Jaime
For hours we wait.
That's all we can fucking do. Wait.
These last few weeks we've been happy, we believed that we were finally at peace but we were wrong. Why is it that when everything finally seems to come together it all falls apart?
Myrcella. She finally accepted me as her father and then she died in my arms while all I could do was hold her helplessly knowing that I couldn't save her.
It was a feeling I never wanted to experience again but here I am. There is no worse feeling than being unable to protect the ones you love. How can I call myself a knight if I can't even protect my own wife?
All I could do was hold her and try to stop the bleeding while screaming for someone who could help her because I couldn't. Even if she lives the babies will be dead and I don't know if either of us will recover from that. We've both felt far more grief in these past few years then either of us ever thought we would experience in a lifetime.
I remember when she told me about losing our first child, she was eighteen when it happened and I knew that she wasn't ready but we had both been careless the night she conceived. Even so, that loss broke part of us both. The twins however were hoped for and we both wanted to have a family, to start a new life together. To have this second chance.
Now I know how Robb must have felt in his last moments, standing there helpless as Talisa bled out on the floor. I can clearly imagine his dying thoughts. They weren't of his title, not even of his people but his devastation of failing to save the woman he loves.
All I can hear is her crying still echoing through my mind, that she didn't want to die like Talisa, and all I can see when I close my eyes is the sheer terror that was in hers. She has faced death without fear many times but tonight she was afraid, not just afraid but terrified. She wanted to live, she wanted our babies to live and there was nothing I could do.
I should have been there with her, I should have never left her alone. I should have known that this was a plot of Cersei's.
"Years ago when I laid in bed helpless an assassin lit a fire to draw Robb away from me but my mother stayed", Bran tells me and I can vaguely remember Rayna telling me about it at the time "She fought until my dire wolf tore the assassins throat open".
Cersei knew about that attack and she would have known the details of it, she's always had a cruel sense of 'poetic justice' as she would call it. She wanted to recreate this for Rayna. Not just the assassination attempt on Bran, but Talisa's death as well. Rayna never saw it thank the gods but she certainly heard the details of it. Even those who were enemies to the Starks were horrified that a man would stab a pregnant woman in the belly in front of her own husband under the pretence that they were his guests.
The Northerners love their Queen and will demand blood for this, as will I. I'm shaking with fury as the thought crosses my mind, a bloodlust I haven't felt in years. When Tyrion killed our father I swore I'd kill him if I ever saw him again but slowly the anger faded and I couldn't imagine ever harming him. But this is different, killing a man who sentenced you to death and trying to assassinate a pregnant woman in her own home are very different. If I ever see Cersei again it might just be me who takes her head.
"Jaime", Sansa says reaching across the table to take my hand but I flinch away, I don't deserve to be comforted. "If she is still alive then chances are she will survive this", she tries to assure me but I still can't find the words to speak.
If she dies then I don't know what I would do, where I would go. I would have no place in the North and if Daenerys survives to conquer Kings Landing I doubt I would be welcome there with her and Tyrion. The only place would be Casterly Rock but without Rayna it wouldn't feel like home, no where would.
"She's strong", Arya agrees as she stands abruptly and takes her sword "Sansa tell her where I've gone"
"Shouldn't you at least stay until we can see her?" Sansa asks her and they share a secretive look.
"I'm no use here", she replies and I'm hardly paying attention as she leaves to go gods know where. Sansa chases after her leaving myself, Brienne and Bran.
"They are right you know", Brienne tries to reassure me "She will live"
I can't even bring myself to respond to Brienne. The guilt swallows any words that I could even form. I should have killed Cersei when I had the chance.
Sansa returns without Arya as more time passes, each minute even more torturous than the last.
My heart jumps when the door opens but its not the maester, it's just Lord Royce.
"My Lord, my Lady", he says gravely greeting Sansa and I "I thought that you may want to examine the body"
"Oh gods", Sansa gasps as my heart stops but before I can even register the words he quickly adds "The body of the assassin, I'm very sorry to startle you my Lady"
"Do you have any news of the Queen", Brienne asks as Sansa regains herself.
