*mature content is present in this chapter; viewer discretion is advised
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Panic
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Tired. Felix and Changbin were tired because they had stayed up too late after Minho and Jisung had left. Much later than his doctor recommended, and a lot later then the time the nurse said the should've went to sleep.
But the two of them could care less because they had much fun with it being just the two of them, chatting and talking and mildly flirting with each other. They threw smiles and laughs toward each other, gave each other pecks, and threw joking insults the others way.
They had made the others heart burst with joy from sunset, and all through the night with the shining moon that was accompanied by twinkling stars. It was quiet and tranquil, and they wanted the peace to last forever.
But finally, an exhausted Changbin had fell asleep, much to Felix's dismay and anxiety.
The fear of Changbin falling back into his coma made the hair of his neck stand, and his heart was left racing at a speed way to fast to be considered normal. He started panicking, and because of it his breathing became uneven and fast, and he realized quickly that he was hyperventilating.
Felix's hand began to shake, and he realized he was having a panic attack. He got up from his chair and walked outside the hospital room, all while trying to control his breathing.
He had a panic attack when Changbin had first got here, and when Changbin had his surgery, and he was having one now. He had panic attacks before he even met Changbin. He knew how to deal with it.
But right now, when he was finally reunited with his one thing that made him so happy, even if he was just breathing, had fallen asleep after being unconscious for so long, was eating at him. He didn't know if he could handle anything if Changbin falls back into a coma again.
Felix's happy would leave him again.
He pulled his phone out, his hands unwilling to stay still.
He lifted his phone to his ear, his hand still shaking and his breathing still fast. And he wasn't sure whether it was relief or guilt that had fallen over him when he heard a deep, tired voice answer his call.
"Hello? Felix, are you okay. It's almost three in the morning," Taehyung said, his tone no where near the light and playful one he usual has.
Felix couldn't get his breathing to calm, so he tried his best to explain between deep breaths, "Panicking... Changbin... scared..."
"Okay, calm down. Breath in for five seconds, and out for five seconds. Concentrate on my voice. In," the psychiatrist paused, "out."
This continued for three minutes until Felix could from a complete sentence. His hands were still shaky, along with his breathing, but he could speak.
"Changbin and I talked all night, and he fell asleep before I did, and I'm scared he's going to fall back into a coma." Felix admitted, him saying the words out loud causing it to feel like an actual possibility. His eyes welled up with tears, and a cry escaped his lips before he could stop it.
"Oh, Felix. I know what it feels like. But he will wake up in the morning. He will be okay. Everything is gonna be alright," Taehyung said, trying to soothe Felix, give him some comfort in his crisis. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but you two will be okay."
"I-I know. I just," Felix mumbled, wiping the tears from his eyes, "I can't lose him. He makes me feel like myself. He makes it easy to know I can breath when I feel like I can't."
Taehyung sighed, and Felix could hear another voice over the phone. Before getting a response, he heard Taehyung say, "it's Felix, Kook. He's having a panic attack."
Then he heard a rustling over the phone, and a soft, delicate voice came from the phone. "Hey Felix."
"Jungkook. Hey."
"I heard you're having a panic attack."
"I am."
"It's going to be okay." Jungkook said, his soothing voice calming Felix down completely. "Changbin wants to wake up in the morning more than you want him to. Believe me. When I woke up after attempting, the only thing I felt was regret. I didn't want Taehyung to feel lonely, or sad, or scared. I needed to live for him. And from what Taehyung said about his visit yesterday, I can tell Changbin needs to live for you.
"And soon he'll live for you and himself. And then he'll live for a bunch of reasons! But right now, you're the thread he's hanging on with. He wants to live, and you want him to live, and he can feel it. So don't worry Felix." Jungkook said, adding a quick, "get some rest, goodnight" before handing the phone back to Taehyung.
His deep voice flooded Felix's head, and the boy was happy to know he had someone to lean on while he couldn't lean on Changbin quite yet. As he listened, Felix could hear the sincerity in Taehyung's voice, "Jungkook's right. Everything will be okay. I'm coming later today to see you, and we can set up a meeting. I'll give you some advise, and maybe free therapy. But remember, everything will be okay. Jungkookie and I love you and Changbin, and we won't let anything happen."
"Okay. Thank you for answering me, Taehyung. We love you too." Felix replied, eyes fluttering closed before he realized he should get up.
While walking back into the room, he and Taehyung had said their goodbyes. Felix laid his head on the bed, comfortable and tired.
And he fell asleep in content.
-
The next morning, Felix had woke up to a wide awake Changbin, who was happily eating some bacon and watching cartoons on the television.
"Good morning, sleepy head," Changbin spoke softly, giving the younger a cute smile before biting into some bacon. Felix raised his head from the bed with a confused look on his face, as he would naturally any other day. He saw a second plateful of food sitting on the tray next to Changbin's, the only difference being Changbin had scarfed down his bacon, touching nothing else on his plate.
