IZZIE DIDN'T KNOW IF SHE SHOULD KEEP HOLDING HER BREATH. Ever since she had met Casey, Izzie had been waiting for this other shoe to drop. And it had dropped. Multiple times. First, meeting Casey in itself was overwhelming because she was the most gorgeous girl -- nay, person -- that Izzie had ever met. It sucked to know that Casey was her competition as Newton's track captain, and that was the first problem. Then, Casey and her had bonded in some twisted way through detention, but Nate had to make a move on Casey, and then suddenly that brief inkling of a friendship was gone, too. But Casey and her made up. They were doing good, but then, Casey got into a car accident, and even though Izzie did man up and admit her feelings to Casey, all their progress was reset by Casey's offhanded comments and Izzie's mistake with Sawyer.
The cycle seemed never ending -- just when Izzie thought they were getting better, they got worse. So by this time, Izzie knew that there was definitely more trouble coming; she just didn't know when.
But now, Izzie was standing at the doorstep of the only other possible thing that could get in their way: Sawyer. She couldn't imagine anything else keeping her and Casey from being together anymore, and she couldn't bear to be without Casey for any longer. So even though she dreaded doing this, she had to do it. If not for her, for Casey.
As Izzie stood in the halls of Sawyer's apartment complex, she thought about how much she had been doing things "for Casey" recently. Though she was still officially with Sawyer, Casey and her had decided that it would be harmless to stay friends and do friendly things together. So they did just that, and they'd been doing that feverishly for the past two weeks. They had spent almost all their nights just talking, whether it be in person during a sleepover or on the phone through texts, so Izzie was finding herself tired during the day, but it was all "for Casey." During the days when Izzie was free, they'd go on walks together; Casey's arm was keeping her from running, but she stubbornly still want to go outside and exercise, so Izzie often found herself roaming around town "for Casey." Other days, Izzie would go over to the Gardner house to surprise Casey with a bunch of snacks she had picked up from the convenience store. Whenever she made excuse to Lydia for ditching her for the night, it was always "for Casey." Thankfully, Lydia understood.
Life truly was all about Casey now, and Izzie didn't mind it. The thought of Casey, Casey, Casey no longer brought Izzie dread from her unrequited feelings: it brought happiness from knowing that, on some level, Casey was hers now. It brought memories of sunshine yellow days, bright smiles, friend-kept secrets, forehead promises, shared and smeared strawberry lip gloss, and so much more. Though Izzie had only known Casey for around six months, Izzie felt like she had known Casey and her soul for a lifetime. There was something remarkable about that. Something special that Izzie couldn't quite pinpoint right then and there.
Izzie's thoughts and musings were interrupted by her cell phone ringing. She was shocked, almost having a heart attack as she tried to find the phone to pick up and answer the call. After fumbling around in her pockets, Izzie pulled out the phone and checked the caller ID.
"Hey Sawyer," she tried to sound as normal as possible, hiding the fact that she had just been thinking about another girl.
"Hey Iz," Sawyer answered. "Are you coming soon? You're coming over tonight, right?"
"Yeah," Izzie nodded to herself before realizing that Sawyer couldn't see her. "I'm in your building. I'll be at yours in like a minute."
"Sweet, see ya then."
The line clicked off then, and Izzie quickly made her way to Sawyer's so as not to raise suspicion. As she began to realize what she was going over there to do, Izzie started to feel a sinking feeling in her stomach. Izzie had already kind of made peace with the fact that she was a bit of a cheater and that was really hard, but she knew that she needed to find even more peace with herself, and the only way to do that was through ending the relationship.
When she knocked at the door, Sawyer answered quickly, which seemed to totally contrast Izzie's extended stay in the hall. Izzie immediately began to feel worse for herself, and the pit in her stomach only got larger when Sawyer smiled when she saw her.
"Hey gorgeous," Sawyer greeted, pulling Izzie in for a brief kiss. It was sickening. Izzie still remembered the vague feeling of Casey's lips on hers, and she couldn't help but feel as if this kiss was washing away the Casey from her. And she didn't want to do that. She wanted Casey to be part of her forever. Not Sawyer. So Izzie was thankful when Sawyer didn't deepen the kiss, more so leaving it as a peck. "Do you wanna come on in?"
"Uh, I can't stay long," Izzie admitted, trying to get to the point.
"Huh?" Sawyer's arms crossed and she leaned against the doorjamb, furrowing her eyebrows. "What're you talking about, Iz? I haven't seen you in half a month. Is it something at home?"
As much as Izzie wanted to take the out Sawyer was giving her and lie, she knew that, at the very least, Sawyer deserved the truth.