"She is still alive that's all I know", he says quietly as he leads us into a spare room where they've moved the assassins body.
When we enter the body is laid on a table, I continue to shake with rage as I move closer to it. Brienne stands with Sansa who keeps her distance "Just let him be", Sansa tells her to keep her from holding me back.
The bastards throat was ripped wide open by ghost and his face was half mauled in the process. Whatever jackets he was wearing have been removed and I can see that Rayna must have gotten to him before Ghost. There are several open wounds in the chest where she must have stabbed him, she definitely didn't go down without a fight. A coin purse hangs out of his pocket and I lift it to feel the weight of it. Cersei certainly didn't spare any expense. Inside amongst the coins is a piece of paper.
Kill the whore as instructed, if my brother gets in the way kill him as well. Bring me back a token to prove the job has been done.
Kill the whore as instructed. She may not have written how but it's not hard to guess from looking at what had been done to my wife. Cersei planned the cruelest death possible for her. To mimic both her brothers attempted assassination and Talisa's death.
She fought hard but she wasn't any match for him. He's built almost like the Mountain but not tall enough to draw attention, these wounds would have felt like mere scratches to him. I likely wouldn't have even stood a chance against him.
Rayna isn't one to cower and beg for mercy, she would have fought him with her bare hands to survive and by the fingernail marks on the side of his face that isn't mauled she did. At some point she got her hands on her dagger but it wasn't enough.
She screamed out for me, she would have known that she couldn't take him on her own and she screamed out for me but I wasn't there.
The sound of a throat clearing almost makes me jump out of my skin and I turn to see Maester Wolkan standing there straightening his robes and before I have a chance to form words he announces "The Queen will live"
Brienne half catches me as I fall to my knees as relief floods me that violently.
"I want to see her", I say hoarsely, the first words I've spoken in hours.
"My lord she is resting", he says but I'm already blindly walking through the halls to our bedroom unprepared for what awaits me.
Rayna
"I want to see my husband", I murmur as I try to lift my head to look at Sam but I don't have the strength.
"You need to rest", he tries to tell me "You've lost a lot of blood"
"I want to see my husband", I demand as I try to sit up "I am the Queen and I demand to see him"
"Your Grace please don't move you'll tear the wounds open", he pleads nervously.
"I want Jaime", I try to yell out but it turns into a deranged sob and I fall limply back onto the bed "I want Jaime"
"Sweetheart", I hear him tremble and I'm able to look up enough to see him standing in the doorway looking more distraught then I've ever seen him.
Sam walks over to him and although he tries to whisper I can still hear him "We've given her a low dose of milk of the poppy for the pain but not enough to sedate her in case it harms the babies, the other medicine she's been given has made her a bit disoriented but that could also be due to the blood loss"
"They're alive?" he exclaims and I press my eyes shut tightly as if it could block my hearing.
"We don't know", he admits "The wounds to her stomach were shallow slices to the flesh and didn't go deep into the stomach but she was stabbed beneath the breast and we aren't sure if it penetrated the womb, it's a miracle there aren't any direct wounds to the womb so there is a chance but it's slim"
I hear Sam leave the room and the sound of the door closing, then Jaimes familiar footsteps grow louder and I can feel him take my hand and press it against his feverish lips.
"Sweetheart look at me"
Reluctantly I open my eyes and when I see him I wish I never did. It's a state I wish I could never see him in.
Silently he moves away the blanket covering my stomach and gently lifts up my nightgown.
I can't bare to look at him as he examines the wounds but I can hear the sharp exhale of his breath when he sees them.
"What happened?" he asks gently as runs his thumb over the side of my swollen stomach.