"Good Morning?" Felix asked, stretching out his body, his confusion slowly dissipating. He grabbed his phone, checking the time and date. He sighed when he saw it was only eight-thirty in the morning. "Who decided I should be woken up so early?"
Changbin giggled, rubbing a hand through Felix's hair to comb it out for him. He then slid Felix plate across the tray. He smiled, the mere action still able to cause an eruption of butterflies in Felix's stomach. Changbin sallowed a bite of toast before speaking, "I guess your body just knew you really wanted to see me and spend time with me before my hot psychiatrist and his hot friends get here."
Felix chuckled, rubbing his face. He was trying his hardest to keep his face from slamming into his breakfast. Felix was never a morning person.
The day was beautiful. The sun had already rose from sleep, and the sky was a lovely shade of blue, with minimal clouds. Outside looked like a winter wonderland, the white snow covering everything it could.
Despite the cold weather outside, the hospital room was pleasant and warm. The room's counter had bag of stuff for Changbin when he went to the rehabilitation center, and for Felix when he just couldn't bare to leave Changbin alone. Some of Changbin's books were stacked on his bedside table, and he kept his cute smile on his face, radiating brighter light than the sun ever could.
In Felix's eyes, at least.
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Hours later, Taehyung, his boyfriend Jungkook, the other psychiatrist, Jimin, and their music teacher Mr. Min had walked into Changbin's hospital room.
Changbin had now been allowed to change into normal clothes, which was a simple black long sleeved shirt and gray sweat pants. His hair was combed and he had brushed his teeth.
Felix wore an inverted version of Changbin's clothes, except he wore bright orange socks. He'd also had took care of his hygiene, and gave a bright smile to all four men as they walked in the room.
"Changbin, Felix!" Taehyung exclaimed, giving each boy a hug. Jungkook followed suit, giving a big smile to both the boys, asking how they were doing and such.
Mr. Min on the other hand, had a few words to get off his chest. "Seo Changbin, I swear on my life if you ever scare the shit out of me like that ever again I will fail you and make you retake my class! But anyway, thank god you're alive. I couldn't stand that class without you. Please, for my sanity, recover quickly." Mr. Min said, giving Changbin a hug. Changbin and Mr. Min were like brothers, as they were both into similar music, and had the same personalities almost.
After Mr. Min had said hi to Felix, he wasted no time in introducing his boyfriend, the other psychiatrist. "This is Park Jimin. He's one of the best psychiatrist, a wonderful boyfriend, and a lovely individual."
The short, pink haired man blushed at his boyfriends words, punching his shoulder, and mumbling, "Shut up, Yoongi!"
Everyone laughed at the interaction, as the boyfriends were awfully adorable together. But alas, Jimin gathered his composure, and held out a hand for Changbin to shake, "Hi, you already know my name, so no need to introduce myself. But I am looking forward to getting to know you. Taehyung had told me all about you."
They continued their conversation, and Jungkook pulled Felix to the side. Felix looked at the older male expectantly, as if he already knew what he was going to mention. He was right, and Jungkook whispered, "are you doing good today?"
"Much better than last night. Thank you so much for calming me down, I just," Felix paused, drawing in a long breath. He gave his overly amazing boyfriend a quick glance, his mood obviously better at seeing his boyfriend smile so big after all he'd been through. Once Felix had looked back at Jungkook, he had a grin that matched the olders, and he continued, "I love him a lot. I don't know what I would do if he'd gone back. I was so scared. But after being reassured, I was at peace."
"Your welcome. Taehyungie told me how it felt to be the visitor, care taker almost, of me when I had attempted. Just know, you both have a home with us, and that everything is an uphill climb from here," Jungkook said, patting Felix's shoulder.
After their side conversation, they had joined the main one once more.
After a while of getting to know one another, Jimin announced that once he got his last check up, they would take him to the rehabilitation center.
Felix watched as Changbin cringed at the idea, and Taehyung seemingly did too. The blued haired man sighed, "Changbin, this place is going to feel like a vacation for your mental health. No need to be ashamed."
Changbin nodded, obviously less nervous and dreadful now.
The four men left the room as the nurse came in for Changbin's check up. Felix had packed both their bags, ready to have this hospital room metaphorically kiss his ass goodbye.
The serene silence that washed over them left both their heart skipping beats. Felix was holding both bags, and Changbin chuckled after seeing how ridiculous the taller looked. He gave Felix a quick peck on the lips.
"So I don't have to ask when we get there, you will come visit me every chance you get, right?" Changbin asked, his voice muffled by his face being stuffed in the crook of Felix's neck.
Felix's fond laugh didn't go unheard by the shorter, but he didn't acknowledge it. Felix rested his head on Changbin's, mumbling into his hair, "what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?"
"A bad one."
"Damn, brutal honesty."
"Honesty is the best policy!"
"It doesn't say brutal honesty."
"Shut up before I change my mind about wanting you to visit me," Changbin joked, thumping Felix on the forehead.
"Ow!" Felix shouted, closing his eyes in mock pain. "Can you kiss it better?"
"No."
"Worth a shot."