I wait until he meets my eyes. "I suck at comforting others, too. I'm just not a people person. I may be able to make them dance and have a laugh but if I'm being honest, I did that for me. To prove to myself that I can do more than push others way. Deep down I think I know how alone I am and my pride does not like it one bit. I just...I'll never be the kind of person that's a ball of sunshine or easily likeable. I'm pretty messed but I'm sure you know that by now. I just figure that if not many people have my back then I better have my own, you know?"
I'm surprised at how easy it was to admit that. I hardly confess personal shit like that but I guess after breaking down in front of him, it just doesn't seem like the end of the world to talk about my fears with him. I figure he's seen the messed up parts of me and he's still here so that has to count for something, right?
"At least we're different." I turn my seat around too, sighing. "The world can use different, big guy. Don't ever forget that it's your strength and not your weakness. You're more than fine the way you are. Promise me you won't let anyone make you think you're not."
I don't know why I feel so shy saying the words but my cheeks feel like they're on fire. I side glance Wolfe to find him staring right at me and the look on his face...it's awe. Has no one ever told him that before? Reminded him that he doesn't need to change for anyone? Part of me is glad to be the first and another part of me is growing paranoid from the intensity of the moment. So much for keeping this thing between us easygoing. My blush deepens and I look away before I say something I'll regret.
"Excuse me?"
I look over my shoulder and find a dude smiling at me. My brow goes up. "Yes?"
"I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I saw you out on the dance floor and I have to admit, you looked incredible."
"Thanks." I give him a tight lipped smile and turn back around. He's a cute enough guy but I just haven't been flirting or hooking up lately. I'm just not up to it these days.
"Are you usually the life of the party?" He continues, forcing me to turn around again. His grin widens. "You seem like you are."
"Only when I'm drunk." I jerk my thumb to the bar. "I'd like to get back to that."
"How about I buy your next drink?" He offers.
"That's nice of you but I'm fine."
"No, please. I insist."
"It's fine." I enunciate, hoping he takes the hint.
"Alright." He shuffles in place but makes no move to leave. He gestures a hand to me. "You, uh, you're gorgeous."
Oh boy. This doesn't seem like it's about to end. I look over at Wolfe and find him stoic-faced, staring straight ahead but obviously listening to the whole conversation. Why is it that I always get hit on when he's around?
Not wanting to give the other guy any importance, I nudge Wolfe with my elbow and mutter from the side of my mouth, "Pretty sure he's talking to you."
There's no way to stop my shit-eating smirk when he bites the inside of his cheek to obviously stop a smile.
"Could I get your number?" The guy behind me cuts in and my mouth punches in irritation when Wolfe's small smile slips away again. "Or better yet, I'll give you mine."
I hold back a groan. I was having a moment with probably the only guy in the world I care about and now this is happening instead. It's pissing me off and when I'm pissed off, I become way too reckless for my own good.
That's why it doesn't even surprise me when I blurt out, "I don't think my boyfriend will appreciate that."
"Boyfriend?" He asks at the same time Wolfe turns to look at me, confused and...annoyed?
Realizing he doesn't get it, I smile at him. "Isn't that right, babe?"
This time he blinks in surprise when he gets what I'm implying. I turn back to the guy and point to Wolfe. "This delicious hunk of a man right here. I'm all set but thanks."
The guy's eyes narrow slightly. "If he's your boyfriend, why hasn't he intervened yet? He isn't saying anything."
I feel my jaw tick and get the distinct feeling I'm about to beat up another one of Charlie's customers. I know the guy is oblivious but anyone calling Wolfe out for not talking is apparently a huge trigger for me. I can't fucking stand it.
"He doesn't need to say anything." I say through gritted teeth. "I can speak for myself."
The guy crosses his arms. "Clearly you're not doing a good job of it because it's so obvious you're lying."
My hands fist in my lap and I pull in a calming breath. Why me? Why does every asshole in the world gravitate to me?
From the corner of my eye I can see Charlie glaring at me, warning me not to fight. I know he's a good friend of mine but I also know I can stir up shit in his bar so many times before it flat out becomes disrespectful. I don't want to do that to him so I make myself pull it together.
