Returning to the room, Ethan found Nicky still perched on the edge of the sofa, and the sight of her worsened his already foul mood. She looked at him, eyes large and round in fright, but at this point, he felt no pity for her.
He crossed to the window, hands jammed in his pockets as he took deep breaths, trying to get his emotion under control. Erin's good bye had carried a note of finality to it, as though she wanted nothing more to do with him and that thought sent coils of uneasiness through him. He was as much to blame for her misery as Nicky...Christ! Maybe he should have simply walked away and got on with his life when Nicky had called an end to their relationship rather than lashing out and hurting a woman who had only acted in her cousin's best interests, an action that had come around to bite him in the ass.
Yeah...karma was a bitch indeed.
He turned his attention to Nicky, needing to wrap things up so he could focus on more important things...namely getting Erin to forgive him and making up for being a first class asshole.
"So, I'm listening Nicky." He murmured, careful to keep his tone neutral. "What is this big secret you've been keeping from me?"
Nicky moaned, wringing her hands together in abject misery. "Please Ethan, can't we just forget the past and start all over? I'm really sorry for..."
"You brought up the past Nicky, what with your god damned lies and delusions." Ethan cut in coldly. "So you're just gonna have to suck it up and talk."
She sighed, and buried her face in her hands, the sound of her sobs only serving to harden his resolve. He glared at her, half-tempted to grab her shoulders and shake the truth out of her...wondering how he could have ever deluded himself to be in love with this selfish, manipulative shadow...he knew what she was doing...hoping to garner his sympathy with those tears, but right now, he was way past the point of feeling sorry for her, if anything, her actions just increased his disgust. So he waited in silence until the sobs died down and she raised her tear streaked face to his.
"Are you done?" He cocked an eyebrow at her, his disgust plain.
Nicky glared at him through red rimmed eyes and rose, stalking to the kitchen for tissues. "You're a heartless bastard Ethan."
"So I've been told." Ethan shrugged off the insult earning him a haughty look.
"You want to know why I dumped your ass?" She spat, clenching her hands into fists, her entire body oozing animosity. "It was because you were a selfish sonofabitch. I knew you didn't really love me, I knew that all you wanted was my money and my family's influence, but I was willing to overlook all your boring talk about your company and your goals for the future, simply because the sex was out of this world...but eventually, even that got old and tedious, so you want to know what I did, Sweetie?"
Nicky sneered at his stunned expression, her eyes dancing with malicious delight as she stood and came to stand so close to him, her breasts brushed against his chest. "I cheated on you Ethan Lachlan, not with one guy, but several...even a couple of your clients."
Ethan stared at the woman before him, shock coursing through his veins like icy water. Of all the scenarios he'd come up with, this had not crossed his mind. He took a step back from her, body recoiling from her touch as though he'd been burned....which he had been... burned that is.
"Of course, when Erin found out about my....antics, she got all goody two shoes and insisted I stop screwing around..." Nicky scoffed in derision, "but I just didn't care. After all, it was so much fun going behind your back...well...it was fun... until you proposed and I realized, I would rather stay single than chain myself to you..."
"Enough!" Ethan snapped, struggling to hold on as sanity crumbled all around him. "You've said enough." He swallowed the bile rising up his throat.
Nicky merely shrugged and turned away. "Whatever, I'm tired of talking anyway." She crossed to the small bar and poured herself a drink, gulping down the amber liquid in one go, then poured another, which she handed to him.
Ethan looked at the glass, and shook his head, afraid that if he took one drink...he wouldn't be able to stop until he'd completely drowned himself. Nicky shrugged and hugged the glass to her body, crossing back to take her seat, all the while studying him through her lashes.
"You know, I've always wondered why you came back into our lives." Nicky took a sip of her drink, still watching him as he crossed to the window and stared out, lost in thought. "I know it wasn't because you loved me or anything so romantic....I don't even think it was because I'd effectively squashed your dreams of using my family as a stepping stone to riches and power, after all, you still managed to reach your goal without my help... No, it wasn't any of these reasons, was it?"
Ethan grimaced, but keep silent, though his mind raced through his reasons...all of which seemed so childish now. The bitch was right, he hadn't come back for any of those reasons...so why had he come back? Why had he put his life on hold all these years?
Through the reflection on the glass, he watched as Nicky rose and came to stand beside him.
"Do you remember that night we had dinner with Erin?" she murmured, absently tracing a pattern on the glass with her fingertips.
"Why?"
"I keep going back to that night, wondering if I could find the answer to that question. That was the one and only time you met Erin, but for some reason, you chose to fixate your quest for vengeance on her and not me directly. And it finally came to me."
