"Jack Daniels, my man." I pat the kid on his shoulder. "You're a hero."
"Yeah, sure." He rolls his eyes. "I'm a hero who's going to get his ass kicked out of this school if you and Tommo have any say in it."
"No, no, no. Listen to me." I lower the bottle in my left hand and pull Daniel underneath my arm. "Lou and I got your back. You can be ascertain."
"You mean certain."
"No, Louis' helping. You need a little ass in there." I laugh at my own joke, and Daniel rolls his eyes again.
"Just give me the twenty bucks for my brother, so he'll stop hounding me."
"Yeah, o'course." I hand him the twenty I had in my pocket. "Spend it wisely."
"It's going to my brother, moron."
I nod. "Right, right. Thanks for the drinks, though. I'll make sure to go easy on you at practice Monday."
"You do that." He waves goodbye over his shoulder, and damn. That kid has got an uncomfortably large sass level for a ninth year. He's going to be a fantastic senior. Bless.
-
"Louis Tomlinson is no fun." I chant over and over again as I enter our dorm room. I'm greeted by my best friend wearing only black underwear and his glasses. "He's doing homework, when he could twerk."
"Your rhyming sucks ass."
"So do you, but you don't see me complaining." I say, tossing the wine bottle onto his bed. He makes a face at me, but takes the bottle without so much as a secondhand glance.
"How much was this?"
"Jack Daniels made me give him twenty. I figured it was worth it." I shrug, grabbing the wine glasses that I smuggled out of my parent's bar downstairs last semester from the bottom drawer of my dresser.
"God bless him. I need this tonight."
"Why?" I hand him a glass and he uncorks the bottle.
"Fucking AP Enviro is killing me, and I'm so stressed. I'm beginning to break out around my mouth, and it's disgusting. I can't eat pizza for weeks." Louis vents as he pours himself half a glass of red wine. "Did you lock the door?"
"Oh, shit- no." I roll off of his bed and flip the bar so that our dorm door is locked and hall monitors can't come in without knocking. "Okay, so. AP Enviro? I thought you were doing well in that class."
"Me too. But apparently, I know nothing about the cycles. I bombed that last test, and it's hurting my grade so much. I've got a 94 now. It's just frustrating." He motions to his own laptop. "I've been online shopping for four hours to stop the pain. So far it hasn't helped, but I've got six new outfits on their way, so that'll be nice."
"Any sales?"
"Fifteen percent off this purse from Hermés, but that's it." He sighs and sips his wine.
I pour myself my own glass, going for the win and filling it nearly to the brim. "You can retake the test, you know."
"But for that, I've got to wait until Monday. This is Friday night. This is right now. Right now, I want to checkout on ToysRUs.com."
"Toys R Us?"
"I just wanna build a fucking Lego Death Star, okay?"
"Dude, same. When that comes in, can I help?" I ask, drinking a little more wine. "I built the Millennium Falcon when I was, like, ten. It's an experience."
"Yeah, you can help." Louis drinks his wine as he confirms his purchase. "You can read me the directions while I put it together."
I smack my best friend's leg as he snickers over his wine glass. Rolling my eyes, I drink a little more before I set my glass down on Louis' desk. "You're a dickhead."
"That's my name." Louis laughs, downing the rest of his drink, and I have to say that I'm pretty impressed by that feat.
"I'm so bored." I say, laying down and grabbing one of his seventeen thousand pillows.
"We could complain about advanced fucking placement fucking environmental fucking science some more?" Louis suggests, hiccuping.
"Nah." I shake my head.
"I could tell you about Nick and I's date last weekend. You didn't seem too interested in that then, but I'm sure you-"
"Nah."
"Fine." Louis puts his glass on the ground and stretches out his legs, careful not to kick my in the face. "We could talk about your obvious affection for Harry Styles."
"Nah."
"Ha!" Louis points at me. "You didn't deny it."
"What are you, twelve?"
"What are you, in love?" He mocks me, and I cover my face with my hands.
"Shut up."
"That's so cute, though. I should tel-"
"I swear to Jesus Christ that if you open your big fat mouth to Nicholas Grimshaw, I will request a room transfer."
