Liliana
"I'm awake!" I exclaimed, jolting upright and falling off my bed with a thud as my alarm woke me up.
"Damn." I muttered, sighing.
I checked my phone and found that it was 7.30am.
Isn't it too early to even be functioning? This is absurd!
I stayed on the floor for a couple more minutes, contemplating life decisions, realising I will never date Shawn Mendes and thinking about how my life sucks but made myself feel better knowing other people have it worse. Then, realising that sounded mean and finally dragging myself to take a shower.
After showering, I put on my clothes that I prepared the night before.
I put on a huge sweater that reached mid-thigh with a belt across my waist and paired it with thigh high black velvet boots.
I brushed through my hair and got my stuff before leaving.
I stopped at a cafe for coffee before walking into my first lecture.
I'm taking business courses so I don't really have that much lectures.
I sat somewhere in the middle and just as I put my stuff down, the lecture started boringly.
I swear I was about to doze off when I felt something light hit the back of my head.
I took the crumpled ball of paper and opened it.
You look hot. Hang out with me sometime? ;)
I turned to the back and saw James winking at me but next to him sat Ryder looking uninterested as always.
I didn't know they took this class with me.
I grinned and chuckled lowly, putting away the piece of paper.
I gave him a thumbs up making him grin.
I got a notification text from James and checked to see what he wanted.
James
Your welcome. Who kept you up at night, love ;)
Haha thnks babe
Don't mention it
I smiled and put my phone down focusing back to the lesson.
After another excruciating hour, we could finally leave.
I walked out and threw my empty cup in the trash can next to where James was standing.
"What are you doing?" I ask, looking at him funny.
"Waiting for you of course." He says, grinning.
"Why?" I ask again.
He frowns.
"Because we're soulmates, remember?" He grins.
I chuckled and nod.
"Yes, how could I forget." I smiled and we walked back together to the dorms.
...
I took a letter out of my mailbox and went to my dorm room.
I shut the door and looked through the usual letters as I walked in but one stood out.
There was no address, no name, no nothing.
I furrowed my eyebrows and stopped in my tracks.
I ripped off the seal and looked in only to find pictures.
Pictures of my house on fire.
A picture from outside the window of Oggy in the kitchen alone.
A picture of our prom but taken from outside the house.
A picture of mom and dad leaving the house.
And finally, a picture of two guys in all black hiding but one of them was holding a fire kit.
My heart rate accelerated, hoping this isn't what I though it is.
There was a paper deep in there.
It was arson.
I let out an unsteady breath.
I lost balance and fell to the ground.
My heart ached in pain.
After two years of waiting.
Tears brimmed in the back of my eyes but I blinked it back.
I am not crying.
I screamed in pain into my sleeve to get rid of the pained feeling.
A coping mechanism I learnt to replace crying.
I screamed again and shut my eyes.
My little brother. He didn't deserve this.
I'm so sorry.
"Lili?" Ryder walked in.
"Are you hurt?" He asks, crouching down.
I shook my head aggressively and pointed to the pictures sprawled on the floor.
"It wasn't an accident." My voice cracked involuntarily.
He took the pictures in his hand and examined them.
He pursed his lips.
"He was like my own little brother to me." He whispered.
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.
I stood up wobbly.
"I'll tell Kyle." I whisper, going to my room.
I shut the door behind me and drag my back on it as I fall to the ground.
I took out my phone and texted Kyle to come to our dorm.
In less than a minute, I heard the front door open and Kyle's voice I got up and let him in.
"Hi." I say.
"Why did you call me here?" He asks.
I pursed my lips and gave him the envelope.
He raises and eyebrow and look through the pictures.
He goes from confused, to sadness, to rage.
"What the fuck is this?" He asks, angrily.
"It is what it is." I say.
"After two years..." He trailed off. "How did you get this?"
"I don't know...someone mailed it to me. There wasn't an address or name or morse code or phone number or-" Kyle stopped my rambling.
"Okay, okay. I get it." He sighs. "Do you want to tell dad?"
"I don't know." I sat down on my bed. "I don't want to stress dad. I'm scared he might do something irrational."
He sat down next to me and rubbed my back.
"It's okay." He says.
"When is our next break?" I ask.
"In about two weeks." He says.
"Okay, I'm going home for break." I say, nodding my head as if agreeing with myself.
"Do you want me to stay?" Kyle asks and I shake my head.
"I'll leave then." He says.
"Thanks. Bye." I practically kick him out.
"Bye." He says and leaves.
I sigh and lay on my bed with my limbs sprawled out.
I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in." I said, loudly.
"Hi." Ryder came in.
I propped myself on my elbows and stare at him.
Is this real?
"Hi?" I say, sitting up properly.
"Hey." He says and walks in.
"Are you still mad at me-" He cut me off by hugging me.
Just like that, the flood gates came down and I started full on crying.
After a while, I stop and pull away.
"So...you're not mad at me anymore?" I sniff.
He shakes his head.
"Do you still love me?" I asked, sadly.
"I never stopped loving you, Shortcake." He says, brushing a piece of my hair behind my ear.
I smiled sadly, through the tears.
"I'm so sorry I left you." I sobbed.
"It's okay. I got over it." He says.
"They said you changed after I left. I really am sorry. There was never a day I didn't think about you for the past two years." I say.
"It's okay. I'm more worried about you." He says, cupping my cheek.
"There's nothing to worry about-" He cuts me off.
"You're killing yourself, Lili. Don't deny it." He says, sternly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I lie.
"Liliana. I love you so much. Please don't do this to yourself." He engulfed my hands in his.
"I'm not doing anything...bad." I say, softly, looking down.
"You're starving yourself!" Ryder exclaims, angrily.
"I have it under control!" I defend myself.
"If you do, you wouldn't feel like passing out at least 5 times a day. You wouldn't feel like throwing up after every meal if you even eat!" He stood up. "If you have it under control...you would still know how to love yourself."
I stayed silent, feeling embarrassed.
"How about you?" I ask, softly. "You started smoking again, didn't you?"
He didn't say anything.
For a few minutes, we were silent.
We both are fucked up without each other. But it's toxic. We need to learn to live peacefully without each other.
I can't always rely on him and likewise.
"This is toxic for us, Ryder." I say, softly.
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