The smell of turkey and mashed potatoes and sweet potato casserole wafted through the air. J.J. smiled as he pulled on a clean shirt, feeling relaxed. He loved Thanksgiving. The food, the family, the football, whether he was playing or not, it was just a happy day.
Quickly bouncing down the stairs, the man-made a b-line for the kitchen, wrapping his arms firmly around Levi's waist as she filled a pie crust with filling.
"J," The woman squealed. "I almost spilled the filling all over the floor."
"But you look so beautiful," J.J. grinned, nuzzling into her neck. "And you smell like turkey."
Levi threw her head back in laughter as she set the bowl down. "I look like crap because I've been up since 4 a.m. cooking."
"Well I think you look beautiful," He kissed her cheek. "Is that strawberry pie?"
"Yup."
"We've never had that before."
"I know. Landon asked for it. He said that his mom used to make it every Thanksgiving."
"And you still made-"
"The pumpkin, chocolate, pecan, and apple pies? Yes," the woman laughed.
"You truly are a superhero," J.J. grinned, giving his wife another kiss. "but isn't it just us, the kids, and your dad's family?"
"Yup, be ready to eat plenty of leftover pie," Levi said as she placed the pie in the refrigerator so it could set.
"You're really trying to fatten me up, aren't you?"
"Not in the least," Levi winked. "Now, I need to go get ready. The kids are playing in the living room. Sadie is sleeping upstairs so I'll take the monitor with me and keep an ear out for her. I should be back before the timer goes off, but if I'm not, it's for the casserole."
"Go get ready," J.J. said. "I've got everything covered."
"Mhmm, famous last words." She teased, wiping her hand hands on a dishtowel. "And please please please, make sure the boys don't get into anything messy. They're already in their nice clothes."
"Of course, Go!" J.J. shoed his wife out of the kitchen with a grin.
Once she was out of sight, J.J ran his finger along the inside of the empty bowl, collecting remnants of the strawberry filling on his finger. Tasting it, he grinned. That was some good pie filling. He was going to have to jog an extra mile each day this week to make up for all the eating he was about to do, but it was going to be worth it.
"Can I taste it?"
J.J. turned around to find Henry looking up at him with questioning eyes.
"Of course bud," He held the bowl down to his level. "Just don't tell Miss Levi, or I'll get in trouble."
Henry eagerly nodded before carefully repeating the process J.J. had just finished. "Mmmmm, yum-ee." He licked his finger. "Is there more?"
"More? You won't have room for turkey if I let you have more."
"Please, Mr. J.J... pleaseeeeeeee?"
J.J. laughed. "Sure, I'm just teasing you."
He lowered the bowl once more, but before Henry had a chance to swipe more of the strawberry filling, J.J. dipped his finger in a large clump and plopped in on the little boy's nose. Henry instantly made a face, causing J.J. to laugh again.
"You've got a little something on your nose, bud."
"Because you put it there."
"No, I didn't. I think you're mistaken."
"I saw you."
"Are you sure it was me?"
"Mr. J.J." Henry crossed his arms, in all the seriousness a five-year-old could muster.
"Yes?" J.J. tried his hardest to match Henry's tone but was beginning to fail.
"I. Saw. You."
"I believe you believe you saw me." He had to bit his lip to keep from laughing.
Sighing exasperatedly, Henry rolled his eyes, and before J.J. had a chance to stop him, wiped the pink, strawberry pie filling off his nose with the sleeve of his light blue shirt.
"Oh no, buddy, You can't wipe it with your shirt... look."
Henry looked down at the stain on his shirt sleeve with a regretful look. "Oops, I'm sorry. Miss Levi told me to be careful not to get dirty."
"Well, I guess you need to get changed before Miss Levi finds out then."
Henry nodded, before quickly making a B-line for the stairs. J.J. ducked his head into the living room to check on Landon and Liza. They were immersed in an intense game of Wii boxing, or at least for Landon it looked intense. Liza looked like she was doing a weird combination of dance and karate.
Leaning against the wall, J.J. chuckled as he watched them. He was 90% certain there was sweat dripping down Landon's forehead. The boy cheered as Liza's Mii was knocked to the ground and the clock expired.
"Again! Again! Please, Landon?"
"But I've already beaten you 3 times."
"I don't care. It's fun." Liza begged.
"Ok, but I want to play tennis after this."
Liza nodded as Landon hit reply and the two took up their very unique 'boxing' stances.
"TADA!" Henry jumped out in front of J.J, pulling his attention away from the action in the living room.
He looked the boy over, quickly inspecting his new shirt. "Perfect."
"We match now." Henry smiled proudly. "My shirt is just like the one you're wearing."
The words caught him off guard. He looked down at his own shirt and then back to Henry's. Sure enough, it was just like his. Something inside the man shifted as he considered the boy's words. "Just like the one you're wearing."
"It's ok if we match... right?" Henry asked timidly when he didn't receive a response.
"Yeah..." He muttered as the boy looked up at him with concerned eyes. "Yes, of course, it is." J.J. cleared his throat, answering with a firm tone this time.
A huge grin spread across Henry's face at J.J.'s approval. "We should take a picture."
