-Selfish choices tend to scar-
2 years later
Suppressing a small smile, Demir kept one hand secured around a ring box hiding away in his coat pocket and the other clenched in a nervous fist. These emotions...everything felt so overwhelmingly fresh to him, and he couldn't help but feel warm at the adorable sight of Maya rambling away about the latest book she read.
Time had rolled past quickly, and Demir never thought he could feel this happy and alive, again. Marrying Maya had turned out to be such a pleasant surprise. This woman; she was different, so unique and...just so special. It was like an exhilarating pause for him. Emotions that he thought he would never feel again had literally started flooding his veins. In fact, this time...these emotions felt even more powerful and real. He had felt them after facing a great deal of grief.
Now looking up at the clearing sky, he rubbed the nape of his neck and turned back to gaze to look at his wife who was quickly taking a sip of orange juice. Sometimes he felt lost in her words...so captivated and amused. It felt like Maya had shown him a completely different side of the world; her priorities...her interests.
Always being fed from a silver spoon, Demir really had no idea how so many moments really added beauty to life. It wasn't about glamour, gold and riches...it was breathing in the pure emotions and watching hope emerge again.
Smirking as Maya visibly grew awkward under his intense gaze, Demir began pulling out the ring box from his pocket. This was the moment. His heartbeat turned painfully erratic. He had been deciding for months to give Maya something to express his true emotions. They had started off on such a disgustingly bitter foot, and there was still an element of uncertainty between them, so he felt like he should really do something to show his wife how serious he had become about her. Also, his past was in a safe place now. Thinking about Meeran no longer gave him the pangs...he had accepted that his first wife was in a better place, and now wanted to completely move on.
"Maya," he spoke out loud, causing her rambling to come to a halt.
"Yes?" she softly spoke, taking another sip of orange juice.
It was extremely hot in the gardens. The small umbrella shade they were sitting under didn't have enough layers to keep the heat away...and the main outdoor cooler hardly seemed to be working.
"Umm...I have something for you." He pulled out the ring, feeling his soul childishly shake with excitement for her reaction. She did that to him. She made a cold and spoiled soul like him not feel afraid of showing his true childish side.
"What?" She put away the juice cup, turning her wooden chair fully towards his. Her gaze...his weakness...fully focused on him.
"It's a ring. Something I should have given you a long time ago." He opened the ring box, profusely gulping down those emotions that scared him into thinking she might reject the present. Maya wasn't like that. Despite whatever, his wife would never be obnoxious to anyone. He had seen her kindness...her love for others. It was admirable.
"Oh, my goodness, it's beautiful, Demir!" she delicately grabbed hold of the ring and began examining it.
"No, I can't," she spoke after a minute, placing the ring back. "It's too much. I can't-"
"No," Demir shook his head in amusement, giving her the ring box. "I brought this especially for you. You have to wear it from now onwards."
"But, Demir..." He could see her eyes grow watery as her expressions gleamed with awe and gratitude. "Why buy me such an expensive gift?" Her voice cracked with watery happiness.
"Because I want you to know how much I care about you."
"That-"
"I know gifts aren't the way, but as you know, I don't do well with expressing myself. This is my way of saying how much you mean to me. So let me do this...let me show you how important you are for me. Now, wear this ring..." he beamed, causing his wife to shyly avert her gaze and quickly wear the ring. It was a perfect fit.
"Beautiful..." Demir grinned, not able to hide the pride of watching his wife finally flaunt a gift given by him. However, his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of her suddenly sporting a pensive look.
"What?" he frowned.
"Umm...it's nothing," she trailed off, averting her gaze away from him. He didn't like that.
"I won't take that is an answer," he sternly spoke, forcing her to meet his gaze. She started fidgeting with her hands.
Umm...it's just that...I know it's foolish..." she looked away, seeming so hesitant. "B-but I was wondering if you would still feel that way if you were given a choice to choose between your past and me..." she mused, looking highly uncomfortable and nervous. Demir narrowed his brows in confusion.
"I don't understand-"
"It's just that I still get a bit n-nervous," she explained, lowering his gaze in a timid manner, "I mean your past means a lot to you, and I can't really compete-"
"You underestimate me." He allowed a small smile to fall on his face, nodding his head in understanding. "I know that I have been rather rough when it comes to my past, but know this... I am madly obsessed with my present now. Everything has happened to me for a reason, and I have finally managed to accept that. The memories I shared with Meeran will always remain pleasant, but this moment right here is what gets me moving now. You mean the world to me. I might not show it, but I am someone who easily gets super-attached and obsessed if I truly care about someone. You are that someone for me."
"Wow, umm...t-that means a lot," she shyly looked away, beginning to play with her ring. Demir couldn't help but grin with amusement. He felt satisfied after making this declaration...happy that he was able to make his wife feel secure. These moments were what he looked forward to every day. Right here, sitting beside his shy wife, made him realize how blessed he really was.
However, just as he was basking in the moment of peace, he heard his mobile vibrating with fervour. Quickly picking up his mobile from the table placed before him, he swiped the screen of his iPhone and frowned at the sight of 30 message notifications appearing on the screen.
What on earth!
***
Promises turn sour when they are not kept. Insecurities are prompt when you know you are in the wrong...when there is a lot of misery and fear involved. Soon after being gifted a marvellous ring by my husband, I noticed the upcoming days suddenly turning cold and confusing; Demir had started going missing again.
He would call me in the evenings to inform me about his whereabouts and then just not show up. I would refuse to have dinner without him...feel my coffee turn cold between my hands, but he would simply make up an excuse about having too much work to do at the office. It made me feel so miserable and terrified.
Before this odd behaviour, Demir would always return back home in the evenings after visiting his mother. But now, even his mother has started begrudgingly calling at my place and accusing me of making her son suddenly ignore her. It was so painfully frustrating.
