"Nobody makes you angry; you decide to use anger as a response." - Unknown
***
"I'm going to miss you so much," Tanya says with a sad smile.
"Me too," Daniel mutters.
"Huh?" I question, a little creeped out and bewildered.
"I meant to say your brothers. I know you're desperately in love with me, but I'm afraid to say that I can't return your feelings," he says mockingly.
I roll my eyes while Tanya claws at her throat and gags. "As if."
We're all sitting outside on the steps of the school, Tanya sitting between the two of us. We're not allowed to be out here or the teachers will count that as "skipping", although it's just lunch time. Daniel throws small pebbles towards the parking lot, occasionally hitting a car. He resumes, knowing that not even a scratch has been made.
Tanya, meanwhile, suggests that we all have a last-minute outing together. She senses my hesitation to agree with her since I'm still keeping my distance from Daniel. "Besides, my parents will freak if they found out that I was out with a boy," I explain.
"I think they particularly like me," Daniel proclaims cockily.
I snort as I play with the tassels at the end of my hijab. "Mmhmm."
"Fine. Since you don't want Daniel around, let's have a girl's night out while he can sulk at home," Tanya suggests. I nod while Daniel scowls in her direction. "Or you can put on a wig, makeup, and a pair of booty shorts."
"No thank you," he says dryly while I chuckle at the image that forms in my mind of him in the things Tanya just listed. "Is your brother okay?" Daniel inquires, now adressing me.
"Yeah," I say quietly. "He'll be discharged from the hospital a few days before we leave. But he'll have to be in a wheelchair for a long time." I refrain myself from saying "permanently". By the way the doctors told us that Zayd would need to depend on a wheelchair, it was implied that he'd be handicapped for a while. They never clarified if temporarily or permanently; I obviously fear the latter.
Unlike winter in Minnesota, where the weather is below twenty degrees and the streets are coated with blankets of snow, Florida still keeps its hot, tropical weather, which is quite the advantage. However, everyone in the halls at school kept shooting me weird glances, as if saying: "What the heck? Who wears a scarf when it's so hot and humid?" Nonetheless, I kept walking, ignoring them to be dumbfounded.
I fan myself as Tanya raises an eyebrow. "You okay?"
I shrug my shoulders. While everyone else is wearing T-shirts and shorts, I'm stuck wearing my blouse and skirt. I don't complain, since I'm used to being this hot. Besides, I'm wearing a hijab for my Lord, not for anyone else. "A drink of cold water will do." Tanya offers to get me some, and before I can protest, she leaves me and Daniel on the concrete steps, the sun glaring down at us.
"So," he says.
"So."
"You're really going, huh?" He stops throwing the pebbles. He then gazes at me with a look which I can't decipher.
"Yeah. It won't be for another few weeks, but it already feels like the end." I pause, look at the ground, and mutter, "I don't know when I'll see you or Tanya again. It's unlikely that I'm coming back here."
Before Daniel can even say a word, I hear the last voice I want to hear. "I'm so glad that bitch is leaving. She thinks she's all that with that stupid scarf. She looks like a lunatic and a weirdo. I'm surprised she hasn't killed herself just yet."
"Zahra-" Daniel says apprehensively.
I shake my head and bite my lip. "I can handle it."
"Speak of the devil," Cameron proclaims. I whip my head around to see Xavier's arm slung over her shoulder. He seems like he wants to push her down the steps. Trust me, I'd tell him to go for it. "Oh hey, Sarah!" she exlaims, plastering a grin on her face. Two-faced much?
"Zahra," I correct, wondering how she can confuse my name with "Sarah". I try my best to hide the bitterness in my tone.
"Whatever," she says, brushing the topic off. "I heard you were leaving. I hope you had a good time here."
"As artificial as you may be, I did," I reply with a forced smile. Tanya appears with a bottle of water. As she's about to hand it to me, Cameron snatches it from her hands, unscrews the cap, and dumps the contents on my head. My clothes get soaked, and I stand there shivering despite the heat. Tanya stares with horror, while Daniel has a rock-hard expression on his face. Xavier, meanwhile, looks darkly at his girlfriend.
