Physical pain was familiar to you.
At this point, it was like an annoying friend that you never wished to speak with or see again, but always seemed to cross paths with you. You had hated it at first, resented and feared the very thought of an Elixir forcing your body through that kind of torture: but now, you had honestly grown used to it.
Sad, isn't it?
But perhaps what was sadder was the fact that while you could finally handle physical pain, your heart simply couldn't take the emotional stress anymore.
Despite having taken the Elixir into your bloodstream, you managed to retain consciousness. You weren't sure if that was a blessing or a curse, because even though your physical pain seemed to shrink with each passing second, the heavy weight on your heart felt like it was suffocating you.
When did it all go wrong? You wondered.
Just two months ago, your life had been as perfect as could be.
You had Saeran. Saeran had you. There was never any intimation of anything going wrong. The two of you had almost kissed, that one night so long ago, the very day you found out that you were to be raised to the Savior's inner council.
Life had been good. Life had been happy. We had been happy, you mused.
If only you could erase the past two months...then things could go back to the way they were before.
Saeran's fingers ran through your hair like dolphins cutting through water, smooth and unobstructed.
The day was a slow one at the Mint Eye: Saeran had met with the Savior early in the morning and had finished his work off before you had even been awake, and all disciples had been given the day off after a particularly successful recruitment ceremony.
For once, your schedules had overlapped so that the two of you were free at the same time.
Under normal circumstances, Saeran would have pulled you off to the flower garden and the two of you would have spent your afternoon talking and watering flowers. But the weather had taken a turn for the worse, and it was now leading into the third day of thunderstorms.
See, it wasn't that either of you were scared of thunder, but the constant booms were amplified by the dome structure of the greenhouse garden. Simply put, the roaring sounds made conversation impossible.
And so the two of you sat in your room, not quite talking about anything but instead simply enjoying each other's presence.
At times like this, that was all you needed.
"Are you going to do anything with my hair, or will you just play with it?" You asked Saeran, giggling as a light blush crept onto his cheeks.
"I-I thought you were asleep!" Saeran exclaimed, startled.
That was fair. You had been lying on his lap for the past half hour with your eyes closed, never saying a word. There was small surprise in the fact that Saeran had assumed you were asleep. Still, though, you would never back out of an opportunity to tease the white-haired male.
"Never assume, Saeran," You told the boy with a wink. "Girls are filled with secrets."
You pulled yourself into a seated position and sat across from Saeran, barely a foot away from him.
"Oh?" Saeran asked with a light smile. "And what secrets could you have, Princess?"
"I'll tell you if you catch me!" You jumped off the bed with an excited laugh.
With that, you sprinted out of the room, making way for the kitchen. Saeran, faster and stronger than you, was hot on your tail, calling out and playfully berating you for getting a head start, but you kept pace.
It was hard to believe that two seventeen-year-olds could act so innocent and carefree, truly like children. But under the protection of Mint Eye, it oft seemed like anything was possible. Though of course, even the Mint Eye had its fair share of solemnity.
You darted around a corner, still sprinting at full speed, and nearly crashed into the golden-haired Savior herself.
Forcing yourself to an immediate stop despite your intense speed (and perhaps defying the laws of physics in the process), you managed to halt just short of the woman.
Saeran wasn't so lucky.
Despite his efforts to slow himself down, he crashed ungracefully into your back, and the two of you fell to the floor in a tangled mess of limbs.
Honestly, you could probably pinpoint that moment as the one where the Savior first took note of you. At the time, you had thought nothing of the interaction; after seeing Saeran, the Savior had simply raised an eyebrow at him and had continued walking.
Immediately after she was out of earshot, though, Saeran wrapped his arms around your waist.
"I caught you~" He teased playfully, and you could hear the smile in his voice.
"No fair!" You exclaimed, initiating a passionate rant about how the only reason he had caught up to you was because you had stopped after you saw the Savior.
"A deal is a deal," He murmured. "You promised that if I caught you, you'd tell me a secret! And even if luck was on my side, I did catch you. So cough up, Princess."
You groaned.
In truth, you didn't even have a secret to tell him, you had just said that because you figured you could beat him in a race and then mess with him for a day or two about it. But, to his credit, he had caught you, even in there were other factors involved...at the very least, he deserved something.
You took a sharp breath in, debating whether or not to tell him the thought that had been lurking at the back of your mind for the past few weeks.
"So?" Saeran inquired once more. "What's your secret? C'mon, spill!"
The boy was getting impatient, and you were out of ideas.
"Alright, alright. You really want to know?"
Saeran nodded his head, eager.
"Okay...My secret is that I can tell the future!" You exclaimed.
Saeran cocked his head to the side and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Elaborate?" He asked, clearly caught off guard.
"Well, I can tell my future, at least. See, I know exactly who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with," You whispered into Saeran's ear.
The boy looked shyly at the ground. "Who?" He asked, even though he knew. No doubt, though, he wanted to hear it from your lips.
You smirked.
"You."
With that single word, his cheeks erupted in flames, each passing second only kindling the hot pink fire that spread across his face.
It took a while before he was able to say anything that wasn't an incoherent stutter or choke, but Saeran finally mustered up the courage to get off the ground and help you up. In doing so, he smiled the rare and sweet smile you loved so much. "I guess you really can tell the future, then."
That was the first of your many promises to spend the rest of your lives together. You and Saeran had made tens, no hundreds of pacts over the years to either never let each other go or to never let anyone be prioritized higher than each other.
But nearly every promise was broken within these past two months.
You felt tears pool in the corners of your eyes.
