sweet caroline. chapter twelve.
SUMMARY ; caroline's whole world flipped upside within a day.
❝ not really sure how to feel about it
something in the way you move
makes me feel like i can't live without you ❝
——
CAROLINE ISN'T too sure where they're going, or what direction they're heading into. it seems like they've been walking mindlessly through the woods for hours, she wasn't sure how long it's been in reality. whenever she would ask negan where they were going or how much further, he told her just a little more. not really an answer, and kind of irritating to hear more than once. she feels like she's following him blind into what could be a war zone, or something truly great. but caroline trusted negan, so she would allow him to not give her real answers just this once.
"here." negan stops suddenly, in the midst of a clearing, finally had they exited the woods. caroline looks around, she wasn't sure where here was. it certainly wasn't anything special, there was nothing but land, that consisted of short, dead grass, though there was one thing in particular that she took notice of. a straight line of wooden poles, about seven or eight of them, stood right in front of them. the blonde furrows her eyebrows, wondering what those could've been used for.
negan stretches his arm out backwards, wiggling his fingers to offer his hand for her. caroline slips her hand into his, letting him lead her in between two of the wooden poles sticking up out of the ground, caroline stares at it as they pass it, she could see it was stained a dark red colour at the top, and she quickly averted her eyes elsewhere after noticing that. maybe it wasn't used for something innocent like she had originally thought.
"where are we?-"
"negan?" caroline gets interrupted by an unfamiliar voice. the blonde turns her head to look straight ahead, tearing her eyes off of the man beside her. at the image of a stranger standing a few feet in front of them, caroline's grip tightens around negan's fingers. it was an older woman, with long greying hair, she stood about five foot five, and wrinkles lining her forehead. even through the darkness, caroline could see a gun tucked into the holster of her jeans.
"i followed through with my side of the deal," negan begins, his voice much sterner than caroline has ever heard it. the blonde glances up at him, wondering how on earth he knew this woman. though judging by the thick tension that quickly formed between them, the idea of her being a friend of his quickly vanished. caroline returns her stare back at the stranger, realizing she had been looking at her. she doesn't tear her eyes off of caroline when she meets her eye contact, and instead looks at her for a moment longer.
she returns her attention onto negan. "bringing someone from their group wasn't part of the deal." she tells the man, her stare harsh and heavy on him. caroline moves her free hand to the wrist of his that belonged to the hand she was already gripping onto. usually, caroline didn't fear much, it took a lot to scare her, but this more of an uncomfortable feeling, not a fearful one. it was clear that this woman wasn't pleased with her being next to him, the only fear caroline had in that moment was negan deciding she wasn't worth losing whatever deal he had with this woman, and returning her home.
"she won't be a threat, i can damn well promise you that one. i did the heavy lifting, i got rid of-" negan stops, his voice faltering before his mouth could close, as if his brain stopped him short before his body could comprehend it. caroline tilts her head up to look at him, the corners of her eyes narrowing as a confused expression crossed over her face. negan looks at the girl for a quick moment, she could see the middle of his throat move when he swallowed, then he returned his head straight forward. caroline frowned, there was something he wasn't telling her.
"i did my part, i followed through with my end of the deal. now it's your turn." negan finishes, his fingers giving caroline's a reassuring squeeze. the older lady pauses, staying silent for a moment as she thought it over. as caroline stood there in utter confusion, she had so many questions about the situation at hand, while negan mentally tried to come up with a backup plan if things went south. where would he take caroline? he already promised her he had a place for them to go, and this was it. other than alexandria, negan had no idea where to go.
"my part of the deal was taking you back to alexandria, and talking to the others about you. not convincing them to take in a whisperer," the woman speaks, her voice steady and stern. caroline furrows her eyebrows, wondering how she knew where she was from. negan kept his cool on the outside, his expression never faltering, though he panicked on the inside. if she refused to take caroline with them, they were back at square one. if they wouldn't accept her, then he didn't want their acceptance for himself.
negan chuckles sarcastically. "you really think they'd welcome me with big open arms, invite me to their damn family dinners, and not take in something as fucking harmless as she is? honestly carol, c'mon," he tries to convince carol, he gestures to the blonde standing next to him when he refers to her. caroline swallowed hard, the interaction between the two adults was not a friendly one, and she wondered why they wouldn't accept negan. with each passing word that left both of their mouths, she had more and more questions.
carol's previous determined stance and stern facial expression faltered, switching into a look of defeat, figuring that he was right. she breaths out a heavy sigh, exhaling it through her nose which appears in front of her due to the cold. "fine, she comes with us. although i don't know why you would want to bring anything that'll risk them turning you away even more," the woman seems to roll her eyes as she turns her back to them. caroline glances up at him, just as he looks to her.