"I hope that helped," she says almost sweetly. "Bye," she cooes, swaying her hips as she enters the front double doors of the school. Xavier quickly apologizes before calling after Cameron and following her inside.
"Oh my god, Zahra, I-"
"Forget it," I interrupt Tanya abruptly. "I can deal with it. I can."
"Are you sure? I can get you a towel. I think there's some clean ones in the locker rooms..."
"It's okay, you've done more than enough," I respond. "Besides, I don't trust locker rooms." I look behind Tanya and find that Daniel is nowhere around. "Where is he? Did he seriously ditch us?"
Tanya shrugs. "I dunno." She takes out her phone and sighs. "We have two more minutes. Maybe we can go to the office and report this or-"
I shake my head once again. "No, it's fine. She's trying to get a reaction from me, which I won't give her," I declare firmly. "As much as I want to stay here, I want to keep my distance from her."
"You should," she agrees.
Before a teacher can catch us outside and we get in trouble, we hurry inside and run to our lockers. It's quite difficult for me, since my skirt and blouse (which are both thankfully dark colors), stick to my body. I gain a few stares which I again ignore.
I reluctantly part ways with a worried Tanya and head on to class. I still see no sign of Daniel.
Snickers and giggles erupt through the hallway, and I look around, confused. After six seconds of glancing at everyone who's staring back at me, I realize they're laughing at my clothes.
"Why don't you just take it off?" a guy with a deep voice hollers.
"You have nothing to hide," another inerjects.
"It ain't Halloween yet, ya know!" someone claims stupidly.
I bite back a reply to the last one (which I still don't understand as to why someone said that), and will myself to get to class in the one minute I have left. I push through the thick crowd of students, finally knowing how it feels to have people teasing and mocking you. After my friend, or ex-friend, Kayla, fainted in the hallway that one day... Nobody stopped talking about it. Of course, she was oblivious to it. But it really torn me apart that someone would joke about something so serious.
But for once, I'm not actually mad at anyone. Not at Cameron, or Kayla, or anybody who's mocking me now. I just keep choosing anger as a response, which in turn makes things worse for me. I haven't always been that kid who liked to pick up fights, but I was one person who didn't like being passive in such situations.
Besides, I'm leaving Florida in two weeks. As much as I want to stay, I really want to go back. So many horrific things have happened in the past few months I've been here: Zayd in the car accident, the heated phone call with Kayla, and Cameron (enough said here). But what will happen when I arrive in Minnesota? Is Kayla still angry at me? Does she even spare to think of the friendship that's now on thin ice, and one wrongdoing would lead it to crack? Is she back with her family?
So many unanswered questions I want answered. I may be furious with Kayla, bur she's still my best friend. I'll just block the word "ex-friend" from my mind. I know I haven't been there for her for a long time, but I'm worried about her. If I ever see her broken down to pieces, then I'll be devastated.
After that little spiel I just had in my head, I walk into my next class, my mind swarming with questions and thoughts. A feeling creeps up on my skin. It's that feeling when you know something bad will happen, but you want it to. You're eager, yet you're anxious.
But that feeling dies down when the bell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts.
***
I wince and draw back my hand after I touch the hot metal of the seat belt. I always seems to burn myself with such stupid things. I unbuckle it and open the car door and climb out. As I shut the door, I hear someone panting. "Zahra!"
"It's that nice young boy who helped us with moving," my mom informs me before I turn around.
Daniel takes a few long deep breaths as he puts his hands on his knees. I cross my arms as he takes a few seconds to recollect himself. He finally says, "About earlier... I didn't mean to bail out on you guys."
"Sure," I say sarcastically. My mom heads inside, muttering something about how hot it is. I hear the front door close and sigh as I lean against the car. "Then what were you doing?" I arch an eyebrow.
"I sorta, um..." He bites his bottom lip, and then gives me a shaky laugh. "Made Cameron's day more interesting."
"And..."
"Andshealsogotdrenchedwithwater," he states rather quickly. It takes me a moment to register what he said.