"I don't have to prove anything to you." My tone is cool.
He shrugs. "You two just seem very impersonal for a so-called couple."
I press my lips together in annoyance. "You want personal, jackass?"
I hop off my stool and stand behind Wolfe's, turning him around to face me. His curiosity shifts to shock when I climb into his lap, my legs on either side of his hip to straddle him and my hands gripping his shoulders. I try not to get too caught up on how sturdy he feels beneath me, the hardness of his shoulders or the warmth of his body. He feels like a mountain, so large and intimidating but also thrilling. Touching this man is seriously fucking addicting and I'm not doing myself any favours here.
I look over my shoulder at the guy, who's starting to look uncomfortable. "This good enough or should I take it up a notch?"
And I know I can stop now. I know that. But I've had a couple of drinks and I promised myself I would let loose and now this idiot has me all riled up and...and...and I'm touching Wolfe who feels too fucking good for words and I've been wanting him more than I'm willing to admit. My feelings are debatable but my attraction to him is definitely not. He's just so big and strong and solid with harsh and angry features but kind eyes that I'm a complete sucker for. And being this close to him, being able to touch him like this? It's making me greedy and dizzy with want. I feel like I'm on fire when I'm around him and right now, I want to burn. I've always been good at self-destruction anyways.
When I face him again, our faces inches apart, I lick my suddenly dry lips and his eyes fall to them briefly. Maybe he's picking up the vibes I'm giving off but suddenly he's breathing a little harder and the heat in his gaze is melting me. Somehow, we're on the exact same page now. It feels like we're blanketed in pure electricity.
My hands move from his shoulders to cup his face and tilt it up, inching it closer to mine. I'm so hyper aware of him, the way his beard prickles my palms and how I'm close enough to feel his warm breath on my face. He stares at me intensely but makes no move to stop. So I take a deep breath, and keep going.
"I'm going to kiss you now, okay?" I murmur.
I feel the way he tenses under me for just a moment, the muscles in his thighs flexing. He blinks slowly, head tilting about a millimeter like he doesn't quite believe me.
"Shake your head no if you want me to stop, big guy." I tell him seriously because yeah, I'm not fucking joking.
I hold my breath and wait for his signal to tell me to stop, that I'm being crazy or aggressive or way too impulsive. Truth? I think some bizarre part of me is hoping he'll let me kiss him. Let's face it—I've been fantasizing about it since the day we met. And now the opportunity is here and I can feel myself buzzing with anticipation as I stare at his lips and wonder how they'd feel against mine. I just need to know he's okay with this.
I almost break out into hysterical laughter when Wolfe raises a brow and silently challenges me to continue, his head jerking slightly to tell me yes for good measure and my stomach flips violently. Would you look at that? Dare I say he wants this just as bad, is as attracted to me as I am to him? Well, either that or he has a habit of letting random women kiss him but I'm guessing it's the former. Either way, this is actually happening and I melt further into him, our chests pressing together.
"Okay, then." I smirk and lean forward slowly. Our lips brush and I swear for a split second his mouth almost smiles against mine. "Let's see if these lips can kiss better than they talk."
With that, I close the distance and press my mouth against his.
The fire that formed in the pit of my belly from anticipation bursts and spreads out until I'm hot all over. So fucking hot for this man. His lips are soft and gentle and hesitant, letting me take lead. I kiss him innocently at first, nothing more than our mouths parting and meeting slowly. Once. Twice. My thumbs brush across his cheeks, my body pressing more tightly against his when I feel the pace of our mouths picking up. And then it's his turn.
His arm winds around me and yanks me flush against him so unexpectedly, I gasp into his mouth. He uses that to his full advantage, his tongue slipping inside and tangling with mine. If I thought I was on fire before it's nothing compared to now because I was right—I'm burning. Every stroke of his tongue as it battles with mine, the arm around my waist holding me hostage and his other hand snaking down to grip my ass, it's driving me out of my mind with lust. No kiss has felt like this before, like he's taking ownership of me and desires me more than anything in this world. I'm consumed in him completely, everything around us fading away until all I can see and hear and feel is this man.