Ethan inclined his head in her direction, a deep frown on his face. "What the hell are you on about now?"
"Ssssh..." Nicky admonished, not looking at him. "I think you know, but you're just too obtuse to see it."
Impatience flared within, he was done with her crazy games. "Thank you Dr. Phil, but I don't need you to mind fuck with me. Good night."
He turned and made for the door, anxious to leave before he committed murder. But her next words stopped him cold.
"You had the hots for Erin the moment you laid eyes on her."
The fuck?
"You're outta your mind." He scoffed, turning to shoot her a snide look, while deep inside, his mind ran through the scene...the first moment he'd laid eyes on Erin Gosling...had seen her sitting there, the exact opposite of Nicky in every way but still so goddamned sexy. He'd noticed the momentary lust that had flared in those hazel eyes when they'd shook hands and for one crazy moment he'd caught himself wondering what it would feel like to be inside her, to have that curvy, body wrapped around him while he took them both to heights of intense orgasms.
Fucking hell! He'd been so turned on and pissed about it that he'd acted like a fucking dickhead that evening.
Nicky turned to face him, a triumphant smile lit her face at his pole axed expression. "You finally see it, don't you? You wanted Erin, and everything you did to her...to us...was just an excuse to get her in your bed. And I for one, knew she wanted to screw your brains out too...my cousin was never really good at hiding her feelings, which just made things easier for you."
"It wasn't about the sex." Ethan growled, hating how guilty Nicky made him look. He hadn't just gone after Erin because he wanted to screw her, god dammit! "You led me to believe she persuaded you to break up with me because in her own words, "I wasn't good enough."
"So you decided to prove otherwise. Admit it Ethan, we used Erin for our own selfish reasons, so there's no use pretending to be so damn noble. You have as much blame in this as I do."
Her words shamed him, cut like a thousand knives. Ethan ran a hand through his hair, Erin's tortured look as she'd said goodbye, only served to twist the knife deeper into his gut, self righteous bastard that he was. Yeah, he'd wanted her from the very beginning, had acted against his better judgement and set out to satisfy his pride and ego by sleeping with Erin, just to prove that he could.
"Shit! I'm so fucked." Ethan swore loudly, turning to Nicky, who was watching him with a puzzled frown. Ethan strode to her and grasped her shoulders, fixing her with a stern look.
"I admit I screwed up with you and Erin and I apologize for that. But whatever my motives, it was no excuse to hurt her the way you did Nicky. I may be an asshole, but you are family and family don't stab each other in the back because of a man. They just don't."
He released her, and raked a hand through his hair, filled with disgust for what he'd been a part of. "I bet you a million dollars that you only thought you loved me because you found out Erin and I had slept together and you were jealous. We were wrong for doing that to you, believe me, Erin hated herself for it, but she never meant to hurt you."
Nicky turned away from him, but not before he saw the tears that glistened in her eyes. "I know...but it hurt, especially knowing that right from the start, you preferred her over me. She's always been the family's favourite, the more interesting, the best at everything and whenever I saw the two of you together... the way you would look at her like she was a piece of heaven...you never saw me that way, not even Ryan..." her voice caught on a sob, shoulders hunched in misery.
Ethan reached out to comfort her but she pulled away from his grasp and straightened her shoulders. "I knew you'd fallen for Erin and any fool can see she cares deeply for you. I acted like a bitch and I'm sorry...for everything."
Ethan could only stare at her, struck dumb for the second time that evening. True, it had started out as a game, but once he'd had Erin Gosling in his bed, it had become much more than just casual sex. Erin had gotten under his skin, had made him begin to feel things he'd never felt for another woman and he'd fallen hard and fast without even realizing it. He loved her.
That revelation was also accompanied by a depressing thought. An image of the both of standing in the hallway a couple of minutes ago, he begging her to stay and her goodbye that'd had an ominous note of finality to it. He broke into cold sweat at the thought, God he was a big fool for letting her walk away then...indirectly she'd broken up with him and like the clown he was, he'd failed to notice, to stop her before she walked away with his heart...his happiness.
He had to find her! Spurred into action, Ethan practically raced from the room. He had to find Erin and get her back, even if he had to grovel and beg.
At the door, he turned. "One last thing Nicky. You have exactly one day to pack your shit and leave town and don't think of going back to Chicago either. I want you gone as far away from Erin as possible, I don't care if you leave the freaking continent, and if I see your fucking face again, I'll redesign it myself."