"Oh... oohhh. Why?! You're insane! I never told you to do such a thing! How could you? You could have at least got me a sweater or something. I was freezing. But we're in Florida, so that doesn't make sense. But still." I stop talking as I notice the wide goofy grin on Daniel's face. "What?"
He scratches the back of his neck and shakes his head. "Nothing. I was just thinking of recording you and-"
"I have knives in my house," I say threateningly, wondering where this conversation is heading to.
"-post it online. But of course, you'd murder me with your butter knife. I think you're almost capable of doing so."
"Almost?"
"Pretty much."
"Guess who won't wake up tomorrow." Just as I say that, my phone rings in my pocket. I look at the caller ID to find Private Number written on it. I gingerly press the call button and squeak into the phone: "Hello?" I hear muffled sobs at the other end of the line. "Who is this?" I glance at Daniel who tries his best not to eavesdrop by scrolling through something on his phone.
"Zahra! It's... it's Kayla. I'm so stupid!" She hiccups. "He - he's getting mar - hic - ried. I can't believe it. I should have known. I've been so naïve and idiotic and I just want to say that I'm - hic - s-sorry." The sobs continue, and my heart shatters. Kayla sounds so hurt, so heartbroken.
"Who, Kayla?" I ask soothingly.
"Harun," she hesitantly responds.
I almost drop the phone. How did I not know this? "Kayla, I'd be lying to you if I said things will be alright. 'Cause they won't. I can promise you that."
"Great pep talk."
"You didn't let me finish. Things will be alright if you have patience. Whether you're madly in love with my cousin or not, I want you to know that this is by the qadr (will) of Allah. He must have someone else in store for you, but he's not there yet. Allah knows best. And He'll give you the best."
I wait for her response, but I never receive it. I hear her mutter something incoherent before saying, "I have to go. He's... here." And with a click, she hangs up the phone. I sigh as I pocket my phone and drop my arms by my sides.
Daniel clears his throat awkwardly. Before he can utter a word, I hear the shrill screams of my brother from inside. In a matter of seconds, Zakariya and Zubayr appear with water guns, spraying each other before turning on me.
"I've had enough water for the day!" I shout, not prepared or ready for any of this. Despite my complaints, they aim their guns at me, and spray water so that this time, my bag is soaking as well. All three boys bend down in laughter, while I storm off, irritated by how my day is going.
Once I step foot into my room, I grab a dress that I left on my bed this morning. I strip down my wet and soggy clothes and change into the dry and floral dress. Since it's short-sleeve, I put on a pink cardigan that contrasts well with the dark blue swirls on the dress. I also find a new hijab to wear. After five minutes of searching, I choose a cream colored hijab. I wrap it around my head, aware of my wet hair, and put a pin into place.
I grab a small handbag and go back downstairs, only to find that the boys are still outside. "Ma, I'm going to the hospital!"
I take the silence as an "okay" and proceed on outside after putting on the same flats I wore today. Enthusiastic and hyper, my brothers once again try to squirt me with water, but not until I snatch the guns from their hands.
"You're no fun," Zubayr whines.
"You're a... a party-pooper," Zak giggles.
"Right she is," Daniel says. I almost scream once I hear his voice behind me. A smirk widens on his sun-kissed face, which I feel like smacking off.
"Boys," I mutter under my breath.
"Where you headed to?" he inquires, ignoring my single-word comment.
"Hospital," I say abruptly, to which he nods understandingly. I bid him goodbye before entering the car and putting the key into the ignition. The engine rumbles to life. I turn on the air conditioner, knowing that for a fact I'll be roasting under the sun once I step out of the car.
In a matter of thirty minutes, I'm already in my brother's room, my heart broken as I see him struggling to sit up in his bed. "No no, Zayd, lie down, you have to rest," I tell him softly.
"I just want to give my little sister a hug," he says, his voice hoarse. He mustn't have been speaking for a while.
"Well, don't hurt yourself next time," I chide him jokingly. I lean down and embrace him, careful not to hurt him along the spine, where he's mostly injured. Just as I'm about to let go, he still embraces me, as if he's afraid that I'll leave him.