I moan into his mouth when I feel him harden underneath me and wiggle around until his length is pushing between my legs. Even through his clothing I can feel how enormous he is and my body kickstarts with excitement. My arms wind around his neck and I kiss him harder, so overcome with need. Clearly he feels the same way because both his hands slip underneath my shirt, his thumbs stroking my bare skin and making me shiver. His hands are warm and big and a little rough and I wonder what he can do with them. I bite down on his lip and a deep groan rumbles out of him, stopping my heart. Holy fuck. I can't believe how hot it was to hear him make that sound of pleasure, knowing I'm the one who caused it. If that's the only kind of sound I'll ever hear him make then I'm more than okay with that. So fucking deep, so fucking husky. Perfection.
I moan again when he captures my tongue and sucks it teasingly, not expecting him to do something like that. Fuck me, he tastes so good. Like spearmint and alcohol and him. His mouth works my own with the kind of confidence I've never seen from him, his hands on the move under my shirt and gradually making their way to brush the underside of my bra, and I can't stop the breathless cry escapes me.
"Jesus Christ, Lenny! Get a room!"
Wolfe and I jerk like we were electrocuted, separating immediately. I look around and discover the guy from earlier is long gone but the rest of the crowd is gaping at us from the major PDA. Shit. I let it go way too far. That kiss was supposed to be a peck at most, just to quench my curiosity. It was supposed to be innocent but it wasn't. That was the kind of kiss that comes before an explosive fuck but how explosive would the fucking be if kissing him felt like that? That kiss was dangerous.
"Sorry." I apologize breathlessly to Charlie who's shaking his head. It's a miracle he still lets me come around here.
I climb off Wolfe with shaky legs, wobbling a little until he grips my arm gently to steady me. Now that the moment is broken, I feel like I've been doused with cold water. I'm no longer burning, instead covered in goosebumps because I feel exposed and vulnerable to everything around me. Crap. I just complicated everything and I promised myself that's the last thing I would do.
I clear my throat awkwardly and finally look at Wolfe, our eyes clashing. We stare at each other silently, chests heaving and tension thick, but the question that lingers between us is too loud to ignore—what in the fuck was that?
"I...uh...thanks." I clear my throat again. "For playing along. That was...a good fake kiss."
I look away quickly, tucking my hair behind my ear. Both of us are still breathing hard and we clearly don't know what the hell to say.
"I'll see you Monday?" I finally ask when the silence becomes too unbearable.
Wolfe nods slowly, eyes darting back down to my lips lightening fast. My stomach flips over with want because holy hell, I want to know what it's like to be fucked by this behemoth of a man.
But I can't. We can't. If this was any other guy I would have already fucked him, no doubt. But this is Wolfe and he's my friend and I care about him too much to lose him, even if it means ignoring the way he's starting to make me feel. It's just better this way. I can't do relationships and I'm emotionally damaged and I have way too much baggage and I would only fuck things up by being with him. I'm not girlfriend material and I'd only send him running for the hills if he ever got to know me for who I really am. I don't want to do that or hurt him and knowing me, I will hurt him somehow. My heart is stone and I just don't know how to love. Wolfe deserves to be loved, not to have his time wasted by a hopeless case.
"Cool." I grab my jacket and pull it on swiftly, zipping it up. "Have a good night, big guy."
I turn on my heel and make myself walk out of the bar at a normal pace instead of bolting out like I want to. The last thing I want is for things to start getting weird. But seriously, how did we go from harmless flirting to that? Harmless flirting is easy enough to go along with but the kiss we just shared? That's going to be a hell of a lot harder to ignore.
Just fucking great.
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A/N
Is it hot in here?!?!!? WOW.
This kiss definitely came earlier on in the story compared to my last couple of books but I still felt their chemistry! They just compliment each other so well and the way Lenny brings out all the best parts of Wolfe is too good!
Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!
Happy Reading :)