845 is the year when I knew what I needed to do and set it in stone. It wasn't the first time I've seen bloodshed or had my home taken from me, but it was the first time I've seen a titan. It was the first time I've seen what they could do. It was the first time I was overwhelmed with such a colossal amount of hatred and rage. I will never forget it.
"Evie!" I turned to the familiar voice of my best friend, Leandra Russo. She'd been my best friend for as long as I could remember honestly. Leandra ran towards me with her peach colored hair tied in a bun atop her head with her iconic red hair ribbon, not trailing too far back was her twin brother Leon looking as annoyed as ever with his sisters antics. "What are you doing here? You didn't come by the shop today and we didn't see you when the Scouts left." She asked after glomping me.
"I-"
"Would you give her some breathing room, Lea? Maybe Evely wanted to be alone today." Leon stated giving Lea a sidelong glare.
"It's not-"
Lea gasped and immediately released me from her embrace. "Is that true, Evie? Are you getting tired of us?"
"No, it's not like that! I was just thinking about my mom a lot today, that's all." I finally was able to get out after being interrupted twice. "You guys are my only friends, why would I get tired of you?"
Leon scoffed, brushing his peach blonde hair out of his face. "Who said we were friends. I'm only here to make sure Lea doesn't do something stupid."
"Yeah, sure." Lea rolled her eyes. "I'm not a baby so I don't need a sitter. You come cause you think Evie's cute."
I raised my brow at that. This is the first time I'm hearing this. Leon's seafoam green eyes widened and his cheeks began to flare up, his pale skin making it obvious he was blushing. "What are you talking about? I never said that! And you definitely are a baby!"
"You did say it! You talk in your sleep all the time! Just admit it already! And if I'm a baby then so are you, we're exactly the same age!"
"I'm older than you in maturity... And by a few seconds." Leon mumbled, completely ignoring the first part of Lea's accusation.
"What?! That's not an excuse!" She argued, being easily side tracked.
It was always amusing watching their sibling arguments. It made me envy them a little, wishing I had a brother or sister. Someone other than just my dad at least. Lea and Leon had each other plus their aunt and uncle who owned a bakery here. They came from Wall Sina to watch over them. Their parents were in the Survey Corps. They told me when we first met how since their parents died in the line of action, they wanted to join and continue their legacy. Their aunt and uncle were obviously highly against it.
When they told me that, I supported them. As dangerous as it might be, the Survey Corps are the only ones brave enough to venture outside the walls and face the titans. Everyone inside the walls, no matter if it's here or farther in, everyone is just sitting in a cage like prey. Just waiting to be picked off. I wanted to join as well, I needed to see what was outside of the walls; for her.
A flash of my mother's face crossed my mind and made me wince.
"Hey," Lea put her hand on my shoulder. "you okay?"
I clutched my head, nodding. "Yeah, just thinking too much." I winced in pain again, but this time from being smacked on the head by Leon.
"Then stop thinking, dummy."
I rolled my eyes at the boy. "Wow, what great advice."
"Hey! You can't just put your hands on Evie like that!" Lea screamed in her brother's face. She is always quick to come to my defense when it came to Leon.
"And why not?" Leon yawned. "We're friends, right? Besides, shouldn't she be saying something about it, not you?"
I noticed a spark in Lea's identical aquamarine eyes as she smirked evilly. "Or, you like touching her." Simultaneously both Leon's and my face began to burn. "Yeah, I bet you-"
"Leandra!" I barked. "I think that's enough of-" Halfway through my sentence, bells started ringing from the center of town. We knew what it meant, sharing the same gleam in our eyes.
Without hesitation, we darted through the crowds to get past the square. All three of us eager to see the returning Wings of Freedom. By the time we got there, a even larger crowd than the ones we ran through was blocking our view.
"I can't see anything!" Lea exclaimed, flailing her arms around.
I crouched on the ground before her. "Get on my back and tell me what you see!" With a grin, she climbed on my back and stretched her neck out as far as possible- if her struggling and kicking in my arms was anything to go by. "Anything?"
"No. We're still too short! I'm gonna hop on your shoulders!" She replied.