"I'm sorry."
I stand up abruptly. "For what?" I give him a puzzled look.
"For... for worrying you so much. You visit me everyday-"
"Because I worry about you every single day," I reason.
"See?" He gives me a lopsided smile. I take in his features. He's grown weaker, but more older. His dark hair is shaggy and long, and his forehead is creased with deep lines. He looks at me with more than a brotherly look; he looks at me with admiring and teasing eyes.
I shrug my shoulders, brushing off the topic. "I wish life was normal."
"Normal?"
I sigh deeply as I pace the room, my hands tugging on my dress. "You're in the hospital, some bratty girl spilled water on me, I got humiliated, I'm leaving friends, but I want to stay, but at the same time I want to go, and I miss you, you're never home, and you'll be in a wheelchair! How did things go so downhill? I'm so confused."
"So am I," Zayd replies. He gestures me over. He drops his voice to a whisper. "I know you're not okay, Zahra. I can see it in your eyes. Now, tell me all that I've missed."
Zayd is one of the few people I'd practically trust my life with. He's not just my brother, but a best friend. Most people I know would think such a thing doesn't exist. But it does between me and my brother. I can never stay mad at him, no matter what makes me angry in the first place. That's the same way vice versa.
I start telling him about the first day I've met Daniel, up until the hectic events of today, which takes me a good thirty minutes to explain. He never interrupts or make the slightest expression. After all I've said, after telling him all my confessions, the only words he say are: "You like that kid."
As I run through my head of comebacks to say, a smirk, which resembles the smirk of Daniel's, overcomes his features. I sigh, annoyed and frustrated, wondering why the universe is against me. "And Kayla likes Harun. Let's focus on that." I set down my handbag on a chair and put my head between my hands. "She's heartbroken. By the time we get back, she'll be locked up in her room eating ice cream while reading some sappy romance novel."
"There's nothing that can be done," my brother states rather firmly. "Harun is obviously interested in getting married to Maymunah, and there's not a chance he'll change his mind for your friend, who he knew for, what, three months now?"
I roll my eyes. "Now you're making me sound stupid."
"Yet you told me that you told her that this is all by the qadr of Allah," he says smartly.
"That doesn't make a girl feel better!" I protest.
"You don't think I've learned after living with you for fifteen years?"
I roll my eyes. "Just tell me your wise words of philosophy."
He sighs, his expression turning somber. "Unfortunately, happy ever afters rarely happen. I know that what your friend wants is to have Harun break off the marriage and marry her instead, and there you go, the end. But that's not how life works." He pushes his hands against the bed, adjusting to a more comfortable position. I sit down on the chair in which I put my handbag on and listen intently.
"And you're right. Life is not being 'normal' right now. But let's face it - we'll endure hardships and tests." He gestures towards himself. "I've endured the accident. That has been by the will of Allah. And what have I always told you?"
"With every hardship comes ease," I quote, remembering uttering similar words to Kayla before.
"Exactly. But the ease that will follow after this heartbreak won't be a happy ever after, even though the story started with 'Once upon a time'."
I murmur, "Or more precisely, once upon a Muslim."
***
I'm a terrible, terrible person.
Sorry for making you wait for - *checks to see when she last updated* - like, a millenia. I know you don't want to hear my excuses as to why I didn't update - *cough cough school cough cough being a moody wreck cough cough*.
I've been staring at the screen every ten minutes I wrote a new paragraph. Writer's Block at its finest.
HEADS UP: Anniversary is on the 25th. Yay! (I checked). Anywhooo, I'm still debating whether or not I should publish my new story.
I have a whole week off of school (which equals happiness), then two more weeks till exams, then exams, then winter break (which equals more happiness), then back to school in January. So things are a bit crazy now. I'll try to read your requests during break while I'll struggle - er, try - to update another chapter soon. This story is about to come to an end. :'( But at the rate I'm updating, it'll probably end in like, two months. (Way to go, Fayfay.)
Assalamu Alaykum and have a nice, wonderful weekend. :)