"I was looking at the fire then I saw him standing behind me, I hit him over the head with a candlestick but he was built like the Mountain, he tried to stab me in the belly but as I went for my dagger the tip of his sliced me. I thought I had him when I stabbed him but he barely flinched, he disarmed me and as I clawed at his face again he tried to stab me in the belly but he missed and got me beneath the breast and that was when Ghost got him"
I thought it would be painful to recall but I only feel numb. I don't feel rage nor grief. I just want it all to end. I want this war to end, I want to be happy with Jaime and our children. I'm tired of fighting.
"I should have been there", he mutters and I close my eyes again, of course he blames himself for this "If I was there-"
"You'd likely be dead", I answer as hurtful as it might be "This is no one's fault but hers"
Although I may feel numb her name inspires so much fury in me I cannot even speak it.
"Cersei", he answers and when I bring myself to look at him his eyes are burning with tears, not of sorrow but of rage.
"I will have her head", I vow "But not today, today I need my husband"
He nods silently as he tries to contain his rage and stays beside me as I begin to fall asleep, whether it's from the medicine or from the sheer exhaustion I don't know, but I fear wait awaits me when I wake.
Jaime
She drifts off to sleep and if it wasn't for the sound of her uneven breathing I would think she was dead. The blood loss has turned her skin a colour that is far too familiar to me but the colour is slowly coming back to it. Our hands remain joined and when I press a kiss to her knuckles they are so cold, almost lifeless.
It absolutely breaks my heart.
I almost don't notice when Sansa enters the room "I've spent the last hour speaking to Maester Wolkan, there is no doubt she will recover but as for the babies he said all we can do is wait. He doesn't believe they were directly harmed from the wounds but the trauma or the blood loss could have-" she doesn't finish the sentence "Was she awake when you saw her?"
"She was half delirious, she told me how it happened and then she said that she'll have her head for this"
"Whose head?" Sansa asks unevenly "Did Daenerys-?
"No it was Cersei", I answer barely able to speak her name. These past few hours the thoughts have been stewing in my mind, the guilt and the rage of letting Cersei have the chance to do this.
"We were so preoccupied with Daenerys we forgot about the real enemy", she mutters as she takes a seat by her sisters side "The reason I came wasn't just to see her, but to see you. The people have heard that their Queen's been attacked gravely and they are beginning to spread rumours that she is dead. We need to address them"
I nod absentmindedly as I know what my duty as Lord means I should do "Tell them to gather in the courtyard", I murmur and she nods.
"I'll send ravens to our allies, Jon also needs to know what's happened" she says then after a moment of thought she adds "When news of this spreads almost anyone still loyal to Cersei will turn"
"Everyone who would turn already has turned", I reply with a bitter realisation "With Cersei still alive we'll never be safe"
And with that I know what I need to do.
At sundown Sansa stands beside me as we prepare ourselves to address the people. Brienne is guarding Rayna.
"I'm not a good speaker", I warn her.
"You are the Lord of Winterfell and it is your duty to do this", she reminds me and I swallow my protests as we step out into the courtyard.
"Thank you my Lords for coming, we know that many of you rode straight here when the news spread of what happened last night. The rumours surrounding the attack on the Queen are true and the Lord of Winterfell shall give you the truth", Sansa begins and then she looks to me to continue.
"Last night the Queen was attacked by an assassin sent by Cersei Lannister to murder her, just as Robb Starks wife Talisa was murdered while she was with child", I announce as I try to keep my voice steady "True to what she is called she is a She Wolf and fought off the attacker until the Starks dire wolf was able to kill him, however she suffered life threatening wounds from the attack"
They are all silent as they wait for me to continue, I keep in mind that what I say will get back to Cersei.
"She has survived the attack but will be indisposed for an unknown amount of time, Jon Snow and the other Northern soldiers are on their way to Kings Landing to overthrow Cersei and our Queen will have her head in payment for this"
They break their silence with cries for Cersei's head but I'm sure Cersei has a plan to escape. When they take the city they won't find her dead or alive.