I blinked hard. "Wai- Oof!" Before I could finish my sentence or prepare myself, Lea had already thrown her full weight on top of my head while swinging her leg onto my shoulder. "Lea, we're gonna fall!" I shrieked as she attempted to toss her other leg on my shoulder but I wasn't balanced enough to hold her up because of the fact she didn't give me enough time to brace myself.
"Evie, stand up straight!"
"I can't, you're too heavy!"
She gasped at that. "Are you calling me fat?!"
We collapsed to the ground unceremoniously, Lea sprawled out across my back and making it difficult for me to breathe. "Lea," I managed to get out. "Get. Off."
The green eyed girl huffed on top of me. "No, embrace my fatness." A wooden crate plopped down in front of us, making us look up to see Leon with a raised brow.
"Get up, both of you. You look ridiculous." Lea jumped up and hopped up on the crate. I pushed myself up, finally catching my breath. Leon reached his hand out to help me up which I gratefully took. "You two are helpless."
I stuck my tongue out at him. "Am not, but Lea on the other hand..." I paused to hear her response as I looked over at her but she was oddly silent.
I thought she'd be smiling with joy at the sight of the Scouts but her mouth had slightly opened and her eyes wide in shock. I noticed Leon had dragged over two other crates for us and he was already on top of one, his expression not drastically changed but I can see he was just as disturbed.
I climbed onto the last crate and reeled my neck to see over the adults shoulders but when I got a clear view, I could see why Leon and Lea had looked like that. The Scouts that had departed earlier today had returned severely dwindling in numbers, not to mention severely injured.
"Moses! Where is my son, he should be with you all." The walking soldiers stopped due to the front where a lady had stopped the commander. "Please tell me he made it."
The commander gave her a grim look, as if it weren't grim already. "Wish I had better news, give it to her." The man standing beside him had his left eye bandaged also carried a white bundle in his arms stained a dark red. I couldn't drag my eyes away from it as he handed it over to the elderly woman. She rapidly began unwrapping the bundle only to reveal an arm that sent the woman in tears. "I'm sorry, it's all that was left of him..."
The woman crumbled to the ground, clutching what was left of her son's arm and sobbing. "He-He did good, yes? He was brave? Tell me my son stood his ground to the bitter end, that his death meant something! Tell me his sacrifice gave us a better chance!"
After a moment of silence, the commander found his voice again. "He was brave! But... his sacrifice meant nothing. So with all our losses, it's ever the same. The day was lost and we have nothing! Your son died because of me! I sent him to his death, I sent all of them to their deaths and there's nothing to show for it! All of it amounts to nothing!"
By the time he finished, he had tears streaming down his face exactly like the old lady before him who he just confessed to. Suddenly, I was yanked by my arm off the crate and being dragged off by Leon.
"What are you doing?" I questioned, annoyed I was being handled like this.
He didn't look back at me.
"We're done here." Beside me was Lea also being dragged along by Leon with his other hand. One of her hands covered her mouth and she had tears pouring out of her eyes uncontrollably.
Is this how they found out about their parents?
I didn't protest any further, I just let Leon lead us away.
We ended up in one of the fields near their home. For a long time, no one said anything as we sat under a tree. There was only the distant chatter of people, the birds chirping above us and Lea sobbing right next to us. Eventually, her sobs died down into sniffles and Leon stood up.
"Is this what you want still, Lea?" Leon suddenly asked.
There was a long moment of silence.
"It's always the same... More and more people keep going out there and less than half come back every time. Nothing changes." She finally said quietly. "We need to change things. If they won't do something, we will- I will. Our parents didn't die for nothing, I'll make sure of that." Lea wiped her face before looking up at Leon who's expression was hard as stone. "So yes, I still want to do it."
They stared at each other for another moment before Leon turned his gaze towards me. "And you, Evie? After what you just saw, you still want to do it too?"
I stared up at the green eyed boy. I don't have the same motives as them, but I...
"I do... I don't want to be locked behind walls for the rest of my life. Even if the world beyond the walls is dangerous... Seeing the outside world is worth the risk to me. Living in this cage... Isn't really living at all, I need to know what's out there." I wanna know what Mom wanted to see. Why did she pay the price for it?
Leon sighed. "What am I gonna do with you two...?"
"Leon, Leandra!" We turned to the shrill voice of their aunt to see her waving across the field.