negan gives her hand a reassuring squeeze as he forces a small grin that he intended to look genuine, but caroline saw right through it. he was nervous, he wasn't as confident in this plan as he was an hour ago, and the thought worried the girl. she could tell this woman wasn't very friendly, and she didn't seem too fond of caroline already, despite her not having spoken a word yet.
negan begins to follow carol across the opening, heading back into the woods that lay straight ahead, leaving the blonde no choice but to follow. within such a short period of time caroline left everything she had, which wasn't much, but still. surely anywhere was an upgrade from the woods, she hoped that negan could do all the talking and somehow get these people to accept them, as long as she had him, she didn't care where they ended up.
caroline might've trusted negan, but she did not trust this woman.
|
caroline has her hands folded in front of her, her fingernails scratching at the palms. her attention was locked onto a large painting that was hung onto a wall above a leather arm chair. it was of a man that she had never seen before, it was painted all types of different neutral colours despite it only being a painting of him from the shoulders up. as caroline stood and stared at the work of art, she wondered what happened to him, and who he was.
caroline and negan followed carol for about a half hour, it was silent within the three the whole time. the blonde was too worried she would say the wrong thing if she spoke, and jeopardize losing this place before they even arrived. despite him barely telling her anything about this place or these strangers, she knew this was important to him. she wouldn't risk doing or saying anything that would ruins this for the both of them, but more so him.
after about an hour or so of walking, they arrived at a community, something caroline has never seen, the walls surrounding it were very tall, she had to crane her neck back to see the tops of it. she noticed a sign on the opening they approached read alexandria, telling her this was the place negan's talked about, this was their one shot. and finally, after all those weeks suffering in the winter cold, practically starving themselves to death, and sleeping on the hard ground of the woods, negan finally had caroline in a real place to call home.
negan didn't care what it would take from his ego or pride, he would do anything for them to take in caroline, she needed this. if they refused to forgive him for the things he did a decade prior, than so be it, he'd figure something out, he always did. the one thing he would not walk away from is them not giving caroline a chance. she's never hurt anyone, he wouldn't let her be dragged into the same boat as him just for who her father was, or where she came from. she hated the whisperers as much as everyone else— maybe even more so. that wouldn't be fair to her.
"do you know these people?" caroline asks the man behind her without sparing him a glance. negan was seated on one of the two chairs in front of a large, wooden desk, as while the blonde had been busying studying the room. negan never told her much about the events that occurred before he found the whisperers, only that he had been locked away for almost eight years. caroline never asked why, part of her though maybe that was because she wasn't ready to hear the truth. she wasn't ready for something to ruin what she thought of negan, the image that she had of him.
negan has been the only person in caroline's life to take an interest in her, to care for her, and give her the comfort she has wanted so badly for so long. caroline was not ready for all that to go down the drain, the way she had been starting to think so highly of the man, whatever actions he commuted in the past that were so bad they caused him to somehow end up in jail in an apocalypse, were sure to ruin that.
negan hesitates for a moment. he knows he'll have to tell her the truth — if he didn't someone else surely would. but it wasn't something he could sum up within seconds, all the bad blood between him and the alexandrian's would take a little while to explain to someone that didn't know the first thing about the situation, he would have to start back a decade ago, and lead it all up until in that moment.
and though the thought killed him, caroline would have to find out who he used to be. negan wanted to rid of that image, that person, that character he no longer was. it might've sounded selfish, but he liked that he finally had someone that didn't see the lunatic swinging his baseball bat at people's heads every time they looked at him. caroline saw him for who he truly was— who he was becoming. her eyes weren't filled with hatred each time she looked at him, she wasn't disgusted by him.
caroline had no idea who negan used to be, and he wished he could keep it that way, as selfish as that sounded. for as he worried she wouldn't ever look at him the same way again, he feared she would join the others in hating him, and he would lose her. all because of a man he no longer was.
"yeah.. we got a lot of history," negan tells her, he decides that right than in a random room within alexandria isn't the best time to explain. caroline rounds the desk, approaching him to sit next to him on the empty chair. "bad history i'm assuming.." caroline's voice trails off, referring to the only piece of information she knew about the situation. negan doesn't respond to that, he sits with his hands folded together in his lap, and his gaze locked onto a random, plain wall.
caroline's eyes bounce around the room, her curiosity at it's peak. negan didn't seem to be in the mood to enlighten her, and she was starting to grow frustrated with him. she had willingly left her home — far from being a home, but it was still where she lived — in the middle of the night, allowing the man to drag her out of her sleeping state, to pick up and leave without merely thinking twice about it. caroline poured all her trust into negan, and if things went south she would be lying if she said she wouldn't be angry at him.
