Warning(s):
Explicit language
Mentions of drug abuse
Mentions of sexual situations
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I listen as Tommy chirps on and on about anything and everything in life at the moment. His new girlfriend Roxie, his new apartment, the almost finished album, how cool he thinks Nikki, Mick and Vince are...I nearly question why he's telling me about things I know about, then I realize we haven't had an actual conversation in so long. We have small talk between walking club to club and in passing, but I can't remember the last time we talked in depth about our lives, one on one.
"Hey, um, so your folks are gonna be at the wedding or...?" He asks next, lacing up the thick ribbon at the back of the wedding dress I'm trying on and I furrow my brows a little shake my head, looking at him in the mirror of the dressing room.
"No, I don't think so." I say. "Not unless my mother's there to protest it."
He chuckles at the thought, allowing more silence to settle between us, acting like he wants to say something.
"What's up, Tommy?" I ask him, a little worried, and he shrugs a little, tying off the ribbon in a bow.
"I was just thinking since your pop isn't gonna be there to walk you down the aisles, um, I don't know, maybe I could." He suggests hesitantly.
I smile a little, licking my lips as I stare at him.
"I assumed that was already the arrangement." I state and he smiles from ear to ear, nodding his head excitedly.
"Fuckin' sick, dude." He says, trying to downplay how excited he really is.
"Viv, c'mon, we ain't got all day!" Vince pipes from outside and I roll my eyes, hiking up the heavy skirt and stepping outside to stand in front of the giant mirror, standing on the pedestal as Tansy fixes the bottom of it, making sure it looks perfect before actually paying attention to the dress itself.
She steps back to study it the way Tommy is, Vince doesn't care and I'm pretty sure Mick's asleep behind his sunglasses.
It's extremely poofy.
The short sleeves are nearly at my ears, the skirt is like a giant cloud of tool and...
"...Where'd your tits go?" Vince asks me, as if he's insulted that my boobs have been lost in the amount of overzealous fabric around my chest.
"Vince!" Tansy scolds him quietly, hitting his arm.
"I'm just sayin' when Nikki's sayin' his vows, he's gonna want something to look at to remind him why he's marrying you to begin with." Vince says as if it makes perfect sense and I close my eyes for a moment.
"Yes, because the soul of a successful marriage is built on a great set of breasts." I state sarcastically.
Tansy's just staring at him, confused, her brows furrowing slightly before she says:
"I think I am falling in love with you again." It's a sarcastic acknowledgement that she was, in fact, in love with him her freshman year of high school when they dated, and he smirks.
"I have that affect on women." He replies smugly, winking at her and she rolls her eyes.
"You look like a cotton ball." Mick speaks up.
"Yeah, you can't really tell where you start and where you end." Tansy adds next in all seriousness.
"Tommy, whatcha think?" I ask him, knowing he and I probably share the same opinion.
"It's not gonna be easy to get out of." He points out, giving me a knowing little look.
"Yeah, next dress." I huff, hauling myself to the dressing room and he follows, helping me get out of it, which is actually harder than getting in to it.
We discarded the employee on duty a while ago, Mick told her if we needed her help, we would let her know, so she hasn't bothered us since which leaves Tansy to go pick out dresses in my size she'd think I'd like.
"Here, Tans," Tommy holds the giant white fluff through the door that's ajar, and Tansy takes it from him and exchanges it with a much more subtle one. "Ooh, Viv, this one's nice." It's the first time he's said something about any of the dresses she's brought, so I hope this is the one I pick so we can get out of here.
I close my eyes, so confident that this is the one I'll love so I want it to be a surprise.
It's a lot lighter than the big one I just tried on and it's strapless from what I can tell.
Once I step outside and get in front of the mirror, I glare at Vince and Tommy who're more than happy with this dress because the fabric of the entire gown is a sheer nude color that's covered in sparkling little beads and faux diamonds, and the strapless top has my chest nearly falling out.
"You look like a Jezebel." Mick spouts honestly and I agree, nodding my head.
"Dirty Stripper Vivian in bride form would make me say, 'I do', with no second thoughts." Vince assures me.
"I am done for the day." I groan, leaning my head back and rubbing my face.
We've been here for hours, having Tommy, Vince, and Mick fitted for their tuxes and picking out Tansy's bridesmaid dress and I just want to go eat somewhere.
As soon as I get the dress off and get my jeans and T-shirt back on, I give out a sigh of relief.
"We'll try again tomorrow." Tommy says enthusiastically, trying to keep me optimistic as he slings his arm around my shoulder and walks out with me.
"Are we done?" Vince asks once they see us heading for the door.
"Yeah." I tell him and he hops up from the couch.
"See you guys tonight." Is all he says before darting out the door.
