Basmah.
"Ohkay you need to calm down please stop panicking Its going to be alright, you gotta stop crying, ya Juhaifa wont leave you in sha Allah" Hauwa was all kinds of hysterical when she called me to tell what that human of a scum told her the other day, she was broken into pieces and ya Juhaifa closed off and turned cold. It was at that time that he knew it was her ex fiance Hamza who did the deed. Hauwa didnt tell him and he didnt ask, but seeing reaction gave it away yaya was already willing to forgive and forget. Hamza broke off the engagement two days after he slept with Hauwa since he haa gotten what he wanted why waste time and money?
I was skeptical when i was told what Hamza texted, i mean how could he, i dont think it could be possible for Hauwa to have anything because they ended things like two years ago and Hamza is someone who sleeps around. but who knew for how long he carried it, and why would he be telling her now, obviously its recent.
Two days later I was with Hauwa at the clinic waiting for results of all the tests she took of almost every Std she knew existed. She was paranoid and i do see her reasons for being. I couldnt possibly judge or blame her. she didnt let any of her family members hear of it and only i can see just how much weight she lost in these couple of days. The very day Hamza made his statement ya Juhaifa dropped her at a clinic after she asked him to do so, he drove off not even sparing her a glance after. He went mute, not talking to me or her and when he had to he kept the conversation short and to the point. I didnt need anyone to tell me Hauwa was crumbling inside.
I on the other hand have been eyeing the tens of missed calls i collectively got from Taheer Maryam and Jamal. They have been texting me and i couldnt even get myself to reply to any for 3 days now. And for the 100th time i question myself for having to be so empathetic to almost everyone. The other day Jamal put me on the phone to talk to his Mum and even though it was through a phone i was shy and could have blushed pink if i was pale skinned, she sounded very nice and loving and i understood where all the love i got from Jamal comes from.
The good not so great news was Jamal telling me that his father wants to see me. Imagine that. Never heard of a father wanting to meet a potential daughter in law. I dont even know how to cope with all this, I am not ready to deal with all of this at this point.
"Miss Hauwa Muaz right?" A nurse approached us and Hauwa nodded. She got up and the long grey hijab she was wearing hit the floor and she extended her hands out to collect the envelop
"Here is your results" the lady said with a small smile and adjusted her eyeglasses. She handed it to her and pulled her synthetic hair behind her ear. We thanked her and got out to my car.
"Well open it" i said after we entered. to say i was anxious is an understatement, maybe more anxious than the Hauwa herself. like how are you suppose to react in a life and death situation cause this is literally life and death.
Hauwas lips trembled as she stared at the brown envelop, i turned the ignition but didnt quite yet start the car, the air conditioner was on and my phone automatically connected to the Bluetooth.
She ripped the envelop almost too gently and i had to keep myself from almost yanking it out of her hand to see for myself
"Am clean" she said with eyes glued to the paper, it registered in my brain and i managed to utter a series of Alhamdulillahs, i look to her to see that it hasnt registered in hers
"You're clean!" I yelled
She looked at me and blinked twice before i see the words sink into her as she took deep breaths, not even two seconds later she had tears rolling down, i too felt like crying aswell but i gotta remain the strong one. Atleast for her.
I unlocked my phone and just as i was about to dial Ya Juhaifa i saw his call coming through, Hauwa was in her feelings to notice so i answered and waited to hear what he has to say.
"Salam Basmah where are you?"
"Uh am with Hauwa, at the hospital why?"
"I need to talk to you like right now, can you drop her off? I dont want her to know what i want to say" is this man kidding?
"What do you mean" i asked a bit perplexed
"Just do what i said and come home, am in my room" he sounded like he meant it and just like that he ended the call. I was too confused to even move and i stared to and fro at my now black screen and The girl in tears beside me.
I tuck the phone away and gave her a pat on her back "lets get you home okay?" I nodded with a tight lip smile
"That was Juhaifa wasnt it?" She asked unfazed. The tears not running anymore and her eyes fixed ahead
Didnt think she heard. "yupp" popping the p i answered not wanting to let room for any negative ideas or overthinking.
"He doesnt want anything to do with me anymore right?" She said in almost a whisper whilst she played with the envelop i had to slow my driving down.
I know she might feel a little bit insecure but i did not think to this extent "Noo! God no that wasnt what he said please dont overthink this he just wants to talk to me about something important thats why he asked me to drop you off first cause he knows how overwhelmed you are"
"Your phone was connected to the Bluetooth" flat out.
Well shit. I stayed quite not knowing what else to do get myself out of the situation, how could i be this stupid.
"I wont judge him if he does" she said again and leaned her head on her hand turning away from me
I kept mum for the rest of the drive up until i dropped her and was en route home and for the third time today Jamal was calling, i thought of ignoring it but i just couldn't get myself to, he didnt do anything wrong. So i recieved
"Basmah why are you avoiding me" his first sentence.
