Bobby stared at his reflection in the mirror, observing the clusters of freckles on his face as if they were constellations in an evening sky, connecting to form myths and wild beasts.
Is that what Lili saw when she looked at him?
All around him, the rest of the guys raced for the steamer and for bottles of cologne and aftershave, but Bobby couldn't do it. He was frozen, staring at the brightly lit vanity.
"Have you decided, mate?" Gary knocked into Bobby as he sat beside Rahim, who was patting oil onto his scalp between his rows.
Rahim shook his head. "I don't know. Priya is...and Lili is..." He closed the oil lid and sighed. "I like them both."
Rocco rubbed some kind of crystal on his underarms and then took a whiff, nodding. "I get it. Lili's raw sensuality calls to me too, man. Who can resist an aura that vibrant?"
"What the hell are you on about?" Gary asked.
Rocco sighed. "The universe has mysteries beyond cranes, my friend. An aura is the light energy that surrounds each of us. If you're lucky enough to be able to see them, you can learn a lot about people without ever saying a word. Different colors for different vibes, you know? Lili's aura is usually violet. Sometimes pink."
Gary's sigh could be heard for miles. "What's that even mean?"
Noah shook his head as he spot checked his jaw for any stray hairs. "You had to ask, didn't you?"
"Violets are empaths. She's the type of girl who doesn't have everyday sex. She's in tune with her energy and yours. Sex is more than just bodies moving for them. It's soul connection. It's intense. You have to convince them that you're worth the energy they'd spend, but if you can do that, wow." He brought his fingers together and then pushed them apart, making a noise like an explosion. "The intensity will leave your ears ringing and your knees weak."
Gary's face screwed up in confusion. "So you think she'll be good in bed because she's secretly purple?"
"Spoken exactly like someone with a tan aura," Rocco said sadly.
Noah shook his head. "I warned you."
"What about you?" Rocco asked Gary. "Who do you think you'll choose?"
"Not sure," Gary said. "I like Marisol. I don't understand anything she says, but she's fit as fuck. But Lili's fun and sexy, you know? And Lottie is hot..." He scrubbed at the back of his head. "Sorry man."
Rocco smiled. "It's alright. Lottie is free to seek out a higher plane anytime."
Bobby could feel the eyes shift toward him.
"What about you Bobs? You and Lili seem like you might have something going on."
Rahim scowled and looked at Bobby. "Yeah, I've heard that."
Bobby finally turned from the mirror. He grabbed his shirt and tossed it on carelessly, while pushing down his petty desire to tell them that he'd snogged Lili's face off earlier. It would be so easy to stake his claim, as if she were an item he could carry around in his pocket. But that was disgusting and it reeked of the kind of territorial behavior he loathed. He couldn't be that person.
And so he was likely going to lose her before he ever had her. Someone else would choose her and he'd have to watch yet another guy touch Lili the way he wanted to. If he was lucky, maybe she wouldn't grow to like the lad and he could choose her later.
His stomach twisted at the thought of her being with someone else, but at least she'd still be there. He could still see her and hear her laugh and watch her smile. He could be her friend and maybe that would be enough. It would have to be.
For now, he would choose Hannah and deal with another friendship couple. She'd stayed with Lili when she needed someone. He could at least keep her friend there for her if he couldn't be with her.
"Bobs?"
He jerked out of the fog of his thoughts and put on an enigmatic smile. "This is a very complicated case Gary. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous."
Gary frowned and narrowed his eyes, likely not sure if he was being made fun of. "Why is no one making any sense right now?" he finally said, his huge arms flapping up and down.
"It's time," Noah said.
"So are you choosing the purple girl or what?" Gary asked, as they lined up to walk outside.
It wouldn't do to dwell on what couldn't be, so Bobby shrugged.
"What does that mean?"
"It means the Dude abides, mate." Bobby clapped him on the shoulder, and took a deep breath. "The Dude. Abides."
***
Standing at the fire pit, the guys had gone silent. For the first time they seemed to realize that the power they held had consequences. One of the girls was going home.
On the other side of the flickering flames, Lili stood there, looking like a goddess in a white one-sleeved, two-piece dress. The silvery spangles danced in the same breeze that flickered the fire.
Stress wasn't something he usually allowed himself to feel, but tension gripped the back of Bobby's neck, squeezing painfully.
A phone beeped and Noah stepped forward. He was the only one who looked chill. Of course he picked Hope with a cringe speech about what a woman she was. It was enough to induce a gag reflex.