"You guys hungry?" Tansy asks me, Tommy and Mick once we get outside.
"Yes." I say before anyone else can. "I need to go home and check on Nikki and change, though."
"Okay, well, just come to the Rainbow whenever you guys are done." She gives me a suggestive look and Tommy chuckles a little, nudging my arm.
"Being that he hasn't spoken to me, aside from when I made him at the studio a few days ago, I highly doubt there will be any sex anytime soon. In fact, we might have to have one of you communicate our vows to one another because it is impossible for him to speak directly to me and I don't see that changing by June 30."
"It's Nikki, not rocket science, just walk around naked." Tansy suggests.
"That wouldn't work." I frown.
"Yeah, it would." Mick and Tommy say at the same time.
I don't argue because I haven't tried it yet.
Once I get to our apartment, I go inside to see Nikki on his bass with a couple of empty beer bottles on the table in front of him.
He doesn't look at me, engrossed in his work and I set the keys on the kitchen counter and wait hesitantly before stepping to our bedroom and shutting the door.
I discard my clothes, a sudden tinge of nerves settling within me when I open the door.
He's got a cigarette hanging from his lips, patting his pockets for his lighter and I see it laying on the counter by my keys. I grab it and step to him just as he's about to stand up and look for it.
I'm reaching out to light his cigarette before I can help myself, smirking to myself when I catch him looking me over before he goes back to writing.
I see the title scribbled down as "Looks That Kill" but before I can read any of the lyrics upside down, he's flipping the notepad over, looking at me sharply, blowing a cloud of smoke in to my face.
"It's unfair I have to wait until the album is finished before hearing any of it." I comment, ignoring the look he just gave me.
I get an almost smile out of him as he pulls the pad of paper to his knee.
"You can't not talk to me forever, you know." I point out to him and he doesn't even acknowledge me. "We are going to have to speak to each other in order to communicate vows." I remind him and he sighs out, closing the notepad with his pen inside it, plucking at his bass strings as if pretending to be busy at this point.
I huff out a breath, tears of frustration threatening to spill over my lashes.
I give up and step back to our bedroom, getting my shirt back on and just pulling on a pair of panties before stepping back in to the living room.
"Okay, I get it. If I wanted you to be happy about me being knocked up, I should've presented it in a way that seemed happy and optimistic. But instead I told you out of spite during an argument when you said something I didn't want to hear and I really am sorry, Nikki. But ignoring me isn't going to change the fact that I'm pregnant or make me disappear. If you want to break up just tell me and I'll get my shit and figure it out myself." I say shakily, about to walk away when he reaches out from his place on the couch and grabs at the bottom of my thigh, stopping me.
"I don't..." He starts, looking for what to say. "I don't know how to do this." He motions between us. "I've just kinda been bullshitting it the past two years and now I can't just bullshit it because there's gonna be a kid involved and I don't how to do this." He explains.
"You think I know how to do this?" I ask him, chuckling nervously, wiping the tear that starts streaming down my face.
"You're all calm and shit so I figured I was the only one worried about it."
"Are you kidding me? We barely know how to date, let alone be married or have a baby but, Nikki, no one freaking knows how to be married or have a kid. It's just something we have to figure out and we will." I shrug, sitting on the coffee table in front of him, my knees fitting between his.
"So we're basically just winging it?" He asks me, an amused little grin on his lips and his hands reach out to rub soothing circles on the sides of my legs.
"Yeah, I guess we are."
An hour later, we're walking in to the Rainbow, his arm around my shoulders as we step to the booth that Tansy, Mick, Tommy and, unsurprisingly, Sparkie, have taken hostage.
"Oh, there you are." Tansy's bright blue eyes hover over Nikki and I as she acknowledges us, causing the others at the table to look at us as well.
"Where's Vince?" I ask, scooting in by Nikki once he sits down on the other side of Sparkie.
"Beth doesn't want him around Tansy." Tommy says without thought and I furrow my brows slightly.
"Um, why?" I raise a brow, looking at Tansy as she exhales.
"Because I model naked." She replies, obviously not enjoying the conversation. "And she knows we dated and she's not okay with us being friends."
"Yeah, but that was, like, five years ago." I point out.
"Wait, you and Vince?" Sparkie interrupts, clearly unaware. "I thought it was you and Tommy?"
"You and Tommy?" Mick asks, his expression slightly grossed out.
"Damn, you're fast." Nikki chuckles out to Tansy and she rolls her eyes.
"Oh, like you guys haven't just gone through anything with a vagina." She retorts, crossing her arms. "And I was in love with Vince when we were together and Tommy and I were..." She trails off, looking at him as if asking for his help to describe what happened between them. "...very close friends." Is all she can come up with and Tommy cuts his eyes at her.