Louis looks slightly offended as he raises his hands in defense. "God."
"He already makes fun of me, because he thinks I like Calum." I say, and Louis glares at a spot on the wall.
"Calum is a terrible human being."
I roll my eyes. "He doesn't compliment you on your outfit once, and all of a sudden he's the antichrist."
"I hold grudges, okay?"
"Okay." I sigh, sitting up to drink more of my wine, still having a little less than half a glass left.
"But you like Harry though, right?"
"Is it obvious?"
"No, I just know you."
"Gee." I take a sip. "How comforting."
"My sources tell me that Harry is as much in the closet as you are." Louis says.
No way, really? I didn't notice.
"No shit."
"Right? Like it's so- wait. Who told you? Did he?" Louis' eyes widen to perfect his 'This is gossip, and I want it' face."
"Can you keep a secret?"
Louis nods vigorously, grinning. "On my soon-to-be valedictorian honor."
"I'm actually going to be the VD, so."
He snorts, fixing his glasses. "Salutatorian...at most."
"Maybe I won't tell you this secret."
"No, no, no! Tell me." Louis sounds like a third grade girl about to hear her best friend's first 'boyfriend' story.
"You know how I'm on Writerscape?"
"Yeah, for celebrity porn." Louis snorts out a laugh, and I grab the rest of my wine to down before continuing. I'm going to need a little boost before I spill this particular secret, yeah, but Louis had to find out eventually. He is my best friend, after all.
"Not porn. Fan fiction."
"Same difference."
"Well, Harry...he's on the site too."
Louis gives me a look. "Pictures or it didn't happen."
"I'm dead serious."
"Show me."
I think back to the discussions Harry and I have had, and I think about Harry talking about Louis' lipstick, and I determine that no. No, Louis should not read that. "No."
"What are the odds you show me this right now? One outta ten." Louis sits up. "One, two, three-"
"Seven!" We say at the same time, and I sigh in defeat.
"Best two out of three?"
"No." Louis hops off of his bed, careful not to hit the empty wine glass, and grabs my MacBook. Handing it to me, he bends down to pick up the glass and sets it on the dresser next to my own.
I sign into my laptop and wait for it to load, drumming my fingers on the edge. I can't believe I'm showing Louis these things. "I don't want to show you."
"Why? Are you sexting, Mister Horan?"
I give him an unimpressed look. "Mister Horan?"
"I bet it's what Harry calls you, isn't it? Oh, Mister Horan!" Louis presses the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. "Punish me."
"Jesus Christ."
"Louis Tomlinson, actually. But I understand your confusion." Louis breaks out into a million tiny giggles, and I shake my head at him.
"No more wine for you, dude." I fix the pillows around me and lay back down on Louis' bed. Pulling my laptop onto my lap, I click on Safari.
"But Spring Break is in two weeks. I need to drink then, obviously." Louis reasons, and I'm too buzzed to argue with his infallible point.
"Speaking of- coming to the cottage with me this year?"
"Is that wretched brat going to be there?"
"You're so bitter, like, all the time. How do you manage? Good, God. Madi is going to be there." I state, and Louis watches me sign into my account.
"I'm not talking to her. I won't do it."
"You're going to have to."
"No. She is the true antagonist of my life story. I despise her."
I scoff at him. "She's fucking seven."
"Age is a number. Pacts with Satan are a choice."
"Why are we friends?" I sigh and click on my private messages. I look so unpopular when I scroll through my messages. Mainly because I've only every private messaged Harry.
"You slid into Styles' DMs like the fucking nerd you are." Louis laughs again, and I shove his face.
"This is Harry. I'm one hundred percent positive. He posted a selfie a while back, so I know."
"Why don't you just talk to him about this cheesy boy band? It would solve all of your," he hiccups. "Problems."
"Because then he might ask about fan fiction, and I'm a flustered liar, and he would know, and you have no idea what he writes, Louis. No idea."
"Secrets build bonds." Louis explains. "I don't think he would mind. I think he would become closer to you, really."
"It's the wine talking right now."
"No, it's the common sense talking."
"Lies. You have no common sense."