Reliving that memory had been a moment of happiness for you, but the ending left a bitter taste in your mouth. As the small droplets of your emotions slid down your cheeks, you wanted to move your hand to wipe them away but your entire body felt numb.
But to your surprise, the tears were wiped away by a soft handkerchief before they could reach the edges of your face. Who's there? You wanted to scream, every sense in your body lit on fire with a sick sense of fear; fear that you couldn't move your own body and were simultaneously in the presence of what could very well be a stranger bearing you ill will.
Only when the supposed stranger spoke did your fear melt away, replaced with different emotions. Stronger emotions.
"Please don't cry, Princess." The voice whispered, and even in the man's quiet whisper, there was an undeniable fact that it was him.
Saeran.
The sheer realization drew your eyes open, and you instantly locked eyes with the man who had been preoccupying your thoughts not a second earlier.
"(Y-Y/N)?" Saeran asked, eyes round, the softness from before lost in...what was that look in his eyes? Why was he staring at you with such a fearful gaze?
You pulled yourself up in the bed, struggling against the pain to face the man who'd never left your mind—not even for a minute—in these past two months.
"Don't get up," Saeran puffed the pillow underneath your head, nervously trying to make you fall back asleep, but you resisted. It took every ounce of strength you had to not give in and fall back into unconsciousness, but you needed answers.
Now.
"Wha..." You coughed, voice hoarse. Even your tongue felt lopsided and dizzy as you tried to force words out. "What happened?"
You wanted your voice to be strong in front of Saeran, to prove to him that in spite of his cruelty toward you these past months, you'd managed to maintain your toughness. But with each passing second as his mint green eyes met your own, you felt your resolve shattering.
Your question seemed to shake Saeran, though. Your field of vision was narrow, with you too weak to focus on anything other than his eyes, but you saw him look away and down at the ground.
"I..." Your ears perked up as Saeran began speaking. "I forced the Elixir inside you," Saeran murmured, his voice low. You could hear the shame in his words, and it took all you had not to open your own mouth and tell him not to be upset but you couldn't. He's put you through so much pain, you owe it to yourself not to forgive him so easily.
I hate him, you thought, resentment tainting your thoughts bitter as Saeran continued to speak.
"I injected you with it, and it's been in your bloodstream for almost three hours."
I hate him.
"I brought you here. Your blood's been circulating through this machine to filter the Elixir out, but..."
I hate him.
"I don't know how long it will be before you're safe again."
I hate him.
"I'm so sorry, (Y/N)."
I hate him.
"There's no excuse for me."
I hate him.
"But please, (Y/N). Please don't cry. Not on my account...no more. I can't bear to see you in any more pain...I can't..."
Saeran trailed off, rambling now. His apologies filled your ears and you tried to muster up all the anger you'd felt in these past two months of isolation and misery, directing them all at him.
"I'm sorry."
You tried to ignore the way his voice cracked as he apologized. I hate him, you told yourself, as if repeating it would make it true.
"But please don't cry anymore."
You sighed, forcing yourself to meet Saeran's eyes. It was futile, you realized, trying to convince yourself that you hated the man you'd spent so many years with. Shared so many laughs with. Made so many memories with.
I love him.
And no matter how you tried to convince yourself otherwise, be it repeating that you hate him in a mindless mantra or ignoring him for the rest of your life, that was the truth. And the truth would not change, not even if you wanted it to.
"Stop apologizing," You told Saeran, weakly. It took all your strength for those words to pass your lips, and Saeran must have known because at that request he quieted. "I..."
I forgive you, you wanted to tell him.
But reality was cruel, and you lost strength before you could finish your sentence. Blackness set in before you could get the words out.
When you next woke, it was late. Too late. You opened your eyes the second you regained consciousness, alert and searching the room for Saeran, but his back was turned to you and he was walking toward the door.
He's leaving?
You tried to force yourself to speak, only managing to exhale a quiet wheeze, a pitiful mixture of failure and weakness.
No! You wanted to shout as you watched Saeran's retreating form. I'm awake! Look! LOOK! But he opened the door and left the room before you could have done anything to catch his attention, leaving you defeated and alone in the room.
You frowned.
Even in your slumber, you'd yearned to tell Saeran that you forgave him. To see his face light up and to see him smile for the first time in months made your heart weak at the very thought. And now I have to wait, you thought with childlike frustration.
It was only then that you actually took the opportunity to observe the room you were in. And the moment you began to do so, a sick feeling settled in your stomach.
Dread.
He treated me for an Elixir overdose, you realized with a start as your mind slowly began to piece together the information that you'd been too slow to consider earlier.
There was only one place in the world that would have a treatment for the Elixir of Salvation. And it was the worst possible place Saeran could have taken you.
You closed your eyes as if that would help hide you from the realization that was growing clearer and clearer in your mind.
No, you wanted to scream, hoping that if you denied the truth it would be less true. But reality and truth were two sides of the same coin: and it was a coin of unwavering cruelty.
You slowly brought your eyes up, praying that you wouldn't see the mark.
But there, at the top of the doorframe, was displayed the proud sigil where the cult reaffirmed its presence in every single room.
The emblem of paradise.
The emblem of the magenta.
The emblem of the Mint Eye.
And suddenly, you began to fear for Saeran.
Because it began to seem less and less likely that he would return to you.
But I forgive him, you thought weakly, feeling your consciousness being sapped away from you as you helplessly reached toward the door that Saeran had exited from. I need to tell him. I need him to know.
But the blackness had already set in.
Word count: 2.5k
Notes: I'm learning Endless Struggle (Saeran's theme) on the piano right now and it's such a beautiful piece aghsdafshakflkadjsk
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Next Update: 03/30/20
I do not own the rights to Mystic Messenger or any of the characters within it.