Next, Rahim's phone beeped. Bobby stiffened and his gaze shot to Lili. She was staring into the fire, her expression unreadable. Rahim cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "I'd like to couple up with this girl because of all the people here, I feel like I have the best connection with her." Murmurs began and Priya nervously tugged at her dress, avoiding eye contact with anyone. "I fancied her since the moment I met her, and I know we're not the most obvious couple, but it's kind of like magnets, right? The negative end is only attracted to the positive end...or something. Plus she's gorgeous. Really gorgeous." He sighed. "I can't wait to see where things go with her."
The murmurs grew louder. Bobby clenched his jaw hard enough to crack his teeth.
"So the girl I'd like to couple up with is..." Rahim grinned. "Priya."
Priya gave a little squeal of joy and rushed across the space. She smooched Rahim loudly on the cheek and then took his hand.
Relief nearly dropped Bobby to his knees.
Lili's bright pageant smile was firmly in place as she applauded. "Congratulations!"
"Thank you, Lili." Priya said.
Rocco stepped forward next and nattered on for a long while about bonfires, souls, and moths. Bobby rolled his eyes and when he looked over at Lili, her lips were smooshed together, holding in laughter. He widened his eyes at her, hoping to make her laugh out loud, but she pulled her lips tighter and shook her head at him.
"The girl I'd like to couple up with," Rocco said. "Is Lottie."
Lottie grinned and stepped forward. Hannah leaned over and whispered something to Lili, who grabbed Hannah's hand and whispered something back. She seemed to be reassuring her.
Everyone stared at each other as the silence dragged on. Sweat dribbled down Bobby's temples. A phone beeped. Gary caught his eye and shook his head. Bobby stared at the flashing notification on his phone, unable to believe that his luck could possibly be this good.
His gaze shot to Lili. Sweetheart. Dream girl. Obsession. But she didn't look as happy as he felt inside. She looked at the fire, her hands twisting the way they did when she was unsure. His excitement gave way to a nagging anxiety.
After that kiss today, he wasn't satiated. He wanted her. No, craved her. But what did she want? She'd kissed him fiercely but never said what it meant. She told him his freckles were beautiful, but she hadn't asked him to choose her. She hadn't asked anyone to choose her. She kept holding back a piece of herself and he didn't know why.
Maybe she was waiting for someone more worthy of asking.
Still, he could only choose her. Marisol and Hannah were there, but he couldn't see them. They were nothing but grey blurs next to Lili's screaming color.
Gary nudged him. He'd been quiet for too long.
Bobby took a breath and did what he always did. Just ran his mouth until something either went right or horribly horribly wrong. "This girl is my favorite combination of cool and bold. Like gazpacho."
Lili continued looking at her hands.
Gary looked confused. "Like the Spanish song?"
"That's Despacito. Anyway, pipe down. I'm recoupling here." He shook his head. "I've always had a hard time seeing girls as more than friends, but I reckon this babe could change that. She's funny and sexy and she appreciates a good pastry chef when she meets one. I uh, I really like her and I want to see where things go with me and this girl." She gave no reaction and he desperately needed something from her. He inhaled slowly. "Plus, she told me that she likes my freckles, so I have to pick her. It's a law."
Everyone chuckled and finally, she looked up at him. Her dark eyes were...surprised? She couldn't have been surprised, could she?
"The girl I'd like to couple up with is..." He exhaled. "Lili."
She blinked at him for a long moment and then covered her mouth with both hands. He couldn't tell what that meant.
"Are you—are you happy?" he asked.
She dropped her hands and her face broke into a smile that could have eclipsed the sun and the moon at the same time. "Yes, I'm happy." She crossed over to him and threw her arms around his neck. He pulled her close. Her evening perfume was different than what she'd worn in the morning. A sensual blend of citrus and ginger and vanilla. "You smell like a sexy cookie," he murmured in her ear. She laughed softly. He didn't want to let her go, but as the applause died down, he took her hand and they sat.
Lili's happy expression dimmed as she looked at Hannah standing there. She bit her lip and looked at Gary. She leaned over and whispered softly to Bobby, "He's not picking her is he?"
"No." He looked over at her. "Didn't he tell her?"
She shook her head, no.
Dammit Gary. He put his arm around Lili's slumped shoulders.
Gary's phone beeped. "Guess I'm last." He sighed and looked at the girls. Marisol flicked her hair and smiled confidently. Hannah stared at the ground, her eyes squeezed shut. Poor Hannah.
