There would not be any kind of nervousness outlet for the amount I am currently managing to hold in at this moment. It is not the kind of nervousness people have before entering an exam room or the kind lovers have before proposing. No. As weirdly idiotic as it sounds, my nervousness is rooting from the anger in me. I'm nervous because I might storm into my house and face my brothers and that woman, and recoup those damn feelings of immense fury, shooting them all at her and having another episode like yesterday.
That would certainly not be acceptable, would it? As appealing as it sounds to me, Caleb seems to apparently think that a peaceful talk will cut it. I don't know if he is wrong or right about what he said but I kind of stopped blaming myself for everything. His words, his soothing touch, his breath on my hair as he embraced me.
Oh. My. God.
Waking up next to him was a shocker and it almost felt surreal were it not for the hold he had on me. And after hearing the nonsensical deeds I did yesterday night, I had a strong feeling Caleb might not want anything to do with me and my overboard drunken self anymore. But, if that was true then he would obviously not comfort me as he did a few moments ago and he would also not volunteer to personally drop me home and see to it that I indeed talked to my stupid brothers.
Or maybe he just wants to get rid of me as fast as possible.
Scraping off all the extraneous thoughts galloping around in my mind, I finally acknowledge Caleb's scrutinizing stare and the fact that we are already there.
Screw my life.
I turn towards him and muster on a small smile, trying to convince myself that this is no big deal. That coming back home and talking to my brothers is indubitably normal especially after the scene I created yesterday.
"You sure you wanna do this?" He asks me, furrowing his eyebrows.
"You are the one who told me to do this!"
"Right. My bad. I will be down here if you need me. Go get 'em, tiger." He attempts a deeper voice and fist pumps into the air, earning an incredulous look from me.
"I can't pull that off, can I?" He asks, retracting his arm slowly and biting his tongue.
"Nope. Bye." I deadpan and get out of the car, eager to finish up with the incoming nightmare.
As soon as I reach the floor of my apartment, I recognize a familiar voice and my feet seem to be having a mind of their own as they quickly direct me to my house posthaste. I push the already open door even further and see her first, opposite a seething Draven and two other confused brothers of mine.
"And here comes my other crazy daughter! Welcome. Dare I ask where you've been the whole night? Or is that-
"Don't play the whole worrying mother card on me. Won't work." I declare, holding out a hand at her, and look at Draven and Jason for answers since all Aaron is doing is continuing to widen his eyes second by second.
His eyeballs might just pop out anytime.
"What's going on?" I question Draven, crossing my arms and looking at him directly.
"Wow." My gaze darts towards her angrily, taking in her blank expression. "My own daughter cannot have a civil conversation with me and my son turns out gay! What has become of you kids?" She suddenly exclaims, knocking the wind out of me. I look at Draven with a guilty look, noticing how his expression drops and his face hangs low.
"Mom, if you-
"No, Jason. What's next? One is underage and yet drinks like an alcoholic and my son is gay. You two have anything to tell me?"
Woah.
Excuse me?
"What the fuck did you say?" Her eyes widen at my outburst but I beat her to it before she commences on some lecture. "One, I don't give two flying fucks about my drinking. It's not like it's regular but I don't need to explain that to you. Second, Draven's gay. Surprise! Learn to swallow it and move on like an open-minded person." I hiss and glare at her, furious at her accusing words at Draven.
"Summer-
"Shut up, Jason. Honestly, I've had enough of your mommy-sappiness. Open your eyes and think about this properly. Do you really think she's come back after 17 fucking years to just know us? Why does she have a fucking problem with Draven being gay? He can-
"You knew?" He asks and closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath and sighing loudly. I swallow and stare at him dead in the eye.
"Yes, I know. If you guys would get out of your bubbles, you would know too. And you," I turn towards her and smirk inwardly at her fuming face, "I don't think I have to repeat myself, right? You have no right waltzing back into our lives just to taunt us. You're saying your kids have gone astray? Well, where were you when we were making big life decisions? Where were you when I needed a parent in my life to scold me and snatch the wine bottle out of my hand? Where were you when Draven realized his sexuality? Where were you when Jason became captain? Where were you when Aaron needed someone to hit him upside the head for hooking up with so many girls?" I ask her – more like whisper – as a pang of pain hits my chest and a tear slips down my cheek. I hastily wipe it away and I open my mouth to say something else but Aaron's roar stops me immediately. He comes out of the corridor with a bag in his hand and I start wondering when he walked away.
He stands in front of me, an exasperated look on his face.