Louis coughs and attempts to push me off of his bed. "Keep it up, and I'll get Nick to write his column on the two Lacrosse captains who read and write gay smut together."
My jaw drops. "Don't you dare."
"The title will be: Not Just Lacrosse Balls Anymore." Louis smirks that ridiculous smirk of his- the one that makes you want to punch him in the face, but also buy him a pony. "It'll be such a hit."
"I'm gonna hit you."
"Eh," Louis shrugs. "I've got nothing to lose. You've got a lot to lose."
"Tell me about it."
"You need his number, oh my God!" Louis jumps out of his bed to grab his iPhone off the charger. "Let me give it to you, okay?"
"Okay." I try to suppress my excitement. I am calm. I am chill. I am Iron Man. I laugh at my own joke, but my reverie is cut short by a blood curdling scream. "What the fuck?!" I shout at Louis, who is screaming like a mad man and rushing to the other side of the dorm room.
"Holy fuck! Kill it! Fucking kill it!" He shouts at me, pointing toward his closet, where his phone had been charging.
"What are you on about?" I roll my eye and hop up to take a closer look. Once I get close to the corner- I see it. Abnormally large and sat, seemingly plotting my murder, on the white wall of my precious bedroom is a black, mutant spider. "Fuck, no."
I run to the other side to join Louis on my bed, and he pushes me away. "Kill it, Niall!"
"I'm not going to touch it!" I shout back. I don't do spiders!
"Fucking KILL IT."
"NO!"
"JESUS CHRIST NIALL, JUST FUCKING GET IT OUT OF HERE." Louis screams in my face, and I'm just about to scream back when our door shakes.
We both go silent as the doorknob attempts to be turned. Louis and I look at each other for a moment. "You get it."
"There is a goddamn spider over there. You get it." Louis states, pushing me again.
"Are you guys okay?" A worried voice comes from the other side, and holy shit. He can't see me in this state. Not like this. I'm so weak and ashamed. "Open the door, guys!! You sound like somebody got hurt!"
"Go, Niall." Louis commands, and I take the plunge, side stepping around the general area of the devil of a spider. Unlocking the door, I open it quickly so that I can get away from the hideous arachnid.
"Is everyone okay?" Harry asks, a panicked expression on his face. "I have my phone set to call 911 if you-"
"I'm going to fucking die!" Louis exclaims. "Kill it, Harry! Kill. It."
He looks confused until I point to the wall. "It's come to destroy us."
Harry stares at the spider for a moment or two. "I thought you guys were hurt."
"It's a fucking spider in our bedroom, goddamn it!" I'm shouting again, rushing back to Louis. "Kill it slowly and very, very painfully. Make it regret it's life choices."
"It's a spider!"
"It's going to kill us!" Louis states, and Harry shakes his head in disbelief.
"I swear to God. You two..."
"Shit! It's moving! HARRY KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" Louis latches onto me, screaming at the top of his lungs once again, and I join in out of pure shock and fear.
"OKAY, I'M GOING TO. CALM DOWN." Harry slips off his shoe and walks over to the wall to whack at the evil trespasser. "Happy now?"
Louis breathes a sigh of deep relief. "My life flashed before my eyes."
"Same." I say, shrinking down into my pillows to hide from Harry. I'm not sure if having a spider in my room is the worst thing ever, or if Harry seeing me at my lowest of lows is. Fucking spiders. Spawns of satan, the lot of them.
"You two are ridiculous."
I point at my best friend, decidedly ratting him out. "Louis screamed first."
"My life was in danger, what the fuck did you want me to do? Dance the goddamn tango?!"
"Can you dance the tango?"
"Yeah," Louis says casually. "I can do other ballroom as well."
"Did you take classes?"
"Freshman year, actually."
"And you didn't invite me?"
"You can't dance."
"Maybe I could if you had invited me."
"Jesus fuck," Harry interrupts us. "Do you guys ever slow down?"
"Would you like some wine, Harry?" Louis offers, and Harry looks confused until I point to the bottle on the floor.
"Where did you get wine?"
"Jack Daniels" I supply, and Harry looks impressed.
"He's going to be a wonderful senior."
"That's what I'm saying."