Retrouvaille

to the girl i miss the most.

11/18
81 days. 81 days ago i confessed that i was in love with you, because you told me you were in love with me too. it was crazy. i could've never believed it. a secret kept for so long. sometimes i wish it would've been a secret for a little longer, only so i could love you with no limits. you. you were my breath of fresh air. you were the last thing i'd ever think would save my life. you were mine. every single part of you belonged to me, and i belonged to you. i belong to you. i met you, and it was like every part of myself fell back together again. every missing piece found its way, every crevice and shattered spot mended, filled with love. i looked at you and i felt nothing but hope. hope that i would spend my life with you. hope that there was no possible way you could fall out of love with me, not after those promises you made...right? i woke up each day with a smile on my face and a love so intense that my heart bursted with anticipation every moment it could. you were there. right here. my love. you were so close to me even with a thousand miles between us. you were what i needed. what i wanted. what i want. you are. there is not a thing that could replace you. slowly, the time between us got longer, the distance greater. you, my angel, were not there anymore. minutes turned to hours turned to days turned to weeks turned to months of losing you. i knew i was, i know i have. i felt you slipping away from me and all i could do was try my best to be there. i tried to fix you but i knew i couldn't. i tried to remind you why you fell in love with me in the first place. i wasn't meant to lose you, and my heart cannot accept it. every single night i am broken. every single second of every day i feel irreparable. you promised me. you told me you wanted me forever, and then you didn't. and that's what i have to live with, being madly in love with a girl who doesn't think about me. madly in love with a girl who forgot. madly in love with a girl who wanted me until she had me. madly in love with you. you. i hope you're reading this. i only hope so because i miss you and part of me holds onto the fact that maybe, just maybe you still check on me even when you don't reply to me for hours on end. maybe you still think about me. maybe. my heart is incredibly broken and i don't know how to fix it. you were my reason and my purpose and my light. now you are a ghost of my memory and you haunt me every day. you don't want me to go but you're never here and i don't know what to do. this all hurts so much. i miss staying up late with you and hearing your voice. i miss you arguing with me not to leave cause you wanted me. i miss baby in every other sentence and i love you a thousand times over. i miss when you were mine, when you answered, when you looked. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. i wish i could go back and fix what i did wrong. i wish i could change the way things panned out. if you're in love with someone else, i am happy for you. i hope that they give you so much more than i possibly ever could. i hope that you are happy. i hope that things are beautiful for you because you are the most flawless, incredible angel of a person i have ever met. and if things are different, if there's still a piece of you that loves me, i hope that maybe one day you'll be mine again. maybe one day you'll come back to me. i feel you are what they'd call a soulmate and that is a connection i can not afford to lose. i cant let you go, my head is stuck and my heart is broken. i wish i could tell you these things, but i'm too scared to even tell you i miss you. why? because it's cold. please come back to me.