"I'll be waiting, with a gun and a pack of sandwiches and nothing"
News, Changbin hated the fucking news. Whether it was on TV, transcribed in a newspaper, or merely passed along word by mouth, he despised it. A depressing story of a mother gone mad, taking her own children's lives or of an astray car going a few kilometres too fast down the wrong lane, a collision only inevitable, would only exacerbate Changbin's already melancholic view of life. So he often opted to be unknowing of the world's current events, not a particularly wise decision, but a decision nonetheless. This past week though, the news had become Changbin's life. He lived and breathed it. It was the first thing on his mind when he woke up and the last thing on his mind when he went to sleep. Quick glances at his phone, hour long TV news programs and uncomfortable fifteen minute train rides, spent squashed between two overweight men, trying to watch the small screen of his laptop, had become Changbin's life. He was up to date on everything and anything that had happened in the past week, the amount of car crashes, the amount of robberies, the amount of drug-fueled rages and most importantly the amount of murders.
You see, Changbin had become sure, undoubtedly sure, that he would hear his or the blue-haired boy's name leave one of the many news presenters' and talk show hosts' lips he would spend hours listening to. That the mention of a pink suitcase being found in a lake, a horrendous secret waiting within, would only arise in a matter of time. Every day he woke up with a feeling of dread eating away at him, waiting for the inevitable discovery of the body and hence the inevitable end of his life, but, despite Changbin's unequivocal point of view, that day hadn't come, and so he was only left with the face of a dead man lurking in his dreams at night and his own self-ridden guilt. A guilt he wanted to share with someone else, a friend, but he couldn't. He hadn't seen Jisung over the past week, they hadn't run into each other in the hall and Jisung hadn't knocked on his door and Changbin didn't dare knock on Jisung's. He hadn't seen him since they returned that fateful night, his last glimpse of him, a mischievous wink and an elusive smile before a flash of blue hair disappeared into the dark abyss of an apartment. Changbin should of gotten his phone number, but lamentably, Changbin was the archetype of an invertebrate. He was starting to think he dreamt it all up, some sick, twisted nightmare, better described as a dream, the blue-haired boy nothing but a figment of his imagination. He wished he could share it with Chan but going up to his best friend and saying 'hey, so I think I may or may not have helped my neighbour hide the body of a man he killed last Friday. I need some help figuring out if it actually happened or if I'm just going batshit crazy, can you please help me?" didn't seem like the best idea. So alas, Changbin was stuck dealing with it alone.
Chan wasn't stupid though, he could tell that something was bothering Changbin. His constant fiddling and jitteriness paired with the look of unwavering worry in his eyes were blatant signs that something was wrong. So today, as they both sat in the university's library studying, Chan decided that it was about time he questioned Changbin on his recent abnormal manner.
"Are you okay, you've been acting strange lately?"
Changbin's head shot up from his textbook, a confused expression present on his face. "I have?"
Chan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, don't play stupid with me, I know you. I know when something's bothering you, it's written on your face."
Changbin let out a small laugh. "No seriously, I'm alright, just tired."
"If you don't want to tell me that's alright, I just want to know your okay. I know how you can get."
Changbin scoffed. "What do you mean 'how I can get'?"
Chan sighed. "Changbin, you're the not the happiest person around, you're down a lot and you may not see it, but sometimes it gets really bad. I'm just worried that you'll do something..... something you regret." And he wasn't lying. There were days when Changbin would only mutter a few words, mind astray, head hung low, a hebetudinous never-ending sorrow, like an ailing life holding onto their last breath. On these days Chan would make sure to keep Changbin close, watching his every move, sick to his stomach with worry that if he let him out of his sight, even just for a second, he would never see him again.
Changbin's faux smile faltered, surprised by the sudden look of sincerity and seriousness in Chan's eyes. "I'm sorry Chan, you know I never keep secrets from you but this..., this thing needs to be kept a secret. I'm sorry but I can't tell you anything. I'm working through it though so I'm okay, you don't have to worry."
Chan nodded hesitantly, worry still clouding his eyes. "Okay, but if whatever this secret is gets out of hand, you need to tell me. Whatever it is, I'll help you, no matter what. Okay?"
Changbin smiled, grateful to have someone as kindhearted and caring as Chan by his side, his altruistic nature never seizing to amaze Changbin. "I will, I promise."
Chan smiled back with a look of soft tenderness. He would do anything for the boy, absolutely anything. An unconditional love ever so dangerous, a love decidedly perilous, a love riddled with self-sacrifice.
Awakening from his stupor his eyes skirted past Changbin, opening wide with veneration. "Oh shit, it's him!"
"What!" Changbin choked, whipping his head around to see who Chan was talking about, half-expecting to see Jisung. "Oh."
Walking through the large double doors of the library was none other than the one and only Lee Felix, smiling wide, books in hand. An embodiment of the sun, capturing the eyes of many, like moths to a flame.
Changbin rolled his eyes before turning back to focus on Chan who was still staring wide eyed at Felix, mouth slightly agape. "Dude, you literally saw him yesterday!"