"I didn't reckon going at the end would be this hard, to be honest." Gary went on for a bit about the difficulties of it and then compared his choice to his nan, which raised all of the eyebrows.
Of course, he chose Marisol.
Hannah's whole body deflated. Everyone clapped for Marisol and Gary, except Lili and Lottie. Lottie spat fire from her eyes. Lili didn't glare but she didn't clap either.
The beep of Hannah's phone seemed extremely loud. "'Hannah, your time on Love Island has come to an end. Please pack your bags and get ready to leave the villa immediately.'" Her voice trembled as she read it.
Lottie grabbed her and pulled her into an intense hug. Lili stepped forward and then back, as if she wasn't sure what to do. Everyone took turns saying goodbye. When Hannah turned to Lili, she shored herself up. "I'm sorry babe. I'll miss your beautiful way with words. It's gonna be so different without you."
"I'll miss you so much," Hannah said smiling.
"It's going to be hard to find a book passage for this one." Lili hugged her tightly. "You deserved better, babes."
They all went outside and waited for Hannah. She came out with red rimmed eyes, hauling a pink suitcase. "Well I guess I'm leaving now," she said with a sad smile. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow, before raising a hand in a dramatic gesture as she quoted...something about...boats? He wasn't a literature guy and he had no idea what she was on about.
After she climbed into the jeep and disappeared into the night, Lottie practically sobbed on Bobby's shoulder and his heart throbbed with guilt. He'd helped cause that pain. On the other side of him, there was an odd stillness to Lili. As if everyone else's emotions amounted to a typhoon and she stood alone in the center of it.
They were all subdued as they made a slow trek inside. "How about some cupcakes?" he said, hoping to lift everyone's spirits. That did the trick. The islanders perked up, so he went to the fridge and Lili silently helped him pull them out and arrange the cupcakes on a platter. He brought them to the table and everyone oohed and ahhed, giving him that rush of accomplishment he only got from baking.
The buzz of conversation slowly returned as they stuffed their faces with chocolate. He turned around to grab more cupcakes and realized that Lili was gone. He sat the container on the counter and searched the yard but it was empty.
He found her inside the villa, sitting alone in the lounge on a big white couch, her back to the door. He approached slowly and heard her sniffle. Oh no.
"Hey," he said softly, not wanting to scare her.
Her shoulders stiffened but she didn't turn around. "Hey." Her voice was hollow.
"Mind if I sit down?"
She shrugged. When he sat beside her, she turned her face away. A pile of shredded tissues rested in her lap.
"Lili, talk to me."
"I'm fine," she said. "Really I'm fine."
She still didn't face him. He hopped up and moved to the other side of her. When she turned her face again, he leapt back over to the other side. He did this two more times before her sniffles melded with her laughter and she forgot to turn away. He lifted her chin and looked at her. She was a mess. Her eyeliner was smeared, and grey tributaries of tears drizzled down her cheeks.
"Oof, you're sexy," he said.
"Shut up." She laughed and rubbed at her leaking eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.
"No, it's embarrassing."
"I won't laugh."
She stared at the tissue in her hand. "I shouldn't have come here. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it."
"What?"
"Goodbyes." She shook her head. "I never got good at them."
"No one's really good at goodbyes are they?"
"I should be. After my parents died, my sister and my brothers..." She shook her head. "They left. Then I was in foster care and they moved me around a lot. I said goodbye so many times. All the other foster kids, they grew tough skins. They learned how to move on. To not get—" She gave a frustrated growl. "I never got any good at it. I'm so damned emotional and I always get too attached. I hate this." Suddenly she turned to face Bobby, her words pouring down like a light rain that turned into a summer storm. "Lauren kept saying this would be good for me but is this good?" She waved her soggy tissue around. "I feel guilty because I've no right to feel this sad. I'm still here. But what if I shouldn't be? Maybe Hannah should be here instead."
His chill girl was coming apart. He stroked her hair. "I feel guilty too. I could have kept her here. But I...I couldn't choose anyone but you."
"See that's what I'm saying. If I hadn't made an idiot out of myself attacking your face, maybe you wouldn't have felt obligated to pick me. If I hadn't let myself get so—" She took a gulp of air and fresh tears lost the battle with her eyelashes and joined the river flowing down her face. "My heart just isn't made for this."
"What are you talking about?" He stared at her now, searching her face for a joke that wasn't there. "Obligated? Why would I be obligated to pick you?"