****
"Erin?" Kim took one look at the misery on her friend's face and pulled her inside her apartment. Still numb, Erin let Kim lead her to an armchair and flopped down on it, wincing as the pounding in her head resumed in full force.
Kneeling beside the chair, Kim took Erin's cold hands between hers and rubbed, her face furrowed in concern. "It's okay Erin," She soothed, "Whatever it is, I'm here now, remember...deep breaths ok....there you go....just breathe...it's alright."
Erin shut her eyes, and did as Kim asked, taking deep gulps of air and letting it out slowly. Not that it helped ease the numbing pain both in her head and heart, but at least, it helped to know she was still capable of functioning like a normal person. She wanted to cry out....to rant and rave, to throw something...but her body felt like a block of ice...useless, unable to give out even the smallest release of the maelstrom howling inside her.
She opened her eyes, to meet Kim's alarmed look, wanted to smile and reassure her friend that she was ok but words wouldn't come out, no matter how hard she tried.
"Should I get you something to drink?" Kim asked, then hit her forehead and muttered a curse as she sprang to her feet and crossed to the kitchen. "Of course you need a drink, silly me. I'll be right back Sweetie, just hang on."
Erin could only stare as Kim disappeared into the kitchen and came back almost immediately with a glass of water. Her friend drew a small side table close and perched on it, offering the glass to Erin. She reached for it, but her hands shook so badly, the liquid spilled on her blouse. She darted a helpless look at Kim and her friend wrapped her hands around both Erin's hands, then raised it to her lips.
Erin took a small sip, the cool liquid tracing a wet path down her throat, easing the dryness there. At Kim's gentle urging, she took another sip and another, until the glass was almost empty.
"There you go." Kim praised her, setting the glass on the shag carpet and enveloped Erin in a comforting hug. Stung by the gesture, Erin let loose a sob, feeling the ice around her heart melting rapidly until the dam of emotion burst and she cried loud and hard, while Kim whispered soft words of comfort, rocking them both gently for several long minutes until the sobs became occasional sniffles.
"Feel better?" Kim asked, pulling back so she could look Erin in the eye. Erin jerked her head in assent, wiping at the tears on her face. "Let me get you some tissues, Sweetie."
"May I have some aspirin please?" Erin whispered, her voice raw and scratchy from bawling.
"Of course, I should have a bottle somewhere..." Kim smiled and went to hunt for the tissues and aspirin.
Alone once more, Erin took a deep breath and thanked the heavens for her friend. After leaving Nicky's apartment and.....him, she'd been near catatonic, her brain switching to autopilot as she'd walked away, every step rending her already fragile heart to pieces until she'd been unable to think, to feel, content to just let her legs steer her in whichever direction. She tried to remember how she'd arrived at Kim's place but her mind drew a blank...all she could recall was the bitter sound of Nicky's words, the overwhelming sense of being betrayed by the one person she would willingly go to the ends of the earth for.
And Ethan...her breath caught as her chest tightened with invisible bands of pain. No, she vowed silently, she wouldn't think about him - not when it hurt so much to breathe, even though she had done the right thing in letting him go....he'd never been hers in the first place, Nicky was right...she'd acted abominably in deluding herself into believing they could have some sort of relationship...not when the past would always haunt them.
Kim padded back into the room, brandishing a bottle of aspirin with a wide smile. "Found it! it's Derek's, but I don't think he'll mind." She gave Erin the box of tissues she carried in her other hand and went to refill the glass, while Erin cleaned up as best as she could. "You'll take the pills and then it's off to bed with you. We'll talk when you wake up...or whenever you feel like it."
Erin swallowed two aspirin, grateful to have someone in charge for a change as she let Kim let her into the spare bedroom. She climbed onto the bed, suddenly wanting nothing more than to burrow beneath the cover and welcome the sweet oblivion that sleep offered. She laid her head on the pillow with a sigh, knowing already, that sleep would be a long time coming, but she had to make an effort, at least for Kim's sake.
Five minutes later, Kim smiled and kissed the top of her friend's sleeping head, then quietly tip-toed out the dark room, shutting the door behind her.
Three hours later, the phone in the living room shrilled, and with a squeak of dismay, Kim dove for the offending object, letting out a string of curses at whoever was on the other end of the line.
"Hello?" she snapped into the receiver, not caring how brusque she sounded.
There was a brief pause, then a male voice spoke at the other end. "Hey Kim... it's Ethan."
Her brows rose in surprise and she shot a look at the door where her friend slept.
Interesting.
"Umm...hey, this is a surprise." Kim replied, careful to keep her voice light. "What's up?
There was another pause, as though Ethan were carefully weighing his next words. "Is Erin with you by any chance?"
