I sat at the desk in my chamber and looked into the inkpot as if an image would appear and inform my decision. To my dismay, it did not and I was left to my own mind to solve this particular puzzle. My feelings regarding my betrothment to Prince Lucas were complex; I had known about it for years and had since come to terms with my nuptial fate. Royal obligations weren't supposed to be met with feelings, and yet my feelings would not cease. Since the kiss I had with Eldwyn, I had only grown more wanting of his company, as if a dam had broke and all that I had kept on the other side was crashing right through. We shared something that no one else could have understood and that brought us together in a way I had never thought possible.
When I had grown tired of my pondering, I left my chamber and went to Eldwyn's, but he was nowhere to be found. I asked the guard stationed at his door and he didn't know either. He asked if he should alert the guards, but I told him that I would find him on my own. I didn't want to cause any undue attention to it. A relic wandering about unaccompanied in a southern kingdom had the potential for catastrophe. I searched the golden castle first and then around its perimeter. When I got to the gardens, I stopped and looked all around, attempting to think like Eldwyn. I looked to the west of the castle and saw the Hildregard Chapel across the intersecting crosswalk. It too was golden with spiral pillars outside. In the middle of it was a clocktower with two smaller towers on either side which stood as Stargon's primary chapel for more than two centuries.
I rushed inside the empty church and saw Eldwyn standing at the altar, looking up at the line of our gods carved in oakwood. In the middle was Raken the god of lightning, and Stargon's most favored god. His face was bigger than the rest, looking down with a wide smile and a lightning scar down the middle of his face.
"Eldwyn," I said trying to catch my breath. "You shouldn't be here alone. It's dangerous for you."
"I love learning," said Eldwyn, and he turned around slowly. "I may only believe in one god, but there are many truths in our world. Tell me of him." He pointed up at Raken.
I walked past Eldwyn and looked up at the old face and sighed. "After Danos the Valiant banished Cinnai to the north, Cinnai created Vortez, the god of fire in retaliation. He raged throughout the Summerlands, scorching everything he touched. Danos couldn't defeat the fire god alone, so he called upon the god of water, Aksum, to create a downpour. Aksum was so righteous in his fury, that in his destruction of fire, he created a new god, Raken, who roared with thunder and struck with lightning bolts and Vortez was cast away."
Eldwyn's eyes were wide with delight and he said, "If your people fear relics and their magicks so much, why do they believe in these gods?"
"It's different, Eldwyn. The gods aren't magick, they are the very essence of power." I turned around and took a deep sigh. "I have news, Eldwyn. It has been decided that I will be married to Prince Lucas soon...sooner than I expected. With the north united we need to ensure the south remains united and this is the way to do that."
"Is this your choice?" asked Eldwyn.
"It is not, but it's for the betterment of the realm. Our marriage will inspire hope throughout the south. Hope is the greatest resource in times of war."
"How do you feel about this union?"
"How do I feel?"
"Yes."
"I feel that this is the best option given the circumstances. Cordath poses an increased threat to us. We can't risk any division amongst our ranks."
Eldwyn took a step toward me. "That's not the question I'm asking, knight. How do you feel about Prince Lucas?"
"Prince Lucas is a fine partner. He is smart and has a mind for political matters. We have been betrothed for years, it's merely happening earlier than I expected."
"And how do you feel about me?" asked Eldwyn.
I shuffled around for a moment. It was unprincely, but it was difficult to stop myself. I didn't know exactly how I felt, only that it was a strong sensation that clawed to get out from under my skin. "That doesn't matter, Eldwyn. There are rules to these things. I cannot go frolicking in the woods and picking flowers like a child. Tradition has kept us in power for many years. Lives hang in the balance and I must not fail my people."
"You are noble, Prince," Eldwyn said smiling. "But taking care of your heart is just as important as your realm. Following your own path will lead back to others."
Eldwyn's face was close to mine, and I leaned in for a moment before I pulled myself away.
"No," I said. "You couldn't possibly understand the weight upon my shoulders. I am not allowed to follow my heart. Now let us return to our chambers. We leave for Sentria tomorrow."
I walked past Eldwyn and he grabbed me by the hand, stopping me.
"Wait, there's something in your eyes," he said, staring into them. "Is there more you want to say?"
"...Yes, but that's unimportant."
"It lives on in your head. Please, tell them to me."
"Leave it be, relic." I stormed out of the church, stomping on my way, and Eldwyn followed behind me.
"All that I mean to say is that life isn't a straight line. Sometimes, doing things for yourself can do more good than sacrificing yourself. It's our belief that when you garden your land, it spreads to the forest. It connects to everything else even if you don't see it right away. That's why it's better to lead with your heart."
I remained silent all the way back to the castle with my heavy thoughts and emotions weighing on me like water-drenched garments. Eldwyn lived in a fantasy and I couldn't afford to conduct myself in such a way. People by the thousands depended on me and my needs came second to my duty. My emotions needed to be kept at bay. If I had let them out, they would have boiled over and scorched the lands.