"You need to see this." He breathes out and I look at the astonished woman standing next to me, freeze at his words. He digs into the bag and removes a newspaper, shoving it in my hands. Next, he hands me a photograph and finally, some kind of document. My eyes get stuck on the photograph first, taking in a woman and a man posing romantically in some kind of garden. I surely do recognize the woman but the identity of the man remains a mystery. My hands shakily hold the newspaper – the same newspaper that published the fake news of Caleb and me at his father's party. Our photo is indeed the center of attention, published proudly on the front page.
"Aaron, what is that?" Draven asks, taking a few steps towards us and snatching the photograph and newspaper out of my shivering hands. I finally open the document and it seems like some legal papers but I don't bother reading them.
"What...what is this, Aaron?"
"You were right." He tells me and closes his eyes, opening them to glare at our so-called mother. "Let me explain all this. That document is why she is here." She gulps and stares at Aaron warily.
"I don't understand. It's some legal shit." I point out as Draven keeps on reading the document.
"Draven, why don't you explain what is written in there?" Aaron says, his vexed eyes still fixated on her.
"It...it says that on June 15th, our...our trust fund matures," Draven mumbles, furrowing his eyebrows at the document continuously.
June 15th, my birthday?
"But my-
"Yeah, your birthday. You'll turn 18 and the trust fund that dad left us is finally maturing on that date. The reason is this. This is why she is here. And that newspaper is how she found out where we live after seeing your name and photo. My question is, who is this?" Aaron asks her, pointing towards the stranger in the photograph.
"Is this true?" I ask her, still reeling from the shock, and unable to process the entire bomb that just dropped on our heads. She is here...for money?
"I-I..." She mumbles, confirming my doubts. I throw away the papers in my hands and take two strides towards her, practically in her face.
"Get out."
"W-What?"
"You heard me. Get. Out."
"But-
"You came back for money! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I push her angrily and Draven immediately holds me back by my shoulders.
"Summer!"
"Get out now! You aren't getting a single penny out of this! Get the fuck out!" I shout and cry at the same time, the hurt finally settling in as I see her face and Draven holds me against his chest. It feels like reality just kicked me in the guts to once again prove that not everything will go according to my way, that some shit will always happen to me.
As much as I disliked the fact that she repeated she is back for us ad nauseam, deep down, I discerned the sliver of hope alive in me that maybe one day, I will accept her and we could finally live as a family together. But right now, facing the abhorrent reason as to why she is back shatters that little hope in me and ignites a fire that I, myself, am afraid, will not be able to be put out.
"If you would just give me a chance to explain-
"Explain? What is remaining to be explained? You come back years later and you do not show even a bit of remorse for abandoning us. All you want is fucking money! Go away!" I struggle against Draven's arms who also does not give up on controlling the current beast within me.
How could she do this to us?
"Summer?"
Everyone's eyes snap towards the door, fixed on Caleb looking like a deer caught in highlights. He slowly takes a step in the house but quickens his pace once his eyes land on me. His hand shoots to my cheek and his eyes widen in concern.
"What happened?"
"I see. The Andersons once again have found a way to control us. And you let him. Look at you, a puppet playing at the strings of his hands." Lena speaks with clear venom in her voice. I clench my jaw, wiping away my tears and slowly stepping out of Draven's and Caleb's arms.
"Do not call me a puppet. In fact, you should not say anything about this. What would you know of what's going on between me and Caleb? I don't think you would ever understand that considering you cheated on my dad with some other asshole." Her face turns red at my words and I know I've pushed a button. All of a sudden, the crying soft face she always seems to be having disappears and she shoots me a hard glare.
"You don't know anything about this so keep your mouth shut."
"Why should I? I mean, you, a stranger, has the right to walk in here and accuse us of being stupid in life and we can't shed some light on the truth? Double standards, Lena." I quip, raising my chin in pride as I see her expression faltering and eyes widening.
"He made me happy, alright? I told you how upset I was when your dad left me alone during my pregnancy. That's when I met Leon. He made me happy and your dad knew about this after you were born. So I decided to leave the relationship rather than stay in it and suffocate. Your dad agreed to is as well."
"So you basically cheated on him and then acted selfishly and yet, you still find a way to justify your doings. Fuck! You can really play games, Lena."
"Can you stop-
"Last warning. The trust fund is ours and we'll use it for good just the way dad would have wanted us to. You have no right on this money since you left your family years ago. So technically, you have no ties to us. You can pack your bags and leave." I calmly state, sighing a little as the exhaustion starts taking a toll on my mind.
"I am not leaving. I am your mother and yes, maybe I might have come back due to the trust fund but believe me when I say that knowing you makes me want to stay." She smiles and moves forward to touch me but I quickly push her away.
"Get out, you attention-sucking bitch."