"Erin? No, I haven't seen her all morning, but she called a while ago, saying she was going somewhere with you. Is everything ok?"
She heard a string of low voiced swearing at the other end, frustration and impatience clearly evident, and her brows rose further. "Ethan? What's wrong? Did something happen? Where is Erin?"
"Everything's fine. Look just do me a favour and call me if she turns up." Ethan said, then the line went dead.
Kim replaced the receiver, a deep frown marring her features. Whatever was wrong with her best friend, she'd bet a million dollars that Ethan Lachlan was behind it all. She'd tried to stay clear of their tumultuous relationship, but the slimy, supercilious bastard had hurt Erin one time too many. This time, he would not get off that easy...she would see to that.
*****
"And you have no idea where she could be? She hasn't called you?"
Erin's assistant shook her head in the negative, her eyes curious as she followed Ethan's restless movements back and forth in front of her desk.
"Maybe she's at Nicky's." Heather offered, "She's been spending a lot of time with her lately especially since the breakup."
"She's not there." Ethan replied, raking a hand through his hair in frustration. "She's not in her apartment either, Kim says she hasn't seen her, and she's not answering her cell." His brows drew together in a worried frown as his mind began to envision all kinds of bad scenarios. It had gone past a need to just find Erin, now he was full out worried for her safety and he cursed himself for the millionth time for not seeing her safely home. He should have followed his instincts, rather he'd foolishly agreed with her and now this...
He cursed again, earning him a raised brow from Heather.
"Where do her parents live?" He asked, ignoring the look. He was fast running out of places to look, and that scared him beyond comprehension...what if he lost her for good? Resolutely, he shoved that thought aside, along with the crushing despair that threatened to consume him.
"Just a couple of minutes away, but maybe I should call first? Her mom might know where she is."
Ethan nodded and resumed his pacing, listening with half an ear while Heather placed the call, expertly drumming up an excuse to be searching for her boss that didn't raise alarm. He waited, every nerve tense until Heather caught his eye and gave a little shake of her head before thanking Mrs. Gosling and replaced the receiver.
"She says, she hasn't seen her either, I'm sorry." Heather worried her lower lip between her teeth, concern for her boss now mounting. "Look, I could make a few calls, and ask the staff if they've seen or heard anything....but...do you....think she's ok? I mean should we call the police or something?"
"No police." Ethan replied distractedly, "And ummm....yeah, make those calls and ask around but keep me informed of anything." He rattled off his number and that of his assistant's then took his leave.
"Where are you Baby?" He murmured as he made his way to the parking lot. In the car, he tried her cell two more times, growing frustrated as each call went to voicemail.
At the prompt, he spoke tersely. "Erin, I'm worried about you, I've left a dozen messages already and I'm scared something's happened to you. I'm sorry I let you go and I understand if you don't want to talk to me right now. But at least let me know you're safe? Please? I lo....yeah...so call me."
He ended the call, hating how helpless the situation left him. Fingers shaking, Ethan typed out a quick text to her cell, and her email just in case she checked the damn thing. Then he leaned his head on the wheel and said a quick prayer to whoever would listen, begging the powers that be to keep her safe.
****
Blinking away the last remnants of sleep, Erin yawned and sat up in bed, her eyes rapidly adjusting to the dim, unfamiliar room. A quick glance around though, and it all came crashing back...Nicky....Lillian...and Ethan.
"Oh God!" She groaned in dismay. Had it been too much to ask to hope it had all been a really bad nightmare? She flopped back onto the pillows, yanking the warm covers over her head, just as the door opened and Kim strolled in.
"I know you're awake Erin," Kim's sing song voice caused Erin to wince. "I heard you groaning a second ago."
"Leave me alone." Erin replied, her voice muffled beneath the layers covering her. She really wasn't ready to face reality...right now, all she wanted was more sleep and blissful silence.
The bed shifted beneath Kim's weight as her friend climbed in beside her. "I know right now the bed seems the best place to be Erin, but the sooner you get up and face your problems, the quicker you can start healing."
"Don't care."
The long suffering sigh was the only warning she got before Kim yanked away the covers.
"No!" Erin wailed and made a dive for it, but Kim held firm. Too drained too put up a fight, Erin flopped back, presenting her back to Kim and hugged a pillow for comfort. An insane part of her wished it were Ethan with her right now and she closed her eyes, swallowing past the lump in her throat as she envisioned the comfort of his arms around her, the haven his touch offered and....
