It was later that night. Ri was pretty pissed off but was glad everything was relatively back to normal. I kept the pills and metal in my pocket. It cut into my leg ever so often but my jeans were black so it didn't matter. I was also a good liar.
Rian, was out practicing his drumming, Jack was tuning his guitar. Zack and Ryleigh were god know where. Alex was talking to Beckett about something. Someone was off with Kolbi. I sat in the dressing room alone. Rian had given me back my phone. I looked at the last few messages I had from Luce and my parents. I clicked on dad's name.
To: Dad
From: Logan
I'm so sorry.
It wasn't until someone came and knocked on the door. It was Alex, he came in waving at me picking up extra guitar strings. He was probably going to give them to Jack or fix his own guitar. I didn't know what was going on but my phone vibrated in my hand.
To: Logan
From: Dad
For what? Did something happen I should know about?
To: Dad
From: Logan
I am just sorry I have been such a problem to you and mom. I know this was not who I am meant to be for you guys. I felt as though giving you guys a break and me coming on this tour would be good. I think I learned more about myself through these past couple of months though. You are coming to the Baltimore show, right? That is what Alex told me.
Another knock came from the door it was Jack. He waved at me and came to sit down beside
"You have been awful quiet since earlier today. Are you okay?" Jack asked genuinely concerned.
I nodded my head and looked at my phone that was vibrating again.
To: Logan
From: Dad
That is the plan. I love you kid. Never forget how much you mean to me, or your mom. Is there something you want to talk about? I feel as though there is something going on and I don't know what to do Logan.
To: Logan
From: Dad
Logan please I don't want to call one of the guys. Stop leaving me on read.
To: Logan
From: Dad
Fine, we can play this game.
Alex came in and looked at me. I held a water bottle in my hand and my phone in the other. Alex looked over me and then held his phone back up to his ear.
"Nope, she is fine Bren sitting here. She looks a little tired though. She hasn't exactly been sleeping the best though." Alex said into the phone as I cuddled up close to Jack.
Jack was called up to do a soundcheck with the rest of the guys. He looked at me with a knowing eye saying something to Alex. While neither of them was paying attention I slipped the pills from my pocket into the water. I began holding my water bottle from the bottom of the bottle rather than the top or middle like a normal person ever so often also shaking it. Alex came in and began to sing random songs that I knew to be older songs. I looked at him before placing the water bottle on the back table behind the sofa.
"What is up with you. I mean besides the whole deal at the hospital?" Alex said and looked at me as he got up to play an acoustic guitar.
"Just tired. I don't know it is one of the side effects though." I mumbled as Alex stared directly at my water bottle.
I could tell by the look on his face he knew that there was something off about it. He handed me a sharpie though. I grabbed my water bottle to put my name on it and Alex looked directly at me before sighing.
"Logan if I ask a question will you give me a direct answer?" Alex asked but never got to ask his question.
Ryleigh busted in and grabbed me by the arm. It was time for our soundcheck. I left my water bottle on the coffee table as I was being pulled onto the stage. Zack was done with his soundcheck. I looked at the empty seats of the venue we were at tonight which was a few streets down. We were about halfway through soundcheck when I felt a warm liquid on the side of my leg. I also got this uneasy feeling in my stomach. I got up and grabbed Beckett's arm as I ran off the stage. I got a few looks from stagehands as I pulled back into the second dressing room.
"What is-" Beckett asked as I grabbed his face and kissed him hard shutting the door and locking it.
I looked at him through blurry vision. I didn't know if anyone told him or not but I couldn't sit at a piano and play songs that meant nothing to me at the moment when I was forcing myself by pressing a blade into my pocket. Beckett looked at me a little caught off guard.
"Logan I don't want to-" Beckett said and ran his hand through his hair.
I began to feel the tears start to prick at the corner of my eyes. I looked at him and put my hand to my stomach.
"Are you okay? We never really... You know discussed." Beckett sighed and stood a few feet away from me.
I shook my head violently. Beckett then noticed the wet spot on my pants leg. He put his finger in the spot and when he brought his finger away he smelt his finger. His face scrunched a possibly familiar smell of iron.
"Did you know you were bleeding?" Beckett asked as I didn't answer him.
"I am going to go get someone, I'll be right back," Beckett left the room and I went into the other room grabbing my water bottle and leaving a note.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I began to drink the water. I forced myself to gulp it down through the tears. I wanted to cry so desperately and scream.
Good girl. You're doing it. You are ending everyone's pain of being around you. It always should have been you. You problematic worthless piece of trash. It is going to be so much better for everyone once they know you are 6 feet under. No one is going to be sad just finish it off.
I reached in my pocket for the blade before putting it on the counter by the mirrors. Ryleigh came in with Beckett. Ryleigh took me into a more 'private' area before pulling my pant leg down to inspect the cut.
"Logan this looks like it was dug in by a-" She looked up at me then knew without finishing her sentence.
"Oh my god," Her hands shook as she screamed
"Beckett I-I need one of the guys silver nitrate sticks or if you have any. Please, quick!" She said and put pressure on the small v shape the corner of the blade dug into my skin
I felt uneasy as Jack came in with the little package of them. Beckett handed them to Ryleigh as Jack noticed. He must have noticed the heaviness in my eyes as he came over to hold my upper body up. Beckett took the empty water bottle from me and noticed the residue on the side and bottom of the bottle.
"Logan, what was in your water bottle?" Beckett asked looking at me with this confused look.
I smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Jack looked at me and Ryleigh looked up poking the silver nitrate stick into the wound getting it to stop bleeding. I hissed in pain feeling the same sick twisting feeling in my stomach. The acid began to come up and I felt the need to throw up.
"Stop, stop I'm going to throw up," I said as Ryleigh allowed me to turn around as I looked at her breathing in and out before letting her continue.
I didn't throw up. I let Ryleigh do her thing patching me up as I looked at her. Someone came to get Jack because he was needed in the other room. I wobbly made my way over to the breathing machine and took my treatment not wanting to have anyone suspect anything. I yawned multiple times for hitting the stage.
This show was definitely going out with a bang.