"Until the Queen is capable of returning to her duties as Lord of Winterfell those duties have befallen me, however as you all know I am not a Northerner and my duty above all else is to protect the Queen", I begin as I turn to Sansa "I hand over my duties to Sansa Stark as she is the Queens heir and name her the acting Lady of Winterfell"
She didn't expect this but I know it's what needs to be done. My duty isn't to Winterfell, it's to my wife and I need to protect her above all else. I just pray she will forgive me.
"Lady Sansa acted as regent while the Queen was on diplomatic business and she is more capable than anyone else to take care of the North in these dark times while our Queen recovers"
I motion for her to step forward "Thank you Jaime", she whispers as she steps forward to address the crowd and I return inside to make preparations for my departure.
When I go to our bedroom she is awake again and looking out at the moon. When she sees me standing in the doorway she smiles, some of the colour's returned to her cheeks.
"What's going on out there?" she asks and I gather she heard the commotion.
"They are glad to know their Queen is alive" I tell her as I take my seat by her side "And considering you will be indisposed I named Sansa as the Lady of Winterfell and acting regent"
"What about you?", she asks knowing that's my duty and that I had been hoping to take on some more duties but they aren't important to be anymore.
"My duty is to protect my wife"
She gives me a sad smile as she takes my hand and kisses it.
"Brienne told me that the gates are going to be closed once everyone's left Winterfell until Cersei is dead, no one can get in to harm me", she tells me hoping to give me peace of mind but while Cersei lives there won't be any.
That means I won't be able to stay long, I just don't know how I can tell her.
"Rayna, I once told you-"
I'm cut off by a very sudden gasp and next thing I know she's crying and grabbing my arm.
"Jaime!"
"What's happening what's wrong?" I stammer but she breaks into a wide, tearful smile.
"I can feel the babies kicking", she cries in relief and I smother her face with light kisses and rest my forehead against hers as she pulls me close to her "The babies are okay"
I kiss her lips and while they are cold I can feel the warmth coming to them.
"It's all going to be okay", she smiles purely and knowing what I have to do breaks my heart. She clutches my hand in hers "Come to bed my love".
I'm so used to her being filled with rage and bloodlust when it comes to anything to do with Cersei so seeing her like this, just happy to be alive and breathing is strange. For once I wish it was rage she felt then she would understand my decision. If only her rage matched mine.
Guilt consumes me as I undress myself for bed and lay beside her. I keep my distance afraid of hurting her but she reaches out for me "Hold me Jaime"
When I hold her in my arms I know that I need to keep her safe. I once said I would do anything to protect her and I will fulfil that promise. She's forgiven me for worse.
"I love you sweetheart, more than anything else in this world", I whisper in her ear as she drifts off to sleep.
"And I love you", she says drowsily as she curls herself closer against me.
It only then dawns on me that I may never come home but it will be worth it. If Cersei lives she will do everything she can to ruin us and with two babies on the way I can't take that risk. She's proven to me now that she will take everything I love from me if I allow her. She needs to die and it should be by my hand. I've had many chances to kill her and I didn't, it's time to fix my mistakes.
"Sweetheart look at me"
She looks up at me with those wide doe eyes that are so full of love and I know that whatever sins I am going to commit that they are worth it, worth it to keep her and our children safe.
"Remember that you are the love of my life and that I will do anything to protect you, no matter the cost", I remind her and her eyes fill with concern.
"Jaime?" she asks but I hush her and kiss her forehead as I hold her.
"Sleep", I whisper and she gives me a small smile and presses her lips against mine then lays her head down. My eyes burn with tears as her eyes flutter closed and it's not long before her breathing becomes steady. The worst sins I have ever committed have been for love, and now the worst sin I could ever commit will be for love.
Rayna
The creak of the door jolts me awake and I reach for the dagger under my pillow and with a shaking arm hold it out fearing another assassin. However as my eyes adjust to the soft light of the fireplace I only see Jaime who stands with his hand on the doorknob looking even more startled than I am.