"How dare you?" She advances towards me and raises her hand but two broad shoulders suddenly block my view. Jason and Caleb cross their arms and stand with their backs to me, probably glaring the shit out of Lena.
"Jason, my son-
"Don't call me that. You heard Summer. Get out." His flat tone shocks her and I recognize the tiny undertone of anger in his voice, a trait he's had since childhood.
"Here you go. I saved you time." Aaron walks into the living room again, smirking proudly whilst dragging a trolley bag. How does he manage to get away every single time? He pushes it towards her and crosses his arms as well. I roll my eyes at their macho attributes and push through Caleb and Jason.
"Goodbye, Lena. If you decide to take this to court, get a good team of lawyers to back you up. Although, I don't think anyone will take you on considering your case is pretty much weak. So, yes, goodbye and make sure we never see your face again." I assert, struggling to keep up my stoic expression in front of her.
Just do it like you always have.
She picks up the photograph with her asshole-lover and the trolley bag, strutting out of the door while muttering some incoherent words.
She's gone.
The hope's gone.
Everything back to the same. But with a different touch to it. We just got abandoned again by her. Did she not have any change of heart after coming here? Does she really not even care a little for us? Why is it that the people who exist in the world and are supposed to love and care for you are the very same ones that hurt you to the point where you get used to it? A woman, who you are supposed to call a mother, is the same one who betrays the little hope and trust her children have in her. The mere thought of her drastic change hurts my chest.
The flashbacks of dad's hurt expression every time I asked him about mom, come running back to my mind. I collapse on the floor, hitting my knees in the process. A pair of arms engulf me but right now, I feel completely numb and void of emotion. The tears are still flowing freely, continuously triggered by the blurry images of dad and Lena's current antics.
I finally stop crying and wipe my eyes, breathing in and out heavily. I look through my lashes and see Caleb attempting to smile at me along with Jason and Draven.
"Caleb, um...would you mind leaving us alone for a while?" Draven asks, pursing his lips in worry after taking a glimpse of me. I know what is going on in his mind – in all our minds. We need to have a family talk and as much as I want to stay with Caleb, I have to let him go for now to talk to Jason and the rest.
"I'll text you later." I smile slightly, brushing his bony fingers. He nods and trudges out of the house. We all stand up and stare at each other awkwardly, obviously wondering where to start from.
"You shouldn't have called her a bitch-
"Exactly-
"I know right!"
I raise my eyebrows in amusement at the three of them. We instantly break into boisterous laughter until we are clutching our stomachs and wiping away a few tears. I lean against the counter and sigh, as does Jason, Draven, and Aaron.
"You good?" I ask Jason, nudging him with my elbow. He exhales and looks at me intently with a dismal smile donning his lips, and at that moment he looks so defeated and exhausted.
"I'm sorry for saying all those things to you. I didn't mean any of it. I guess I was really oblivious to her, as you said." He says, looking at all of us apologetically. I shake my head and hold his hand.
"It's fine. Not your fault. Although, you did make me cry." I pout and he chuckles, pulling me to his chest. "She's really gone and... I guess it's just us four now." I mumble against his chest and Draven and Aaron engulf us both in a tight embrace.
"Just us four. I'm happy the way it is." Draven says, rubbing my back gently. We stay like this for a while until I groan playfully.
"I'm not into so much sappiness. Move away, you giants." I push them away and sit on the counter, cross-legged.
"This featherbrain finally came to be of some use today, huh?" Jason says, laughing and hitting Aaron's back. Aaron gasps and places a hand on his chest, shoving Jason away from him.
"You guys are the shittiest siblings ever."
"We know."
"So...anyone wants to talk about the millions we are about to inherit?" Aaron voices my thoughts, wiggling his eyebrows and clapping his hands. My eyes fleet towards the document lying on the floor and I get down from the counter, picking it up and opening it.
"The date's not too far," Draven whispers, standing next to me, and holds my shoulder. The fortuitous news definitely took me by surprise and made me giddy, I will admit. Dad always reminded us to be strong and happy. Little did we know he made sure our lives would be settled even if he left. I guess he did not just anticipate his...death too soon.
Lena came into our lives and did as she pleased, unknown to the tsunami of feelings that was dumped on our heads by her arrival. Her motive was stomach-turning but in the end, my brothers and I stood together and faced the ordeal. Well, at least her return brought back something good for us – dad's version of good luck for us. And after all this, one thing finally settled in me is that I ultimately feel like I have a complete family. No matter how absurd and broken it felt before, I realize that not all families need parents and children to complete it. All you need is a strong bond of trust and love.
And I'm lucky I have three unbreakable and unshakeable bonds of love.