I had no idea of what was going on in the mind of my husband. My fears prompted me to think that maybe he was bored with my personality, but then again, he had been so sweet and caring in the past two years. The Demir I knew wouldn't randomly just get bored of my personality. I believed that he had also fallen.
Feeling really confused and secretly scared, I now walked towards the main doors of my house as I heard them being slammed shut.
"Demir," I called out.
"Yeah, I am home." There was no warmth in that greeting...no happiness. My husband just seemed extremely tired and exhausted, as he handed me his suitcase.
"Ummm...do you want to have dinner?" I asked...just for courtesy sake, knowing that it was almost 10 pm, and my husband must have already had dinner somewhere else.
"No, I had Junaid bring me some Chinese food at the office," he spoke stoically, gaze offering no sense of comfort. I felt like Demir was extremely stressed about something. But what?
"Demir, are you okay?"I cautiously spoke, making him roughly nod.
"Yes, I will be in my room now. I have some work to do."
"What about our coffee session?" I spoke in a meek manner. His expressions turned slightly irritated.
Sighing, he then pressed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "I am tired, Maya. Maybe, tomorrow," he spoke after a minute, opening his eyes to gaze at me again. My expressions visibly turned hurt.
"Okay," I dully nodded, lowering my gaze to the ground.
My obvious emotions must have really got to Demir because he immediately softened his stance.
"Listen, my sensitive and sweet little wife. I am just too tired today. But we will definitely have coffee tomorrow, okay?" he spoke, causing me to meet his gaze.
"Okay," I sniffed back the emotions.
"Good." He gave me a tired smile and began walking away when I called out to him.
"Demir, are you sure you don't want to talk about what's bothering you-"
"I am sure," he quickly spoke, turning around the corner.
My heart squeezed in pain.
Something was definitely not right. Something was bothering Demir, and I had to find out what. My husband was returning back to his cold ways again, and I couldn't have that. I had to do something. Demir's smile meant the world to me...and even though I had once let my fears and insecurity fail my husband, I wasn't going to do that again. I was going to figure out whatever was bothering him and solve the problem for him.
****
Playing with my straw, I tiredly cupped my face as Aliya sat before me telling me about her latest issue; Demir was no longer visiting Samiya Begum. She had called me to meet her at a fancy restaurant near the outskirts of our town. The restaurant was so big and beautiful that it had two ground floor buildings divided by an evergreen small hill.
"I don't know why he isn't visiting her," I sighed for the umpteenth time, watching the ice in my apple juice melt with the twirling of my straw. "He is just overworked I guess..." I shrugged, eyeing my ring with hidden pain.
There was something definitely annoying my husband, and I had to figure out what. My heart was fearing that it might be something big...something that would definitely break so many promises and hopes. I just couldn't figure out what.
What if-
No, Aliya had assured me that chapter was closed. Even though I felt guilty about it, I was too scared to ask her to pursue a different direction.
"Demir is never overworked." She shook her head, gracefully slicing a piece of fried chicken and eating it. I stared down at heaps of crumbs I had dropped while eating.
"Ummm...well, then I don't know," I huffed, taking a quick sip of apple juice. My soul was scolding me for even showing up at this restaurant in the first place. Aliya had openly shown me that she considered me below her. She wanted to marry my husband...and the only reason she was even bothered about Demir not meeting Samiya Begum was that she was annoyed at him for not showing up at the mansion. Ugh!
However, after that whole issue from two years ago, I felt like I, somehow, related to Aliya in some way. Both of us feared of Demir choosing another, and that just made some kind of connection. I don't know how to explain it. In fact, there isn't any explanation, but it's just that seeing Aliya understand my emotions made me feel less lonely. If that makes any sense. Or maybe not.
Anyhow, as the evening sky soon started twinkling above our heads, Aliya and I decided to hike up the restaurant hill for some fresh air. This was no pleasant hanging out of friends, bonding or anything; just our own frustrations, suppressed guilt, and hidden fears making us want to silently hike up the pleasant hill. In fact, Aliya didn't even walk beside me as we strolled up the green hill. She completely ignored me and jogged her way to a regal lamp post that was located at the top of the hill. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Ugh!
"Is that Demir..." she soon called out from the top of the hill, making me rush towards her.
"Where?" I yelled, eagerly reaching her side.
"N-no way..." she suddenly gasped out loud, rushing down the other side of the hill. I quickly followed after, my heartbeat turning frantic with worry.
"Aliya, what's going on?" I cried, working to not trip over my feet. There were hardly any people around, given that this place was only for rich diners, so I didn't have to bother with trying to keep up a sophisticated facade. Aliya's actions were making no sense to me. She claimed to have seen Demir, but where was he? Why did she suddenly gasp? Horrible theories were coming to my mind. I didn't want to think about it.
"Aliya," I scowled in a frustrated and angered manner. "What's going on?" My voice reached an octave. Fear was getting the best of me. Completely ignoring me, she stopped in front of a window that was peering inside the other section of the restaurant; the one we could only reach after hiking over the hill.
Her eyes were fixated on something...and I followed after her gaze. Inside this section of the restaurant, there were a few customers. Probably on special request, the entire first floor was decorated with lantern lights and low volume poetry could be heard playing in the background.
Swaying my gaze around, my soul instantly blanched as I caught sight of what exactly Aliya was eyeing. There...sitting in one corner of the restaurant with an elderly couple partially obscuring him from view, was my husband. His side was facing the window side, his soul was gleaming with happiness. Yet it wasn't his delighted stance that made me feel faint with misery, hurt and shock, it was the person sitting before him...keeping him fully indulged in what looked like an exciting conversation; Meeran.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading, commenting, sharing and just being wonderful.
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So Meeran is back in the picture!
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