"You and Vivian are close friends. Does that mean you two have...?" Nikki playfully fits his index and middle finger between the index and middle finger of his other hand together in a scissoring motion.
Tansy and I look at each other, reading each other's minds.
"Maybe." She smirks, stirring her Coca-Cola with her straw.
"We won't confirm nor deny." I add, trying not to laugh at his and Tommy's shifting expressions.
Surely they know we're bullshitting, but they're still picturing us in the act, and seeming to enjoy it.
"Imbeciles." I mumble and hold back a chuckle as I shove at Nikki with my elbow and he snaps out of his daydream of the little blonde inches away from him, screwing me.
Tansy pops Tommy in the back of the head to get him to stop picturing it and he snaps "ow!" at her and pouts a little bit.
I forget Sparkie's here, mainly because he's zoned out completely and no longer speaking, riding the high of whatever he took prior to coming here tonight as it kicks in.
"So, tell me when this albums coming out." Tansy says to the guys, and I glance at Nikki.
"No clue but we're halfway through recording." He tells her.
"Well, I want to hear the new music." She informs him and I scoff.
"He won't let me listen to anything until it's finished." I tell her.
"Oh, c'mon, that's not fair. We're supposed to have special privileges that include hearing what you guys are working on. We don't care if it's not finished or perfected." She argues.
"Show us your tits and we'll think about it." Tommy jokes halfway, and Mick hits him in the back of the head this time. "Ow!" He bursts out again and Nikki and I unapologetically chuckle at his discomfort.
We stay at the Rainbow and Tansy and I order food while the guys start their never ending round of booze until it's time for us to leave.
As always, a few girls recognized Mick, Tommy and Nikki, and covered our bill completely.
We step out of the bar and grill and listen as Sparkie makes a suggestion that I'm not entirely sure about.
"All the blow, booze and babes you can imagine." He says as he nudges Tommy with his elbow. "I mean beautiful bitches that do whatever and whoever the fuck you tell them to do." He adds. "It's gonna be awesome." He finishes off telling us about some wild party one of his friends is supposed to be having tonight, wanting Tommy and Nikki to come with him and Tansy.
"Well, baby, Viv's pregnant. She doesn't need to be around all that." Tansy tells him.
"Did I say anything about her coming?" He asks, laughing at her ignorance.
"Yeah, the one responsible one isn't invited." I mumble under my breath and only Nikki hears me, looking at me with a little smile.
"Don't get me wrong, hun, you're a hoot and all but all you do is drink water and stay in the corner like a little angel." Sparkie looks at me as he speaks.
"Nah, don't let her deceive you. She's got two little horns under all this hair," Nikki tries to lighten up the angry tension rolling off of me, his hand resting at the crown of my head, his fingers sifting through my hair. "They're red so they just blend in with the color, is all."
"Thank you." I mouth to him instead of rolling my eyes at Sparkie's response that I don't hear because I'm distracted by Nikki, who leans down and presses a sloppy but brief kiss on my lips as we step down the pavement of the sidewalk.
"I go, Viv goes." Tommy states.
"I guess she can come with us." Sparkie doesn't sound enthused as now it's Tommy who's giving me an unamused look at the man's words.
It's clear that Sparkie doesn't realize that he has to pry Tommy off my leg, like a child being dropped off for their first day of school, because ever since I've returned from New York he's rarely let me be separated from him unless it's when I'm going home to go to bed. I've come to the conclusion that our closeness is possibly unhealthy, however, it's the healthiest unhealthy habit that Tommy Lee currently has, so I'm not going to complain about it.
By the time we've decided we're going to this magical party with endless sins, Tommy got ahold of Vince at a payphone and he's out of Beth's grip long enough to go with us.
None of us are exactly sure where we are once we actually get to this place after figuring out who's driving who.
Not that anyone seems to care once we actually get inside the high dollar mansion because it's an actual raunch fest.
"Holy shit." Tommy, Vince, Nikki and even Mick all seem to have a synchronized mind because they all say it at the same time the second we step inside.
Every girl in here is naked, any of the ones with clothes on are dressed in obvious, absurdly over-done fetish costumes and there's one for any type of preference any one of these shitfaced men have.
There's a bizarre energy created by incredibly random "artwork" consisting of construction paper plastered with hot-glued on styrofoam, used condoms and what appears to be genital jewelry that create abstract images, and paintings used with various tones of peculiar looking paint.
Sparkie sees me and Nikki staring at one of paintings in the long hallway before stating, casually, "it's cum with food coloring in it."
It doesn't take me long to realize this is a glorified crack den.
The bitter smell of boiled cocaine burns at my lungs slightly because there's freebasing happening in the kitchen as we pass by.
