Chapter Song: Anna Clendening
"Liam why can't you just own up and tell her?" I rolled my eyes at him.
He was leaning against the counter in Riley's kitchen staring at Hayden and Riley who were across the room. It was hard to push Liam to share his feelings when we were practically the same in that department.
At the same time, my brother shouldn't be miserable around her. Maybe it would be better next year. He might move on to another girl. Maybe it was just that she was around so much he started becoming attracted to her.
"Ken you know I can't," he groaned. He tilted his head back taking a long swig of his beer.
"You've known her your whole life. Why not? It's not like she's a stranger," I poked his chest.
"That's exactly why I can't do that kind of stuff. It's easier when it's a stranger because you might not see them again. Riley will probably come over for dinner tomorrow if she sleeps through pancake breakfast."
"But you guys are friends! You know each other and get along so well! Just do it," I groaned.
He began to look at me with a calculated expression. He took another drink before he spoke again. "Look how that worked out for the last two friends who admitted their feelings to each other." There was malice in his voice.
"Ouch," I said. His words did hurt there was no deny it. I knew it was all over my face.
"Ken, you know I didn't mean it," all of his serious demeanor melted away. He tried reaching out for me but I shrugged him off.
I slowly backed away from him giving him a nod. I went into the living room and grabbed Riley's hand. I began to dance with her since I think Hayden went to go grab a drink or find his boyfriend.
We danced our worries away with each passing song. We talked a little bit about what we should all do for spring break. None of us were sure but we wanted to do something fun.
Ty brought up the cabin but I was a little nervous to go back. I still got the occasional nightmare about the last time we were there.
I shuddered at the thought snapping me back to reality. I quickly looked around the room. It's not that I was looking for anything in particular, just trying to be aware of my surroundings.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a mop of deep brown curls make their way outside. I whispered to Riley that I would be back and shuffled along.
"Hey is everything okay," I asked shutting the front door behind me.
In front of me, Cal sat on the front porch steps staring off into the night. I remembered this was us last year but he came and spoke to me. Funny how things turn around.
"Yeah," he sniffed. His back was still to me so I sat next to him. He was gazing down at his hands unable to meet my eyes.
"Hey what's going on?" I asked him again wrapping my arms around his waist. I hoped that he would turn around and do the same to me but he didn't.
I'm not even sure if he registered my touch but I just needed him to know that I was here for him.
"Do you wanna talk or sit down?" I whispered.
"You know how my dad moved out?" I nodded. "Well he made me go to dinner with him and his new family," he wiped his nose again laughing to himself before continuing.
"Turns out it was Natalie's mom he was having an affair with and that's why they moved to town," he let out an actual laugh this time that let the tears fall.
I stood up on my tip-toes so I could wipe his tears away. He wouldn't look me in the eyes still but he grabbed my hands and intertwined his fingers.
"Oh no," I mumbled. "Did she know?"
"No," he shook his head trying to rid himself of all the emotions but it didn't do anything. I pulled him into my arms and held him.
"I'm sorry I just really needed to get out of there," he whispered into my hair. "And my best friend."
Even though he was the one that needs consoling he was stroking my hair. It was soothing even if it wasn't on purpose.
"Did you want me to grab Liam or Ty?" I whispered. This got him to laugh a real deep belly laugh.
"No dummy. I mean you," he sniffed. "Thanks for coming out here. I'm surprised you noticed."
"I'm always going to be your best friend first," I pulled away assuring him I was serious. "But also I was looking around hoping you would come dance with me or just hang out with me. You know cute Valentine's stuff," I booped his nose.
"Sorry I ruined it," he shrugged trying to smile. "I guess I'm not a very good Valentine's date huh?"
"Don't apologize. Your feelings are important. Besides, you're the best date." I wiped away a few stray tears again. "Did you want to go home?"
"I don't know yet. I think I wanna stay out here for a bit."
"Did you want to be alone?"
"I'd like you to stay out here. Only if you want to," he gave me a little nudge with his thigh.
"I would love to sit here with you. But only if you hold me because it's chilly," I shivered snuggling in close to him.
No matter what we were always going to be there for each other. We always had each other's backs.
"Thank you," he gave me a small smile leaning his head against mine as we stared into the dark.
"She's also pregnant with my dad's kid and still married," he said.
"No!" I gasped unable to actually believe it. That was scandalous.
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Wild right?"
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault my dad's a prick, Parker."
It wasn't but that didn't mean I couldn't feel for him. I know what it was like to have a parent walk out on you and start over.
"I know but at least he still wants to be in your life. I'm not saying he has to be either. But if you wanted him to be a part of it you could."
"How'd you do it? How'd you just not let her back in?" He looked at me with curious eyes. "Your mom."
How did I do it?
"I don't know," I shrugged. "I guess I was just angry for so long that when I talked to her I finally let go of the hope I didn't know I was holding onto.
I mean when I was little I was wished she would come back. Like she just took the wrong turn on the way home, but I was lying to myself. I guess I just wanted to be wanted by someone who was supposed to want me. But they didn't even know me."
"Wow," he looked at me impressed. "Can I be honest?"
"When aren't you," I laughed shoving him a little bit.
"Anyone who can't see how amazing you are, or even the rest of your family, they are the ones who are missing out. Not you."
He gave me a small smile and played with my hand. I couldn't help but admire the creases in his cheeks when he smiled or his dimple. For once he looked so careless.
"Thank you," I smiled giving his hand a small squeeze. "You know McCormick I can't tell you what to do about this. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but it's okay if you want to see him and it's okay if you don't. It doesn't mean you're a bad or better person."
"Then what does it make me?" He asked. His curiously was genuine. After a few beats, I finally said "I think it makes you human."
"Feel what you have to feel. If you cut him out of your life that is your call to make. No one else's. And don't let anyone make you feel guilty for whatever choice you make. Okay?"
"Okay."
We sat in silence for a while. Occasionally bumping each other's thighs to say we were still there. Fumbling with our fingers. Somehow we played thumb war casually without getting worked up. Even when I won, but I think he let me.
"Do you think we're gonna be alright?" He nudged me once more. I appreciated that we could sit in comfortable silence. It was peaceful being able to share that with someone.
"Honestly who knows," I threw my hands on my lap dramatically.
"I mean with our friends it's a miracle we are the way we are," he joined in on my joke.
"How you're going to deal with Liam for the next four years is beyond me," I laughed. He sat a little straighter at that. "But someone has to do it."
We talked here and there about us going different directions but tried not to focus on it too much. It was a sore subject between either of us.
"We're going to be alright," he said again. It sounded more as if he was speaking to himself and not about Liam.
"Yeah," I sighed leaning into him. I wrapped my arms tightly around him holding him close. "I think we'll be alright, McCormick."
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Hello! I hope you are enjoying these few chapters! I'll try to get more up this week! :)
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