"That's our cue." Leon said, scratching the back of his neck. He looked down at his sister. "Come on, clean your face up. I don't want Aunt Gladys thinking I did something to you to make you cry." Lea rubbed her face harshly as she stood up.
"Shut up, stupid." She turned to me and gave me a hug. "See ya later, Evie." I watched them both walk towards their aunt before I decided to make my way to the tavern where my dad worked at.
I wandered through the doors, carefully weaving through the drunken staggering men til I reached behind the bar where I found my dad pouring a mug for a patron. He didn't notice I was standing there until he turned around with money in hand.
"Oh, hey pup, what're you doing here? You know this ain't a place for kids." Calling me pup was his way of making a joke on our name.
I shrugged. "I don't know what else to do."
My dad shuffled around looking for another mug to serve someone else after putting the money away. "I thought you'd be with your friends?"
"They had to go home." I answered as I stared at the ground. My dad didn't say anything after that, just continued to pour drinks for local drunks and the Garrison. "I miss mom." I blurted out which he must've heard because he instantly dropped the bottle of alcohol he was holding as if he lost all motor functions.
The bottle shattered on contact with the floor, drawing the attention of most, if not all, the customers there. My father glanced around, shaggy caramel hair falling over his eyes as he realized a moment after its happened. He waved them off saying it was nothing to be worried about and how there was still plenty of alcohol. He got another employee to come over as he walked me outside.
He crouched down in front of me so that we were at eye level. "Listen Evie, I know you miss your mother. I miss her too..." Suddenly, he pulled me into a hug. "I miss her so much. You look just like her... I know things are hard but everything will be okay, I swear. " He squeezed me tightly before releasing me and going into his inner coat pocket. "I got something for ya." I watched curiously as he pulled out a small book with a brown leather cover and a strap to secure it. "I used it for a long time but now I hardly touch it unless I write a note or two in it to remember something. Your mother... She gave me this a long time ago, as a gift. I think you would make better use of it now. What d'you think?"
I slowly took the journal from him and as I opened my mouth to say something, the ground shook violently to the point my father was knocked off balance and I was tossed to the ground completely. The leather journal fell from my grasp a few feet from me as I fell and the side of my head collided against the concrete.
"Evie, you okay?" I heard my father ask as he grabbed my arms to lift me up. Suddenly he stopped. I was holding my head in pain before I reeled around to look at my dad but instead my attention was drawn to the smoke that gathered at the gate as my dad's were.
Atop of the wall was a large amount of smoke as if canons were fired but then I saw it. A gigantic hand that was red with muscle tissue clutching the wall that I'm sure is 50 meters high... And the head peeked over the wall. No skin on it's face which made it that much more horrifying of a sight.
No way... Is that... a titan?
I had never seen one before. I heard all about them but never have I seen them with my own eyes.
"Dad...? What's going on...?" I managed to get out slowly. Then another harsh tremble sounded, followed by boulders of all sizes flying through the air and smashing into houses everywhere. I quickly snatched the journal off the ground as my father seemed to snap out of his trance and grab my arm, dragging me inside the tavern again.
He tried to warn everyone inside that the titans are getting inside Shiganshina but no one really listened to him at first. They're drunk, why would they care? I couldn't believe it still and I've seen what that titan just did. I was in utter shock. The notebook held against my chest as the only sense of security I have as of this moment.
Is this it? Is this the end for us?
My thoughts were interrupted by the multiple distant rumbles of the earth that all fell into their own patterns. I hadn't noticed at first that everyone had fallen silent as I turned towards the door. Those are footsteps...
I was once again being hauled behind my dad as he ran outside. It wasn't until we got out there that we can hear that screams of people all around us. I looked back to see titans everywhere of all sizes and shapes rummaging through Shiganshina. I watched with wide eyes in utter fear as one skinny titan that had short orange hair and a large nose easily grabbed a woman, like it was picking flowers, that screamed at the top of her lungs for someone to save her. The titan simply tossed her in its mouth lazily, getting her whole body in its mouth except for her legs. I watched without blinking as her legs kicked with as much force she could muster before the titan slammed his mouth shut and her two legs went flying in separate directions, blood spraying everywhere.