Loud moans and sounds of sex rattle blatantly through the house and echo from above our heads from different rooms upstairs containing orgies that are sprinkled with different flavors of kink.
It's crowded in here, people scattered on the floors, couches, counters, tables, stairs and anywhere else they can sit comfortably and do their drugs, drink their alcohol and screw around.
"I need to pee." I say to Nikki over the loud New Wave music that's blaring, my hand keeping its steel grip on his arm.
"Hey, Sparkler, is there a bathroom?" He asks Sparkie and he pulls away from Tansy's tongue laced kiss to reply.
"Upstairs, man." Is all he gives us before going back to her.
Vince and Tommy are long gone, probably trying to get some coke and hook up with one of the pretty naked girls parading around from person to person.
I stay glued to Nikki as we push past people to get to the spiral stairs.
We're dodging people who're reaching out to touch us every now and then in their hallucinogenic states of mind.
"Jesus Christ." Nikki hisses, stopping me before I step on a needle that's sticking straight up in the shag carpet upstairs before I risk getting one of my exposed toes pricked.
Once we get upstairs, he's opening every door, looking for a bathroom.
I keep my eyes on the floor to avoid seeing anything I don't want to see, and I'm glad I do because every door he opens results in a "oops sorry" from him, over the sound of immense pleasure and other sound effects before he shuts the door back. The fourth door he opens is a pretty big bathroom and he tells me, "it's safe," before he actually fathoms if it is or not. By the time I look up and see a naked blonde girl sitting on the edge of the tub getting eaten out by a guy while another naked blonde hovers over the first one's face with her legs spread.
"Nikki!" I squeeze my eyes shut and burry my face in to the leather of his jacket as he laughs and closes the door.
"Sorry, just wanted to see you get all frustrated." He admits, brushing some of his teased black hair from his eyes.
"Well, it worked." I roll my eyes and he smirks, proud of himself.
He opens the next door and looks inside, another group sexcapade is taking place in there but he looks at me instead of just shutting the door.
"It's the master bedroom. And I think there's a bathroom in there." He tells me and I raise my brows.
"I am not walking through the land of vaginal secretion and ball sweat." I argue. "I'll go pee in the yard."
"It's not that bad in there. I've seen worse." He shrugs and I look at him, not budging. "Why the fuck are you so stubborn?"
Before I can answer he's picking me up bridal style, stepping through said "land of vaginal secretion and ball sweat" to get to the bathroom.
I keep my eyes closed but hear every moan, sticky sound of skin against skin and anything wet sliding together and try not to throw up at the god awful stench of expired sex and...toothpaste?
I don't open my eyes until Nikki's shut the bathroom door and I sigh with relief that it's empty, though there are signs it was recently used in some odd way.
"This dude was using toothpaste as lube in this one chick's ass." Nikki whisper yells and I twist my face in confusion.
"Toothpaste has no slip to it, though." I state, hiking my skirt up and crouching over the toilet seat.
Nikki notices, leaned against the door, and chuckles.
"Are you squatting?" He asks.
"I'm avoiding an infection." I say, grabbing toilet paper that's surprisingly present, wiping. "Unless you want to eat infected pussy." I flush the toilet and stand up to pull my skirt down and wash my hands.
"Eh, wouldn't be the first time." He shrugs and I glare at him. "You're always shoving your tongue down my throat so really, when you think about it, you've also eaten infected pussy."
"Shut up!" I laugh but feel grossed out at the same time.
"You ready to go join the party or not?" He grins, nodding his head to the door and I groan a little.
"Can we just stay locked in here? Sparkle's getting on my nerves." I purposely butcher Sparkie's name the way Nikki did earlier and he laughs.
"Yeah, he's kind of an asshole, huh?"
"Tansy scraped the bottom of a barrel and brought the gunk she collected to L.A." I tell him, crossing my arms.
"If I can't knock his teeth in, you can't." He reminds me and I step to him to get to the door.
We finally get back downstairs and Tommy seeks us out the second he sees us.
"Dude, c'mon!" He grabs at Nikki, who drags me with him as Tommy leads him to an array of naked girls, a bag of pills, a mountain of cocaine and a full bottle of Jack Daniels waiting for him on one of the packed out couches.
When he goes to sit down, he pulls me down to sit on his lap, opening the whiskey and taking a giant gulp of it.
I watch him carefully, studying and memorizing everything about him the best that I can as if this will all be over in a flash.
"What is it?" He asks me after he catches me staring at him, a drop of Jack dribbling down his chin as hazel eyes look at me with the curiosity of a little boy who's on the brink of having the world.
I love you.
I want to say what's never been spoken between us, but instead all I can manage to do is lean down and kiss him.