"You think?" J.J. instinctively reached for the phone in his back pocket. Bending down to Henry's height, he fumbled with the device for a second, still taken aback by the child's words.
"Mhmm," Henry nodded, daring to inch closer as J.J. finally pulled up the camera.
"Smile." J.J. held up the phone, wrapping his arm around Henry's shoulders. "Perfect." He quickly snapped the photo before pulling it up for Henry to inspect
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Levi crossed her arms with a teasing smile.
"We had a wardrobe change. That's all." J.J. winked at Henry.
"and now we match!"
"I see that." Levi smiled.
She looked at J.J. expectantly. He simply shrugged in response, continuing to process Henry's choice. It was just a shirt. It was nothing, but it was also everything. It was something boys did with their fathers, and J.J. wasn't his father. He wasn't anyone's father. He didn't want to be, or at least, he didn't think he wanted to be. He had been so sure this wasn't what he wanted, but there had been a time he was sure this was what he wanted. So which way was it?
∞
Liza's boisterous laughter filled the house pulling Levi's attention from her conversation with her step-mom to the living room. The little girl dashed into the room with J.J. hot on her heels
"Liza Jane, Get back here."
J.J.'s playful tone couldn't help but bring a smile to Levi's face. Aside from a few occasions with friends' kids, Levi never got to see this side of him, and she loved it. It was the kind of thing that always made her want to go ahead and have kids with him. Maybe that's what she should have done. Thrown out their plans and had a baby before J.J. had changed his mind. Maybe they wouldn't be in this position otherwise.
"If you don't bring back the remote, I'm going to have to tickle you again." J.J. threatened, moving closer to her.
Liza let out a loud shriek and clambered into Levi's lap, pulling her out of her less than cheerful thoughts. "Protect me, miss Levi!" She wrapped her arms tightly around the woman's neck.
"I don't think I can, Miss Liza." She smiled at the young girl.
J.J. step closer and Liza shrieked again, this time leaving Levi's lap as quickly as she got there and dashing out of the room. J.J. took a step after her as a thack was heard and he doubled over in pain.
"Was that your toe?" Levi bit her lip, trying not to laugh at her husband.
"Yes," He wheezed out.
"Oh come on, your job is literally running into people. You can handle a chair leg?"
J.J. shot a playful glare up at his wife before recovering from his brief injury and resuming his chase after Liza. Levi laughed as more playful shouts and squeals followed and were soon joined by several others.
The sounds brought comfort and peace into Levi's heart. She didn't want it to knowing this was about to end, but she couldn't help it.
"You two seem to be doing well," Stephanie, Levi's step-mom, commented, Sadie contently in her arms.
"Yeah... I guess we are." Levi bit her lip.
"Well, that didn't sound convincing."
"I-" She took a moment to process. "I don't even know. We're better than we have been in months, but once the kids leave. I don't know what will happen."
"So nothing has changed in what you two want?"
"Not that I know."
"I'm sorry y'all are going through this."
"Thanks, Steph," Levi smiled weakly, keeping her gaze trained on Sadie.
Stephanie nodded, plopping the infant in Levi's lap. "I think you need her more than me right now." She winked.
Levi laughed, squeezing her tightly. Sadie smiled brightly back at her, making noises as she did.
"Do you know how much longer the kids will be with y'all?"
"About a week. Sheryl, their new social worker, was in contact with their paternal aunt just a couple of days ago. So as soon as she's ready. I'm guessing within the next week or so."
Stephanie nodded. "Are you going to be ready for that?"
Levi looked back down at Sadie as she pondered the question. "I'm not sure."
∞
Levi breathed in the slight chill of the November night as she sat on the steps of the back porch. The muted sound of laughter from inside mingled with silent winter night, making the woman feel hopelessly alone.
The festivities inside grew louder for a moment before being sealed up again. Levi didn't even turn around. She could tell it was her dad by just his footsteps. As he eased down on the steps beside her, she began to feel more and more like a little girl again. Inhaling deeply on last time in a desperate attempt to keep herself together, the fragile chains that were precariously holding her heart together snapped. A choked sob escaped as she fell into her father's arms.
Miles held his grown daughter tightly, allowing her a safe place to express her emotions.
"Levya, you're starting to worry me."
Wiping her tears and nose on the sleeve of her sweater, she attempted to calm down just enough so that she could talk. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for your emotions." He brushed back the hair that clung to her wet cheek. "You taught me that."
Levi bit her lip slightly as a faint smile flashed across her face.
"What's going on inside you?"
"I'm so-" The woman inhaled, trying to steady her shaking diaphragm. "scared." She wiped away the new tears that appeared. Again, she had to steady herself. Speaking the words was enough to send her back into a sobbing mess.
"About what?" Miles rubbed her shoulder.
Levi closed her eyes, focusing on the words she needed to say. Another tear made its trail down her cheek and neck. After a couple of minutes, she finally felt steady enough to utter the words.
"I scared this will be our last Thanksgiving together."
Once again, Levi found herself seeking the comfort of her father's arms as tears began to soak her face. Her father held her tightly just as he did when she was little. She missed when her father's arms were enough to make her pains and worries go away.
"I've told him I'm not going anywhere, dad, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore."
Miles sighed and her tears continued. They were words neither ever expected to hear, and the truth Levi fear most.