I wasn't paying attention at all to where my dad lead us. Every time I turned my head, it was the same. Someone getting snatched up by a hunger-driven titan with mindless eyes and getting eaten. Sometimes whole, sometimes piece by piece. They all chewed with their mouths open or they just swallowed at once. They still all left behind evidence of the residents that lived here, with remains of their body or with their blood. I felt like I wasn't here anymore, I couldn't feel my legs running or understand what my dad was saying as we darted around buildings. I couldn't hear my thoughts or feelings my heartbeat. I couldn't feel the cold sweat on my face or how clammy my dad's hand had grown around mine, or if it was my hand that was clammy and not his. I couldn't help but wonder where Lea and Leon were right now.
I didn't pay attention to reality again until I ran face first into my dad's back. He had stopped running and I took a peek around him to find out why. A titan was in our path. A fairly short one in comparison to the others around. It had thin hair falling to its shoulders but a large bald spot atop its head. Notably small features and sunken eyes but nonetheless had its sights set on my father and I.
I blinked and took a step backwards, not wanting to be near it or give it time to react. My father mirrored my movements and suddenly made a mad dash down an alley. As expected, the titan followed us. Walking through the houses we ran in between.
"We have to make it to the other gate!" I heard my father say, I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or towards himself.
We finally got to the center road that leads straight to the gate. However, we also lead the titan chasing us there. Ahead, I could see the Garrison had set out the canons to shoot down any oncoming titans, like now. My vision blurred momentarily and my head throbbed, making me want to clutch onto the side of my head but I had no free hand.
"Don't look back, Evie! We'll be okay! We're almost there!"
The soldiers loaded up the canons but I could feel my heart rising into my throat as the footfalls of the titan grow louder as it started catching up. What if they're too late? What if they miss and hit us? What if-
"Fire!"
The canons were a few yards in front of us, close enough to see the cannonball inside of it. My father threw himself on the ground, his shoulder scraping against the concrete and rubble as he grabbed me to shield me from the fall as the boom sounded from the canon. I peeked over his shoulder to see the canon had indeed hit the balding titan right in the face, releasing smoke as it fell to its knees.
"Reload the canon! You there! Get to the boats now!" One of the Garrison soldiers yelled. My father quickly brought us both to our feet and we made another run through the gates. On the other side, there were several boats and crowds entering on each one. I'd never seen so many people at once.
My head pounded again and my vision blurred, making me lose my balance and fall out of my father's grasp. "Are you okay? Come on, we're right there."
He pulled me to my feet again and we ran a bit more, people around us were running towards the boats and I can still hear the distant screams we'd left behind. An extremely loud tremble made us stop however. We turned to see the gate we had just passed through had also been breached. More boulders came flying and crashing down around us. One boulder that was just as large as the titan that chased us down was headed straight for us. Suddenly, I was pulled and shoved ahead by my father, knocking me off my feet. I didn't understand what he was doing but the terrified look in his grey eyes that mirrored my own reddish eyes told me everything. He wasn't coming with me.
"Keep movin'!"
The boulder crushed my father under its weight and size along with my heart in an instant. I crawled towards the boulder, only being able to see his hand protruding out with a pool of dark liquid surrounding it. "Dad...?"
This isn't real.
I repeated it in my head like a mantra but I knew that truth. He's not coming with me.
"Hey, can you stand up?" I was grabbed by a soldier. His patch was that of the rose, indicating he was apart of the Garrison. "You have to run to the boat, come on!"
The soldier pulled me by my arm, as my father did to get us here, and ran towards the boats. I ran, but I couldn't feel it. I was numb. I craned my neck around to see the boulder and my father's hand still lying limp there. My heart heavy in my throat and my chest empty. My nails dug into the leather book my father had given me just moments before hell came upon us as tears pooled at my eyes threatening to spill over. I didn't even hug him back before. Beyond the boulder, I could see the hole in the gate and a single titan standing there. It wasn't like the other titans that pillaged Shiganshina. It didn't have pupils and it almost looked... Mechanic to me. That was the one that bulldozed through the gate. I could hear my heart pounding again, growing louder with each beat until it was deafening. That's the one that sent the boulder flying that killed my dad. The tears I wanted to fight back had won and streamed down my adolescent face. Fueled by despair and rage.
I'm gonna destroy it, even if it kills me.