✿ EIGHTEEN ✿
"Save me, save me
Only love, only love"
___
Katherine watched in anticipation as Raven did the final checks on the flares, to make sure that they wouldn't launch the wrong way and that there was enough rocket fuel. Her giddiness had been replaced with sadness as soon as she couldn't help or lead anything, and biting on her lip she thought how much Charlotte would have loved to see these flares.
"Don't think that way," Nate said next to her as if he could read her mind. He had noticed that she didn't like it very much when people touched her, so he ruffled her hair carefully. He had gotten his beanie back earlier after a playful fight that had earned them a glare from Clarke. "Just enjoy the show."
She gave Nate a nod and really tried her best to not think about Charlotte, or death in general. That worked out fine, until Bellamy decided to stand next to her. He didn't say anything, so neither did she. She chose to take Nate's advice to heart and ignored the man.
Raven did the count down, launched the flares herself and with an impressing noise they soared up high in the sky. Katherine watched in awe as the purple flares shot up against the dark night. They were almost like shooting stars, with which she had had an obsession when she was younger. She tried not to think about things that made her home-sick, like her mother's smile or Charlotte's little pigtails, but it that was hard in moments like these.
"Do you think they can see it from up there?" Bellamy asked from beside her.
Now Katherine couldn't longer ignore him. She took a quick glance at his face. His facial features looking even prettier in the bright light, his eyes reflecting the purple flares like little twinkles. She reminded him of the god of war or an archangel, fierce and strong and handsome. She shrugged her shoulders and looked up at the sky again.
"Did you know people used to wish on stars?" Katherine asked. She felt hopeful that the people on the Ark would see the flares in time. That her mother would see it, and that she would smile and be proud. "I just wish that the people up there will see this in time."
"I wouldn't know what to wish for," Bellamy answered honestly. His eyes wandered from the flares to Katherine to Miller, who was standing next to her, to Katherine again. He felt a pang of something he couldn't understand.
Feeling like she was stared upon, Katherine turned her head. For just a second she stared Bellamy in his endless eyes, and then she decided that she shouldn't be too harsh on him. He only tried to do what was right, or so she told herself. "You still want to talk?"
"No, it's okay actually," Bellamy said. He shook his head, his loose curls moving along with his movements, and he gave Katherine a calculated smile. "Thanks, though."
Katherine gave a terse nod and couldn't help but feel like she had been rejected. Not that it really mattered, because more than friends she and Bellamy wouldn't ever become. And she figured that friends might already be like asking too much.
A shiver ran down her spine as she watched the last of the flares disappear and without saying another word, she took off to her and Nate's tent. On her way, she stopped at the place where they dried and conserved their meat. Without even bothering to look around if somebody could see her, she wrapped up a piece of something she guessed was chicken and hid it under her jacket.
As she entered the tent, she noticed that Panther was pacing restlessly around. As soon as his venomous green eyes landed on her, though, he didn't know how fast he had to jump up to her legs, probably already smelling the chicken. Katherine smiled tiredly and gave the amazing animal a pet on his head. "Perhaps I will sneak you to the woods tomorrow. We can play and hunt there."
And perhaps you will walk away too, Katherine thought gloomy as she gave the panther his well-deserved piece of chicken. With a sigh, she took off her jacket and boots and with a satisfying sound she plopped down on her makeshift bed. She pulled the blankets over her shoulders, smiled as she felt Panther curl in the crook her knees formed, and as soon as her head hit her pillow, Katherine fell in a restless sleep.
✿
"Cat," she heard someone whisper into her ear. It was a soft voice, though a little hoarse. Katherine smiled as she recognized it as her mothers. After all, nobody else called her Cat. She felt two hands on her shoulders, softly shaking and waking her. "Wake up, Katherine."
As soon as Katherine realised it was Clarke and not her mother, she shot up, tears in her eyes. She felt the look of pity from Clarke, and quickly shifted her gaze to the entrance of her tent, where Bellamy appeared to be standing with a torch. She wondered why they had to interrupt her pleasant dream if both of them were awake already.
"I'll be out in a minute," Katherine croaked out. She saw Clarke give an affirmative nod as she stood up and the two of them disappeared out of her tent. Katherine moved into sitting position and gave Panther a pet over his soft body. At least Panther was as black as the night, so Clarke hadn't seen him.
Katherine put on her boots and jacket, took a deep breath, and softly walked out of the tent so that she wouldn't wake Nate, who was snoring like the end of the world was nearing. Katherine smiled a little at the innocent sights and closed the tent with the clip.
As soon as a gust of wind hit her, she felt a shiver travel down her spine and with a look of dismay on her face she closed her zipper up till her chin and crossed her arms. The zipper slightly annoyed the bruise on her neck, thanks to Murphy, but it was better than the cold wind. She walked to the place where Bellamy, Clarke and a bunch of other kids had gathered.