"Oh my god, because I basically attacked you like a lamprey and you had to pull me off of you." Her cheeks bloomed with a rush of rich pink. "I fancy you so much, and it's exactly what I didn't want to do to you. Because now, how you know that the kiss was sincere and not just me being desperate to stay? And how do I know that you didn't pick me because I'm so pathetic and needy an—"
He kissed her.
Her lips were salty with tears, her face damp and smeared with makeup. And he didn't give a fuck. She fancied him. He hadn't let himself really believe that someone so beautiful and funny and perfect would like him, but now he could see it. He could feel every moment of the day when she'd been holding back, afraid of letting him know that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.
"We're both dafty," he said against her lips. "I'd convinced myself you couldn't really like me."
She twined her arms around his neck and kissed him back. It was a passionate and dizzying. "I like you," she whispered, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
After a few minutes of cuddling, she pulled back, taking her warmth with her. She laughed and rubbed at his cheek. "You've got almost as much eyeliner and mascara on your face as I do."
Bobby felt enveloped in a warm light as she grabbed his hand and led him to the dressing room, sitting him in front of the vanity. He watched dreamily as she dug a pack of makeup wipes out and cleaned the streaks off of his face and then her own. They kissed softly and he tugged at her, wanting to pull her onto his lap, but she resisted.
"I've got to take a shower," she said, laughing. With that, she shooed him out of the dressing room.
He changed into his pajamas in the downstairs bathroom, feeling as though he'd already won Love Island. How was it possible that he'd somehow managed to trick that gorgeous girl into fancying him? Into breaking down her defenses and letting him have a glimpse of what she kept hidden? Whatever he did, he needed to keep doing it. It was probably the cupcakes. Clearly that recipe was magic.
He was humming some Taylor Swift song they'd danced to the day before, when he heard the argument taking place in the bedroom.
"Now hold on," Gary said. "Why do you get the corner bed?"
A battle of words raged on for some time over who should get the now vacant bed, deflating Bobby's good mood, until Lili emerged from the stairwell and the sound of the arguing faded away. Eyes and lips swollen from crying, she was still lovely. Her curls were pulled into a pineapple on top of her head and she had on another pair of #CherryGate pyjamas. Yellow this time. How many did she have? He peered at the shorts. #TeamRohan.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Gary shook his head. "Hope reckons she and Noah deserve the corner bed."
"Noah and I are the strongest couple. So we need the most privacy," Hope said.
Lili raised an eyebrow at that. She glanced at him and there was a glint in her eye that suggested mischief ahead.
"You want it?" Her sexy little smile sent tingles up his spine.
That bed offered the most privacy as it was the furthest from the rest, but he didn't want her to assume that he was expecting something to happen between them. "Do you?" he asked, hedging.
She smirked. Before anyone could react, she took off at a run and threw herself on the bed. Everyone shut their gobs and stared. "Argument settled," she chirped. "It's ours."
"Well, that's one way to do it." Gary barked a laugh.
"Go Lili!" Priya giggled and threw her an air high-five.
Hope gave an infuriated glare but Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto their bed.
Lili patted the space beside her and Bobby slid in, grinning. The sheets were cool, but her body was warm beside his. "Nicely done," he said.
As the lights dimmed, he put his head on the pillow and looked at her. "Maybe this is strange to ask now, but are you okay sharing a bed so soon? This is all kinds of intense and I want you to be comfortable. Obviously we're attracted to each other but that doesn't mean I'm pushing—"
She put a finger on his lips. "Can I have a cuddle?"
He smiled. "Sure, nothing beats a good cuddle and I happen to be excellent at them. Do you want big spoon or little spoon?"
"Hmm, roll over. I want to be big spoon." Excitement lit him up. Girls never wanted that. "Seriously? I've always wanted to be little spoon!" He rolled over and felt her warm body curl around him. Her foot slipped between his and her breath was warm on the back of his neck. He felt a rush of contentment return.
"Goodnight," Lili whispered. She wrapped an arm around him and pressed her hand to his chest. He laid his hand on top of hers and looked at it. Maybe Rocco wasn't as crazy as he seemed. For a moment Bobby could see a pulse of violet light radiating from Lili. Through their hands he felt his heart connect to hers, little lines tracing the spaces between them, making new constellations that burned bright as the lights went out.
NOTE:
If Bobby's film reference (lotta ins lotta outs...the dude abides) in the first scene is confusing to you, go watch The Big Lebowski right now. RIGHT. NOW.