"Jaime?" I ask confused as to where he could be going at this time of the night and then I swallow hard as I see the riding hood he wears and the bag he carries "Where are you going?"
"Just for some air"
"Don't lie to me", I snap knowing damn well he wouldn't be going riding "Where are you going?"
He's hesitant as his eyes meet mine "I didn't want to leave like this"
The shock blindsides me, he promised me he would never leave again. I grip the handle of the dagger more tightly as my arm shakes violently. Tears burn in my eyes as he looks away.
"So you would leave while I was sleeping and wait for me to find you gone in the morning?" I scoff but he still hasn't answered my question "Where are you going?"
"To Cersei", he answers and my lip begins to tremble as a million thoughts rush through my mind, a betrayal greater than any I've ever felt consumes me.
"Cersei", I repeat almost inaudibly in disbelief as my voice begins to shake with rage "If you think you can save her then you truly are a fool Jaime Lannister"
He can't meet my eyes as he realises what I must think "Not to save her"
"Then what?" I ask at a loss as to why else he would go to her.
"To kill her", he confesses as he forces himself to meet my gaze "I promised that I would do anything to protect you and this is anything"
I've wanted the bitch dead for years but not like this. Not with him leaving me here pregnant, not again. Arya can do it or anyone else but not him, not if it means him leaving. For once his bloodlust has outgrown my own.
"Then stay with me", I plead "If you want to protect me stay"
He shakes his head and swallows hard as tears fill his eyes "While Cersei lives we won't be safe"
"Arya has gone south to kill her", I tell him "I need you with me Jaime"
"Cersei will escape, she will never let them get their hands on her, dead or alive", he says and I know it's true. She will never face the shame of defeat "I can get to her in time, I can kill her and end this before there is a massacre"
He trembles as I put a protective hand over my belly knowing that I have to stop him "I can't do this alone"
"You aren't alone, you have your family"
"A family who can't protect me, what if there is already another assassin?" I ask him, saying anything to get him to stay "I need you Jaime, I need you to protect me"
The pain in his eyes alone breaks my heart but I can't let him go south, he will die in that city.
"Which is why I need to kill Cersei, it's what I should have done a long time ago"
There is only one more thing I can say to change his mind "Jaime, you promised me that you would never leave me again", I cry "Please do not break that promise to me, do not break that oath, stay with me, with our babies"
"I'm sorry", he says hoarsely as he turns his back on me to open the door and I realise his mind has been made up. No begging or crying from me can change it.
"Guards", I yell as there is no other choice but no one comes "Guards!"
He looks back at me and I realise what he's done "You sent my guards away, you knew-"
"That you'd do anything to stop me", he finishes quietly as he holds my gaze. He knows me too well.
As he opens the door I yell out "You will die in that city Jaime and I will never forgive you for this"
He can't bring himself to look at me but I can hear the crack in his voice as he says "Remember that I love you"
And with that he's gone.
"Jaime!", I yell as I try to pull myself out of bed and then cry out in pain as the wounds begin to tear "Jaime you fucking bastard!"
By the time I manage to pull myself out of bed all I can do is fall against the window and watch as he mounts his horse in the courtyard.
I bang on the window screaming incoherently to get his attention. Just before he rides through the gate he looks back and sees me in the window crying out for him to stay.
He pauses and for a moment hope fills me. In the darkness fire from the torches reflects off his face and I can see him clearly. I can see the guilt. He won't do this to me, he won't leave me again. He almost did once and he promised me he wouldn't. He'll stay as he promised.
Then my heart breaks as he turns his back on me and rides through the gate.
"Jaime you fucking bastard!", I scream banging on the window so hard I fear it may crack. Eventually my hysterics draw attention and Sansa along with Brienne and two guards run in.
"Rayna?" Sansa exclaims as she falls to her knees beside me "Your bleeding"
I take no notice and with tears of fury burning in my eyes I order the guards "Bring my husband back, now!"
In my gut however I know it's too late. Jaime is gone.
He's going to die in that city.