"So, what's up?" Katherine asked, her eyes wandering from Bellamy to Clarke.
"Octavia's been missing, so we're organising a search party," Clarke said softly.
Katherine felt she had ingested a couple of kilos of lead and from the corners of her eyes she looked at Bellamy. "Why can't something go well for once?"
"It's Earth," Clarke answered as if that was supposed to explain everything. It probably did. She grabbed hold of Katherine's arms and looked the girl straight into her odd blue eyes. "We need you to keep order in camp. Get on strengthening the walls and do some food rationing."
"No way," Katherine said, quickly shaking her head. "It's Octavia, I'm coming."
"We need a tracker," Bellamy entered their conversation. He looked from Katherine to Clarke and then to some tent further away. "Finn, get out here!"
"I can do some tracking as well," Katherine said.
"Nah sweetheart, we need you to stay here," Bellamy said, repeating the words Clarke had said earlier. When Katherine kept on looking at him like he should change his opinion, he just smiled and shook his head. "We're serious."
"You know, I get a feeling that I'm like a subunit," Katherine said. She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Both Clarke and Bellamy looked with the same expression to her, eyebrows raised in wonder. "And that's fine and all, actually, it's better, but next time let me sleep."
"Are you always this grumpy in the morning?" Bellamy asked, rolling his eyes. He didn't bother to wait for her reply, only turning around and walking away to where the rescue party had gathered.
"Like he's a ray of sunshine," Katherine muttered to Clarke. When she didn't hear something in return from the blonde, she turned her head curiously. She let out a loud sigh as she saw Clarke staring at Finn like she could strangle and kiss him at the same and him calling out to her. Katherine quickly turned to walk away as well, not wanting to get caught up in that love triangle.
"Guys, look up there," someone near her said. He pointed to the sky. "It's so beautiful."
With a feeling of dread, Katherine joined the searching party, looking up at the sky. The guy was right, it was indeed beautiful, but only if you didn't know it was bodies being returned to the Earth from the Ark. Katherine felt like she had been punched in the gut. "Oh lord, it didn't work out."
"A meteor shower tells you that?" Bellamy asked, looking sceptically at Katherine, but she didn't even appear to hear his voice.
"It's not a meteor shower, it's a funeral. Hundreds of bodies being returned to the earth from the ark. This is what it looks like from the other side," Clarke explained, after which she looked at Raven like she was defeated. "They didn't get our message."
"This is all because of you!" Raven yelled out as she marched up to Bellamy.
Katherine watched in dread as Raven was held back by Finn and Clarke, while Bellamy attempted to right his wrongs. Not with much success. Not that he really cared, Katherine realised, it was his sister on his mind right now, not three hundred dead people.
"Alright, good luck with your search," Katherine muttered towards Bellamy, only looking the guy shortly in his eyes. She gave Clarke a reassuring smile, one that didn't reach her eyes, and then she walked to her tent to retrieve a blanket. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, but she also wasn't planning on getting cold while waiting for the sunrise.
Katherine watched as the search party disappeared, while Clarke and Raven turned some other way. For just a split second she was tempted to follow the two of them, but then she reminded herself of her poor navigation skills, and she looked up at the sky. She didn't really want to look at the funeral, so she just gazed in that direction, while her mind took her to another place. She imagined a little waterfall with a stream with water so clear she could see the pebbles. She felt the sun kiss her skin and the water engulf her. It had been a trick she had learned when she was young, when Dr Noah would come over.
She only noticed that the sun had begun to rise when more people started to sit next to her, laughing and yelling like they had been on a different planet all the time. Like they hadn't experienced the horrors that Katherine had, or at least pretended that they hadn't. It annoyed her, because she wanted to be happy to.
After sitting for what felt like another hour, she had gathered enough courage to speak to the group. When she had been younger, she actually loved giving speeches in English class. She could prepare them, rehearse and rehearse them, and finally give them in class when she had remembered every word of it. Speaking to great groups without any form of preparation made her feel a form of anxiety that she hadn't felt before.
"Alright, guys," she said as she stood up, folding her blanket in a neat square. At least, she noticed, people quieted down. She looked at the tired faces of the delinquents and realised that they had been on the same planet after all. "I think nobody really likes to work, but it still needs to happen. The weather is getting chillier, and our defences aren't half as strong as they can be. I need at least a group to work on the wall and another group to prepare rations. So please, people for the wall stand on the left, and people for rationing on the right."
It took a while before people started to divide themselves. At first, it were only the people who had worked with Katherine before, who offered her friendly smiles and quickly divided themselves, but then more people followed suit. And later the last people, not wanting to be left, also started to divide themselves.