"can you at least give me some information about what the hell this place is? i don't know any of these people, and you're kinda scaring me right now, you're not acting like yourself," caroline says to the man beside her, she shifts her position so she's facing him with her one leg bent up for her knee to stick out under the arm rest. negan pauses for a moment, he picks his head up to look at the girl beside him, and as much as a poker face as caroline had, he could tell she was nervous. and why wouldn't she be? negan dragged her away from everything she's ever known, and now here she was in an unknown room inside a community she's never been to filled with strangers.
"it's a really, really long story, and i promise i will tell you later, i should've told you sooner. but for right now, just know that i have this all under control, okay? it's gonna be alright, i won't let this backfire on you," negan responds, trying his hardest to reassure the blonde. surely anything that could happen would be better than her previous living state, but it was truly just the principle of the situation.
negan lifts his arm to place his palm against her cheek, cupping her smaller face into his large hand, easily holding the whole side of her face. caroline leans into his touch as an immediate reaction. "i don't wanna go back." caroline mumbles against his palm, her lips brushing against the warm skin. negan frowns, his eyebrows furrowing.
"that's not fucking happening," negan replies without hesitation. he was determined to give caroline a secure, warm home, preferably not with psychos that wore dead people's faces. caroline keeps her eyes on him for a moment longer, like she was trying to convince herself to believe him. she wanted to desperately, but judging over the past seventeen years of her life, the odds weren't always in her favour, her father somehow always won. she kept expecting him to barge through the door at any moment to drag her back to hell, like he always did.
throughout caroline's whole life beta always got what he wanted, and caroline never did, which made it very difficult for her to believe negan when he promises her she won't end up back in the same place. nothing ever stopped her father before, was negan truly the one that could? as much as she trusted him, caroline wasn't sure about that yet.
"he won't find you— i won't let him-"
"i can take care of myself," caroline stops negan. she tears her face away from his palm, turning herself around to look forward at the wall, no longer staring nor facing his direction. caroline didn't need him to babysit her, she's been through too much in her life for him to think that he did. she was more than that, she was capable of handling things on her own. it was nice to have him there to hold her when she was upset, she loved when he did that, considering she never did — not even as a small child. but she did not need negan to think she couldn't physically take care of things on her own. she survived purely on her own long before he showed up.
"i know that, that isn't what i meant, care. you're strong as hell-"
"i know my dad way more than you do. so do not sit there and tell me what you will and won't let him do." caroline interrupts him for a second time, a bit of a snappy tone in her voice. she refuses to meet his heavy stare on her, and instead focuses her attention on the previous painting from a few moments prior handing above the large chair behind the desk, her arms crossed over her chest. negan wants to roll his eyes at her sudden outburst, she could not start acting recklessly now.
"listen, you can be pissed at me all you want after these people take us in, but right now you need to cut this shit out-"
"cut what shit out?! i didn't even do anything! we're here because of you, i trusted you! i don't know these people, they already don't trust me. you should've just left me where i was." caroline slumps back against her chair. he can see her jaw tighten where she's clenching her teeth, and she has that familiar look of worry on her face. negan exhales a heavy sigh, reaching a hand up to scrub down his face. he knows she's scared, she's terrified of things going south and having to return back to the group in the woods.
what caroline doesn't know, is that is not an option. not after what negan did. it wasn't a coincidence negan stumbled upon their group in the woods that day, and caroline thinks it was. he knows he needs to tell her that the outcome of this was planned since day one. though, after finding out the life caroline has had, she doesn't trust anyone, she thinks everyone is a liar, and out to only bring her pain. she thinks negan isn't. he wasn't ready to see the look of absolute betrayal and heartbreak cross over her face.
it wasn't planned for caroline to be involved, he didn't even know the girl existed until he saw her for the first time. she wasn't part of the plan, he wasn't supposed to develop feelings for her. in the beginning, he imagined he would be in that room alone, not sitting next to a blonde he cared more about getting into alexandria than himself.
he knows he has to tell her, he'll tell her everything. just not right now, not when everything was on the line, and they needed to have each other's backs when someone comes in there to question them. he can't afford to have her hysterical and ruin this for herself. she has to trust him, at least just for a few more minutes. then negan would deal with the consequences of his actions yet again.
negan wonders what caroline will say to him when she finds out he decapitated alpha.
just a reminder this story is unedited until after it's completed so i apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes.