Ethereal (adjective): extremely delicate and light in a way that seems to perfect for this world.
It’s dark, and we have about a day more until we reach Trenton. I walk out on the deck. I think I am alone.
I look out at the moon. I close my eyes and all at once I allow memories that I kept locked away resurface, they gasp for air, gasping for a part in my life.
“Who’s coming to town?” Cora asks our mother at dinner after my father got news that morning in town that The Captain would be coming.
My mother would never tell Cora who was coming. We never wanted her to know that people like The Captain existed.
“A prince.” My mother says. Sometimes it was a prince, sometimes it was a magician, or a wish granting fairy.
“Mother.” Cora is getting to old for this, and at eleven, and by her tone I could tell that she just wanted to know what we all were talking about.
“Oh Corrie, don’t grow up on me.” My mother tells her.
“Where do Ava and Maddie always go?” Cora asks.
“We go camping.” Avaline tells her.
“But you hate camping.” Cora counters.
“But I go for Madelyn.” Avaline gives her a look.
“Other kids talk about him, you know.” Cora says, giving us all a shock that she had found out who was really coming without us telling her. “His name is Henry, isn’t it?
My mother looks at my father and my father coughs.
“Yes, his name is Henry.” My father answers.
“Why do you treat him like a secret?” Cora asks.
“The world is full of people that at eleven, you shouldn’t have to meet.” My mother explains.
Cora is silent, knowing not to push my mother for more information that she wanted to give.
We all knew never to push my mother for information, because from a young age we knew that she knew more than we ever wanted to know.
I know my mother must have known where I was really going when I left three years ago. But I also know that my mother would never have stopped me from making my own decisions, even if she could already see my mistakes.
***
“Your poker face is awful Madelyn.” Henry says to me.
“I have never played poker.” I tell him, watching the shore line come closer and closer. I know I have about thirty minutes to prepare myself for what is to come.
“You know exactly what I mean.” Henry tells me, and I do. “So what are you hiding? You are not afraid of much, and I don’t believe for a second that the Seer actually scares you. So tell me, what are you hiding? Another ex-boyfriend?”
“A good player never reveals their cards.” I tell Henry, I cast a look over at him, “It’s bad form.”
Henry raises his eyebrows. “So is that hand good or bad?”
“Oh,” I smirk, “Just you wait, it’s marvelous.”
“The Seer ordered us in her last letter to visit immediately, can I count on you to be the reason of that?” Henry asks me.
I take in a lot of air and let it all out, my whole body shuddering with it. “You could put some money on that.”
Henry raises an eyebrow. “Is this good or bad for me?”
I shake my head and against my will a tear slips out. “Oh, I really don’t know.” I cover my face, embarrassed.
Henry surprised me by wrapping one arm around my shoulder, not in a way that he’s holding me, but more of a supportive way. In a way that acknowledges that I need help, but not that I am broken, and in need of being held together.
“We’ll figure it out Madelyn.” Henry says.
And I stop crying, because for the first time in three years, I am not alone. I am a part of a ‘we.’
***
Unpacking the ship is awful, and agonizing. It’s calm, but I know it’s only leading up to a storm.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bradley tells me, dropping a crate in the new house we’re staying in.
“I have.” I smile weakly. I have seen a ghost of my old life, one that trumps that whisper of a story left by Andrew.
Bradley gives me a strange look.
We walk back and forth, boxes traversing from sea to land. I have a physical reaction when I hear Ron say everything is unpacked. My breath hitches in my throat and I have to force myself to breathe and calm down.
This is not the end of the world.
It is not. The world isn’t ending, it’s being uprooted. Ripped apart by the seams.
“Calm down.” Henry says, catching up to me as I follow the crew. I already know where we are going. I could walk it in the dark. And I have. “If your poker face was bad before it’s worse now.” Henry tells me.
“Stop.” I shake my head. “You’re not helping.”
“I didn’t know I was trying to.” He says and I look over at him. And then I laugh at the face he’s making.
“Stop! I think I’m going to vomit from nervousness, laugh out of fear and scream out of exhaustion. My emotions are in a war with each other.” I say, but now the tense feeling I had was gone.
Henry smiles slightly. “You have a beautiful laugh, and you don’t laugh nearly enough.”
“Well,” I look at him, “The worst things in life are the free things. And I’ve always been poor.”
“Ah,” Henry nods. “But maybe you aren’t anymore.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe, whatever you’re afraid of is necessary. Maybe it’s not bad, and trust me, the Seer is definitely not free.”
I laugh again, but it’s not the same one I laughed moments ago, it’s bitter and cynical. “Trust me, I’m sure this session will be free.”
Henry looks at me.
I look away as the house comes into view. I almost dig my heels into the ground to keep from going inside. I force myself to keep pace. I grab Henry’s arm to force my willpower.
“I’m sorry.” I tell him. “I just need…” I trail off, not sure what to tell him.
“It’s alright Madelyn.” Henry nods his head.
“I think I’m going to explode.” I tell him.
“Calm down.” Henry tells me. “I know you’re nervous to see your mother, but I am sure that she will welcome you.”
I am sent reeling. I look over at Henry and almost let go of him. “What? Who said she was my mother?”
“I almost didn’t put two and two together. You know, it had been a long time since I had been to the Seer.” Henry tells me. “But last night as I was about to fall asleep I remember you saying that your sisters were never around when I was in town. Then I remember you telling me your mother was a Russian beauty. And I thought ‘the Seer is Russian.’ And then I remembered seeing her daughter. But you look very different from her, but it was the eyes. I will never ever forget her eyes, and last night I realized they were your eyes. And then you told me you were allowed around me, because you were ‘never the pretty one’ and I knew I had seen you.” Henry looks at me.
I open my mouth but my words don’t fine me.
“And I guess your parents were right about you. You were never the pretty one, you were ethereal. You were captivating, the way you walked, the look in your eyes...you still are, honestly.” Henry pauses and then starts laughing. He’s laughing so hard that he stops walking, and I turn I stop with him, still attached to his arm.
“What?” I finally ask.
“That day that I saw your mother, it was just me, that was the only day I ever saw you, and after you walked out, you had a kitten in your hands, your mother looked at me and said ‘your past will be your future.’” Henry stops talking. “I thought she was crazy. But I guess not.”
“I am not your future.” I argue.
“Maybe not.” Henry shrugs.
For some reason, I still don’t let go of his arm. I actually grip it more tightly as Bradley knocks on the familiar cabin door, and my mother opens the door. Her blue eyes look iridescent, her long blonde hair is pulled back in a low bun and she looks exactly as I remember her.
We lock eyes and I shudder.
My mother is the Seer.