I HAD T GET OUT OF MY PARNETS HOUSE .I CAME HOME REALLY LATE AND I GUESS THEY SEEN ME ON THE CAMREAS . AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A BAR AND DRUNK . SO THIS MORNING THEY MADE ME MOVE INTO THEIR HOUSE WHO KNOWS IF I EVER WILL GET BACK TO MY OWN SPACE . BUT I LEFT EARLY I TOLD THEM I HAD A SCHOOL THING WHICH IS A LIE . I JUST WALK SLOWLY . IT MAKES NO SENSE I WAS SO CLOSE TO HAVING IT ALL , FINALLY TOLD HER HOW I FELT AND SHE DOES TOO . WE WAS GOING TO BE TOGATHER . I HIT THE FENCE AS I WALK INTO THE SMALL BASEBALL FILED . MY MIND TAKES ME BACK TO THE NIGHT I BRUNG MIA HERE . SHE WAS A LITTLE DRUNK AND SHE GIGGLED A LOT . SHE WOULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED THEN HOW I FELT FOR HER , AND EVEN THOUGH I DID FEEL THAT WAY EVEN THEN I COULD NEVER DREAM HOW I WOULD EVEN FEEL MORE FOR HER NOW . I FELL FOR HER IN A BIG WAY AND REALLY QUICKLY . I SEE A ME AS YOUNG BOY PLAYING BALL . THAT BRINGS A SMILE ON MY FACE .NOW IT IS MORE COMPLICATED MY FATHER PRESSERING ME ABOUT COLLAGE . I CAN'T THINK NOT WHILE MY HEART IS BREAKING . I BEEN THREW A LOT SINCE I HAD FELL FOR WHICH I AM NOT QUITE SURE WHEN IT WAS MAYBE I ALWAYS WAS . BUT I KNOW WHERE I NEED TO GO TO FEEL BETTER TO GET SOME CLAIRITY AND IT IS NOT A BAR
................... I WALK OUT OF THE CHURCH THE WIND BLOWS AND IT FEELS LIKE A NEW DAY . AFTER TALKING TO FR. EMILO I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER . I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING I DID NOT METION MIA NAME . I EVEN TOLD HIM ABOUT ME SLEEPING WITH NINA . HIS WORDS WERE KIND AND NOT JUDGEMENTAL . HE TOLD ME TO BE PAITNCE . I EVEN TOLD HIM ABOUT THE PRAYER I SAID AND I GAVE THE SITUATION TO GOD . THE FACT WE GOT TOGATHER BUT THEN WE HAD THAT BIG FIGHT . BUT FR. EMILO HELPED ME TO REALIZE THAT IT WAS RIGHT TO LET MY FEELINGS SHOW AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO STOP LETTING THEM SHOW . BUT I NEED TO NOT GIVE UP . NOT GIVE UP ON HER , NOT GIVE UP ON WHAT WE HAVE ,NOT GIVE UP ON US . IF I AM HONSET TO MYSELF DEEP DOWN I NEVER BELIEVE I WILL EVER GIVE UP I MAY NOT BELIEVE IT WILL HAPPEN ,BUT I WONT GIVE UP THESES FEELINGS . I COULD NOT IF I TRIED . SO THE WALK FROM THE CHURCH TO THE SCHOOL WAS PEACEFUL . UNTIL MY PHONE RINGS ITS FROM MARCO I HAVE NOT TALK TO THIS GUY IN FOREVER .
I ANSWER AND HEAR HIM SAY ( MAX I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY PROMLEMS RUINED YOUR LIFE AGAIN .) WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HE TALKING ABOUT .
(MARCO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT . ) I YELL INTO THE PHONE .
( YOUR TEXTED ME LAST NIGHT IT WAS HARSH . ) HE SAYS LOUDLY
(HOLD ON ) I DEMAND I LOOK AT MY PHONE TO MY TEXTS SURE ENOUGH I DID TEXT HIM DRUNK TEXT AT THAT .
( IT IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WITH NINA YOUR MISTAKE KEEPS COMING BACK AND BITEING ME ) I SAY
( PLEASE JUST TELL ME I HAVE TRIED TO CHANGE I REALIZE HOW BEFORE COULD HAVE MESSED THINGS UP BUT NOW IT BEEN SO LONG AGO .)
HE BEGS ( DOES LEE KNOW ?) HE QUESTIONS AND I HEAR THE DESAPRATE NEED IN HIS VOICE TO KNOW .
SO I DEDCIDE TO TELL HIM . (NO LEE DON'T KNOW HIS SISTER . ) I SAY
(OH WELL IS SHE GOING TO TELL ?) HE ASKS IN A PANIC
( NO SHE WILL NOT TELL .) I REPLY
( WELL IT JUST RUIN THINGS FOR ME AND HER .) I SAY
( OH PLEASE LIKE YOU HAD A CHANCE ) HE LAUGHS .
I JUST HANG UP AFTER HIS MEAN REMARK . I THINK FOR A SECOUND COULD HE BE RIGHT . BUT MARCO DON'T KNOW , HE DON'T SEE THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT ME , OR HOW SHE KISSES ME LIKE I AM THE ONLY ONE SHE EVER WANTS TO KISS . HE DON'T KNOW HOW WE HAVE OPENED UP TO EACHOTHER OR SHE GETS ME LIKE NO ONE ELSE . I ADMIT SHE IS OUT OF MY LEAUGE ,BUT MARCO DON'T KNOW HOW WE FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER , YES AT 1ST MAYBE I WAS A PHASE TO HER ,BUT I KNOW THE FEELING WE HAVE ARE REAL . AND MARCO CAN LAUGH ALL HE WANTS . I KNOW WHAT WE HAD OR WHAT WE HAVE OR CAN HAVE . THE THOUGHT COMES TO MIND THAT MARCO WAS MIA 1ST KISS . THAT THAT MAKES ME WANNA HURL . I KNOW STILL IT WAS NOT LIKE WHAT WE HAVE . I AM SURE SHE STILL HOLD A TORCH FOR HER AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM . BUT I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS FOR ME IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME . BUT I WILL HAVE TO BE PACEINET . I CAN DO THIS . THER IS NO OTHER WAY IF I WANT HER I WILL BE PACEINET AND BESIDES I COULDN'T BE WITH ANYONE ELSE EVEN IF I WANTED TO I HAVE A ONE TRACK HEART AND IT IS SET ON MIA DRAYS . AS I WALK UP THE STEPS I THINK ABOUT WHAT WILL I SAY WHEN I SEE HER ,BUT I KNOW I WILL NOT SEE HER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM EARLY FOR SCHOOL . I OPEN THE HEAVY DOOR TO SIGHT SO BEAUTIFUL ,IT IS MIA WALKING WHEN HER EYES MEET MINE SHE STOPS IN HER TRACKS ,I KNOW I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING SO , I WALK TOWARD ,SAYING SLIENTLY OVER IN MY MIND NOT TO GIVE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!