Forcing the thought aside, Erin sighed as tears gathered in her eyes. Much as she wanted him, she'd made the right choice. This whole mess had been her fault from the beginning, after all, Nicky would have done what she did if Erin had learned to keep her panties on in the first place. The best way to put an end to Nicky's madness was to end the relationship... There was no future with Ethan Lachlan and the sooner her heart came to accept what her head already knew, the better.
Still, it hurt so damn much.
"Are you hungry?" Kim reached out to gently stroke her hair. "Derek's incredible in the kitchen and he made this heavenly chicken...."
"I'm not hungry, but thanks." Erin replied, feeling nauseous at the mention of food. She wasn't sure she could ever eat again.
Kim fell silent, seeming to sense that was what Erin needed right now. For long minutes, the two of them lay in a comfortable silence, and Erin was grateful to Kim for not pressing her for answers, even though she probably was silently dying of curiosity.
Finally, with another sigh, Erin turned over so she could look at Kim. "We found Lillian Putney."
Kim brows raised in surprise. "Ok. And I'm guessing 'we' includes Ethan, right?"
Erin nodded, plucking at a loose thread on her pillow. "He found her actually, had some kid in his office trace her IP address or something." She took a deep breath, needing courage to continue, "Anyways, we went to her place and Ethan threatened her....then she.... Well, basically, she did it 'cos she wanted to hurt me for stealing Luke."
"Wait...." Kim sat up, her face tight with concentration. "The 'Luke'? The guy you broke up with a couple of months ago."
"Yeah...that Luke."
"Well...that lousy cheating sleazy good for nothing bastard." Kim spat fiercely. "And that fucking bitch! But wait...I remember you saying he wasn't seeing anyone when you guys started going out, so where did she come from?"
"Honestly, I don't know...but Ethan told me Lillian was lying about that...but I'm as confused as you are. Kim...that's not the worst of it..."
As she told Kim what had happened with Nicky, Kim's expression changed from incredulity to plain, simple, throat ripping rage.
"I'm gonna kill that girl." Kim declared, both hands curled into fists. "I will kill her slowly and painfully. Shit! And to think she knew about it all this time and what the hell does she mean claiming Ethan as her own property? She cheated on him and dumped his ass, and would have married someone else if she hadn't fucked that up too. The bitch has gotta die! And if you or Ethan are too chicken to put a bullet through her brain, I volunteer!"
She rose from the bed, but Erin grabbed her hand. "No! Kim, you have to calm down. Please. When I left, Ethan was still there, and believe me, that man can frighten the devil himself."
"Speaking of the devil, what does this mean for the both of you?" Still annoyed, Kim settled back on the bed and regarded her friend with shrewd eyes. "You weren't just crying cos of Nicky, were you? If he's hurt you too, I swear, I'll cut off his balls."
Erin lowered her gaze, pain constricting her chest. "He didn't hurt me...if anything he was so sweet and protective of me...He said I was adorable...and it's like he's feelings towards me had changed...nothing major...but at least he didn't despise me anymore.
"Ok...so he's starting to care about you. That's good, isn't it?"
"That's just it... it's too good to be true." Erin's voice broke. "He might change his mind again when Nicky tells him the truth...he could still hate me for keeping the truth from him." Erin sniffled back fresh tears. "And what kind of relationship are we supposed to build from that? For God's sakes, Kim, it's been doomed right from the start...I should never have slept with him and now that I know it hurt Nicky....I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable being with him."
"Ok, first of all, that's the biggest load of crap I've heard in a looong time. Sleeping with Ethan behind Nicky's back may have been wrong.... But that's no excuse for what she did. If she wasn't such a selfish little slut, she should have been happy for you and given you her blessing. But I've always known her to be a self absorbed, spoilt person, and that's why I warned you about it before. You shouldn't lose your shot at happiness just because of Nicky, not if you really care about the guy and I can see you do."
Kim drew a deep breath. "And second, if Ethan gets mad at you for protecting your family, then he sure as hell doesn't deserve you."
"I don't know what I'll do if he rejects me again." Erin whispered bleakly. "I love him, but I can't take a chance that he'll hurt me again....I don't think I could bear it if he did."
"He called me while you were asleep, wanting to know where you were." At Erin's look of alarm, she held out a calming hand. "I didn't tell him you were here, because I wasn't sure what had happened between you two."
"Did he...." Erin moistened her dry lips. "Did he say anything? How did he sound?"
Kim shrugged, "It was kinda hard to tell over the phone... and he called your cell a couple of times, but I turned it off cos I didn't want it to wake you. Do you want to call him back?"
"No...not yet." Erin shut her eyes, scared at what would happen if she spoke to him. "Maybe later."