Katherine clapped her hands together, proud of herself that she had achieved it, perhaps not too easily, but achieved anyway. She smiled at everybody, hoping they wouldn't view her as she knew some people viewed Bellamy and Clarke. "Okay, let's get cracking everybody. I will be with rationing."
Much to her surprise people also really started to do stuff. The people who had chosen for the wall appeared to be carrying logs and metal, and when she turned op at rationing she saw people had made makeshifts storing cans and cut up little patches of parachute to save the already gathered nuts and dried meat in.
"This really looks good, guys," Katherine smiled as she grabbed a patch of cloth. She counted out twenty nuts from the table and tied them together in the cloth. Then she threw it in the storing can, watching in amazement as the rest of the delinquents also did their fair share. She guessed Earth had made them grow up quickly.
She had been busy for about an hour or two when Katherine noticed Raven and Clarke entering camp. She smiled at Lana and Richie, Lana's boyfriend, with who she had been talking to for the past couple of hours, and excused herself. She quickly made her way to the Dropship, where she saw Raven had managed to get a remote-controlled car.
"That's pretty cool," Katherine said in amazement, as she went to sit down on one of the makeshift tables. It protested under her weight, but Katherine decided to ignore that. She noticed the awkward silence between Clarke and Raven and she softly coughed. "So, I need to do a restocking, I will take Nate with me and stay close to camp."
"Miller?" Clarke asked.
Katherine scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion, but then she remembered that everybody except her in camp called Nate by his surname. For her, Miller would always be Sergeant Miller, and Nate his son, but Clarke couldn't know that, so she just nodded. "Yeah, Miller."
"Alright, check in every two hours or so," Clarke said. "We can't lose any more people."
"Aye, captain," Katherine smiled. She gave Raven also a small smile, which the other girl didn't return, and then made her way out of the Dropship. She actually had wanted to wait till Octavia was back too, so that they could go outside with Panther as a trio, but now was the perfect opportunity. Besides, Panther was getting too big to be stuck in their tent the whole day.
"Come with me, I need to restock outside of camp," Katherine said as soon as she neared Nate, who had been working on the wall. She ignored the whistles some guys gave her, they should know better.
Nate's eyes glowed with excitement as they made their way to the tent. "Are we smuggling Panther out?"
"Yes, we are," Katherine grinned. She grabbed Nate's hand, both in excitement and worry. Excitement, because she could start training Panther now, she had managed to smuggle some meat on her, but worry, because what if her furry friend decided he would like the woods better than her company?
"For now we can stop him in a bag, but I have a feeling that next week that won't work anymore," Katherine muttered as she grabbed her backpack. She felt slightly guilty as she grabbed a sleeping Panther and pushed him into the sack. She just hoped he would stay asleep until they were out of camp, or else all hell would break loose.
"When Octavia is back we will announce his presence and those who are against it, well, fuck them," Nate said as if it would really be that simple. He carefully grabbed the back in which Panther was hidden, while Katherine pushed her empty backpack over her shoulder. She looked nervously up at Nate, giving him a single nod. "Let's get this party on the road."
As they made their way to the gate, Katherine felt her stress tingles take once again hold of her. She watched from the corners of her eyes, put a friendly smile on her face, and waved to Lana and Richie as she passed them. It was only a couple more steps. She forced one foot in front of the other, again, again and again. Until they had passed the gate and a little further.
Only when she didn't see anything of the camp anymore, she dared to take a deep breath. Realising their plan worked out, Nate and Katherine turned to each other, giving each other a loud high-five. Katherine only just managed to hold in a squeal of excitement.
"Now comes the difficult part," she muttered under her breath as she grabbed Panther out of Nate's backpack. The animal had his beautiful green eyes open, showing neither signs of fear nor of anger. It was like he wasn't really bothered by his surroundings, Katherine realised as she put him down onto the ground.
Panther didn't make a move to run away, he just circled around Katherine's legs like the big cat he was. Katherine let out a laugh. All the while she had been afraid of Panther going on the run, and now that he was in his real home, all he could do was ask for attention?
Well, that was, until he caught a scent of something and he changed from a big house cat into a real panther in less than a second. He opened his mouth in a hiss, stuck his tail straight up in the air and showed for the first time his murderous claws. Katherine took a little step backwards, looking anxiously at Nate, who was staring with the same look in his eyes at Panther.
The majestic animal looked over his shoulder, straight into Katherine's eyes and suddenly Katherine felt like she knew. "Go," she whispered softly, and, as if Panther had understood her, he took off in a direction only clear to him. Instantly, Katherine also started running, gesturing wildly for Nate to follow them. She had a feeling that Panther would find something, and she wanted to know what.