"I... I can't do this anymore," Izzie admitted, not meeting Sawyer's eyes. The blonde's silence prompted her to continue. "I can't do us... anymore. You're wonderful and sweet and amazing, and you're everything to me..."
"But?" Sawyer prompted.
Izzie cleared her throat, unsure if she should say what she wanted to say. But she knew it wasn't that she just wanted to say it; she needed to say it.
"Casey," Izzie settled on short and simple.
"The girl who you were hung up on," Sawyer recognized.
"What?"
"Do you remember the day we met?" she waited for Izzie's nod to continue. "You were hung up over some girl. And I looked past that 'cause I thought you were cute."
"Oh, right." At least Izzie had been upfront about potentially liking someone else. But liking doesn't mean anything, you acted on it, she thought to herself, feeling the sinking feeling return. God, cheating was horrible. She swore that she would never do it again, and she would definitely never do it to Casey.
"I met her through Evan, and when I saw you there in her hospital room, well, I didn't know it was her, but well, now I know, don't I?"
"Sawyer..." the track captain was feeling worse by the minute, and she resisted the urge to just run away and die in a hole because, honestly, that was probably what he deserved.
"Listen, it's fine. You've known her longer. I'm not that great at monogamy either."
"Did you...?" Izzie trailed off, not wanting to accuse Sawyer when she was truly the guilty one.
"No," Sawyer smiled sadly, "I actually liked you, remember?"
If it was possible, Izzie felt worse.
"Sawyer..."
She put a hand up. "Again, no worries. I bounce. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"After several drinks, I'll be fine," Sawyer amended.
Izzie allowed herself to smile just a bit. "I actually liked you, too, you know? I don't know why I couldn't just... only like you. It would've made my life a lot easier."
"Yeah, I'm sure car crash Casey isn't nearly as much of a catch as I am."
"She's... never mind," Izzie quickly remembered who she was talking to. As much as Sawyer was playing the breakup off like it was no big deal, Izzie knew that she couldn't just say whatever she wanted to, even though all she wanted to do was gush about how amazing Casey was and defend her honor.
"Wise choice," the blonde nodded. "And you know what another wise choice is?"
"Huh?"
"To get out of here," Sawyer stated bluntly. "As much as I like you, you can't really be here when I get drunk and call another girl to fuck and talk shit about you to."
"Oh, uh, right," Izzie started to move out of the way, heading out. She felt Sawyer's eyes following her, and it almost made her want to just run out right then and there, but right before she disappeared from Sawyer's line of vision, she turned around.
"Forgot something?" Sawyer lifted an eyebrow, not really caring anymore.
"Just..." Izzie bit her lip, "don't hide your soft side again. You are good at monogamy, better than me. And girls like that."
"I'll take it into account," she said. "Bye, Izzie."
"Bye, Sawyer," Izzie replied, watching as Sawyer turned around, heading into her apartment.
After staring at the blonde's door for a little bit, she decided that she had to go. But to where? She had expected the breakup talk to go on for much longer, since she was used to the big, yelling, screaming matches that her mom and her boyfriends went through. Sawyer had taken it well, or at least was pretending to, which made it easier, but made it all the more unsettling.
Izzie decided that she needed someone to talk to about it. Home didn't seem to be an option. And it didn't seem right to call Casey. But who else would listen to all of this? Sure, she had friends like Jane and all of her Clayton friends, but Izzie could never talk to them about this. So she really was only left with one option, even though it may have been the wrong one.
And she picked up on the first ring.
"Hey Izzie," Casey's voice came through the speaker, and Izzie loved how she immediately relaxed at the sound of it. "Is there something wrong? Aren't you with Sawyer right now?"
"It's done," Izzie replied. "We're over."
"Oh my god," Casey exhaled, and Izzie could almost hear the relief in her voice. She felt that relief, too. It was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder -- the wall between her and Casey was starting to gradually come down, and they were finally able to be together. It was all working out. "You told her. Holy shit. Not that I didn't think you could, I just mean---Wait, are you okay, though? Do you wanna come over? Talk about it?"
Izzie laughed, appreciating how much Casey cared, "You read my mind, Newton. I'll be there in ten."
As Izzie made her way into her car, she thought about how easily that conversation had went. She had gone into the conversation planning on asking Casey to come over, but the conversation had ended with Casey inviting her over out of the goodness of her heart. As much as things were easy with Sawyer, they were natural with Casey. Casey just understood her, and even though it didn't really make sense, Izzie appreciated how they were just able to read one another's minds and comfort one another with simple words.
Driving away from Sawyer's house, Izzie began to truly realize that there was no "other shoe" left to drop. She had just broken up with Sawyer, the last obstacle to their being together. The future was just Casey.
And Izzie liked it that way.