"I know, but every time I see him it's like... it's like I'm seeing him for the first time."
Changbin groaned. "Man, that was so fucking cheesy."
Chan rolled his eyes. "Just because you haven't found someone like that yet, doesn't mean you can take it out on me."
This made Changbin chuckle, because unbeknownst to Chan, Changbin had found someone like that. And now cheesy thoughts was all that Changbin's mind possessed.
"What are you laughing at?" Chan asked, slightly offended.
"You." He replied, laughing again.
"Wha....!" Chan started but quickly stopped, staring behind Changbin once again with round eyes.
"He's looking at us! Laugh again." Chan said frantically.
"What, why?"
"So he thinks I'm funny."
A groan left Changbin's lips.
"Come on Changbin, it's not that hard, you were laughing a few seconds ago."
"Because you said something funny." He pointed out. "Say something funny."
Chan glared at Changbin, clearly irritated. "Sometimes you're really annoying. Do you not remember the time I sat with you for four fucking hours in that stupid cafe, helping your chicken-hearted ass build up enough courage to go ask out that guy that worked there?"
"Yeah I remember, it didn't work, he already had a boyfriend."
"Yes, well if would have been helpful if you had found out that information before we sat there for four fucking hours, but that's beside the point. The point is I helped you."
"I know you did and that why I loveeeee you Channie" Cooed Changbin, a smirk playing at his lips.
Chan sighed, letting out a loud groan. "Okay, okay please stop, I'll tell a joke." A sudden serious look glazed over his eyes, "Changbin," he said as another sigh left his lips, "I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but.....but when I got home, all the signs were there."
Changbin stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing. "That was such a shitty joke."
"Man, fuck you, I'm trying here." Chan riposted, exasperated. "Wait shit, he's coming over!"
"It worked!" Changbin exclaimed, spinning around.
"Changbin stop staring you're making it obvious!"
"Like you don't make it obvious enough already." He scoffed, spinning back around to face Chan again who was now staring intently at the desk, a look of trepidation in his eyes.
A few seconds later a loud cough interrupted Chan's staring match with the desk. They both looked up and were greeted with a warm smile and rosy cheeks.
"Hi." The boy said, gazing at Chan.
"Hey." Chan managed to choke out.
Changbin had the urge to roll his eyes but was quickly reminded of his own amorous ardour when around Jisung.
Felix smiled at Chan, an underlying sense of shyness clearly present. He then turned to face the raven-haired male. "Hi Changbin, fancy running into each other again."
"Hah yeah funny that, hi." he replied, glancing over at Chan who looked to be in disbelief, eyes wide with an accusatory look. He was obviously shocked at the revelation that Felix knew and had ran into Changbin, and even more shocked to the fact that Changbin hadn't mentioned it.
He gave Chan an apologetic look, honestly the whole running into Felix thing had slipped his mind, his thoughts lately, being only fixated on Jisung.
"What were you laughing at?" Felix questioned.
"Oh it was nothing, just one of Chan's shitty jokes."
"Can I hear it?" He asked, looking over to Chan excitedly like a lost puppy.
Chan's eyes opened wide with fear and shock, this was not part of the plan. "Oh, nah it was really bad, Changbin just finds everything funny.
That was a lie, making Changbin truly laugh was in fact quite a difficult task, but he had to play along.
"Yeah it's true, it wasn't that funny, I just laugh at everything."
"Aww, come on guys, I wanna hear the joke, please." Felix insisted, the cute pout on his face causing Chan to fluster. Changbin would be lying if he said he didn't find it adorable as well.
"Okay, okay, but I'm warning you it's really bad."
"I don't mind." Felix said with delight, happy to have finally convinced Chan to tell him the joke.
Chan proceeded to retell the joke, a wide smile on his face, thrilled to be finally talking to the boy of his dreams.
Felix let out a loud laugh, doubling over, his hands clutching his sides, causing everyone else in the library to look over with confusion, and maybe with a little bit of jealously, wishing that they were the one who had caused Felix to laugh so wholeheartedly. Changbin wouldn't blame them.
Chan looked surprised but pleased. Elated to the fact he was able to make the endearing golden freckled boy laugh.
"Man, that was actually pretty funny."
Changbin had the urge to scoff at Felix's seemingly childlike sense of humour but he knew better than to offend Chan's beloved, darling old Felix. So instead he stood up and excused himself, knowing it was the perfect time to leave and let Chan have some one on one time with Felix.
Chan looked up into Changbin's eyes, panic stricken. "Hey man you don't have to leave."
Changbin only chuckled before saying a quick goodbye to Felix and Chan. A few strangled Changbin's from the older male could be heard as he walked away, but he knew Chan would thank him later, he always did, an almost maddening constant, mystery to many.
A/N
This chapter is named after the song 'Talk Show Host' by Radiohead and the quote at the top is a lyric from the song, it's my favourite Radiohead song along with Karma Police (which I'll definitely be naming a future chapter after, I think the name is very fitting for the story).
Thanks for reading, if you have any suggestions or questions, feel free to leave a comment. Make sure to stream Astronaut for good health!