"I am not avoiding you" i straight up lied, i am used to running away when things are good.
"You havent been answering any of my calls or text, so what exactly are you doing" i could sense his frustration. I swallowed not knowing what way to answer
"Is it because you dont want to meet my family? or you dont want me anymore? please do tell me, i am all ears You can't keep holding me off like this when i made my intentions clear, youre the one for me Basmah the only one i want, dont do this to us" his voice cracking at the end.
I tried to find words to compensate but my mind is just too much of a mess to come up with anything.
"Call me when you feel like talking again" he cut the call and i let a stray tear fall. What is wrong with me..
I honked at the gates of my mothers house and parked haphazardly after the gateman opened, my emotions were everywhere, ignoring the gateman and his welcomes I sauntered in meeting Ya Adnan first.
"Ina wuni ya Adnan" i greeted absentmindedly, he gave me only a nod as his attention was trained on the sports highlight he was watching, which i was grateful for. I made my way to Ya Juhaifas room.
I entered without knocking because of obvious reasons " im here" i blabbed out.
"Im sure you know how to knock" he sat up on his bed and looked to me while i sat on his computer desk and ignoring his question
"What is it that you wanted to talk about" was exhausted so to the point will do.
"You and your freind, not so sure if i want her anymore, i mean i do love her and all but trust her? Dont think so. Im trying not to question you aswell" he coldly stated gesturing his hands at me. and i stared back unfazed, not letting whatever he says get to me, ive already had enough of today.
"Ya juhaifa why are you telling me then, aint it between you two? And for your indirect question no one has screwed me, yet" i folded my hands after unwrapping my veil and tying.
He gave me an intense glare "What about her tests?"
"Shes clean, she got nothing, and i shouldn't even be the one telling you this yaya, you know better" i said and dropped my head into my hands, it aching terribly whilst i rested my elbows on my denim covered thighs
"Well thats good news" his whole demeanour changing, really?
"I thought you were about to dump her? And leave just like that?" I know i hit a nerve
His face scrunched but he still ignored my words "I was having second thoughts thats why i called you here is there anything else i should know that concerns her?" Pft
"Again, its between the two of you. You know what yaya, I have pretty much done my part its left for you guys now to move on or break apart, aint my place to tell you what to do, as you can see i am not in my elements now please excuse me" i told him getting off the table and exiting the room leaving him stunned. I am never the person to disrespect anyone but I've just had enough.
"Basmah dear come here" my mother called as i was passing her door.
Bury me already
"Yes maa" i answered a bit agitated. I stood by the door waiting to hear her
"Jamal called saying he is taking you to meet his family next saturday" it appears she just came back from work seeing her still dressed up
"Yes ma" i answered and my stomach churned
"Why didnt you tell me" she tilted her head in question
"I was carried away and maa, youre my mother, what was i suppose to say" i rolled my eyes indicating of course how awkward it will be for me to just hit my mum up like what? imma be going to meet my in-laws? hell naw.
"Hmm ive heard you have my permission" she mentioned as she stretched out her legs on her rug.
"Thank you ma" i gave her a half smile and when i was about to go she dropped another news again
"And oh Mahra is coming with her mother wednesday thats 3 days from now, im telling you now before i forget" she casually mentioned pulling her prayer mat to herself
"Ohk Mom Allah ya kaimu" with that i was finally able to reach my room with no one stopping me. I crashed on the bed with Jamals words at the back of my head. Without moving from my position i reached for my phone and dialed his number without thinking twice. After two rings the call was rejected, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach and eyes wide as saucers, tears threatening to fall but i remained breathless. Not soon after my phone vibrated and his name popped up, i let out a breath i didnt know for how long i was holding it.
"Hello salam alaikum" i spoke first
"Wa alaikum salaam" he answered but didnt say anything after. We were quiet for almost a minute before i finally got to speak
"Im sorry" i appologized and sniffed didnt even know i had tears in my ears i am just so tired
"Why are you crying" i could sense his concern
"Alot has been happening and i was involved in some way, im sorry i shut you out, i didnt know how to react, i hate being vulnerable" i told him with sincerity "i hate it when people see me at my lowest" i sniffed, the tears not subsiding for a second. He was quite for too long "are you still there?" I asked i could hear his breathing so i knew he was listening
"Im sorry for not making my self much of a safe haven to you, for not making it easy for you to open up, and for not paying much attention"
My words deserted me at first but i finally got my tongue back "Please no, you have nothing to appologize for, you do pay attention, its just me that finds it hard to open up youve done nothing wrong. Sorry for not sharing" i curled my legs up and closed my eyes to listen attentively to his voice, memorizing its bass, worry etched and comforting, ive never cried to him before. I sure feel lighter, but i hate being vulnerable, it eats me up from the inside. But for Jamal ill do anything.
"Theres a million reasons why i should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants"
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